Author's Note: Here is chapter 11. I apologize if characters are OOC. I try my best. There may be errors in this one because I was tired when I was reading it over. I kept falling asleep. Sorry peoples.

Disclaimer:I do not own Shaman King. Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei.

Chapter 11:

"Damn it, it's not coming," Horohoro swore, a frown marring his face.

I perked up. "What?" I asked. "The baby?"

"No!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. Well, someone was exasperated. "The bus!"

I groaned. We were back in the desert again, wandering around the dry, barren lands with no trees for miles. The sun burnt my skin, and I meant that literally. Like I said before, I had pale skin, and let me tell you this—pale skin does not fair well in open sunlight.

It was so hot I could practically see the heat waves rolling off the dirt ground. This was so not my type of weather.

Sweat dribbled down my forehead. Drenched strands of my pink bangs clung to my skin, sticky with sweat. My throat was so dry and sore, I swore the climate had turned my own mouth into the Sahara Desert. I licked my dry lips, but there was not a drop of moisture left on my tongue. That was so not right. How could I be sweating buckets out here, and yet not have any saliva left? Dude, that is so messed up.

"Oh my god," I breathed exhaustedly, fanning my face. "I'm dying of dehydration here. Someone pul-lease cool me down."

"But you're sitting in the shade!" Horohoro cried.

Ren had spotted some bus stop in the middle of the desert, and so that's exactly where we had ended up resting. I personally thought it was a phony, I mean seriously, who puts a bus stop in the middle of nowhere? It's not like a bus is actually going to come.

Well, then again, I guess I didn't have a right to complain. After all, I was the one living in a house that was in the middle of a desert, in the middle nowhere, and three hours away from civilization.

But anyway, I thought it would be the perfect place of rest, seeing as the bus stop had a nice shaded booth, protecting me from the sun's harsh rays. And yet somehow, I was still dying from the overwhelming heat.

I always knew I wasn't a desert person.

I shrugged. "So?"

"So? What are you talking about, so? You're sitting in the shade relaxing while I'm standing out here waiting for the bus!" he exclaimed, glaring at me.

I shrugged again, rolling my eyes. "You're an idiot."

"What?" Horohoro screeched. He sounded mad, but something in his eyes told me he only thought of this as a small banter between friends.

Friends, huh? I scoffed.

Irritation bubbled up inside of me. I was annoyed, though I wasn't sure what at. Normally, I wasn't this short tempered. I wasn't one for arguing, yet somehow, I felt like…I don't know. I didn't know what I felt like. I grimaced, slightly befuddled.

Like the cold, the extreme temperatures of the desert must have been getting to me.

"I said you're an idiot." I repeated slowly, stressing each word. "I mean, only an idiot would wear their coat in weather like this."

"Who are you calling an idiot—

He halted, cutting himself off. "Hey, wait a second…" he paused thoughtfully. "Why am I wearing a coat in this weather?"

"Because you're an idiot," I reasoned, sighing heavily.

"Hey!" he cried angrily. "You're the idiot!"

I frowned at him. "Why am I the idiot? I took off my coat the minute we entered the desert, unlike some other people."I shot meaningful glance at Horohoro.

I watched with interest as he growled, grinding his teeth together in irritation. Wow, I must have really been grating down on his nerves for him to be acting like some untamed lion.

Horohoro whirled around and plopped down on the ground with his chin in his hand, huffing to himself. He continued to silently fume, sending angry glares at me every once in a while.

What a baby.

Another hour passed. The bud had yet to come. We were in no such luck. And Horohoro was still acting like a baby. Eventually, I gave in. I sighed heavily, closing my eyes and shaking my head. I was tired of feeling holes getting burned into my head.

"Look," I finally said, completely and utterly exasperated. "If you don't want to take off your coat, then fine—don't.

He huffed, letting out a big gust of air. Great, he was still being annoying. Like I said, Horohoro was a big, big baby.

By the way, babies are not cute.

I furrowed my brow, pouting. "You don't have to get so mad."

Yoh chuckled beside me. "Don't worry, Keiko. He'll snap out of it sooner or later."

