Author's Notes: October 17, 2011. I'm going to warn that there is some obscene humor that other's might find offensive. It's the use of accepted vernaculars, slander, and lewd sexual humor. So hopefully it does not offend people.
Child's Play: Part 3
By PinayTiger
"H-hey, Kenshin?"
The red-head dropped his washcloth and took a brief moment to stand. "Yes, Yahiko?"
"I-I need to talk to you about something." Yahiko bowed his head, cheeks auburn with confusion, embarrassment, and probably idiocy theatrically staged. What in the world was he doing anyways, going along with Sanosuke's barely thought out plan? "I've been meaning to discuss somethings with an older man."
Kenshin eyed the boy cautiously, not too sure what harvest this conversation would soon cultivate. Instead of standing like an inanimate lump on the ground, he motioned the boy to come closer, smiling. "What's on your mind? This one is here to listen."
"It's kinda complicated-"
"Now, now, nothing is ever truly complicated unless you allow it to be. Let's have a seat and discuss whatever it is that is vexing you. You are still very young to have anything bothering you, that you are." That was the genuine-though awfully mundane-voice of an honest and engaging Kenshin. The hapless rurouni hopped atop the newly polished engawa, slipping off his sandals to plop on the dirt. Yahiko not once made eye contact, and sat to Kenshin's left.
"The last couple of days, I have been searching for answers about many things, Kenshin."
"Oh," he hummed. "What of?"
Yahiko was silent for a brief moment, the older man waiting patiently. "You know I am gonna be a teenager here any day now, right?"
The wanderer nodded.
"Uhhh, Kenshin... where do babies come from?"
"Well, Yahiko," the ex-assassin started, taking a hand to rake through his burnished copper hair, "a man and a woman who find true love, generally get together. After they understand fully that they are made for each other, their devotion and commitment on both a physical and spiritual level grants them a child. And that there is usually how babies are-"
"Cut the crap, Kenshin," Yahiko interjected.
"Huh?"
"I really need to know about manhood...and I'm not talking about a rite of passage. Megumi does me no good-all she ever wants is to toss medical terms at me, and call this or that a thing or thang. Sano is no help too; and you of all his friends should know that. How is he gonna tell me that when a 'man beats his meat' and gets-what was it he said?-an erection, that you then begin to grow some balls, and start to become a true man? I want the truth-and not the kind of truth Sano preaches. He is hornier than an army of unsheathed swords buried to the hilt in the sand." The boys brown eyes-a marbled mixture of determination, frankness, and resolute ambition-finally met with Kenshin's now wide purple orbs. "I guess a good starting point, Kenshin, would be for you to explain what are the best things to do when a man gets an erection."
Where was Kenshin supposed to start. "Ngh, heyuh-heh."
"I mean, you're what, twenty eight-"
"S-s-sureeeee, Yahiko."
"That means you have probably had some in the past," he asserted.
The red head felt sweat bead down his forehead, and looked away from Yahiko, trying his best to conceal his superfluity of surprise. "Actually, it's more complicated when you put things into that perspective." His voice was so squeaky, so high pitched, Yahiko almost laughed. No wonder the poor guy's been confused for a woman in past battles! The long hair, the feminine outline, the dainty and agile movement...
The creaking and slight shutting of the dojo's main entrance went unnoticed. Sanosuke loomed under the hedges and shrubs, finding inadequate shelter in the shadows. Yahiko almost took a palm to his forehead, seeing a slinking and slithering Sano snake over to the bath-house. How Kenshin neither saw nor felt Sano's presence was beyond Yahiko. He did manage, however, to keep the man's attention on him.
Sanosuke dared give the child two thumbs up-just a respectful gesture to let him know he was doing well. Yahiko's jaw dropped, the kid inwardly wanting to plummet the yahoo from whatever flying dragon he was on and bury him alive. Kenshin did feel a slight shift in Yahiko's energy, and pivoted his gaze over shoulder; but the kid was faster than Kenshin, and yanked his red ponytail harsh, jerking him off the veranda and onto cement.
"Kenshin! You weren't paying attention!"
A sigh. "Yahiko, this one had his full attention on you."
Sano out of desperation took this opportunity to flee, and zoomed straight past the two, reaching a corner of the small house.
"Kenshin, I'm sorry!" The redhead looked up to Yahiko, dirt, slippers, and leaves decorating his face. He stared the child down. "Let's go inside, get you cleaned up, and have some tea?"
"Sounds like a plan, doesn't it?" He voiced shakily. But his eyes narrowed, and he exuded a most murderous glare. Yahiko took it all in good heart.
Sano fixed his gaze on Kenshin's back, making sure the shouji's definite snap indicated everyone's absence. Within the building he could hear Kaoru humming and the water sloshing and swishing lazily. That was a close one.
He pressed his ear to the wall, hands plastered, balancing his body. The silence was deafening, and all he could hear after a few moments was his own heart racing. The window to the bath-house stood about a foot above Sano, and he wanted to sneak a quick peek; he wasn't being dirty, no way! The Missy was a sister to him. So, to elevate himself, he stupidly climbed the mountain of logs neighboring the building, latching on to the window's seal.
His eyes steeled themselves, and witnessed the long, slender, curvature of legs crossed that remained perched on the wooden ledge to the tub. Kaoru was nearly submerged-with the exception of her head and legs. The soap enveloped her the way clouds hugged the land, and the smell of jasmine was almost too much for the peeping-Tom. She was definitely a young lady, and all the gis and hakamas and robes in all of Japan were a disservice to how painfully they hid her true frame.
"No wonder Kenshin's been on her tail since day one," he whispered. The bird head thought his voice was only loud enough for him to hear, but Kaoru sat up some, her attention focusing on the outside world.
"Kenshin?" she bellowed.
Sano gave a cough.
"Oh, Kenshin! Thank goodness you're still outside." Giddy, sheepish banter. "Sweetie, can you do me a favor and toss some more wood into the fire."
"That's not the only thing she'd want plunging into the fire. We're at pet names now are we?" Sanosuke voiced to himself.
"-what was that about pets? You want to get a pet now, Kenshin?"
"No, no!" he croaked, doing his best to sound like her beloved wanderer. "Wood. Fire. Bath!"
"Okie-dokie! You work too hard, you know that?" She was a bit suspicious. Since when was Himura a one word, one sentence kind of man?
She listened for the fire to roar, crackle and heat the tub's water further. Nothing. Her hair stood on edge, and her sixth sense told her this was not the presence of Kenshin. It irked the hell out of her. Sano took his gaze off of the girl, looking down to make sure he was balanced on the summit of logs. When he averted his eyes back to the window, he locked with Kaoru's sizzling sapphire eyes. In that second, Tokyo underwent it's deadliest tremor.