Day 120

Chakotay walked into the darkened holodeck. As his eyes adjusted to the lighting of the pub, he could see the crew enjoying a new program. Making out the bar, he headed towards it to order a drink. He recognized this place, but it felt so out of context it took him a few minutes to remember.

"Name your poison." A sensuous female hologram offered to take his order.

Chakotay hesitated, he hadn't actually thought about what he wanted. "What do you recommend?"

She looked him up and down and replied, "I know what you like."

A moment later she set a mug down, winked, and went off to serve another customer.

Chakotay smirked. No doubt she was another of Tom Paris's creations. Chakotay was thankful that two crewman at the other end of the bar wanted to keep her busy. He stood alone and watched the crew. Taking a swig of his mug he remembered the flavor from Risa. It was a good choice.

The flavor helped him place the bar. It was a loose replica of a bar on a Betazed space station that the Maquis sometimes frequented. The owner was the middleman for an influential sympathizer who provided the Maquis a substantial amount of supplies. Chakotay smiled ruefully. Tom wouldn't know all the details, but the irony of his Starfleet crew finding solace in a bar that treated his Maquis so well couldn't escape Chakotay.

Kathryn, sitting in a darkened booth, watched Chakotay enter. She couldn't take her eyes off him.

B'Elanna nudged her. "You could go say 'hi' or ask him to join us."

Without a word, Kathryn rose from her seat and walked over to the commander's side. Chakotay stood straight and was dressed in uniform, but Kathryn wore a Risan style outfit. He saw her approaching him.

Her top was made of a loose blousy fabric with a broad neckline. The material silhouetted her petite form, and her skirt, a straight cut wrap around, exposed one leg when she walked. Her walk was un-captain like and a little unsteady. Chakotay took a deep breath, and Kathryn was pleased that his facial expression told her she made an impact. She smiled warmly and leaned against the bar beside him.

In a sultry voice she said, "Good evening, Commander."

He took another drink from his mug and looked at her side ways over the rim. Setting the mug down, he was amused at his own nervousness. His dimples danced, as he said, "Kathryn … you look … awfully relaxed."

She patted his arm and laughed. "Isn't it wonderful?" She flipped her hair and looked in his eyes. "I don't think I've ever been so care free."

"Is that what you call it? Care – free?" Chakotay's tone was dead sober.

The question challenged her and threatened to burst her artificial high. She batted her lashes at him, and took hold of his arm. She replied firmly, "I do."

"That's not what I call it."

She rolled her eyes. "I don't care what you call it."

Chakotay snickered at the abrupt command tone that came out of the sultry intoxicated woman. 'She's born to command,' he thought to himself, 'and she'll be back in charge, all in good time.' His eyes softened as he forgave this brief indiscretion.

She put a single hand on his arm and studied him for a moment. He looked so Starfleet. His stood tall, his shoulders were square, and his uniform perpetually immaculate; but he was so tense. She smiled to herself. Yes, he looked like the epitome of a Starfleet captain. He was the only person in the room on yellow alert. A single finger traced his tattoo over his brow. Kathryn saw concern for entire civilizations in the tension lines around his eyes.

She was used to being in his physical space, but the intoxicants in her system were a motivating force of their own. Kathryn did not realize just how clinging and physical she'd become until Chakotay stiffened in response to her bare leg running up the back of his calf.

His eyes shot down to follow its movement. His eyes widened as he watched Kathryn's bare leg moving against his uniform. He closed his eyes and let out a faint moan, and tried to contend with the intoxicating biochemical reaction that just took place in his brain.

"Kathryn, please." He spoke quietly.

"You're too tense, Commander." Her hand ran through his hair.

"I've been busy." Chakotay swallowed hard and forced his mind out of this purely delicious moment, trying to focus on the bigger picture.

"Poor, Chakotay. You should have another pip for all the hard work you've been doing."

He listened carefully and thought, 'Was there a trace of bitterness in her tone?'

Her fingertips traced around his ear and down to his collar. She fiddled with the Maquis command bar. "Four pips would look handsome on you."

Her voice was husky but she couldn't hide the pain in her voice and Chakotay focused on the pain he heard to regain control. His heart was pounding. Every portion of skin that felt her touch cried 'yes' to her sensual feminine invitation, but he steeled himself against the temptation.