I groaned in desperation, dropping my head into my hands. "But you guys are so lucky. I mean, if I were a boy, I would totally take off my shirt. It is way too hot out here."

Horohoro instantly brightened, swiveling around with a lecherous grin on his face. Next to me, Ryu had drool hanging out of his mouth. Okay, I did not even want to know what kind of perverted fantasies they were having. That is just so gross. Not to mention inappropriate and immoral.

I flushed bright red, blood rushing to my cheeks. "No-no," I protested, waving my arms in front of my face frantically. "I didn't mean it that way!"

Horohoro snickered, a teasing glint in his eye. "Are you sure? I'm sure you would love to take off your shirt and show everyone what's under it."

I was just itching to punch his face in. But somehow, I didn't think that would go over well with Yoh, so I had to restrain myself.

My blush deepened, now a beat red, quite noticeable against my pale skin. I stiffened. "Well, I'msure you would love to see it," I countered.

"There's nothing to see, anyway," Horohoro quickly retorted. He smirked impishly at my reddened face, half of the blush from embarrassment and half from anger.

How dare he say that! And it wasn't even true. At least, I didn't think it was. For Pete's sake, I was only twelve, and although I have no intention of revealing any personal information (cough-cup size-cough cough), I knew I wasn't flat. I felt my embarrassment becoming more and more like anger.

Yoh chuckled nervously. "Um…Settle down…?" he mumbled, a sore attempt of calming me down.

Okay, screw Yoh and what he thought. I was going to punch some sense into Horohoro and no one was going to stop me.

I growled, jumping out of my seat. "Perverted bastard!" I yelled.

Screaming like that felt good. Immature, yes. Stupid, yes. Unlike both the real-Keiko and fake-Keiko, yes.

And yet, somehow, screaming like that and getting mad over absolutely nothing felt so good. So…relieving. It was like taking something off my shoulders.

It was a strange revelation to have. I didn't understand it at all, and yet, at the same time, a part of me did. Acting childishly was acting as my stress-reliever. But why?

I wasn't stressed. The only thing I had to worry about was Hao. And keeping my secrets. And deceiving Yoh. And deceiving a whole big group of people. And surviving a bunch of shaman fights. And getting to Patch Village alive. And---

Okay, so maybe I did have a lot of worry about.

But that feeling of relief wasn't the only thing I felt as I argued with Horohoro. I felt another emotion. So odd and unfamiliar to me. I had never felt it before. It was like a feeling of warmth, of happiness, of…friendship?

But that couldn't be. Inwardly, I shook my head. I didn't need friends. I didn't even have friends. Yoh and Horohoro and all the others—even Anna were just...toys. Like in chess. They were the pawns in a game of chess, moved in accordance to the players plan. They were tossed away carelessly, just small things that were used until they weren't needed anymore.

Besides, how could arguing be a form of friendship? On second thought, scratch that. If Horohoro and Ren could pull off that kind of weird enemy/friend/rival relationship, then I guessed it was possible, no matter how obscure the idea was to me.

But Horohoro and me having a good-hearted, friendly quarrel? I thought not. That would never work out. I wasn't like Ren or Horohoro. Ren may have denied his need for a friend, but for me, it was true. I really didn't need anyone except myself.

No really, I didn't.

So why did I feel like I was more of reassuring myself than confirming a fact?

"Flat-chested wimp!" Horohoro yelled back.

I should have been insulted, humiliated, or even enraged. There was no doubt about that, but somehow…somehow I felt kind of…elated that he and I were fighting. I felt kind of happy that maybe, just maybe he and I could have as deep a friendship as Ren and him had.

I kind of felt like I wanted a friend I could quarrel with about the stupidest of things and yet still be friends.

...What the hell was wrong with me?

I gritted my teeth together. "What did you say?" I snapped.

"Hey, morons," Ren interrupted.

I shifted my gaze away from Horohoro to glare at Ren. "What?" I snapped.

"Shut up," he said firmly. I glowered at him. What right did he have to command me around? God, it wasn't like I was his dog.

Hey, wait a second. Is he blushing?

I narrowed my eyes, squinting, and just as I had thought, there was the slightest touch of pink spread across his cheeks.

