Disclaimer: Still don't own Twilight.

Once again thanks to everyone who reviewed, added to favourites or alerted this story.

Chapter 11:

I had retired to my study, needing time to properly process everything. After an hour of solitude Edward had joined me.

"He really does want a knew life, I saw that in his mind. His motivation just isn't the same as ours."

I raised an eyebrow at Edward.

"You've changed your tune."

He shrugged "I told you I didn't trust him cause he was hiding something from us, now I know what that is I can understand him better."

I sighed heavily "I don't know what to do Edward." I finally admitted "I'm not really sure how I can help him."

Edward stayed quiet, he knew I wasn't really asking his opinion, I just needed someone to listen.

"How are the others taking it?" I asked.

Edward chuckled a little "Well, Emmett's desperate for him to settle so he can quiz him about fighting in the wars, Rosalie's feeling a little betrayed because she took a chance to accept him and feels he's let her down by putting us at risk and Esme just wants to give him a hug and take all his pain away. So like you'd expect really!"

I laughed a little then frowned.

"Emmett's not actually going to ask him anything is he?"

Edward shook his head "Even he's not that insensitive, but you know what he's like."

I nodded, Emmett had had a relatively sheltered life especially in comparison to Jasper, it would be hard for him to understand just how deep the emotional scars of war went.

"Esme's still not scarred of him?" I asked the question, unsure of what I wanted the answer to be.

I wanted it to be no. after all Esme seemed to have gotten closer to Jasper than the rest of us and her never ending love for her family was what Jasper needed.

However, she was my wife and I wanted her safe, it was irrational as I knew Jasper would never hurt her, but if she was scarred of him she would stay away.

Edward raised an eyebrow at the conflicting thoughts in my head.

"No she's not scarred of him. If anything she's gotten more protective.

She keeps creating scenarios where she marches off south to give Maria a piece of her mind about the way she treated Jasper.

That's just wishful thinking because she feels helpless right now." he paused with a frown "I think!"

I chuckled to myself, typical Esme, she would do anything to protect her family.

Rosalie was the biggest worry, as usual, I knew it took at lot for her to let people in and the tentative friendship she had with Jasper had been a big step for her. If she felt truly betrayed by his actions it could be disastrous.

"She's placated with the knowledge we don't have to move." Edward spoke up answering my concerns.

"But she is upset with Jasper."

He shrugged "A little yes, aren't we all? To be honest I was surprised she even warmed to him, the way she usually acts, she may surprise me again."

I smiled "Alice told me they'd bond over their mutual dislike of you."

He laughed shaking his head "I do have a way with people!"

"I don't know, you and Jasper seemed to be getting on alright downstairs." I said casually.

Edward rolled his eyes at me "Fine I'll admit I was a little hard on him, now I know more about him I can kind of understand why he acts the way he does, but that doesn't change the fact that he is dangerous, even you have to admit that after hearing his past."

"True." I conceded "But I also believe that he does want to change and is willing to accept our way of life."

Edward nodded in agreement before chuckling "We've been living together to long!"

I joined in his laughter at the thought of what we must sound like arguing like this.

"He's worried you're going to push him to far." Edward said after a moment.

Push him to far?

Edward nodded "Force him to integrate more before he's ready. He knows his limitations when it comes to craving human blood and doesn't seem to have any self belief that he can abstain for long and he's worried you may make him join us in school where he wont be able to resist."

I frowned, hadn't I been clear I would do this at his pace?

"He thinks you'll end up loosing patience with him, it really isn't going to be as easy as you think." Edward warned me.

"I need to talk to him, lay everything out plainly for once instead of worrying how he may take it."

This is why I liked talking with Edward, he was easy to bounce ideas off and help me get to the only viable solution.

Edward's face suddenly creased with confusion "Alice?"

I was about to question him when a frantic knocking sounded on the door.

Alice burst in before I had a chance to respond.

"It wasn't his fault Carlisle. It was an accident. He didn't mean it. He's been trying so hard."

"Alice. Alice."

I stepped forward placing my hands on her shoulders to stop her. The look of fear and uncertainty on her face unnerved me.

"I know." I said firmly "I don't blame Jasper ok, I'm not angry with him. I understand it's hard for him and he didn't mean to slip."

"What's happened?" Edward asked softly.

You can't see?

He shook his head subtly, her thoughts must be running to fast.

"He's thinking of leaving." Alice said her voice desolate.

My heart contracted painfully at the implication of her words, if Jasper left she would follow him.

In the eight months they had been with us they had both become a part of the family and I couldn't loose them now.

"Why?" I asked, hadn't we made it clear downstairs we didn't blame him?

"Whenever he slips he looses hope that he can actually do this, he's knows he let you down, you put your trust in him and let him stay and he thinks he's risking your safety."

Edward's eyes met mine over her head mirroring the sadness I felt.

"Can you talk to him?" Alice asked in a quiet voice.

I looked at her in shock. Could I really make him change his mind if Alice could not?

Her eyes were wide and pleading as she looked at me.

"I'll try Alice but I'm not sure if he'll listen to me."

I left Edward trying to keep Alice calm and made my way to her and Jasper's room.

Knocking softly I entered to find Jasper sat on the edge of the bed, his head resting on his knees hands fisted in his hair.

