Hogsmeade Trip
She walked beside him quietly until they reached the outskirts of the Shrieking Shack. He seemed buttoned up and tense beyond approach, but reality was that he was actually walking beside her no matter the bipolar nature of their situation. He not only fixed her car, which probably took him a long time, something he was not obliged to do. He also came with her, to assist her with Hagrid's things. Or maybe help his friend. What mattered was that once again his words came in contrast to his actions. And even though she felt raw from his bruising ways, she couldn't bypass that he was actually doing things to help her. She opened her mouth to thank him again, but decided against it. She was always either thanking him, offending him or apologising. Not a very productive way to communicate with someone.
As they came along the path that led to his place of 'death' his steps quickened and his head lowered. He kept his eyes thoroughly stuck on the ground and suddenly she was highly aware that maybe the reason he didn't want to approach the village was this place.
"What ingredients are you interested in?" his whisper caught her by surprise and drew her out of her contemplations. The moment they passed from the Shrieking Shack his pace slowed down considerably. Now she could keep up with him easily.
"Dandelion root, Dittany, Poison Ivy, Nightshade, Nux Mystica, Fluxweed and Belladona. Some of them" she spoke quietly.
"Tampering with several dangerous ingredients…is that necessary for your classes?" he didn't turn to her. He kept his eyes on his boots.
"I told you I want to develop a new healing potion. Part of my research"
"The same one that contains the unstable wormwood?"
She blew through her nose "I am not a student anymore…"
His gaze fell upon her "I've noticed" his whisper held a mysterious undertone that made her spine tense.
"I can cope you know" she added suddenly feeling under scrutiny.
"Famous last words, nevertheless I know an apothecary that can give you all the ingredients at lower prices"
The side of her mouth uplifted in a small smile "Would appreciate it, but don't get obliged because of me"
"I am good with the owner" he shook his head as if to say there was nothing to this. They both fell into uncomfortable silence until they reached the village. The sky above them grew darker by the minute and Hermione stood in the middle of the main street with her arms crossed and her eyes upon the sky. She offered that they should split and do their shopping quickly before returning at Hogwarts and he agreed. He told her that when she finished with the rest of her shopping, she should meet up with him at Vesta's apothecary. A place she had never heard off and that was hid between some tall buildings at the end of the village.
She took her time to shop around for her books debating whether to gift herself with new set of robes, in order to exchange them with the ones the school gave her. In the end she made it to the fashion shop and bought two pair of robes instead of one. She shuffled through the store fronts and slowly begun to loosen up from the tension that Snape's presence was causing her. When she offered him to accompany her last night and again this morning she hadn't grasped the enormity of that attempt. Nor did she understand that it would be hard to manage pleasurable social interactions with the most reserved man in the magical world. Why she did it was something she couldn't answer.
She exhaled and rubbed her forehead feeling the weight of the responsibility she had taken falling heavily on her shoulders. Now that she asked him out and he shockingly accepted she didn't know what to do with him.
why did you do it then bloody idiot?- her mind chastised.
why did he accept so easily? - she rebuked.
he didn't accept quite that easily…and did you do it because you thought he wouldn't accept?- her mind retorted.
She raised her brows at this inner debate and made to place back the book she had been checking out in that small bookstore, when a couple of female voices coming from the next aisle caught her attention.
"Did you see him?"
"I sure did"
"It's him, I am certain. I've seen his pictures in the newspapers"
"It's him alright"
"He never comes into the village, do you think something is going on?"
"Maybe something serious considering who he is and how secretive …"
"Not to mention that he is under Ministerial Probation. I mean is he allowed to come to the village like that?"
"Why? You think he is dangerous?"
"He's got one of the darkest pasts the Wizard Weekly has ever printed. Not to mention a couple of obscure books written for him, that never cleared him up all the way"
"I really don't believe any of those rumours. Don't you think the Ministry has his magic under probation also? He is hand bound to be chased if he either leaves Hogwarts territory or if he uses his magic in deviant ways"
"And that makes you feel secure when he is walking around the village with no Aurors for escort?"
