A/N: As always, thank you for all your reviews! Y'all are awesome! And I'm having a mini-Supernatural marathon while I'm writing this. Right now, I'm watching the pilot. Remember Supernatural not having any chick-flick moments? I kinda miss that. Again, written before I knew Uriel was a bad angel.
Tabula Rasa
"Remember me?" Lilith continued, continuing to telepathically press Dean into the wall.
"You bet I do." Dean strained against the wall.
"Bad answer." Lilith continued hobbling down the stairs, holding her knife pretty slack in her right hand and leaning heavily against the railing with another. She winced at every step.
Caden's body was obviously slowing her down. But, it still wasn't enough in Dean's point of view. He tried to pull himself away, feeling both Caden's crystal dig into him as well as the knife in his waistband.
Lilith caught her breath at the bottom of the stairs and leaned on the back of a chair, struggling to move the knife to her left hand. Her right arm seemed pretty dead. "My demons did a number on this body. But no matter. I can heal this broken body and have all her powers." She raised her hand, pressing him harder against the wall. "Just stay put. By the way, Cadmiel's in here with me. Still alive. She says sorry that her plan failed. Would you like to know what all my demons did to her? Raped her three times. She begged for her life."
"I will kill you," Dean grunted, trying to get off the wall.
"That'd be a neat trick. You don't have the guts. You know you'd kill Cadmiel if you do that. Killing an angel, Dean. Not smart. Particularly since she never said anything about what she knows about your memory. Since she's in here with me, I now know what she knows about your memory." She limped up to him and pressed herself against him. She raised her head and whispered in his ear, "You obviously remember me. You remember Hell?"
Dean gritted his teeth against the pain from the cuts. "Yes."
She ran the blade of her knife down Dean's chest, hard enough to draw blood from shallow cuts. "You remember the breaking of the seals?"
"You're a bitch."
She sighed. "You remember way too much." She pressed the knife deeper into Dean's flesh, drawing more blood. "You probably remember I can't kill you, and I can't send you back to Hell, but I still have the power to make your living a Hell on earth. You won't remember your past. You won't even remember your present. No past, no present, no future. It's poetic, really." She withdrew the knife and pressed herself against him again, whispering, "It would be better if you gave me Cadmiel's grace all on your own. I know you have it. I can let you go back to Sammy if you give it to me."
He gritted his teeth again as she backed away from him. "And why do you want her grace?"
"I guess I can tell you, seeing in a few minutes you won't remember your own name from one moment to the next. Either that, or you'll be my own toy again." Her eyes lit up. "I might just do that anyways, regardless of your memory or lack thereof. I think you'd be fun. You certainly were in Hell. You shaped up quite nicely, you know. It would be nice to possess an actual, full-blown angel just once. It would give me a certain tactical advantage."
"You can take away my memories, but I swear to God I will kill you. Even if I have to tattoo that reminder all over myself. I will hunt you down. I will stop you from opening any more seals. I will kill you, if not for me, then for making Sam rely on a demon for support." He paused, suddenly remembering seeing Memento.
"Sammy was doing well without you. As always. You're holding him down. Not letting him live up to his full potential. He might have been Azazel's chosen one, but I'm immensely proud of what he's become."
"He's hunting you down, you psychotic bitch."
"You might remember everything, but you don't know a damn thing." She grinned. "You really think killing me is going to end anything? I have another who will pick up where I left off."
"Alistair?"
"Oh, please. He's smart and ruthless, but with him what you see is what you get. He's a hammer. There's not a deceitful bone in his body." She paused. "He doesn't have bones, but that's beside the point. No, I've got someone who I discovered was as deceitful as me."
Dean couldn't breathe. "Ruby?
Lilith grinned. "I know. She used to want to defeat me so she can be the queen bitch, as you once eloquently put it. But, you also know how persuasive I can be, especially when I send you a long way away. Remember? And Sammy is her loyal lapdog. Those demons he's been exorcising? Most aren't mine. For every five demons he exorcises, only one is my patsy. And the more he hones his powers, the more useful he'll be when all the seals open. You could be useful to me too, if you would simply say that you'll help me."
"No."
She growled. "You really think you can win here? You lousy, miserable meat suit. You should be dead. You should be alone. You're a failure. You should be in Hell. Why do you think your family keeps leaving you behind, right when you need them the most? Your Mommy dies, your Daddy leaves, then dies and goes to Hell for your pathetic ass. Sammy. You know why they leave you or die? Because of you. Who can stand you, you pathetic loser? You failed them all. And I'm glad you remember everything. You deserve to remember all your failings." Her eyes flipped white. "Too bad you won't remember anything in a couple seconds."
