"If you want me to trust you, then why do you still look like Nick?" Sam asked Lucifer one day -or was it night? The black abyss above never seemed to change.

"I don't have much control over that, Sam." Lucifer replied.

Sam was confused, "What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean this isn't what I look like; it's how you perceive me. You think of me as Nick, so I look like Nick." Lucifer explained.

"God." Sam rubbed his face, "All in my head again, huh? I really am crazy…"

"No, Sam, what you're seeing is real. It's just being translated into something you can understand. You've never seen an angel's true form before, so…" Lucifer shrugged, "Here I am."

"Why did you show up looking like Jessica?" Sam asked, "In my dreams. I know you decided that part. Why her?" Although, Sam felt like he already knew the reason. Lucifer had been manipulating him, getting Sam to make conversation with someone he missed desperately…

"Because I'm an angel." Lucifer replied, "I'm an angel, and I need consent for everything, even entering people's dreams. I needed to look like someone you would expect to be there, so you would let me in."

"Kinda pissed me off." Sam remarked.

"I know."

"You were manipulating me."

"Was I? I changed back, didn't I?"

"Not before I…" Sam stopped himself. He was about to say 'kissed you'. But that kiss was sacred, intended only for Jessica, and it he didn't like to think it had ended up on Lucifer…

"Alright. Showing up looking like your dead girlfriend wasn't the most honest thing I've ever done." Lucifer conceded.

"You're right. It wasn't." Sam replied with a scowl.

"Would it help if I promised not to do that again?"

Sam sighed, "It doesn't change what you did. But yeah, that would help a little."

"You really loved her, didn't you?" Lucifer said softly, "I could tell. I could feel it in the room…"

Violation. You're not helping your case, Sam thought, a muscle working in his jaw.

"I would have brought her back, you know." Lucifer added, "When I promised to bring your folks back, I would have brought Jessica back to."

"Yeah. To tell her how I fucked up the world." Sam muttered bitterly.

Lucifer shook his head, "To make you happy, Sam."

Sam sighed, "Maybe it's for the best. I'd hate to tell her it's my fault she died. Or that I was housing the devil."

"You think she wouldn't accept you anymore if she knew?" Lucifer asked.

"I don't know." Sam answered honestly, "I don't really feel like talking about it."

"Ok."

Sam cleared his throat, "So, back to your true form. What does it look like?" he asked.

Lucifer's mouth opened for a moment, then shut again, "That's not really something I can explain." He answered.

"Try?" Sam prompted.

Lucifer grimaced, "I can't."

"Can I—will I ever see it?" Sam asked, suddenly intrigued by the possibly of seeing a real, celestial version of an angel.

"That's up to you." Lucifer replied. Then he added quietly, "I'd prefer you didn't."

"Why not?" Sam asked.

"I'm not what I used to be."

"What do you mean?"

"Hell changes you. It corrupts you. It twists everything you used to be and turns you into someone else." Lucifer picked at a hole in his jeans (such a human gesture, Sam thought) and sighed heavily, "I wasn't always cold, you know."

"You don't seem cold now." Sam pointed out.

"That's because you don't think I am. I suppose that's because you've forgotten what I'm actually like." Lucifer suggested.

"You're right..." Sam trailed off as he recalled Lucifer blowing frost onto a window and drawing a pitchfork on it.

"Sorry if it's a bit chilly. Most people think I burn hot, but it's really quite the opposite."

"So, did Hell make you cold?" Sam asked.

"No. I made myself cold when I walked away from God's light." Lucifer explained, simply.

"Do you regret anything?" Sam asked, "I mean, about your Fall?"

"Do I regret being separated from my brothers and sisters? Yes." Lucifer began, "Do I regret being Caged? Yes. Do I regret having to fight my family? Yes. Do I miss God's light…?" Lucifer swallowed, "Yes. But do I regret the choices I've made? What I did to prove my point? No. I don't."

"You're true form," Sam said, "You said it's cold. What else?"

Lucifer winced, "Hard to explain, kiddo."

"Start simple then. Like…" Sam waved his hand around, "How tall are you?"

Lucifer laughed, "Size is a matter of perception, Sam. We angels live in another dimension. Size is all relative. It's very difficult to explain."

Sam frowned in concentration, studying Lucifer, "So, what's I'm seeing right now is an illusion?" he asked.

"That's right." Lucifer answered.

Sam reached up to touch Lucifer's face. When the angel showed no signs of objection, he let his hand rest against the angel's cheek. Lucifer blinked slowly, eyes closing for just a moment as Sam's fingertips slid downward, touching the angel's cheek and brushing the corner of his mouth. It was soft, save for the blonde stubble, and Sam didn't sense anything out of the ordinary about it, even when his fingertips trailed down Lucifer's jaw, his throat, the collar of his shirt. Sam lifted the side of Lucifer's button-up over shirt curiously before letting his hand slide to rest on Lucifer's shoulder.

"It all feels so real." Sam muttered.

"That's because your mind's still got the safety on." Lucifer tapped his temple for emphasis.

"How do I turn it off?" Sam asked.

Lucifer shrugged, "Beats me. You're the one in control here."

Sam tried to imagine Lucifer feeling cold. He tried to imagine Lucifer having wings, glowing, maybe. But the angel still looked like Nick.

"Not working." Sam said.

"You're in charge here, Sam." Lucifer reminded him.

Sam swallowed and tried again, "This isn't real. It's an illusion." Sam muttered to himself, "All an illusion…"

Pinpricks of cold began to surround him, like he was being stabbed with tiny particles of ice.

Lucifer tilted his head curiously, the gesture reminding Sam of Castiel.

Not real. This is an illusion, Sam thought, Nick is an illusion. Lucifer doesn't really look like Nick.

"Sam –" Lucifer sounded a little panicked, "Sam, I don't think this is a good idea –"

The air was growing colder by the minute.

This isn't real… Sam thought.

"Sam! Sam stop! This might not be safe!" Lucifer exclaimed.

Nick's image was becoming blurry, smeared, like a reflection in water.

"Sam!" Lucifer's voice cracked, becoming distorted, "Sam, please, stop!"

Noticing the change in temperature Sam became panicked too, "I don't know how!" he exclaimed, his breath coming out in a cold fog.

The temperature was dropping— out of control. Now that Sam knew what he was seeing wasn't real he couldn't pull the veil over his eyes again. The air grew frigid. And Lucifer disappeared altogether. Sam was being assaulted with the cold. Darkness spread over him. He felt his entire being freeze over, squeezed between the ice. He was paralyzed.

Ice and darkness.

Darkness and Ice.

Ice and darkness and pain.

Loneliness too.