CHAPTER ELEVEN:

Who am I? What am I?

Faith was resting in bed as she recovered from the procedure that Virgil had performed on her unborn child. Virgil had told her that she wouldn't feel anything or have any side-effects, but she was finding herself feeling really tired after the procedure.

Even feeling tired, there was still so many thoughts rushing through her mind. At the top of her list was her worry and fear whether the procedure had worked or not, the odds were heavily against her and lady luck had never really looked her way. She was praying that this one time the odds would fall in her favor. Virgil had stressed after the procedure that it would be quite a while before they would know if it had been successful or not.

Whatever happens I'm having this child and I'm in it for the long haul now.

Her thoughts continued, Big words … So why am I still so scared?

Her thoughts shifted gears and they moved to how she was going to tell Michael about the baby. She frowned as she played over different scenarios in her mind, she just didn't know how Michael would react to the news that he was going to be a father.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Virgil's voice, "I thought you should know that a portal is opening. It appears that Michael is returning from his mission."

Faith felt her heart jump and she started to leap out of bed to rush down to the transport room.

"Please take it slow and easy … If not for yourself then for the child." Virgil's voice cautioned Faith.

"Yes Virgil … You're right." Faith said with some reluctance as she now realized she had to adjust her thinking beyond just for herself.

I have to think and live for two now … This will take some getting use too, she thought with a sigh.

Faith moved at a somewhat slower than usual pace for herself, but she still hurried down to the transport room. As she approached the door of the transport room, she had a smile on her face. She was happy with the decision she had made. She just couldn't wait to tell Michael.

The door to the transport room opened and Michael's towering frame stepped through in his battle armor.

Faith stopped in mid-stride and the smile died on her face. She knew something was wrong. Her pregnancy had made her more sensitive to smells and she could smell something. There was a smell surrounding Michael—coming off of him. She immediately recognized what it was—she was all too familiar with that smell. It was the smell of death.

She saw Michael standing there and he was holding himself differently. He looked more rigid—more robot like than any other time she could remember him when he was in his battle armor. She then noticed all the weapons that he was carrying, it looked like he was getting ready to go to war.

A cold feeling filled Faith with dread. She knew what was going to happen. At some level she knew and feared that this would happen with Michael going back to Reach.

Michael finally broke the silence. He spoke without taking his helmet off, "Faith… I… I'm sorry."

The cold icy feeling that she had stabbed at her as he spoke. It wasn't the words he said, it was the tone in his voice that affected her the most. His voice was devoid of emotion—it only sounded cold, almost unfeeling as he said those words.

Faith just stood there as she felt everything crumble around her. It took a long time for her to find her voice. Even then when she spoke her voice was only a quiet shadow, "When?"

Michael didn't hesitate with his response, "Virgil and Adriana have to make some modifications to the plasma pistol first and then we will portal back to your dimension." he said in that same cold tone.

Faith winced when she heard Michael say "your dimension", that just only confirmed her worst fears.

Michael continued, "I'll deal with The First and then I'm returning to my Earth…"

There was a long pause.

"Faith…" Michael started to say. He trailed off leaving the rest unsaid.

All she could do was turn and walk away. Tears rolled down her face silently as she walked away. She cried as she'd been right—the man she loved hadn't returned from Reach.

oOoOo

Michael watched as Faith walked away from him. He felt a part of himself die as he cut his last connections with his emotions. A voice in the back of his head screamed at him to go after her—to tell her that he was wrong. He pushed that voice and his feelings behind his wall.

It's better this way… This is who I am.

Faith was gone and Michael refocused his thoughts on what he needed to do. He called for Virgil and gave him the plasma pistols. He removed Adriana's storage module and plugged her back into the installation's network system.

Adriana's holographic form immediately appeared. It was obvious that she was agitated and he could see the anger and sadness in her eyes.

"Are you happy now with what you've done?!" Adriana said in an obvious angry tone.

"I don't get the luxury of being happy." Michael replied with a tired sigh. He just wanted to not think about what he was feeling and what he'd just done.

