Penny's POV, confession time, she is not my favorite character and I have a hard time writing her, so I hope I did her justice. Shamy angst waring ahead, but do not despair, update coming quickly.
Penny stormed into her apartment and headed straight for her bed flinging herself onto the covers. Her blood was boiling, how dare he insinuate, how dare he get mad at her, how dare he EVERYTHING she thinks . The rat bastard had gone to far, how could he ever think she wanted to be with Sheldon, Sheldon of all people for gods sake. The thought of it actually physically ill, it was like thinking of your brother that way.
"Uggh! This is so stupid!" she yells at her pillow throwing it off the bed.
They had been having such a good night too till Dr. Leonard Hofstadter had to get his panties in a twist over nothing. They had finally recovered from the fight from earlier, they had some amazing make up and sex while Sheldon was gone so they could be as loud as they wanted.
So she wanted to listen, what was wrong with that? Growing up in Nebraska she and her siblings had done stuff like that all the time to each other. Penny smiles remembering her and sister Kelly hiding in a closet while her bother made out with Angela Crabtree. Jeremy was four years older, than Kelly and six years older than Penny it was the first time they had ever seen what kissing looked like in person. Penny can still remember how nosily they kissed, the way her brother had grabbed at her boobs like he was squishing a stress ball. Penny and Kelly had giggled together making fun of how silly they both looked and sounded, vowing never to let a boy to that to them. Tonight had that feel to it, like She and Leonard were two kids hiding in the closet, curious to see what those two weirdos were up too. Until Leonard had to go and make it weird and ruin all the fun.
Penny wanted to talk to someone, she had to vent let out some of the anger she was feeling. Usually the first person she called was Amy, she was the best listener, and with her cool rational demeanor she always seemed to have all the answers. With Bernadette there was always anger boiling under the service, like she could not wait to pick a fight. Amy would have said something like "Leonard is just letting his limbic system rule his brain." Explained away his misbehavior with science. Bernadette would want his balls delivered to her on a plate; hmm, maybe that is what she needs right now…so she grabs her IPad and hits Facetime with Bernadette.
"Whats up" Bernadette answers and Penny can sees she is in bed dressed in a pair of light blue pajamas.
"Hey is Howard in there with you?" she asks not wanting to discuss this in front of him.
"No, he is playing a video game in the living room and I was in bed reading. Are you okay, you look tired?"
"Leonard and I can not stop fighting and Sheldon and Amy can't stop doing it, and I think I have entered the bizzaro thingy from Superman.."
"What happened this time, or are you still fighting about the thing that happened at the hotel." Bernadette asks
"No we had made up and everything was going great and then… Well it is all Leonards fault," Penny starts.
"Naturally, what did he do this time."
"Same shit different day, being a big baby, honestly what his mother wrote about him is true, he is an exhausting child who needs constant reassurance."
"What did he need reassuring about? You did not laugh when he took his pants off did you?"
"No, learned that lesson the hard way. No this time he got all bent out of shape because Sheldon and Amy were going at it in the next room and I was trying to listen in. Then get this, he accuses me of having a thing for Sheldon!" Penny pops her mouth open incredulously.
"Well do you?" Bernadette asks.
"Oh my god! No! Why would you say that!" Penny says
"The why were you trying to listen in on them? Even I have to admit that it is kind of creepy" Bernadette asks shaking her head.
"Because it is funny! I used to do this kind of stuff with my brother all the time. You are curious too! I mean it is Sheldon and Amy! they could barely hold hands before"
"Yes, I am curious but I want only the information that Amy voluntarily is not your brother, he is your fiancees room-mate, think about it if the situation was reversed. What if it had been you with the sexually repressed room-mate and when she finally started having sex Leonard had his ear pressed up against the wall."
"I never thought of it like that , excuse me for being a little curious though. I mean I knew Sheldon back when he could barely stand being in the same room as a person. I have been waiting for those two to be intimate for years an it is finally happening! It is just so sweet they are each others first loves. To tell the truth, I am a little jealous that they get to have that feeling now in their thirties when it counts."
"You did not tell Leonard that did you?" Bernadette as stricken.