Dean felt the pressure against him lessen as her eyes flipped to white. He could move off the wall, although he couldn't move away from it.
He hesitated. Everything Lilith said was true. It was weird to hear it in Caden's voice, but he had to admit that Lilith had him pegged.
Lilith's eyes returned to Caden's original blue. For a second, Dean thought he could see Caden's light shining through them, pleading with him. He wondered if she could read what he was thinking.
As quickly as her blue eyes appeared, they flipped to white, and Lilith smirked. "I know what you're thinking," she said in a sing-song voice. Her voice returned to normal. "I'm going to make sure you don't remember what a dismal failure you are."
Her hand started glowing white, and the pressure loosened again. Dean could move his feet.
"I'm just trying to decide if I'll be nice and let you have five minutes of memory before you forget everything again or if I should just give you a 30-second window of memory. Decisions, decisions, decisions. Let's roll the dice and see where it lands."
The white light glowed brighter, and Lilith grimaced in pain. Dean could now move away from the wall.
As she released the white light in his direction, he ducked, rolling behind the chair, and withdrew the knife out from his jeans. He quickly checked the cuts on his chest. Most had stopped bleeding. One of them, the most painful one, the deepest one, was still trickling with blood, but none of them looked like they were very bad.
They just hurt. Like bad paper cuts.
He shifted his weight, trying to decide if the next time Lilith's eyes went white, if he should try to make a break to the door. He wanted to tell Sam what Lilith had said.
He didn't even know where Sam was.
He could see the color change in her eyes, and she looked surprised at the empty wall. Dean quietly scooted further behind the chair, trying to angle himself better.
"Dean?" Lilith said. "You devil you! When I find you, I will peel the flesh from your bones. Manually. First I'll destroy your memory again, and then I'll peel the flesh from your bones." She slowly limped around the room.
Dean crawled to the other side of the chair, feeling the crystal from Caden's necklace press into him every time he moved.
"Dean? Come out come out wherever you are. I'm gonna find you, you son of a bitch."
She turned her back to where Dean was hiding. He could see Lilith's left hand trembling, the white light starting to crawl up her fingers.
It's now or never.
Dean jumped out from the chair and ran towards her. She slowly turned and stared at him in shock. She never had time to lift her hand up before Dean grabbed her, spun her around so she was now facing away from him and covered up her mouth with his hand
Caden's mouth. Dean shook his head, hearing her muffled screams. He couldn't let himself think about that too long.
He plunged his knife into her side and saw the white lightning start flashing throughout her body. She screamed out in pain against his hand. Black smoke started oozing out from her wounds instead of blood, but it seemed to be yanked back into her body.
He took the knife out from her. She kept crying out in pain. "I'm sorry, Cadmiel," he whispered as he plunged the knife in her back. He could feel the knife scraping past a vertebra. She went limp with no sound other than a choking noise. He removed the knife again and held her up.
The lightning faded out and died. Dean slowly lowered her to the ground and checked her pulse. It was weak and irregular, and getting weaker with every second.
She looked up at him. He could see love, gratefulness, and forgiveness in her eyes as they glazed over. The choking noise stopped.
He shifted his weight, lowering her more. The crystal dug into him again.
He had forgotten about it.
He removed it from his pocket. The crystal was dark. I'm too late. I'm too late to save her as well. He angrily through the necklace across the room, hearing the crystal break against the wall.
She stared sightlessly up at him. There was no light in her eyes any more. The only thing Dean could think to do was to come up with an explanation for all of this.
A silver light caught his eye where he had thrown the necklace. He looked up to see a silver fog start rising from the broken necklace. The fog grew brighter and bigger as it crept toward Dean and Caden's body.
"Dean? We need to leave. Now!" Sam's voice sounded in Dean's ear. He looked up to see Sam standing over him.
Sam was pleased with himself. He made some excellent time and got there about three hours ahead of schedule. He pulled up to a neat house behind the Impala. Castiel was pacing on the sidewalk next to the car, staring at the house. His normally tranquil expression was gone. He stopped his pacing and watched Sam step out of the Oldsmobile.
"Cas?" Sam asked. "Is Dean alright?"