"He doesn't bother me, and he doesn't scare me. Quite the contrary I might say"
"What?"
A snicker escaped the woman that sounded more composed and logical "He is terribly handsome ..."
A shocked inhalation came from the other woman "Well..."
Hermione frowned and rested her hand on the bookshelf. She leaned in to hear better "Oh come on, he has grown up to become a silver fox…rather attractive in his broodiness"
"If I bypass the fear that his Death-Eater days hold for me …then quite reluctantly I'd say I admire his eyes. They can boil a cauldron from the other side of the street"
"It's unfortunate that he is one of the hardest to get..."
"Snape is unapproachable, unavailable and dangerous. Keep away from him"
Hermione's brows lifted up to her hairline and her mouth opened in a surprised O.
"Don't you think I know, now come on…I need to check on the Classical English Literature section" the voice said and quickly shuffling feet walked away from a bemused Hermione.
Listening to a pair of women pining over her dark Professor was so shocking that she didn't move for a several minutes. She mulled over their conversation, partly enjoying how other women were seeing this mysterious man. She had never truly seen him as a man. He had always been a Professor to her. Distant, cold and derisive. With an air of loftiness that pushed people away. This new point of view was strikingly impressive but felt foreign to her. She shook her head and smirked "Good luck nailing down Snape" she whispered and felt truly sorry that one of the women had a crush on such a block of ice. These two women made her wonder how many other females were seeing her old Professor as interesting.
After half an hour she finally finished picking up the books she wanted and made her way down to the hidden apothecary. He was inside discussing with the owner and she had to stop herself from checking him out through the eyes of these two gossipers in the bookstore. Pushing herself to stop acting like a moronic teenager she came up to them and tried to adult. She morphed her voice as professional as she could and picked up all her ingredients with the assistance of the owner and a few taciturn advices from the man next to her. When she finished, the bill was way cheaper than she had been expecting and she knew that this was Snape's doing. Something that she secretly appreciated, but decided against voicing it. Enough thank you's. Maybe she should show her appreciation in a more productive way.
As they got out on the street, they got assaulted by heavy rain. She pulled up her hood and took out her wand to project a protective bubble around them. The look of prohibition he gave her made her pause "I shouldn't cast magic on you…" she said mostly to herself.
"No, but you can cast on yourself" he pulled the lapels of his pea coat up to his ears but let the rain drench his hair that stuck in thick tendrils on his cheeks and temples.
She bit her lower lip and looked towards a cafeteria that was full of people on her right hand "Or I can do this for both of us" she grabbed his forearm suddenly and pulled him towards the door. They stopped under the ledge and their eyes met.
"What are you doing?" he whispered.
"Getting us out of the rain, wanna go in?" she tilted her head at the door.
He frowned but gazed her thoroughly. Not knowing how to feel about any of this.
"I don't think I do" his honesty was hard to conceal.
"I think you do" she smiled and pushed the door open. Her hand landed on his sleeve and she pulled him in behind her.
When he came face to face with all these people, the noises, the smells and the lights he felt assaulted. He winced and placed his hand above his eyes protectively. Her hand lowered his and surprisingly she cupped it and pulled him inside "You must be unused to so much activity". He appeared totally shocked by what was happening. She was also shocked by her audacity…not truly understanding what was behind her own actions.
"What the hell are you talking about?" he whispered but followed her dumbly.
"Really? I have no clue" she admitted and pulled him deftly between the people. She found a nice spot by the windows and sat down.
He remained standing.
"Now this looks ridiculous….I am not abducting you Professor. I just got both of us out of the rain, and I will pay for your hot cup of coffee. Or are you in the mood for some tea?" she took off her coat and placed it to a chair next to her covering her bags.
"I cannot believe this" he shook his head unable to grasp what she was doing. The reason of him not leaving her at that moment was a mystery to him.
