This isn't a midweek chapter like I was aiming for, but it's still before Sunday, so I'm feeling pretty proud. There will be another post on Sunday. This one is just a happy summer bonus.

P.S. Positive reinforcement is a good.

Chapter 11: Still There?

"I've come to interrupt the Buffy brooding."

"While I appreciate the visit, it really isn't necessary." Since Cordelia had already pushed herself into the apartment, Buffy closed the door behind her. "Look at this face - brood free."

Cordy took her challenge scrutinizing her features. "And well moisturized, but I'm still not leaving."

"I'm not awake enough to argue," she grumbled. "Would you like come coffee?"

"I wouldn't turn down caffeine." Watching Buffy fiddle around the kitchen, she declared. "You can't hide in here forever."

"I don't plan to. I mean, I'm not. I've been out - to the cafe, the park, work."

"-everywhere but the AI office right?"

"I do have an life you know."

Cordy watched her pour the liquid with a steady hand. "I also know that while he's not your favorite vampire right now, Angel needs you."

"He needed me to keep him from killing his friends. I did that."

"And while I totally appreciate it, that's not what I'm talking about. Whether you like it or not, he cares about you and needs to know you don't hate him."

Leaning against the counter, Buffy cradles her mug. "I don't hate him. Did he say that I-"

"-he didn't need to. We all see the way you act around him."

"I act fine."

"Come on Buffy, you won't look at him or stay in the same room for more than a few minutes. As far as I know, the last meaningful conversation you two had was about taking on Wolfram and Hart which wasn't exactly a civil one- you know, with the whole throwing the chair through the window."

"I'm trying okay." Deciding she didn't want to stand for this, she moved the conversation to the couch.

"I know and things were getting better. You guys were sharing the office sorta comfortably and as I recall, daring to make occasional little eye contact which is why we didn't say anything about the lingering awkwardness. We were hoping that given more time, you guys would learn to be a part of the same team."

"And now?"

"After Angel's drug-induced memory refresher, I'm worried that that hope is fading - that you're going to stop trying."

"Maybe I will." She looked at her coffee as if it held the answers. "Maybe this is as good as the situation is going to get, but I don't see the problem. I make his coffee, take his messages, and occasionally battle one or two of his demons. What more do you want?"

"A lot more. You guys have a history I get it. Buffy, I was there, but that's all the more reason you should want more too. After he came back . . . Giles asked him about that night." She saw recognition flicker in her eyes. "You told him you loved him."

"As I followed that up by running a sword through his chest."

Cordelia would not be deterred. "He didn't change. He's still the same Angel who saved your life, fought by your side, and loved you with all his undead heart. Before Angelus, you two were friends and lovers. Whatever you saw in him then is still there. The soul you loved is still there."

"Cordy-."

"-and since he came back, he's done real good. He defended the hell mouth until the new slayer got her bearings and then he came here to help the helpless. He is saving souls and actively seeking redemption."

"I know."

"So, then, what's the problem?"

Putting her cup down, she looked her friend in the eye. "You're right. Every reason I loved him is still there. He has a beautiful soul and a deeply layered mind. I hoped we could get passed what happened - be allies again, maybe even friends. . ."

"But Angel's recent impression of soullessness has got you completely wigged. While I admit it was totally terrifying, it wasn't his fault. It doesn't change anything."

"All this time, I've been trying to get passed the awkwardness of seeing someone from my past. I managed to forget for a while the kind of past we actually had. Dealing with Angelus - even a light version, brought it all back. I'm sorry, but the whole trying thing may not happen for a while."

"Because you hate him?"

"I told you before I don't hate Angel, but right now, staying out of his way is the best I can do."

"But he wants you in his way. You're my friend, so I don't want to push, but so is Angel, and all he's wanted since he came back is to find you."

"That's what I was afraid of," she murmured absently.

"What do you m-"

"- Cordelia, please don't." Her distant tone disappeared. "Just give me time. Can you do that?"

"I was, I mean I am - I will, but how much time?" As Buffy walked her to the door, she rambled, "It's just, how is he gonna know you don't hate him, if you keep avoiding him?"

She stood by the open door pondering the question. Feeling she'd done all she could, Cordelia walked into the hall. "I just want him to be okay."

"Me too."

They shared small smiles before Cordelia stepped down the stairs and out of her life.

It was up to her if she followed.