"Oh my," I said. I turned away from Horohoro, our argument forgotten. Well, not forgotten. More like, put to the side so I could do other things more entertaining. Like teasing Ren.

I couldn't believe Ren was blushing just because Horohoro had mentioned boobs. But whatever. I guessed everyone had their own little quirks.

A smirk curled the edges of lips up. "Is little Renny blushing?" I asked slyly.

Horohoro's head snapped around. "What? What?" he yelled, his eyes wide. "Let me see, let me see!"

Ren's blush deepened, now more noticeable. "I am not blushing!" he growled. He closed his eyes and snapped his head to the side.

"Hey!" I cried. "Stop lying! And don't turn away, I want to see it!"

He let out another growl, but otherwise ignored me.

I snickered, delighted by my new source of entertainment. I sauntered over to where Ren stood, leaning against the bus stop. Smirking impishly, I nudged his shoulder and tugged on his arm. Glaring furiously, he turned to look at me.

"What?" he snarled.

I laughed and let go of his arm. "Ren's an innocent soul," I said between chuckles. "Horohoro, make sure you don't corrupt him."

Ren looked like he was going to kill me. But the now bright shade of red his face had turned was enough to cancel his killing intent out. Instead, he just looked like a kicked puppy.

I smiled cheekily. "Ren's blushing," I teased playfully. "He's all red in the face."

"I already told you," he snapped defensively. "I am not blushing."

I laughed again. I watched with amusement as he began to blush even more. Dude, I should totally have gotten an award for making the coldest person on Earth blush.

I reached up and poked his cheek. "Really?" I asked, grinning. "'Cause I think it's kind of cute."

He flushed tomato red. He was so red I didn't know how he could even get that red to begin with.

But like I said, it was kind of cute.

But, to my great disappointment, Ren was quick to collect himself. He cleared his throat, his blush now cleared away.

Ren stood firmly in front of the bus stop with his arms against his chest. "Let me ask you something. Why is there a bus stop in a place like this?"

"Um…"I began. "Because there is?" I offered.

Wait a second....he just changed the topic! Ha, he was totally busted. Horohoro was totally going to notice.

"Hey wait! You're the one who found the bus stop first!" Horohoro yelled in Ren's face.

Or not. Wow, their stupidity never failed to surprise me.

"Yeah," I said. "But he never--

"I only said it was a good place to rest. I never said anything about waiting for a bus," he replied calmly.

But of course, I was ignored. Typical behavior of self-centered, completely retarded, mentally ill jerks.

I pouted, feeling miffed.

See? I told you I could never be friends with them. I mean, what kind of friendship grows off of one person who is constantly lying (that would be me, but of course, I always lie for a good cause…kind of) and a few other people who think said liar is a complete air-headed dimwit, who is too weak to protect themselves, who never has anything worth listening to?

Okay, so some of those ideas were probably all my fault for projecting that image into their minds, but I never tried to make myself come off as some person with no brain. I mean, I was glad they thought I was really weak, because in all actuality I was, but I swear I wasn't stupid.

They could protect me all they wanted with their big, powerful oversouls. I was all for bodyguards. Actually, I was hoping they would protect me. Especially from Hao. One day, that dude was going to kill me. No joke. When he found out I had the book he would probably maim me until I gave it to him.

…No, I didn't mean that Johnny Learns How To Eat Healthy By Baking Chicken Pie book Daddy got me for my third birthday (I loved that book). I meant the book. The book. How about I capitalize it for importance? The Book. Now does that sound better?

Okay, so anyway, Hao would do anything to get his hands on The Book. Honestly, I wasn't very fond of the thing myself, but it was kind of my duty to protect it, so…

Not that I really cared about duties. I didn't even understand why I bothered. It was Mom's book, anyway. How irresponsible, shoving your duties onto a daughter you didn't even want. Why couldn't she have given it to Brother? He was older than me.

Oh right, I forgot. He couldn't see spirits. My bad.

But knowing me, and how much I valued my life (unlike some people), there was no way I was going to throw my life away for some retarded book. I didn't care how powerful the spells inside it were.