"How long for you and Virgil to make the required modifications to the plasma pistol?" Michael asked switching topics to something more tangible that he could deal with.

Virgil found himself at a loss as he was taken by surprise by what had transpired between Faith and Michael and then Adriana's outburst. It took him a few seconds to refocus his thoughts which was an eternity for him before he could reply, "It should take an estimated 2.5 hours to make the required adjustments, if no problems are encountered."

Michael looked at Virgil, "That's fine … Let me know when the pistol is ready. If no problems we'll head back to Sunnydale in 3 hours. Inform Faith that she should pack now and be ready to go at a moment's notice. I'm going to be in the lab on level two. I need to check and clean these weapons I brought back with me."

With that Michael left for the lab.

oOoOo

When Michael had left hearing range, Virgil turned to Adriana's holographic form, "May I ask what happened on the mission to cause this abrupt change in behavior from Michael?"

Adriana just shook her holographic head sadly, "Michael is suffering an extreme case of "survivor's guilt" and thinking that he has failed in his duty and oath. He thinks by cutting his ties and burying his emotions that he can go back to the way he was. If he goes back to our dimension, he thinks he can make up for what he think he has done or failed to do. He's feeling intense emotions right now, even if he refuses to admit it. With the guilt and sense of failure he is feeling, I'm afraid that he is about to make the worse decision of his life."

Virgil had given his word to Faith to not say anything about her condition, but he cared for what happened to these humans—they were very important to him. It didn't take him long to make a decision that at first may have not seemed logical, was the right one to take.

"It is much worse than you think…" Virgil sighed sadly.

Adriana was a little surprised by the Forerunner AI's tone and her concern grew even more, "What are you talking about?"

"It is not my place to say as I was asked to not say anything directly, but I think that you should talk to Faith and I would suggest that you not delay." Virgil said in an uncharacteristically sad and somber tone.

oOoOo

Faith stood on the balcony outside the bedroom. She watched as the sun started to begin its slow descent for the evening. She closed her eyes and felt the warmth and heat from the last rays of the setting sun. It was the only thing that gave her any feeling right now as her dreams and life were crumbling around her. She was exhausted and numb and the smell of death still lingered in her nose. She hated that smell. She hated Reach. She hated that she had ever heard of the UNSC and Spartans. She wanted to hate Michael as it would make it easier and it would at least make her feel something that she could use to keep herself going, but she couldn't find it in her to hate Michael.

You pick now to grow and mature as a person, she thought sardonically, realizing that the old Faith would have been bitter and vindictive. Her hand moved to her stomach and she realized that she had changed—was changing in more ways than she knew. She didn't know what she was going to do and she didn't care right now. She lowered her head into her hands. She had no more tears—at least for now.

"Faith?"

Faith lifted her head and looked in the direction of the voice. She saw Adriana's holographic form standing inside the bedroom.

"Hi Adriana." Faith said somberly as she turned back to look at the setting sun.

"We need to talk." Adriana said.

Faith ignored the AI, "You were right … What you said to me years ago … Michael is a weapon … He's not human. I was fooling myself to think that I could change him."

"Do you still love him?"

Faith didn't immediately reply as the question hammered at her. She wanted to lie. She thought that she had been drained of emotions, but she found herself fighting to keep her emotions in some kind of control.

"I love him like I have loved no one else … I don't think I could love another man like him."

There was a moment of silence between the two women that knew Michael the best.

Adriana finally broke the silence, "Can I tell you how I was paired with Michael?"

This caught Faith off-guard and she turned to face the AI, "Huh … You weren't just assigned to Michael."

Adriana let out a slight chuckle, "No … Those AI's that were to be assigned for Spartan missions were asked which Spartan they wanted to be assigned to … I chose Michael."

Even in her emotional state, Faith found herself now curious with Adriana's story, "Why did you choose Michael?" she asked.

"I reviewed each Spartan's record … I saw all their training, medical and battle records. Michael had almost died during the augmentation procedure and he was considered the rebel and outcast, if that was possible, among the Spartan candidates. Even with all that, it didn't stop him from working hard and pushing himself to excel."