"You coming back?"

Buffy turned to the nursery.

"I'm still not sure I should be involved in this."

"Well, I ain't working alone, so get sure." Together, they surveyed the monstrosity she brought home.

"This isn't right." She took in the littered floor. "We're missing parts."

Sunny pulled a plastic handle out of the shade of the potential stroller. "We just put parts in the wrong places."

Remembering her many incorrect guesses, she blushed. "It's not like I'll be taking junior on a lot of strolls through the park."

"Of course you will."

She raised a brow. "And hope no one takes him while I handle L.A.'s demons? I don't think so."

"You're not the one in the demon business."

"In a non-profit kind of way I am."

He shrugged. "It's not all the time."

"Fatal situations are a no-no for moms - always."

He stopped working and looked up. "This can't be the first time you've thought about this."

"Lately, I've been avoiding thinking. It doesn't lead to good places"

Putting aside the bits of green plastic, he sighed. "I know this year isn't turning out right, but you still got me and Lil. We're going to be right here walking the lil slug and watching him and making sure none of the big bads squash him."

Following his imagery, she grimaced. "That shouldn't be comforting."

"But it is." Seeing her brief smile of confirmation, he continued, "Course it is, because it's us."

She picked up the crumpled instructions off the desk and flipped through it mindlessly. "Do you think it was a mistake to stay?"

Anticipating failure, he held back a groan. Lil was much better at this type of conversation. "I don't know your reasons, but I trust you judgment. You used to too."

She looked to the side at yet another packed up box. It had some of the baby things Linds and her bought together. "We agreed this was no place to raise a baby. As soon as we knew of him, we made ready to move."

Looking at the neatly taped box and its elaborate sharpie label, he remembered how happy a time that was for her. "What changed?"

"Nothing . . . everything."

He supposed that was a stupid question. Here, they were sitting in her new apartment which was noticeably lacking in pictures of the happy couple and he was asking what changed. "You're scared to go alone."

She defended, "I've done it before."

"And you didn't want to do it again." It wasn't an accusation. "Homes have left me before but I never left home. Must feel like dragging your insides kicking and screaming."

Remembering those days, she smirked sardonically. "I felt nauseous all the time and then, I didn't have the added issue of pregnancy to cope with. Guess I just don't have the stomach for it anymore."

She sounded contemptuous of herself. He hated it but knew giving his opinion wouldn't help any. Only one person who could reach her when she got down on herself. "You remember when I got arrested for assault?"

"Assault on a vampire - who could forget?"

"When Linds came down and waited with me, I asked where you were. He told me you were handling the situation. I wondered why the man with the law degree wasn't doing that, but he said you knew what to say." He smirked. "When I asked what that was, he confessed he hadn't a clue."

She replied with shrug. "Idle threats."

"Point is, Lindsey trusted you to do the best job of anyone - even him. It would help more coming from him, but his approval is a given. Yeah, you guys had your problems. He didn't like you keeping secrets and wanted you guys to spend more time together,"

With wide eyes, she muttered, "These walls are way too thin."

"but there wasn't anyone's judgment he respected more than yours."

Sunny went back to assembling the stroller when she didn't respond right away. Finally she

confirmed, "He had a lot of faith."

Shaking his head at her stubbornness, he scoffed, "The only thing he ever had faith in was you."

"How you figure?"

"He told me." He said it just like any other fact making her smile weakly.

"Thanks." She continued to watch him work. "With you here, it's like he is too."

That's the tone he wanted to hear, and the sentiment he wanted her to remember. With loved ones around, hope lingered on . . . even when it seemed just out of reach.

He grabbed the instructions from her. "In your own time, you'll figure this stuff out."

She smiled when he looked up, "Let's get back to work."

Holding up the pamphlet, he waved it at her. "Hey lady, I've been working."

She chuckled. "Well, I haven't."

"Get down here then." Holding up his arms, he helped her crouch down beside him. When she turned her attention to the pamphlet, he smiled thoughtfully.

While they weren't far in age, Buffy usually treated him like a child. Lately, though, she talked with him as an equal, and that's the way it should be. He didn't want to be another burden; he wanted to lighten the load - just like she did for him.

That's how friendship worked. She had no trouble seeing him as family, but now she was seeing him as a friend too. Of all the changes he'd witnessed over the past couple months, this was the one of the few he appreciated.