"Me neither…nevertheless we are here now. So why not grab the opportunity to relax and have a beverage until the rain stops?" she pointed at the chair across her.
Begrudgingly he sat down and placed his own bag next to her coat. He didn't make a move to take off his though.
"Hello my lovelies, what can I get you?" a middle aged waitress came over to them.
"Did she just call me her lovely?" he felt abhorred by that nauseating try to coax clients.
Hermione's hand covered his one more time and his eyes fell on it, forgetting the waitress and her idiotic words immediately "Not now" she whispered and then turned to the waitress.
"I want a cappuccino, how about you Professor?" she knew she was taking over and his sense of propriety was probably going haywire, but she didn't care. He looked unable to handle their current situation and the waitress wouldn't wait forever.
"Green tea" he hissed.
"That's perfect! Be right back my lovelies!" the waitress chimed and swayed away from them.
He was stuck looking at her hand above his, feeling his breath constricted.
"You should take off your wet coat, before the water sips down to the rest of your clothing" she tried to offer the advice nonchalantly and pulled her hand away from his.
He cradled his hand under the table and his eyes got lost at the raindrops upon the windows. He needed to get his composure back in some manner and Granger's actions were making this harder than life. He remained silent and immovable as a statue.
"It's probably sipping down already. You look like a wet puppy" Hermione tried to stop her smirk but was unable. The lost look in his eyes and his wet hair, flared up a string of protectiveness inside her.
He opened his mouth to hurl something nasty back at her…but nothing came out. Instead he stood up and unbuttoned his coat. Quickly he took it off and dropped it at an empty chair. His scarf followed foot. When he sat back down his posture was stiff and his arms were crossed protectively on the table in front of him.
"Want help to clear up the hair that's sticking on your temples?" she made a move to clear it for him, but his hand took hers and pushed it gently away.
"OCDing on me again?" he whispered, feeling slightly better at getting the ability to talk back.
"It's really making me go haywire" she flicked her shoulder "But I'll survive" she added in an afterthought.
"You are impossible to fathom" he voiced his thought.
"I suppose I shocked you today. Never meant to make you feel uncomfortable" she met his eyes comfortably.
He raised his brow and his lips twisted testily as if he was questioning her motives.
She raised her hand "Let me explain. I wanted to cast us a dry bubble, but I recalled how much you detest people casting magic on you…I could have done it to myself, but that would have been rude since we are together in this excursion. Next best choice was to offer both of us non magical shelter"
He sighed deeply and rubbed his eyes "I suppose it was the best choice under the circumstances" he admitted half heartedly.
"Even though this place makes you feel uncomfortable"
He looked at her sternly.
"I saw how you reacted when we came in…What bothers you most here?" she wanted to approach him again. To make him feel more at ease with his environment.
"The noises are too loud, the lights too bright and there are too many people" he looked around him, feeling a sense of anxiety rising.
"Too quiet in the library for too long…your sensors must be going crazy right now" she smiled kindly.
you have no idea….he thought and his fingers twisted around each other tightly.
Her eyes fell on that and she swallowed "Remember what I said about zoning out?"
His eyes gazed at her thoughtfully.
"What would calm you down now?" she leaned her elbows and came closer to him.
"The sound of the rain" he whispered without too much thought.
"Look out the window and imagine the sound the rain makes as it falls upon the windows" she said quietly.
He did as she said and slowly he tried to block out all external stimuli. He looked at the individual raindrops and saw them sliding down the window panes slowly. His mind muted all noises and as if by magic he begun hearing the sound of rain upon wet tiles. When the waitress came with their cups he didn't even hear her. Only when Granger's hand touched his lightly did he turn around and met her eyes.
"Are you better?" she looked at his entwined fingers and saw that they were not taunt anymore, but almost relaxed upon the table.
He sighed and nodded, mesmerised by her ability to calm him down with such ease.
