Chapter Nine – Brains, Brawn and Jedi Mind Tricks
Hagrid had a lovely collection of ammunition by the time the Man in Black was in throwing distance. The giant paid especial attention to rocks that had these nice sharp edges, perfect for splitting heads open. As gentle as Hagrid usually was, he still had something of his savage giant ancestors' propensity for cracking skulls and splattering brains and blood and guts all over.
Daddy winced as he read the last few sentences. "Ew." He turned the book over to look at its cover. "I thought this was supposed to be G-rated!"
"DAAAAADY!!" Katerina protested. "I'm not a baby. More blood and gore, please."
Daddy leveled stern green eyes at her. "You're getting to be more and more your father's daughter every day."
Katerina met his look with sweet, angelic innocence. "Of course I am, Daddy. Papa says I take after you – most of the time."
Daddy pressed his lips together and it was clear to the little girl her father was clearly trying not to laugh out loud. "Remind me to have a little 'talk' with your other father later. As I was saying…"
Hagrid, of course, had much to be angry about right now and he wasn't in a forgiving mood. He also had a very good aim.
The Man in Black was just now in range.
A little closer…
Just a wee bit more…
Perfect!
Five rocks sailed over the air in quick succession. Thrown with a giant's strength behind them, they were meant to crush and break….
Except that they were now floating in mid-air. Hovering right in front of the Man in Black who was staring at them with a look of intense concentration.
"Bloody hell. That's no' fair!" Hagrid bellowed, stepping out from his hiding place.
He was gratified to see that the Man took a step back at his appearance. It was fun being a giant.
"You were about to crush my skull and other valuable body parts from ambush," the Man in Black pointed out mildly. "I rather like having my skull and the rest of my body in one piece, you realize."
"Yer a pirate!" Hagrid howled. "Since when do pirates know black magic?"
"Ask the ghostly crew of the Black Pearl."
"Yer behind on yer news, man," Hagrid pointed out. "Captain Sparrow's got his ship back now and there ain't no ghosts on that ship. Besides, the old crew was cursed, not wizards themselves."
"I happen to know a wizard or two."
"Where's your wand, then? I thought all wizards used wands."
The Man in Black looked very serene. "I happen to know a few Jedi Masters as well. Handy thing, the Force."
"Well, this still isn't fair," Hagrid growled. "How's am I supposed to avenge my poor Ronnie if ye've got all that magic on your side?"
"I'm a pirate, we're not supposed to be fair." The Man in Black paused. "Although, if you were speaking of your swordsman friend, he's quite alright. If a bit unconscious at the moment."
Hope flared in his heart for a moment before Hagrid damped it down. He crossed massive arms over an equally massive chest (yes, he knew it made him look intimidating) and scowled (yes, it made him look even MORE intimidating). "I don't believe you."
The Man in Black placed a gloved hand over his heart. "Pirate's honor. Your friend is alive."
"You pirates don't have honor." But Hagrid really and truly wanted to believe him.
The Man in Black looked offended. "I beg your pardon! We happen to have a bloody Code!"
"Which is supposed to be merely a sort of 'guideline!'" Hagrid scoffed. "I know all about that!"
"I'm bloody English! We don't hit a bloke when he's down!"
Hagrid considered that. He had a point. And there was something about the earnestness in this fellow's voice, most unlike the normal brand of pirate he was accustomed to running into that made Hagrid think he was telling the truth. And yeah, something about the Man reminded Hagrid of young Mr. Turner and he did like that lad. He prided himself on his ability to judge character after all.
"I'll grant you that. But about the magic…"
"I am quite willing to take you on in a fair fight. No magic. No Jedi mind tricks. Hand to hand. Set our physical skills against each other's."
Hagrid smirked. "That wouldn't be quite fair, now would it? I got the advantage here, if you haven't noticed."
The Man offered a dangerous smile. "I can handle myself, never fear."
And they squared off.
Hagrid was right. He had strength and size on his corner. Both major advantages. All he had to do was catch his foe and he could crush him with his bare hands.
Except that it was proving quite difficult to "catch" his opponent. The Man in Black was fast and he evidently learned how to fight like those little Shaolin monk fellows all the way in China. Quick, lightning-fast moves that almost looked like dancing except that every blow landed on Hagrid's body and every one of them hurt.
Ow.
"You know kung fu," Hagrid observed, rubbing a bruised shoulder.
"I know kung fu," the Man in Black agreed solemnly. "You heard about that?"
"I get around m'self. I'm not bleeding ignorant, y'know," Hagrid answered. And once again, he went on the offensive, swinging his mighty fists. All he needed was to land one single blow and he'd cave the Man's skull in. Or at least give him a bit of a headache…now that Ron might possibly be alive.
He couldn't.
The Man however, managed to hit every vital spot on his body. Hagrid was used to pain and he could have lasted quite a long time yet but it seemed that his smaller opponent was also inexhaustible. And the Man was hitting nerve points that would have made a lesser man unconscious by now.
As it was, Hagrid was getting woozy.
A well-aimed kick brought Hagrid to his knees. He struggled to get up.
He felt a slight pressure on the back of his neck.
He managed to gasp, "M'sorry, Ron" before he lost consciousness.
The Man in Black knelt beside the fallen giant and quickly felt for his pulse. It still beat, strongly and steadily.
At that, he smiled. He drew a small bottle from the pouch hanging at his hip and set it beside the giant's head.
"A potion for your aches and pains, Master giant. You were a worthy foe."
The Man in Black stood up and went back on the trail, coming ever closer to his prey.
- TBC -
A/N: Yes, it seems ALL, and I do mean ALL my favorite fandoms want to hang out in this fic. Yes, ladies and gents, welcome to the official "tambayan" (hangout, pad, digs, flat) of Stitch's wacky imagination. Please put tongue firmly in cheek and leave sanity and canon at the door.