"As far as I know. He is in Cadmiel… Caden's house. I'm… unable to get inside, due to a blood-letting spell that Cadmiel put on her house, keeping us away. Dean was the only one who could get inside."
Sam walked up beside Castiel. "I take it that this Cadmiel is one of your fellow angels? Dean told me she was an angel when he got his memories back. Why would she keep you guys out of her house?"
"There's only one reason I can think of: she's in there with demons, and didn't want anyone to come in to help her and possibly get hurt."
"Am I right in thinking that these aren't just everyday, run-of-the-mill, black-eyed demons, right?"
"I'm guessing Lilith or Alistair. Probably Lilith."
Sam could feel a wave of anger rush over him. "So, you just send Dean in to, what, rescue her? Get himself killed to help one of your kind? Aren't you angels all-powerful?"
Castiel sighed. "Dean took it upon himself to help her out. He obviously considers her a friend. I know she considers him one. And, no. We're far from all-powerful. Since she is in human form, she is in danger, and Dean does set out to help people. Even angels."
Sam shook his head and went to get a shotgun. As he came back, he asked, "Why is it that your kind can't leave him alone?"
He took a step to the house when Castiel's voice stopped him. "We need him. His destiny is to stop the seals being broken and to kill Lilith. Cadmiel knew that. We would like to also work with you, but most angels think that you can't be trusted. You're messing around with a demon. We know that you think you're fighting for good, but we don't know what side you're really on."
"I'm fighting to stop Lilith from breaking the seals! I'm fighting against demons! Not everything is black and white, wrong or right. No, I'm not on your side. I'm on Dean's."
"Really? Is this why you left him behind and went with Ruby, a demon?"
"I didn't know he would get his memories back. And I don't see you angels running around, getting rid of demons. I don't see you guys doing a lot of work. I just see you angels being self-righteous. Now, I'm going to get Dean. To be honest, I really don't care about Cadmiel."
"What's your plan?"
Sam turned to Castiel. "Go in, get Dean, yank Lilith from Cadmiel's body. Then, we're gonna leave, and you're gonna leave us alone. That's the plan."
"You're just going to go in and face Lilith?"
"Yeah. She can't hurt me."
"She can hurt Dean. She did it before."
"Well, she won't now."
"Are you going to use your demonic power?"
"What's it to you? It gets the job done." A flash of white light came from the living room window, causing Sam to cock the shotgun.
He was ready.
"Ever wonder why only one person around you actually encourages you to use them? I think you are worthy of our trust, but you must stop them. Or we will stop you." Castiel frowned and hesitantly stepped forward into the front yard. "This isn't good," he muttered.
"Have you ever been around a dying angel, Sam?"
"No, Cas. But I'm sure it's very peaceful."
"Hardly. Cadmiel just died. If Dean broke her grace before she died, he needs to get away from her before her grace re-enters her body. Otherwise, she will kill Dean with her dying powers. A good example would be a star going supernova. You need to get him out of the house now or he will die."
Sam looked back at Castiel, quickly judging if this was another lie about angels. He hadn't thought about angels dying before. He believed Castiel was telling the truth.
He ran inside the house to find Dean holding a dead woman's body, staring at a silver misty light slowly crawling across the floor to them.
"Dean?" Sam said. "We need to leave. Now!"
Dean looked up at Sam blankly. It was almost like he didn't recognize him. "I killed her," he said hoarsely.
"It's OK. But we have to leave her and get out of here."
Dean looked back at the light that was closer to them. He gently put the woman's body down. "I'm sorry, Cadmiel," he whispered to the dead woman.
Sam steadied him as he rose to his feet. As they quickly walked to the door, Dean turned to the woman again. Sam also turned to see what was going on. The light was on the woman's body, making the body start glowing and twitching.
As they got out of the house, a high pitched hum coming from the house started irritating Sam. He looked over to see that the sound was also bothering Dean.
Castiel ran up. "Are you alright, Dean?"
"I killed her." Dean covered his ears from the hum increasing in volume.
"Lilith possessed her, didn't she? Cadmiel knew you had to kill Lilith, so she did her job."
"Her job?"
"Yes. She helps humans find their destiny. This is one of the many reasons we need you." He grabbed both Sam and Dean's arms and quickly walked them to the Impala. "You two need to leave now."
Sam looked over at Dean. He suddenly realized that some of that blood on Dean's torn shirt was his. "Dean, you're hurt," he yelled over the hum that was rapidly becoming a high-pitched scream.
"I'm OK."
