I knew I had been dragged about a mile down river by the speed of the water and I was lame in every muscle due to the strength of the current and pulling myself out of the surf, I managed to get on my feet and climbed the small hill and pathway to the main bridge marker that was about a half mile away. I limped as I hit the trail and heard the SUV coming at speed down the pathway, I sat at the side of the road and leaned against a massive tree as they spotted me and Ed and Brian came running out across to me.
"Team we've made contact with Fraser, marker 35 on the trail – send EMS!" Ed ordered.
I was in Ed's arms with a huge blanket around me and he was putting some dressings on my scrapes and bruises that were blooming all over my legs and arms, I was a hell of a lot calmer now since I got the mixed bag of emotions out of my system and sorted out what the hell happened in my head – I was just happy to see anyone! EMS arrived and twenty minutes later I was sitting in the back of the ambulance with thermal blankets wrapped around me, Brian had just finished yelling at me for putting myself in danger again to save people – he was furious because he knew me from Bastion and was well aware of what I was capable of in the job and outside, but this was a step too far on a day off!
The other SUV screeched to a halt and Spike came running up to me and swept me off my feet in a massive hug, he had been crying and by my guesses Parker had to calm him down again – great, that was going to cause problems! I kissed him and showed him that apart from a couple of bruises I was perfectly fine and not traumatized, I also apologised to him for giving him a scare and re-assured him I was alright; Parker and Ed came over after a few moments and ordered me to the barn for debrief and a hot shower, neither of them were happy. I nodded, rolled my eyes behind their backs and Spike helped me into the SUV that was taking me back to the barn, he held my hand all the way there and would not let go even inside the building; making sure that he could hear me at all times once I was showering and getting warm again.
Thirty minutes after arrival at the barn I stepped out of the changing room and saw team three and half of team one waiting on me in the gym, none of them looked happy and I was ordered into the briefing room where I was handed a blanket and a huge mug of tea and ordered to sit on my ass and shut up. I did as I was 'asked' and took a deep breath as the room filled up and the shutters came down over the door and the blinders closed; I really was in deep shit – not the best way to end the day but I didn't ask for him to pull a weapon out and kill the other man. The leaders of the team, Parker and Ed sat down opposite me, Spike and Sam were behind me with the rest of the others, the atmosphere in the room was colder than the river – this was going to be nasty.
"Would you care to explain to us all in this room how your day went from a nice quiet jog in the woods to a rescue in the river turning into a lethal shot being taken? Because if I am right, and I have my moments, you aren't on duty today and you deliberately put yourself into a dangerous situation and ended up at the working end of a knife, a 40mm and then taking a swim in a swollen river and nearly being drowned – and that was after calling a Scorpio shot." Brian started.
"We were jogging, saw a crowd of people on the bridge and then my training kicking in, I reacted after doing a split second assessment as I am trained to do and the results outweighed the risks. It was a simple operation to remove them by harness and then secure them until support arrived; I didn't even see the weapons in play until they were trained on us, by then the situation had turned south and there was nothing I could do but try and negotiate for release." I replied matter of factly.
"And what happened next?" he demanded.
"The man holding the firearm began splitting, going from confused to concerned, distraught to focused; my guess he was suffering from MPD, BPD and also HTSS – his mood was unpredictable and there was also signs of CMB, possible heavy regular use." I stated.
"Do you want to dumb that down for us, not all of us have a nursing degree!" Brian stated sharply.
I snapped my eyes up to him and growled.
"Then do yourself a favour and read a book, there is even ones with pictures if you need it!" I replied sharply.
Both of us had stood up and the whole room was tense, Sam shoved me back on my seat as Parker eased down Brian who was furious, I knew not at me, but with the whole situation that we all knew was out of his hands due to the angles involved. Sam kept his hands on my shoulder and squeezed lightly to tell me to calm myself down and take a breather; I looked at Brian – I couldn't even look at the boss or Ed who were just staring at me.
"I knew what I was doing and what could happen if things went south and I accepted that the moment I made my decision to go help them on the rocks, my training kicked in, all of my training and I was hyper aware of what was going on and where it was happening – how do you think I was able to communicate with Spike and Sam by hand signs – because I trained them in scuba language so they knew my intentions – I was never alone down there and I am better in water than you know, I've swam in some of the wildest waters in the world and survived – sure as hell not letting a swollen river in Toronto beat me!" I replied.
"You were in the direct line of fire on numerous counts, you had a deranged man with a knife against your throat – you could have been killed in front of…..do you….can you see the problems we are seeing here Mackenzie – we know you knew what you were doing – it's how quickly you put yourself into the situation that is causing us concern. We trust you and would follow you anywhere because you have proved yourself some many times beforehand – but this was reckless and it screams out to us all that you may be slipping back into old habits and require help – don't you use that?" Ed hissed.
I sat there with my mouth half open at that statement from Ed, did I actually hear him properly – he thinks I need help after this afternoons events?