Mom said it was really important to keep it safe, because if it got into the wrong hands, the person could destroy the world. But ask yourself, how cliché is that? How many times have you watched a TV show and heard that same line?

Really, I thought Mom was lying. I knew the book was powerful, after all, I had used it before, but I didn't think it was that powerful. She probably thought she could fool me, me being four-years old and all. Besides, if you asked me, Hao was already going to rule the world anyway, so what was the harm in him having a little extra power?

Not that I was going to just hand the book over to him and be done with it. That would seem to be the easiest answer, but since he dreamed of killing off all humans and weak shamans, I would be included in that weak shaman category, and I liked my life, thank you very much. So basically I was doomed either way.

Sure, I could burn the book. Not. Believe me, I tried. The book had some stupid barrier or something. That was so not cool.

I sighed and shook my head, focusing back in on the present. Great, Ren and Horohoro were still arguing. I wished they would shut up.

"Hey," I said.

They kept yelling.

I grimaced, slightly peeved.

Seriously, I don't care if I come off sounding as some doinky women's rights campaigner, but I really did not want to be ignored, especially when I was trying to be humorous. It may not have taken a lot of effort to think up stupid comments (I think I got that from my…ugh, Mom. Acting stupidly is totally in my blood. At least I'm not completely stupid, like some idiot Mom and brother of mine), but when I actually chose to say them in order to preserve my image, I liked to be heard. Do you hear me? Heeeeeeard.

I would have understood if I were saying something mean (like what I'm always thinking), because hey, no one wants to hear mean things, but I was actually trying to be nice. Comedy lightens up the atmosphere. It makes people laugh. I may not have been that stupid, innocent, and total goof of a girl I tried to come off as, but I did believe in good humor.

"Hey guys…" I tried again.

"Isn't it obvious a bus will come if we wait at a bus stop?" Horohoro argued, talking over me.

"Why is there even a bus stop here in the first place?" Ren retorted coolly.

"Hey," I repeated, slightly louder.

Horohoro glared at Ren. "According to you, you said---

"Like I said, why would a bus come all the way to the middle of nowhere?" Ren asked again.

"Hey," I raised my voice even more.

"What? Are you thinking at all?" Horohoro spat.

"Are you stupid?" Ren asked.

"Hey!" I said, my voice almost a yell.

"What did you say? That's it! Step outside!"

I gritted my teeth, feeling a glower making its way onto my normally bright face.

"Aren't we already outside?"

"Damn it, you're pissing me off--

"Shut up!" I bellowed, finally releasing all that pent up irritation.

I expected them to look at me, gawk at me, or even laugh at me for that sudden, out of character outburst of mine.

But no. Instead, they all looked at Lyserg, who surprisingly, had yelled at them to shut up at the exact same time I had.

Normally, I would have been pleased that I had finally acquired the skill of unison. But not now. Not when I had totally yelled my head off, and even though I was standing right next to them, Ren and Horohoro had completely ignored me, in favor of Lyserg.

Because yeah, Lyserg yelled so much louder than I did. Not.

I glowered furiously. I swear, my body was trembling in anger. I was so done with being ignored. If they wanted to ignore me—fine! I was leaving.

I stomped off in the opposite direction. I didn't care that I was being completely rash and hot headed. I officially hated being ignored more than anything else in the world.

I ignored it when I heard Lyserg cry out in surprise, and then a bunch of battle cries and yelling from behind me. If they could ignore me, then I could ignore them. As they say, an eye for an eye. Ha! See how much they like that?

Hearing a loud crash from behind me, I snuck a glance back out of curiosity. Oh great, they were fighting some new shaman dude with his McDonalds Happy Meal Toy oversoul. What the hell? Did Hao send him? Oh yeah, I bet he did. Hao's a crazy stalker like that, you know?

I narrowed my eyes and snapped my head back around, walking faster than before. I told myself they were just pieces that could be stepped over and forgotten. I told myself it didn't hurt that they hadn't even noticed I was gone yet. I told myself I didn't care that it looked like they were losing back there.

Yet, as I walked away from it all, I couldn't help but notice that sharp pang stabbing me in the chest.

What had I gotten myself into?