The scream intensified, making the Impala's windows crack a second before they shattered. Sam covered his ears. All he could hear was this noise and the breaking of windows around him. He felt Castiel drop his arm, and Sam looked over to see his ears bleeding before he covered his ears.
They reached the Impala just as white, hot light began shooting all around them. Sam grabbed Dean's arm to get Dean into the car as he felt his own ears start bleeding. Over the continuing screams and the ever building pressure in his own head, Sam heard the house behind him explode, wood shards flying at them like missiles. Sam was barely able to keep conscious as Dean went limp.
Castiel helped Sam put an unconscious Dean in the front seat of the Impala. "Get out of here," Sam read off Castiel's mouth. He nodded and ran around to the driver's side door.
All he could see was white light. He hoped he wouldn't crash into anything.
Dean, you need to wake up.
The voice was insistent. Dean couldn't ignore it. He opened his eyes.
At first, he could see he was sitting in the passenger's seat of the Impala. There were no windows. Everything was broken. A bright light formed in front of him. That was all he could see. It was almost like looking into the sun.
The light swirled into a figure. The figure was familiar.
"Caden?" He asked.
She grinned her familiar grin. "Maybe you should call me by my formal name."
"Cadmiel." He looked around. "Am I dead?"
She stepped away from the car. "No. But, you need to wake up."
"I killed you. I'm sorry."
She shrugged. "You needed to kill Lilith. That was one of the things you had to do, why you were pulled out of Hell. But, you were not going to kill one of my humans. Not on my watch. I wasn't going to sacrifice a human to let you fulfill your destiny. So, neither one of us had any choice in the matter. Uriel will be mad, so watch yourself."
"So, everything is over?" Dean asked, although nothing felt over for him. "What about Ruby?"
"It's over. Lilith is anyway."
"A little melodramatic exit, wasn't it?" He shifted his feet on the broken glass in the car. "Now I have to see if Bobby has six windows that fit."
Cadmiel grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, sorry about that. Dean, your destiny, should you chose to accept it, is to continue to stop the breaking of the seals. And now to stop Ruby. I'm pulling for both you and Sam to end this war and stop the releasing of Lucifer. You know what sort of Hell the world will experience if this happens. You and Sam will stop this. Together. On the same side. Uriel and Castiel will continue to be your allies, once Uriel gets over being mad. But you need to wake up."
"What about you?"
She chuckled, sadly. "My part is finished. Completely. All I can do is stand back and observe. Hey, do me a favor, will you?"
"An angel wants me to do her a favor?"
She sighed. "Tell Castiel that I'm OK. No angel knows what happens when one of ours dies. We like to think that our grace goes Home, but we don't know. So, tell Castiel I'm OK. And if Uriel gives you a hard time, tell him to shove it up his butt."
Dean laughed. "I'll give the message to Castiel. I might pass on telling that to Uriel."
"Thanks." She backed away, the fog obscuring her again. She turned to him fully. "Dean, wake up!" she said in Sam's voice.
Dean slowly opened his eyes, and Sam's face swam into view. He felt sick. "Sammy?"
Sam grinned in relief. "You had me worried."
Dean gestured to Sam's ears. "You're bleeding."
Sam felt his ears. "Yeah, I was. But, they've stopped. I'm alright. Your ears were bleeding too. That was pretty loud. Your cuts also reopened, but they've stopped bleeding, and I don't even think they need stitching."
Dean felt the window hole of the passenger's door. As he expected, there were no remaining window. It was all beneath his feet and all over the interior of the Impala. He could hear sirens a couple blocks over.
"Castiel thought you killed Lilith."
Dean felt a wave of sadness. "Yeah."
Sam grinned. "So, everything's over?"
"No. Lilith has an accomplice, someone who'll keep opening seals for her."
Sam's grin faded. "Who's the accomplice?"
Dean paused. The name was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't reach it. "I don't remember."
"You will. You got your memory back before." Sam paused and looked around. "Hey, where's Ruby?"
"Ruby?" Dean felt a flash of suspicion rush through him.
"Yeah. I sent her to talk to you a week ago. Did she make it?"
"I haven't seen her," Dean muttered angrily.
Sam moved to the driver's side and got in the car. "Something might have happened to her! We need to find her."
"Can we fix the car first?"
Sam hesitated. "OK."
Dean looked out the non-existent window. "I want to find her too."
Fin
A/N #2: Thank you, guys, for sticking with this.