She smiled "Now the coffee shop doesn't seem so intimidating, right?"
He shook his head mutely.
"Try some of your tea…you want some sugar? Milk?"
"No, thank you" he muttered and unclasped his sweaty hands. Oppressing the need to wipe them off his jeans, he picked up his cup and tasted the tea. It was warm and welcoming in his throat. His hand went around his neck to make sure his scars were covered properly and then he pulled his wet hair away from his cheeks "Better?" he looked at her.
"What?" she was taken aback.
"Am I helping your OCD?" he pressed his lips.
Her stomach tingled her and she nodded "Thank you, yes". It was weird how they kind off looked after each other in a discreet and formal manner. She tried to calm him down and he took care to clean his face and calm her down in turn.
His head bobbed and he took another sip silently.
"Did you get all of Hagrid's things?" she asked and observed him closely.
"Yes"
"Did you find the wine you wanted?"
He nodded and gazed at her as she sipped her coffee. Her voluminous hair was up on a messy bun and her cheeks were rosy. She wore a plain muggle shirt under that coat of hers, and to his chagrin the ever lasting Gryffindor scarf was loose around her neck "Did you get all the things you wanted?" he whispered and lowered his eyes to his tea realising that he was checking her out.
"Yes, I even indulged myself some new clothing, even though that was not part of my money plan" she flicked her brow somewhat bothered at her inability to control herself in that fashion shop.
"Did you buy a new scarf?" he licked his upper lip.
Her hand went protectively around her Gryffindor heirloom "No, I have one"
"You need a new one" his brow lifted testily.
She pursed her own lips and glared at him "Because it's from my house…the Slytherin in you is becoming obsessive right?"
He snarled and stopped himself just in time before a smile appeared on his lips.
"I am not giving any money to buy a new scarf" she was unable to stop her smile. His eyes gazed at her so intensely that she had to lower hers to her hands in order to gain her composure.
"Stubborn with history, stubborn with your ingredients, stubbornly pestering me with your presence….so should I call you Miss Stubborn or Miss OCD?" he whispered with a warmth in his tone he hadn't heard in years.
"Pestering you with my presence?" her eyes glared at him angrily even at the insinuation that he was bothered by her.
"Miss Sensitive can also be added to the list. Choose" he flicked his long fingers to her.
She exhaled through her nose bothered "Am I really pestering you?…"
He sighed and lowered his eyes. His fingers moved the tea spoon back and forth a couple of times. He shook his head and forced himself to look at her.
She didn't know whether to believe him or not, but her body loosened up and she smiled "Then it's neither one"
"What should I call you then?" he gazed at her calmly.
"Hermione would be nice…" she flicked both shoulders and raised her palms at him. Trying to invite him to take over her offer.
His lips pursed silently.
"Should I call you Mister Telekinesis, Mister Whisperer or Mister Bad Temper?" She tried the same game with him. Feeling emboldened by the slow shift of the atmosphere around them.
He couldn't stop the smirk this time. It lifted up the side of his mouth "Severus would do" he replied exactly what she had hoped.
"So is this some new level of trust between us?" she huffed and leaned over.
He looked at her confused.
"You know, calling each other by our given names.." she bit her lower lip with a playful smirk.
"Some kind of sorcery beyond my recognition" he hurled back at her trying to keep the mood as light as she did.
She laughed and covered her mouth "I don't know if I am glad or intimidated by the knowledge that you can smile and can also loosen up sometimes"
He pressed his lips and lifted his brow haughtily "Prefer intimidated"
"I am sure you do…" she smiled at her own hands.
He coughed and observed his tea way more intensely than he wanted "Thank you for helping out with my arm today" he whispered quietly. Thanking her about her gentle way of taking him out of his anxiety attack a while back felt too private to touch at that moment.
"Thank you for fixing my car…even though that image will stick with me for life"
"I bet"
"I always forget you are half muggle" she tried to explain how she saw him, knowing that she was probably doing a poor job.