I sighed. I was completely and utterly lost. Trust me to stomp off on a stupid whim and end up in the middle of nowhere. Only I would do that.

I groaned loudly, collapsing on the ground. I blamed PMS for my random mood swings and strange behavior lately. Forget the fact I didn't have my period.

A breeze rustled my hair, whisking stray strands in front of my face. A frown marred my face as I stared up at the pinkness, the evil, evil pinkness.

I hated Mom and her pink hair. It was a wonder why Brother didn't inherit the pink hair too. Why did I get it, and he not? It would be perfect for him, I mean, he was the evil one. Okay, so maybe I was a teensy bit crooked too, but I blamed that on genetics. I must've gotten that from Mom.

A grain of sand blew into my mouth. "Bleh," I gagged, coughing and sputtering. Let me tell you, sand does not taste like chicken. Don't let your best friend fool you.

"That was nasty," I said to myself.

I waited, and waited, and waited, but no one answered. The wind blew across the desert, stirring up the sand around me. Tumbleweed rolled by.

I sighed and shook my head. What was I doing? It was so silly, talking to myself when I was clearly the only one around for miles. And yet, the silence felt so… awkward. It was almost as if I expected Horohoro or Ren or Yoh or someone to pop out of nowhere and start yelling.

I frowned. I was getting too attached. It was never good to stay with the same people for very long. That would cause you to develop unwanted ties that could hinder you later on in life. See, I knew I should've stayed away from Yoh. But no, I just had to go with them and look at where it got me.

In the middle of nowhere.

And with no one around, no one to talk to, and a strong longing for a friend, a companion—someone who I could count on to always be there for me.

How stupid.

I could not believeonly a small bit of time spent with Yoh and his friends had turned me into this…dependent, stupid monster who wanted nothing more than a friend, someone who would pretend to be loyal, and then desert her later. I couldn't believe I was pedaling backwards in time—back to the time where I was ignorant and naïve and trusted anyone who so as much smiled at me. I couldn't believe my resolve to never be like that again—to never trust, to never be tricked, to never ever be hurt like that again was so fragile that it could be shattered by just the weakest touch of friendship.

I couldn't believe it. I simply could not believe it.

I sighed again and rolled onto my stomach. I was so exhausted.

Closing my eyes, I rested in the soothing darkness. I expected the familiar silence to be comforting, but it wasn't. Instead, it was unnerving. I frowned. I didn't understand! I used to love it. I used to cherish it. It was all that I had wanted. So why was it that now—now, I yearned for there to be someone beside me, filling that silence for me?

As I lay there, basking in the desert's harsh rays with my eyes closed, the yearning became stronger and stronger. I missed Yoh and his calm, yet wise words. I missed Horohoro and his annoying tendency to pick fights. I missed Ren and his cold words that concealed his real emotions. I missed Ryu and his strange haircut. I'll admit it—I even missed Lyserg and his angsty-ness.

Slowly, that yearning morphed into a strong desperation. I needed someone to be with. I didn't want to be alone anymore. No, it was so lonely being by myself. I wasn't sure how I had gone all those years alone. I needed someone. It didn't matter who. It could've been Hao for all I cared.

Keru, my mind whispered to me, you have Keru.

And it was true. I did. I wasn't alone---I had Keru. I could let Keru out of his tablet---

I stiffened, my eyes snapping wide open.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I could not –no, would not do that. Not unless I was in a shaman fight. I had vowed—frickin vowed to the god of shamans that I would never, ever forget what had happened. That I would never treat him as more than a tool. That I would never even think about forgiving him.

I frowned. But…it was still company, wasn't it? I wouldn't be doing anything wrong if I only talked to him for a little bit. Just a little bit. It couldn't hurt…

I sighed, giving in to the temptation. "Keru," I called, extracting his gray, stone tablet his spirit rested in from the pocket of my coat.

A small knot tightened in my stomach as I laid my eyes on the small spirit before me. I bit my lip and immediately averted my gaze away. I didn't like to look at him. He was a traitor.