Faith surprisingly found herself smiling a little bit at hearing that Michael had been considered a "rebel". She found it hard to believe that Michael could be anything like that—he seemed to be straight-laced and by the book.

I always did have a thing for bad-boy types, she snorted at the thought.

"So you chose Michael because he was a rebel." Faith said.

"No … I chose Michael because of why he was a rebel." Adriana said in a serious tone.

"And what was that?"

"He cared…" Adriana replied smiling.

oOoOo

Faith looked at Adriana incredulously, "What do you mean he cared?"

Adriana sighed, "You know some of his background … the Spartan program and the war. Michael has seen and caused so much pain, suffering and death in his life. His training forced him to bury his feelings, so that he could perform and complete his missions. His biggest fear has always been of failing … Failing his brother and sister Spartans … Failing his duty and oath … Failing the human race … Failing those he cares about. He would do anything to prevent failure. There was no cost … No boundary that he wouldn't and hasn't crossed to prevent failing. For all his augmentation and training. For everything that he has tried to do to prevent, control and bury his feelings … Michael is still human. I have been with him for a long time and I have never seen him so happy and open since he met you. You've shown him a life of possibilities that at one time he would have never considered."

"So why is he doing this now?" Faith asked filled with a mix confusion and sadness at hearing the AI's explanation.

The AI sighed, "Michael is trying to reconcile his oath and mission with the life he has been building with you … He saw the devastation and death on Reach and he feels he has failed and betrayed those that counted on him. Reach was the only home that he ever really knew. He's also dealing with some other troubling personal news and he is having problems coping with it…" Adriana said with hesitation building in her voice.

Faith knew that something was bothering Michael and her concern grew, "What news? What's wrong?"

"I'm dying…" Adriana said in a matter of fact tone.

It took a stunned Faith a few moments to comprehend what Adriana had said. As it sunk in, everything started to make sense with Michael's behavior, but she was still confused, "How can you die? You're a computer program … How's that possible?"

Adriana explained about how human AI's are designed and that they only have a life span of seven years and that she was way past that date. Adriana explained about rampancy and that she would eventually think herself to death.

Faith felt the sadness as she looked at AI. Adriana was more than a computer program to Michael and her—she could feel and express emotion. She was for all intense purposes— a person. She didn't know what to say for a long moment as thoughts swirled through her head.

"I'm sorry… I… I don't know what to say. Is there anything I can do?" Faith said finally.

"No… I'm more worried about how Michael is dealing with everything." Adriana said sadly shaking her head.

Faith closed her eyes as her brain was pounded by thoughts and she felt a wave of emotions. It was all starting to make sense to her. She recalled what Willow had told her during her angry outburst and now adding what Adriana was telling her, it all was giving her a better understanding of Michael. She'd always made assumptions about Michael and she had listened to the stories that he had told her, but she had no real idea as to what he had been through. She had her own demons and darkside, but then she hadn't fought in a war—at least not a war on a galactic scale. She recalled the Battle of the Hellmouth and how it seemed so much larger and more violent than what she could comprehend and she was a Slayer. She understood that Michael wasn't running from her—he was running from himself back to something that he could hide himself in.

As Faith got a better understanding of Michael. She looked at Adriana and a thought entered her mind and she pondered it for a moment. "You love Michael don't you?" she asked the AI.

Faith was surprised as she saw the AI look to be embarrassed and hesitant in responding to the question.

"Yes … I do love Michael." Adriana confessed with a sigh.

Faith realized that Adriana could feel and have emotions, but this confession shook her understanding of what being a human was.

She'd make a better human than most of the people I've known my whole life … maybe a better one than me.

Faith sighed as she met the AI's eyes, "He's so easy to fall in love with." she said.

"Yes … He is the most unique individual I have ever known." Adriana replied with a sad sigh of her own.

Faith felt a closeness—a kinship—with Adriana that bound them.

Faith snorted as she thought, All we need now is to have Tala here and we have enough people to form a club … The Women who love Sierra-113 … doesn't roll off the tongue. That would be the first order of business.