He nodded in understanding "In my current state I resemble more a muggle than a wizard" he gazed at her carefully. His heart pinched him painfully.
She inhaled "Can I dare ask you why you have prohibited yourself from using magic?". One way of helping him was understanding, but would he be willing to give her insight?
He opened his mouth and gazed at her not knowing what to say "It's difficult to explain" he whispered.
"I have all the time in the world, and the rain hasn't abated yet" she looked out the window. Taking a sip from her coffee she observed his profile as he was looking out also. His hair curling up from the rain assault, silver near his forehead and temples, but turning solid black as it reached the back of his head. His brows always well defined and serious, taking no bullshit. His eyes penetrating her very soul with their depth. His stubble giving him a disheveled, but also more approachable look. She observed the sparse dark hair on his forearm and the movement of the defined muscles under his skin for a long time before realising that he had exposed that part of his body at some point.
"Let's just say that all my problems arose when I found out I was a wizard... since my childhood" he spoke slowly weighing each word, so as not to give out too much information.
She looked at him "So banishing magic, might help you get rid of your problems?"
He nodded half heartedly "Close enough"
"Apparently it only made them worse for now you can use the highest level of magic…unwillingly" she treaded carefully, observing each reaction, to make sure she was not overstepping boundaries.
"Correct" he gave a curt nod and looked at the rain once more.
"I have no advice to offer…"
"I don't require one" he whispered without looking at her. The raindrops made him feel in control somehow. Just when his hands begun tightening around his cup, Granger's words of zoning out returned to him.
"I cannot pretend I really know you Profes…" she stopped and he inhaled deeply without averting his eyes from the raindrops "…Severus, but I will admit that I'd like to get to know you better" her voice was low and measured.
"Why?" the question left him unexpectedly.
"I cannot answer that which I do not know" she said honestly and her fingers entwined nervously.
"Good answer" he offered her and drank some tea, enjoying it's warmth. Not even realising that he had silenced out all the noises around him, to concentrate only upon the raindrops and her voice. Something that had a tremendously calming effect on him. She remained silent and he let that silence drift over them for a while before a question popped in his head "Why did you choose to return to Hogwarts?"
She felt taken aback by his question. She raised her brows and licked her lips. It was her turn to remain quiet.
"Since this place offered you such nightmares in the end…why did you come back to it?" he insisted and he turned his head to her. She raised her eyes to meet his. His gaze was burning.
"No one ever asked me this question, and I don't think I have even asked myself…" she tilted her head thoughtfully "Maybe because I want to bring back the happiness of those early years of my life…" she muttered and shivered at how true that was, but above all that she had never realised it until now. Had her life been so dark and sad since the end of the war, that she needed to bring back to it some childhood happiness through Hogwarts? She felt irrevocably sad at that moment and her lips turned down.
His eyes burned the top of her head, but she didn't want to look at him now "You are a mangled one also…" his deep whisper made her shudder one more time. Suddenly her eyes filled with unbidden tears that came out of nowhere. She didn't want him to see her cry.
She covered her eyes with the palm of her hand and pushed herself to stop "I am sorry" she tried to speak but her voice came out broken.
A surprisingly warm, but calloused hand covered hers and a light smell of cedar entered her nostrils. He wrapped his hand around hers and drew it steadily away from her eyes. She pushed the sob down and forced herself to look at him. She didn't want anyone to see her broken. She was the happy, strong and ever collected Hermione Granger. The crease on his brow was deep and his eyes interrogating "It's ok" he whispered slowly. When her hand reposed upon the table, he withdrew his respectfully.
"I don't know what came over me all of a sudden" she tried a smirk that was too sad to feel real and a tissue was offered. She pressed her lips and took it.
"I shouldn't have asked such personal questions" he swallowed feeling his throat dry. Seeing this young woman breaking down in front of him and trying to hide it, had stirred him in unexpected ways.
"You couldn't have known…really" she waved him off and wiped her eyes.