"Yeah, why does it matter?" Penny says flippantly
"Oh you beautiful blonde dodo bird." Bernadette says shaking her head.
"Hey! Watch who you call a dodo bird!"
"Don't you see how hurtful that was to Leonard? You are his first love! The way Sheldon feels about Amy, he feels that way, about you."
"Leonard has been with other girls before."
"Been with yes, been in love with Not so much."
"There was Priya, he told me he loved Priya!"
"That was after you silly! That was him trying to replace what he had found in you . Howard told me about how crazy he was over you before you finally agreed to date him. I saw what he was like after you broke up he was like a lovestruck moon calf. Leonard literally worships the ground that you walk on. Amy told me that when you and Sheldon went to take that love test, she attempted to take it with him. At the first question she could go no further because she could tell all his answers would all be centered around you. What you said about first loves probably ripped his poor little heart to shreds."
"I did not mean to hurt him, I just meant that our love is different. It is a comfortable love that has grown out of respect for each other."
"Oh God, you did not tell him that did you?" Bernadette asks giving a face and by the face Penny returns guilty she knows that she did. "Poor Leonard, he does not want a comfortable love, he wants you to have a fiery hot passionate love that burns down the walls around you."
"Have you been reading Amy's Fan-fic again" Penny accuses and Bernadette blushes.
"I may have been doing some light reading before bed, but that is besides the point, I have to side with Leonard here, you were wrong and he was right." Penny hears Howard rush into the room and shout.
"Did I just hear that right? You are taking Leonards side in a fight?"
"Get out of here and go back to your video game, this does not concern you." Bernadette bellows at him sounding so much like his mother that it is uncanny.
"Fine! Jeez." She hears Howard mumble while Bernadette shakes her head and waits for him to leave. "Sets a bad precedence to let him know sometimes the man is right." Bernadette sighs.
"I do love Leonard, I really that is why I am jealous of Sheldon an Amy. I don't know about you but I lost my virginity when was sixteen, to a guy I thought I loved. Now that I have Leonard I know what love really feels like, I recognize that all these times before when I thought I was in love it had been false. I just wish that I could have had Leonard back then to give all those first feelings too, or that I could have saved it and given them to him now."
"If you had said it like that to him then I am sure a fight would be avoided. You need to tell him what you just told me."
"Maybe, I should do something for him, to show him… I feel so bad now… but you know I suck at romance, hell Sheldon is more romantic than me."
"You'll think of something, I got to go, it is time to tell Howard to turn off the video game."
"Okay, bye, thank you for all the advice." Penny says waving to her as she turns off the screen.
Penny rolls on to her back and stares at the ceiling, she had started out so mad and now she just feels awful. Bernadette had made some some great points and now she is the one feeling foolish. Penny debates going back over there now an retrieving Leonard and showing him how much she cares. No, this time se does not just want to smooth things over with sex, she knows how readily Leonard will forgive her. All she has to do is take her top off and she will be absolved of all wrong doing but she does not want that this time.
Truthfully things had been with tense with Leonard before this, he may place the blame on that godforsaken love test she took with Sheldon. Penny placed the blame on something else,something she had been silently stewing on for a while. The night she discovered Amys fan-fic ,she had brought it over to read with Leonard. She had figured that they would both laugh over how ,Amy described sex with Sheldon. Some parts were hot but mostly you could tell it was sex written about by a virgin. Amy could barely describe his penis, she had more metaphors for a dick than Penny could ever imagine. As she lay in bed with Leonard she read the line.
"His quivering flesh became engorged at the sight of her taking off her bloomers." She laughed "Oh my god isn't that the funniest thing you have ever read?"
"Actually,I don't think it is funny at all, it is actually pretty romantic." He told her.
"Of course it is romantic, it is a romance story, I mean you can just tell this is sex written by a virgin."
"It is more than being a romance story, it is romantic from Amy's part, the time and attention to detail she spends thinking about Sheldon. You can tell that all she wants in the world is to be with him,to have him touch her, my heart kind of goes out to her." He says looking at her with those sad puppy dog eyes.
"Oh my god! You want me to write about you like that!" Penny tells him.