Kathryn from so many other days came to his mind. Kathryn on new earth was filled with sweetness and tenderness. Kathryn on Lake George overwhelmed him by her innocent deep need for his friendship. He regarded Kathryn in her ready room and marveled at her resolve to get this ship home. He saw hints of her desire for him over dinner so many times, but he also knew that being intimate with him would feel like a failure to Kathryn. He didn't agree with it, but he knew she'd regret it. He never wanted his desire for her to bring her shame.

Looking at her now, Chakotay saw Kathryn in her weakness. Beautiful but weak. He wanted her yes, but he wanted all of her back. He preferred snappy command tones to her seduction laced with pain.

He knew he was going to have to put a stop to this but Kathryn's soft warm skin so close to him felt so good. He loved her so much. Placing a hand at the base of her neck, he leaned forward to smell her hair. It was the only brief indulgence that Chakotay intended to allow himself before putting a stop to what was becoming a shocking show for the crew.

Kathryn perceived his response as yielding to her seduction. In a fluid motion she placed herself between him and the bar. Both arms and one leg were clung to him. Kathryn's full-bodied proposition to Chakotay rapidly gained the attention of the entire room.

Chakotay grabbed her hand. He stretched her arm out wide and pinned her hand down on the bar. He caught her other hand moving up his side and pinned it down, too. Then he abruptly placed his own legs in a wide 'at ease' stance, and her leg could not remain entwined around him.

His greater size allowed him to restrain her against the bar and prevent any further physical advances, although they remained in close proximity.

Kathryn giggled deliciously at his forceful reaction and her lucid feminine form didn't resist his hold.

Chakotay was shocked. He expected indignation or redheaded fury but not this reaction. Neither from her, nor himself. A second wave of desire went through him like a narcotic. It felt instinctive but now it was mixed with anger at her for toying with his love.

"You want me, Kathryn?" He purposely spoke loud enough for the gaping crew members to hear. All eyes were on this spectacle.

Kathryn looked up into his eyes and smiled sensuously. "Ssh, Chakotay," she giggled.

But Chakotay wasn't playing games. He spoke forcefully. "Let me tell you how to get what you want. Get up in the morning. Face reality. Face this past year so you we can move past it. Then you're going to put those pips back on and take this ship from me. And if you still want me then, Kathryn, when you are in command…" He hesitated only a second then continued speaking as loudly as when he began his speech, "then, I'll give you what you want and I'll make up for all the years you wouldn't let yourself have it."

A fleeting crooked smile punctuated his pleasure at the idea. He let her go and took a step back. Kathryn held herself up against the bar and watched him, stunned.

His tone softened, "But you know it can't be like this. You, of all people, know that."

Kathryn sobered as she recognized the burden of command, and the loneliness in his eyes. For the first time since the destruction of the Kremin time ship, she wondered how he was and what struggles he was facing. He'd been there to share her burdens. But now he was the one stressed, and in a room full of people, he was the one completely alone. Except when she was in command he offered her refuge and instead of refuge she toyed with him.

"Chakotay, I… I'm so sorry."

They maintained eye contact for a moment longer. Kathryn apologizing in front of a room full of people was not a small thing. He realized that despite her drunkenness, she still saw into him and saw his need. He looked to the floor, and muttered, "Good night, Kathryn."

Chakotay strode towards the door and everyone between him and the door quickly moved out of the way.

Kathryn looked around at the room full of people still staring at her. She turned around, cursed, and stared down at the bar in front of her.

Susan Nicoletti, rose from her chair in an unsightly drunken attempt to come to Kathryn's rescue. Walking across the room, she spoke loudly and carelessly, "Hey! Now that sounds like one hell of a plan to me."

Placing an arm around Kathryn, she asked, "Don't you like the Commander's idea?"

Kathryn was paralyzed. She didn't know how to respond. How did she get herself here? Relieved of command, drunk, and publicly propositioning her first officer.

Susan shook her gently. "Oh come on! It's got to sound good to you."

Tom Paris placed a hand on Susan's shoulder, and she looked up at him.

"Let's get her out of here."

B'Elanna stood at Kathryn's other side and said, "We'll walk you home. Come on, Kathryn."

Kathryn allowed B'Elanna to guide her. Susan took her other arm and Tom followed the three women.

The next morning Kathryn did get up. She even dressed in full uniform