I liked to think I didn't need him, but I knew that was a lie. He was my only spirit, and a powerful one at that. With my own weak shaman abilities and low furyoku, I needed someone like him. I hated him so much, but both Hyoui Gattai and Oversoul were so easy with him. It unnerved me so much to think about why it was possible that the two of us were able to converge so easily.

It meant that we had the same goal, that we were capable of thinking the same way, that we could become one. And it scared me. It scared me that I was able to think like him. It scared me that we could have the same goal. It scared me. It really, honest-to-goodnesss scared me.

The bond we had between us when we merged was enough to shock many shamans. It made us powerful. It made us formidable. We shared thoughts and goals and dreams. We became one. And I knew why too. We did not share the bond of friendship, or comradeship or whatever Yoh liked to call it. It was the bond of blood we shared. The same blood running through our veins connected us in a way that nothing else could.

"Master?" Keru squeaked in Koala language. No, I didn't know Koala language, but he was my spirit, so I could understand him.

I snapped my attention back to him. "Do not speak unless spoken to," I growled irritably.

"My apologizes," he said coolly, bowing his head.

I sat in silence once again, just staring up at the blue sky forlornly. There was not a white wisp of cloud in sight, neither a tree to provide shade. I was so bored.

Eventually, the silence became overbearing. I rolled onto my side, ignoring the grains of sand sticking to the side of my arm, and just stared at Keru.

I thought about him. He wasn't much company, not a warm fellow at all. But I guessed I wasn't very good company to him either. I didn't let him talk unless I gave him permission. I rarely let him out of the tablet. I hated him with all my heart. But it was okay. It was justified. At least, in my mind it was. I decided he totally deserved that.

He'd betrayed me, so now he had to pay for it. Now, he was stuck as my spirit—my tool. Forget Yoh's cheesy speeches, I didn't give a damn whether or not my spirit had feelings, or how much my actions affected him. He didn't deserve my concern, nor my respect, and I wasn't about to give him any.

But he was here. And he was someone. Someone I could talk to.

I sighed and flopped back on my back. I gazed up at the sky, squinting at the overly bright sun looming overhead. It burned my eyes. I flung an arm over my eyes to shield them from the sun's harsh rays.

"Keru?" I mumbled.

He jumped, clearly startled that I was addressing him. I couldn't blame him though; I didn't talk to him a lot. "Yes, Master?"

I paused. Truthfully, I didn't know what. I'd merely acted on instinct. I hadn't really had anything to say. I'd just wanted to talk, to say something, to fill the silence. "…Nothing," I said.

I closed my eyes, trying to block out the world. I could feel Keru's curious gaze boring into the back of my head. He was suspicious, perhaps, of my strange, out-of-character behavior, but obviously, he chose not to say anything.

The seconds ticked by, each one prolonged by the uncomfortable silence I was immersed in. I shifted from side to side, rolling around in the sand like a pig in mud, but I could not shake that urge I felt deep within me. It had permanently lodged itself in the pit of my stomach like a bullet, slowly sinking deeper and deeper into my core.

I furrowed my brow. What was I doing? I was supposed to be independent. I was supposed to be strong. I was supposed to be able to stand on my own two feet and support the weight of my own problems on my own shoulders, without the help of anyone else. I'd been alone since Dad died—since I was six. Sure, Brother was still there, but he was quick to abandon me—dump me in someone else's hands.

Surely—surely if I could survive alone when I was six, I could survive now.

So then why did I feel so miserable lying out there in the desert alone with no one to talk to?

I gave in. I caved. I let my desire consume me. Because at that moment, I was weak and vulnerable. I needed someone—anyone to be there with me. Someone that I could rest some of the weight onto. Someone who could help hold me up.

"Keru?" I tried again. I refused to look at him. I felt so ashamed, so bashful. I couldn't believe I was doing this, but I was. I was fraternizing with the enemy. I really, really was.

"Yes, Master?" Keru asked.

"What are you thinking about?"

He hesitated. I could tell he was surprised. It showed when he took a sharp intake of breath at my words. I wondered what he thought I was going to say. "Nothing much," he finally said, eyeing me warily.

"Tell me," I insisted firmly.