"Michael is going to be a father." Faith said bluntly.

Adriana paused looking at Faith somewhat hesitantly, "Yes… I'm aware that Tala is having his child. She asked Virgil and I not to tell him—"

"I'm not talking about Tala…" Faith replied leaving the rest of her sentence unsaid.

It took Adriana a quick second to process what Faith had said. A smile formed on the AI's face.

"I guess congratulations are in order." Adriana said smiling.

"What do we do now?"

"I think we need to talk to Michael." Adriana replied still smiling.

oOoOo

Michael was still in full armor cleaning the weapons he'd brought back with him from Reach. The lab was quiet as he focused intently on cleaning and checking the weapons. He went through the routine that he had been trained to do and had done what seemed like millions of times. It was a cold comfort to him as he couldn't trust himself to think of anything else.

Focus on the weapon… that's all that matters, he thought as he went through the steps of disassembling, cleaning and reassembling each weapon.

He was suddenly interrupted from his thoughts and routine by a familiar voice.

"Michael…"

He looked up and saw Faith and Adriana standing together at the entrance of the lab. He sighed as he looked at the two women that were the most important people in his life. One was dying and the other he was abandoning.

"What is it?" he said in a tired tone.

"We need to talk…" Faith said

He could hear the determination in her voice and he knew that he was not going to be able to avoid this confrontation. He was tired of talking. He was tired of his feelings.

It used to be all so simple.

As he looked at both women, all he could feel was the weight of a lifetime of choices and the life and death decisions that he'd been forced to make.

I'm tired of this.

Michael stood up, "What am I? Am I a man or a machine?" he said in a painful sad voice trying to understand who and what he was as he felt his walls crumble.

Faith felt her eyes tear up as she heard his voice. She heard the pain there and it hurt her to see him like this. Now that she knew what was happening, she could only look at him with love and sadness. She understood his question and she knew who and what he was.

"Michael … You are a man … You're not a machine." she said with love and tenderness.

"How do you know that? Look at me!" He cried out as he held out his armor covered arms.

"You're a man, because I know and love the man that is inside the armor…" Faith said with compassion and understanding evident in her voice.

Faith didn't hesitate as she continued, "I know you are a man … Because you're the father of the child I'm carrying…"

Time stood still for Michael as the words hit him like a MAC round. He could hear and feel his heart beating hard and fast. He felt a little disoriented and confused as he spoke, "Child? Father?"

Faith just smiled and nodded.

Adriana spoke up, "It's true … You and Faith are going to have a baby."

Michael slowly raised his hands and removed his helmet. He just let it drop to the ground as his mind tried to process this news. He found himself moving slowly towards Faith. He couldn't think, but time seemed to slow down. As he got closer to her, he found himself dropping to his knees in front of her and his arms reached out for her. Faith, still smiling, moved into his embrace and he hugged her with his head resting against her stomach.

As his head laid against Faith's stomach, his enhanced hearing could make out a faint sound. It took a moment and his eyes widened as he realized that he was hearing the heartbeat of their unborn child—his child.

Faith spoke as Michael held her, "I know I can't stop you from going back and I won't use the child to force you to stay here, but I know … I know that we would be happy together as a family."

Family…

That word for something that had been taken from him. The word teased and taunted him with something that he could have again. Thoughts raced through his mind.

What is my duty and responsibility? What is my oath? I can't leave Faith alone with a child … my child to raise by herself. The universes are dangerous places. Our child will need someone to teach and guide them. Someone to catch them when they fall and help them up … to be there for them.

He wasn't sure what to do or what to say. He raised his head and looked at Faith. She was smiling at him and at that moment he couldn't believe how beautiful she looked. She was almost glowing. The words came easily.

"I love you." he said.

If it was possible, Faith's smile got larger as she stroked Michael's hair. "I love you." she said.

For a moment, Michael felt at another momentarily loss and he looked to Faith for direction, "So what now?" he asked with a mix of caution and confusion in his voice.

"We take it one thing at a time…" Faith replied still smiling with love in her eyes.