"Ed I did my job, I feel like shit that it was a complete failure but I sure as hell don't need help, I'll go to the shrink for a decompression debrief, but I've had enough of shrinks in my lifetime – boss if you want to talk to me then fine, but no to the shrink!" I replied.
"I'm agreeing with everyone else, you have a compulsory meeting with Dr Walker tomorrow afternoon to talk about what went down today, I will be in the room if you want me there so no decisions are made against you unless deemed worthy." Parker replied.
"Boss this is unfair, I did my job…."
"What you should have done was negotiate from the bridge and not put yourself in danger, I told you it was a bad judgement call and I could have lost you on numerous occasions today – you're going to the shrink and you're going to get everything out or I swear to god I will strangle you myself and make sure you never work for the SRU again!"
I looked at Spike in shock, the whole room was silent at the outburst and I bit back a really nasty comment, knowing he was just angry and scared from the incident. I nodded and told Parker I would be at the meeting if he would send me the details once he found them out and I hit the buttons to open the shutter and walked out of the SRU. I headed to the car I had left here and got in, it took me twenty minutes to get home and I climbed into the bed five minutes later and cried – Spike had never humiliated me before and to do it at work was unforgivable as it made me appear weak.
Back at the barn the room had emptied apart from Spike, Parker and Ed who were watching him pace about the room; he was furious and neither of the other men knew what do say to get him to calm down – Ed flinched as he remembered what Spike had shouted at me.
"Spike I get that you are seriously pissed off and not at Mac, but you just humiliated her in front of everyone she works with and gave her an ultimatum about her job; a job she loves and has worked really hard to excel at!" Greg said gently.
"You didn't see how quickly she jumped into action on that bridge, how quickly she took charge and put herself at risk – I thought I was screwed up during our week away – did anyone check on how she was handling it – to see if she needed the support I got?" he retorted.
"Of course we did and you are well aware of that – Ed and the rest of the team only found out two days ago what had happened and they were distraught they had missed the signs and not come to help you both sooner! She disappeared for two days to go hiking up in Ryker Ridge without telling anyone her plans, we were furious when we found out and I sorted her out the day you arrived home – how do you think she was finished early when we were two men down in the team with no support?" Sam replied.
Spike was still pacing the room but was a little slower and had calmed his breathing down to think straight about what had been said during the meeting. I had used my judgement, I had back-up and asked Spike to call for back-up immediately from the ERS due to possible equipment we might need for rescue; I had training I relied on and I told him my plans – the weapons were out of my control and I used my natural instincts when push came to shove. He sat down on the end chair hard, rubbing his face as he figured it out and mentally kicked himself in the head repeatedly, he was going to have to seriously apologise and smooth things over with the other teams. Ed and Greg both looked at each other and nodded to the rest of the guys to leave them alone for a moment while they dealt with a small matter of who might need back up once they dropped Spike home – me or him?
"You have three days left before you're due to come back on shift and you need to make this right with her Spike, you are both loved and too hot headed when it comes to each other sometimes – but she did right today and she had to only apologise for scaring us with the water stunt and the Scorpio she had to call – SIU may have a field day with that one on top of her already being sued for medical malpractice. She has to deal with a lot of different aspects of this role on top of what has happened recently and she is doing remarkably well for herself with no guidance – but you have to stop second guessing her judgement – she's military and SF trained by the same guys who trained Sam, she is a qualified sniper and medic and she is a member of Toronto's number one SWAT team! That is a tall order for a young woman of 29 years old who had a rocky landing in her career and then bounced back – this could destroy her and that is something none of us want!" Ed cautioned.
Spike just stood up and ran out the door towards the main entrance, neither of the other men followed him and they both just looked at each other and smirked.
"God help them when they have kids – half Italian half Scottish – god helps us if they join SRU!"
"He has kind of proposed, before the breakdown, they thought she was pregnant – it was the added stress that broke him down – we'll need to keep an eye on them for a bit – keep them off tactical unless necessary!"
"Copy that boss!" Ed replied.
I had calmed down after letting everything out on the bed and had got all the anger out with some well-aimed throws of the knives in the back fence, apparently no squirrels come into our garden now! I was sitting at the piano waiting on the phone call I knew would be coming my way once Spike left the SRU – Keira was good that way, always giving me a heads up if I was going to get it in the eyeballs if he has had a bad day. I heard the car pull up an hour or so later when I was on the couch, I wanted to see him and talk to him but I also wanted to shoot the bastard in the knee caps for what he did – I got up and paced the room as the door opened; I turned around to be faced with Spike waving a white flag through the door.
I stood there looking at him as he entered the house and closed the door behind himself, I had no anger left at him and it was just the end of the adrenaline leaving my body as my shoulders started to shake and I cried again; he walked over to me and just held me tight.
"Oh god, forgive me - please?" he whispered as he cradled me to his chest and let his own tears fall.