"I have to admit it would be extremely flattering to read in print the way you feel about me." Leonard tells her grabbing her hand and it makes her sad. She can never write the way Amy, does, something in her heart is just not prone to romance that way. Sometimes,just sometimes she worries that she is not good enough for Leonard. That he deserves someone, well someone more like Amy, who would fill his life full of romantic gestures. In the back of her mind from that point forward she began to worry that Leonard was seeing Amy in a different way. Wondering what life would be like if he had fallen for a woman who wanted to spend her free time writing saucy alternate universe stories about their love.
Then a thought occurs to her she had a good part of a screenplay she had wrote on her old laptop. A few tweaks here and there and maybe just maybe she could show Leonard exactly how much he meant to her. While at the same time showing him that sex written about by a non virgin is much better.
Penny works all night on her story until she is certain that it will romance the pants off of Leonard in more ways than one. The sunlight shines through the window and Penny wakes up on her bed he laptop still open beside her, she must have fallen asleep while still working. Penny checks the time and is shocked by how early it still is, but she knows that Leonard will be up.
"Its now or never." she says to herself as she grabs her laptop and hurries across the hall eager to show Leonard what she has been working on. She opens the door to the apartment and is shocked by what she sees. It is like a cold bucket of water being dropped on her as her secret fears come to life.
"You are a beautiful woman." She hears her fiancee say to Amy as he grabs her looking, by far better than she has ever seen her, with her glossy dark hair swept off her face by her glasses.. Amy is leaning across the counter towards him, causing the material of her robe to cut low revealing more clavicle and shoulder than Penny has ever seen her display. Then she hears a dangerous growl and she looks towards the hall and sees Sheldon has seen and heard the same thing she has. Sheldon charges into the kitchen full steam;
"I knew, I should not have left you two alone, what with her looking so tempting" his eyes flashing dangerously, He slaps Leonards hand away and issuing him the epitome of "if looks could kill" stares.
"What's going on in here!" Penny yells as she too makes for the kitchen, knowing in her heart that some sort of misunderstanding as occurred, yet still terrified her fears have been founded
"What's going on her is your lilliputian fiancé is attempted to woo my woman!" his fists are balled up at his side like it is taking all he has in him not to sock Leonard in the mouth.
"My fiancée, does not have an ill repute, and I am sure a there is some sort of mistake, right?" She asks Amy and Leonard desperate for answers.
"Lilliputian, it refers to his small stature, comes from the book Gulliver's Travels and the tiny inhabitants of the land of Lilliput. Is repute is seriously in question after the display he has shown towards Amy this morning. First I catch him ogling her legs, a fact which he denies, despite my witnessing the event. Then I catch him whispering sweet nothings at her as he paws at her!" his voice shrill and Amy grabs his arm which he cruelly shakes off. "You are no better, dressing so provocatively in front of him, allowing yourself to be manhandled." Sheldon chokes out as he rushes down the hall Amy hot on his heels.
"You listen here Mr! " Amy begins as she they here he door shut behind them.
"I was not attempting to woo Amy,you know that right?" Leonard asks her getting up and taking the computer from her and setting it down so he can grab her hands. He stares into her eyes imploringly and she knows that this was all a mistake, the love coming off of him is palpable.
"I know…It is just sometimes I wonder if a woman like Amy, not Amy specifically she only has eyes for Sheldon, would be better for you. I worry that I wont be good enough for you as a wife." Penny says looking away, embarrassed my her admission of vulnerability, Leonard grabs her face and turns it towards him, kissing her.
"How could you ever think something like that." He says burying his head into her neck.
"I am not romantic enough for you, not smart enough for you, the list goes on." Penny says tears escaping her eyes and he kisses them gently away.
"Come on, lets go to your apartment and let me show you how much you mean to me." He tells her grabbing her hand.
"Oh wait!" Penny says breaking free and grabbing the laptop again. "I have a story I want to read you!" she says grabbing his hand and leading out of his apartment.
Thank all of you so much for the reviews and all the love! I try to get back to everyone so let me thank the guest reviewers here! Also thank you for sticking with the story as it unfurls.