He wasn't trembling like he had been but he would flinch every now and again.

If I needed any more proof of his regret over killing a human this was more than enough.

"Jasper?" I moved to sit on the opposite side of the bed to him.

He made no indication he even knew I was there.

"Please don't do this to yourself." I said "This choice of lifestyle isn't easy, people slip, it's a struggle to control the bloodlust."

I paused, he turned his head ever so slightly towards me, the only sign I had he was listening.

"I need you to understand something, every single person in this house knows how that feels, we have all struggled, some have slipped even after accepting this diet from the moment of transformation.

Making mistakes is a part of this life, everyone here acknowledges that, and you need to accept it before you can truly accept this life.

It is not a sign of weakness." I said the last part firmly.

I waited in silence for him to say something, anything.

Time stretched on and I began to loose faith that I could get him to listen to me.

"I…" he began, his voice hoarse. He swallowed thickly "I can't control it."

I stayed quiet, letting his take his time.

"When I caught the scent nothing else mattered, I couldn't think of anything but the blood, the relief it would produce."

"You were hunting Jasper." I said softly "your mind was focused on finding prey and you spent the first century of your existence seeing humans as just that. It's understandable."

He shook his head slightly.

"It's not just today. Sometimes, when they come back from school, or you from the hospital, the scents there, on you. You probably don't notice it, but I do. If I can't even cope with that echo, how am I ever going to be able to spend hours a day surrounded by it?" he shook his head again and glanced at me quickly before his eyes closed "I am never going to be able to live like you Carlisle. I'm not safe."

"What are you saying?"

He sighed "I can go back into the wild, stay away from humans like we did before. There may be the odd hiker but it's safer than being so close to a highly populated area."

I didn't miss the 'I'

"You wouldn't take Alice?"

"She's better off here. She's happy here." his voice was void of all emotion.

I sat there pretending to think this over, there was no way I'd actually let him leave, not because of guilt at least.

"There is another option of course."

He looked at me with dead eyes, his face the picture of defeat and I had to fight down the pity.

"Jasper, give yourself another chance." I blurted out, not exactly what I'd meant to say but the look on his face had thrown me.

"I don't want you to leave." I said honestly "As far as I'm concerned you are a part of this family and I wont let you give up on yourself. You are so much stronger than you think.

I know it's going to take time and I wont push you into anything you don't feel ready for.

I can see how much this is hurting you and I truly want to help you, but if I'm going to do that I need you to let me.

Be honest with me when your finding it hard, let me help you."

I could here the desperation in my voice, my need to make sure this look never crossed his face again to give him some hope, some faith that he could do this that he could be happy here as well.

Something flickered in his eyes. "What happens when I mess up again?"

His lack of self belief was obvious in his phrasing but just increased my determination to help him.

"We'll deal with it if it happens."

He shook his head stubbornly forcing me to play the only card I had left.

"If you leave Alice will follow you."

His head came up and I saw the conflict in his eyes.

"As much as she loves this family, her first loyalty will always be you." I paused to let him digest this "I don't want to loose my daughter Jasper." I whispered softly letting my sadness at the thought flow through me.

He frowned at me. Once again I seemed to have taken him off guard.

"Please stay, for now at least. If you still feel this strongly in few days I wont stop you."

Slowly he nodded and I let the relief wash through me.

"Thank you." I stood up to leave and made it to the door before he spoke.

"You really see her as your daughter?"

Turning back to him I smiled "From the first time she hugged me." I answered honestly.

"You should tell her that."

"Why?" I asked confused.

He shrugged "You've always been her father, since before I met her but she's scared to say it in case you don't feel the same."

I starred at him stupidly for a few seconds before I felt a small smile spread across my face. I don't know why that made me so happy, Alice had nearly called me dad on several occasions but for some reason hearing it from Jasper made it true.

He sighed shaking his head again "I know she's worried and asked you to talk to me."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that.

"She should know by now my hands are tied." he said it quietly, almost to himself.

"How so?" I asked unable to contain my curiosity now he was actually talking to me.

"I'll never actually leave, I can't." he muttered not really answering me "I'm to selfish, I can't leave her."

He closed his eyes and let his head fall back onto his knees. "and I wont hurt her by making her leave you."

I sighed and moved back into the room "She does know that Jasper, I think the reason she asked me to talk to you was so you'd be able to see that I'm here for you as well as Alice. She gave me the motivation to be one hundred percent honest for a change." I chuckled "She can be quite sneaky when she wants to be."

A slight smile appeared on Jasper's face "You have no idea!"

He sighed heavily, the smile disappearing as he brought is head back up to look at me.

"I am going to mess up again Carlisle. At some point."

He cut me off before I could say anything.

"No. I need you to understand that when you ask me to stay."

I took a long moment to look at him and think back over our conversation, he was calmer than he had been and guilt swirled in his red eyes, a sign of what he had done, what he could do.

"I know Jasper." I hated my seeming lack of faith in him, but as Edward had said, Jasper knew his own limitations.

"All I need is a promise that you will keep trying, that even if…"

He glared at me a little, with a sigh I amended it.

"…When you slip you wont give up on yourself."

His eyes locked with mine.

"I promise."

A.N. I'm not 100% happy with this chapter, I had some real trouble trying to get it right, so I hope you enjoyed.