I honestly didn't really care what he was thinking about. I'll admit I was curious, because come on, if I wasn't, then what kind of person would I be? We all know we want to be psychics. But really, I didn't care about what he said, as long as he said something. I wanted to talk to someone. I wanted to hear someone's voice.

"Well, truth be told, I was wondering what you were thinking about," he said, a guarded edge to his voice.

"Oh," I said shortly. I didn't know what else to say. Usually, I didn't initiate conversations—I just jumped in them. What could I say that would get this conversation steered away from becoming the Most Awkward Conversation of the Year?

Well, I guessed now was the time to use a question that could get us into an argument. You know, because arguments always last really long and they help pass the time.

"…So, what do you think about the president's new tax policy?" I asked. Ah… and here, this is where you bring politics into play. Keru was into those things back when he was human, wasn't he?

"What policy?" he asked, bewilderment written across his fuzzy, Australian koala features.

I sighed. Oops. I'd forgotten I'd locked him up in the tablet. When he was in there, he didn't have newspapers or TVs to entertain himself with.

I felt silly. I felt so stupid and awkward and nervous. And it just made it worse that I knew making conversation with my spirit shouldn't have been this hard. I knew words should have came easily. I'd known him all my life. He'd known me all his life.

We were family.

And as much as I hated to admit it, he was my brother.

My brother.

My frickin' asshole of a brother.

Please excuse the swear words.

But I felt like I'd lost something. Lying here out in the sun, carrying out a conversation with my brother and my spirit and my enemy all at the same time, was so hard. It was wrong how hard it was to talk to him. I felt like we'd lost that bond that family had with each other. The kind where they can tell each other anything and give each other all their trust without worrying. Or maybe--maybe that bond between us never existed.

Maybe it was only I that had felt like it was there.

After all, it had been Keru who had sent me there. He had been the one to accuse me of lying. He had been the one to hurt me first.

So now, here I was, traveling around with him as my spirit, treating him as my tool. I liked to think that I was getting revenge, that I was hurting him back, but sometimes it just didn't feel that way. It felt like I was just being petty and he didn't deserve whatever punishments I dumped onto him.

Those were the times when I would sit alone, curled up in a ball in the corner of a room, rocking myself to sleep because I didn't want anyone to touch me, and also because no one wanted to touch me anyways. Those were the times when I felt so incredibly lonely, all on my own with no one to help me. Those were also the times when I would loathe Keru and Mom and mourn for my dead dad.

Those were times that now, as I sat here in the sun., I looked back upon and saw my stupidity, my vulnerability, my foolishness, and resolved to never be like that again.

The wind whipped my hair into my face, bringing me back to reality. I sat up, opening my eyes and blinking the light out of my eyes.

I was different now. I was stronger. I was older. I thought about all those times I felt hopeless. My face hardened, my goals set back into place.

That's right. I couldn't be side-tracked. I only had one dream—one goal, one reason to live.

And that was for myself.

I wouldn't allow myself to be swayed by Yoh and his friends. I would go back to them, yes, but this time, I wouldn't' allow myself to be weakened by their false sense of friendship.

I wouldn't be fooled.

Not again.

Not this time.

"Keru," I commanded, my voice cold and firm.

I would no longer waver.

"We're going," I said.

I stood and began to walk back where I'd come from, tracing my footsteps back.

I knew Keru was surprised—astonished that I hadn't sent him back to the tablet, but this time—this time I wouldn't do that.

Because now, as I walked back in my footsteps, I realized that the real reason I had kept him locked up in there was not because I wanted to torture him—it was because of my weakness. It was because I couldn't stand to face him and see what we had become. It was because no matter what I had convinced myself of, I was still that stupid, naive little girl that cowered in the sight of everything.

It was then that I made up my mind. My strides were long and powerful, my head held high. My gaze was strong and piercing.

I would no longer run away. I would face my problems. I would face my fears.

And never again would I cower in front of fear.

Instead, fear would cower in front of me.

End of chapter 11.

Please Review.

Tell me what you guys think Ren thinks about her right now.

By the way, if this clears anything up, Keru, her Koala spirit, is her brother, who was once human and alive. Something happened that turned him into the way he is now.

-Cookie Krisp