Chapter Eleven: The R word (Part Two)
"Leave !" It was a command not a request.
Jacob obliged. Edward's command was after all directed at only him. Bella was still scrambling to put on her clothes. She wondered why Jacob left without any resistance. He just zipped up his pants and left with only a backward glance. How could he leave her alone with Edward, or with anyone else for that matter, after what had just happened between them? She needed to speak to him. She got out of bed with the sheets wrapped around her and was about to get dressed so that she could follow him. She was stopped in her tracks by Edward's glare.
She could tell that Edward was angry. He carried in his hand a large bunch of blue hydrangeas, tied in a pink ribbon. After Jacob left he paced backwards and forwards for ten minutes before he spoke. As he started to talk he crushed the flowers with his hands.
"Is that why you came to Guaico Bella? To be another one of Jacob's whore?" Edward ground out through jaw clenched his.
"Edward! That's not fair. I love him and he loves me. I know that it's not right to have sex before marriage…but…but I just love him so much!"
"You love him and he loves you?" Edward laughed. It was a laugh that had no humour. "Do you know that Jacob loves a different woman practically every month?" He had stopped pacing but had begun slowly moving straight towards her. "Do you think that you are somehow special to him?"
"I am Edward. I'm special to him and he is special to me. In any event Edward, I'm not answerable to you for anything that happened between Jacob and me."
"You're absolutely right" he responded sarcastically "You're absolutely right, you're not answerable to me. Who am I after all? I'm not important to you. I just happen to be the man who truly loves you. Flowers and a pink ribbon? What a load of crap Bella. Flowers? You didn't come here for flowers?"
Bella was stunned. "What? What did you just say Edward? The import of his words dawned slowly on her. The woman he was secretly in love with was her. She covered her mouth with her hands. "Edward were you talking about me at the coffee shop today?...Oh my goodness, I had no idea you felt that way. Oh Edward, I'm really sorry. This must have been really painful for you. I'm so sorry. I really didn't know!"
"Didn't know? Please Bella. I find that very hard to believe. You knew! You must have known. You just didn't care if I got hurt! …. And sorry? You're not sorry Bella. You and Jake both knew what you were doing to me. You must have been laughing behind my back all along. Why else would you have chosen to come here of all places?"
"What do you mean Edward? What's significant about here?"
"This Bella is the house that I have been building for us. And this … this is the master bedroom. The room in which I thought we would lose our virginities to each other. Now every time I come here all I will be able to think about is you and Jake. You and Jake naked… you and Jake fucking" He winced as though the memory pained him. He pressed the palm of his hands to his temples and closed his eyes as if to release the pressure that was obviously building within him.
Bella could tell that he was irate. Suddenly she was scared, afraid that he would be so upset that he would tell Carlisle. She knew that if Carlisle found out about what happened between her and Jake she would, in all likelihood, be sent back to Debe. In Shame! She didn't want that to happen.
"Edward, I'm sorry, I … I really didn't know that you had feelings for me. I'll make it up to you, I Promise."
Her words gave him pause. "How do you intend to make it up to me Bella?" She could see that her words were having their intended effect. He was calming down. She saw hope in his eyes.
" I have some real pretty girlfriends Edward. Maybe you, Jacob and I could double date sometime?"
The moment she said it she regretted it. She could see that her offer had upset him. Edward was livid again!
"So you want to palm me off on one of your friends now? You women are all the same. You spread your legs for any idiot that is just out to use you but the nice guy? You just brush him off; fix him up with a friend… You'll make it up to me? You want to make it up to me? Well then, make love to me. You just did it for Jake. So now you can do it for me!"
"Don't be ridiculous Edward. You know it doesn't work that way. I made love to Jake because I love him. I'm not going to have sex with you just because you ask me to." Bella knew that there was nothing more that she could say to him; he was not thinking rationally. Her words, meant to soothe, were only enraging him. She needed to leave. She decided that she needed to make her way past him. But as she tried to, he stuck out his arm and stopped her progress.
"I'm ridiculous when I ask you for sex but Jacob's not?"
"It's different Edward. I love Jacob. We have a relationship"
"You love him? Well you'll learn to love me." He had maneuvered so that he stood directly behind her. He held on to her hips and pressed his erection into her behind. "What's so wrong with me Bella? What's wrong with loving me?" he pleaded as he moved her closer to the bed. Edward obviously took her silence up to this point as consent. He reached up and grabbed her chest and massaged her breasts as he began kissing her neck.
"Oh Bella." He moaned as he wiggled against her butt.
Bella finally found her voice again. "Edward Stop!"
"Why Bella?" His breathing was heavy
Before Bella could respond, he grabbed her, pulled her down by the shoulders and pinned her on the bed beneath him.
"Edward, please! Please don't do this!"
He didn't respond. He just cut off her words with a crushing kiss on the lips. She struggled against him at first but soon realized it was pointless. She could not fight against his six foot two inch muscular frame. She couldn't call out for Jake. She knew he was probably a long way off by now and Edward had already removed the sheet which was the only covering she had. He pinned her to the bed with his body and was unzipping his pants.
Bella closed her eyes as he penetrated her. She literally could not believe this was happening. Only moments ago she had experienced the beauty and joy that accompanies being intimate with a man you love and now she was experiencing this.
Edward's mouth never left hers. She didn't get another opportunity to plead with him to stop. She didn't know if she would have pleaded if he had stopped kissing her, so great was her level of disbelief that this was actually happening to her. She had become numb.
His groans of climax jolted her back to reality.
"Ahhhhh. I love you Bella"
When he was done he released her arms but Bella did not have the strength to use them, they lay limply above her head. Edward stood up to adjust his clothes and Bella noticed that his hands trembled as he pulled up his zipper. Bella got dressed and numbly walked past him. Never in a million years had she ever contemplated that something like this would ever happen to her.
"Where are you going Bella? Don't leave just yet. I want to talk to you."
"There's nothing left to say Edward. What do you want to talk about? About the fact that you just raped me Edward?"
"No Bella. We… just made love. Maybe you didn't enjoy it as much as you did with Jake, but that does not make it rape!"
Even as he spoke Bella could see from his face that the reality of what just happened was sinking in.
"Did I say yes Edward? Did I say Yes?" tears streamed down her face
Edward ran his fingers through his hair and began tugging nervously on it. It was obvious that he was replaying their conversation in his mind. "No" this time it was not a no of denial but a no of realization. Bella decided to leave. As she passed him, he laid his hand upon her shoulder and said, "Bella, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! This is not how I wanted our first time to be. I'm sorry Bella." His eyes pleaded for forgiveness. She shook his hand off her shoulder, looked him squarely in the eyes and said, "Don't you ever touch me again Edward! Your sorry means nothing to me. I hate you! I will always hate you for what you've done to me. I won't tell anyone about what you did but don't you ever speak to me again!"
With those words, she ran out the door and back to the house she needed to speak to Jake.