His hand wrapped around her wrist one more time and she felt her back curling inwards at his touch. She looked at him. He lowered her hand and turned her forearm up. His other hand pushed back her sleeve and his finger traced the scar tissue that read 'Mudblood'. She bit the side of her lip and felt more tears welling up. His finger traced all the letters gently, making her skin scorch "But I do know…" he whispered darkly and pulled her closer by the arm. She didn't resist, neither did she want to. She closed her eyes as his hand drew down her shirt at the neck revealing a scarlet scar "Bellatrix branded you for life…" he muttered his eyes drawn deep into her scars. He didn't notice their teaspoons and several napkins levitating above the surface of the table. She nodded and that movement was enough to make him realise just how physical he had become with her. He released her abruptly and all the small items fell back at the table. He looked at them with a deep frown. Thankfully she hadn't noticed.
She kept her eyes closed and she lowered her sleeve "I didn't have it worse than you" her voice was barely audible. Her heart was drumming in her ears and her stomach was in tight knots.
what the hell are you doing?- his mind chastised and he pressed the heel of his palm upon his eyes "Forgive my lack of propriety" he whispered and squeezed his eyes tight.
She rubbed her own eyes and tried to calm down the wild beating of her heart. His words and his touch stirred her more deeply than anticipated "The war has destroyed many people…I am no exception. Unfortunately I am the rule" she tried to make it sound like nothing happened. When in reality her very soul had been shaken, if only for a moment.
He inhaled and tried to calm himself down from that momentary loss of control towards this poor woman "Maybe we should go…the rain seems to have become a steady drizzle" he looked out and felt the tension between them clearing up.
"Which will probably last all day long, you are right" she forced a smile upon her lips even though her arms crossed protectively around her shoulders.
He noticed and felt remorse at making her feel this bad. He raised his hand to catch the attention of the waitress who brought over the bill. Hermione made a move to get her purse but the strictness in his eyes forestalled her. He paid and then soon enough they were walking out in the streets silently. After that unexpectedly deep conversation in the coffee house, neither wanted to renew any talk. They walked calmly next to each other. Buried in their own thoughts. Hermione trying to understand at which point exactly she lost her cool, and Severus at how easily he had become physical with her. Throwing all sense of propriety out the window. When they reached the gates, none stopped, neither did they try to split ways. They seemed comfortable enough to accompany each other to the main entrance. That is where Snape stopped and forced her to look at him.
"I need to go to Hagrid's" he lifted his bag trying to offer her a gentle explanation why he couldn't go any further with her.
She sighed and a sad smile appeared on her lips "And I need to sort out my new ingredients" she lifted her own bags "Thank you for accompanying me today Severus" she didn't hesitate on his name "And thank you for helping me out with the apothecary. It's going to be my new favourite place from now on" she tried a lighter tone, which fell empty as neither of them was in a particularly pleasant mood.
"Never mind" he brushed her off.
"And thank you for the car" she added.
The side of his lip uplifted.
She sighed again "See you tomorrow morning then". She didn't move to get away from him though. Something made her wait for his affirmation that she was indeed going to see him tomorrow.
"Of course" he gave her a curt nod.
She waved at him and forced herself to turn around and walk away. Every single cell in her body wanted to turn her around and plant a kiss on his cheek, but knowing that wouldn't receive a good welcome she crashed that need under the cruel thumb of her mind. When she finally made it to her apothecary she realised that she was unable to function and that sorting out anything today would be a total loss of time. She decided to return to Libby and Teddy and she found them reading Solomon's adventure on the couch. Libby had cooked spaghetti for both her and the child and she had saved a plate for Hermione also. Something that she appreciated deeply as she was in no mood to do anything. She ate, and laid down at the couch listening to Libby reading the story with an animated but smooth voice. Soon enough she was overtaken by a dreamless sleep. Neither Libby nor Teddy bothered her as she slept straight into the afternoon.