(Author's Note: this was supposed to be out yesterday, as a sort of stocking-stuffer from me to you, but I was cut off from my computer so I wasn't able finish it! Anyways, super deep into Kai's mind this time. Next chapter is The Ball: Part One! Author-chan is super excited!)
Chapter Ten: Blood Doesn't Look Good On a Dress
After defeating the kishin – there were two, not just one – and taking their souls we had quickly packed up our things and left town. By some sort of miracle we had been let on a plane back home even with our ripped clothes and matted hair. I had made sure that neither of us had any lingering traces of noticeable blood before we dragged our weary bodies to the ticket counter, each looking forward to a nice long nap on the ride home. The low hum of the plane was like a lullaby to my weary mind. I didn't wake up until Black*Star stirred as the plane landed, both of us turning shades of red as we realized we were curled into each other.
Stumbling into a taxi, my speech slurred as I gave the driver my address, I yawned loudly and tried to clear the sleep from my eyes so I could at least get back home without falling asleep in the nasty cab. Black*Star kept jerking awake as he dozed, the jolt of stopping and accelerating him jostling him from his half-slumber. His eyes drifted open before shutting, drool dripping. I shook him slightly as we arrived home, shuffling like zombies towards the door to our apartment. The day had been long, the fight hard, and I still felt like there was blood dried all over my skin. Fumbling with the keys, struggling to slide into the lock, Black*Star finally had to nudge me away to do it himself. His fingers were much quicker at grasping the concept of unlocking the door.
Inside, finally, we both collapsed on the couch. My meister fell asleep instantly, curling his muscled body into my side like a buff rabbit. The warmth that his skin gave off made goosebumps rise on the side of my arm as the rest of me realized how cold it was inside the house. With a yawn and a regretful sigh, I rose while gently settling Black*Star's head on the couch so he was in the fetal position, padding to the other end of the darkened apartment to turn on the heat. The thermostat was at the end of the hall, a small dial that was hard to spot if you didn't know what you were looking for. My searching hands brushed against the plastic several times before I finally locked my fingers around it. Turning it up was easy, but suddenly my face was flushing with heat.
I had gone from being freezing cold to feeling as if I were standing in the middle of desert in the daytime. Trembling hands pulled tightly at my shirt. I struggled to gain control of myself. A buzzing - like flies - was making my eardrums vibrate. A coppery taste filled my mouth until I realized I was biting down on my tongue so hard it was bleeding. Eyes clenched shut, a quiet keening noise whining from my throat, my breath coming in small breaths in time with my quickly beating heart. Stumbling, I blindly grasped my way towards the bathroom, nearly falling in my haste to get towards the pills that I have had to take for every day for the past five years; the pills that I will have to take for the rest of my life.
Anti-madness pills.
The second that the small black tablet slid down my throat I felt its effects easing into my system, my brain regaining its ability to function normally and my body regaining control over itself. I opened my eyes, watching the radioactive green fade back into my normal color. A shaky breath left my chest looking caved in. Forever my sins would be with me in the attacks of madness that struck suddenly such as that one had, only staved off by the precious pills that I had forgotten to take the night before.
"Damn," I sighed, inspecting the bags underneath my eyes, "I'm a mess."
I rummaged through the bathroom drawers, looking for a hair-tie. I threw my long red hair up in a large bun. Turning the water on, I cupped my hands and splashed my face, ridding myself of the thin coat of sweat I had just acquired. Then, I padded to my room, picking up my schoolbag and spilling its contents onto the bed. Something told me that sleep wasn't going to be coming so easily anymore tonight, my nerves too unsettled to possibly allow me to let sleep take me to a place that was somewhat peaceful. Sorting through my pile of schoolwork, I unearthed the book I was required to be reading for Ms. Roades's class. As I opened it a thick envelope fell out: the envelope from Lord Death!
I hummed slightly as I opened it and slid the letter out. The expensive paper didn't surprise me. From what Black*Star had said about Lord Death, he was a rather eccentric fellow. I skimmed the contents, frowning as I got to the part about formal dress. Did I even have a dress? And why did we have to attend a ball? Why couldn't it be an ice cream social or something? Everyone liked ice cream! Even though I disagreed – even though I still questioned the intelligence of the gathering – I got up to glance through my closet and see if there was anything inside. The ball would be tonight so there wasn't much time to shop. Plus, I absolutely abhorred shopping for things such as dresses. There had never been a need for girly things and there still wasn't now…
Digging through my closet, my fingers catching on nothing but jeans, cargo material, and cotton, I was beginning to dread tomorrow. Nothing in my closet was even halfway dressy, and I didn't have any nice skirts either. Everything was either roughed up, camouflage, or completely inappropriate for a ball such as this. Wrinkling my nose, I stuck my head in, holding out one last vestige of hope that maybe I would have something tucked away but… no such luck. With a pouting lower lip, I huffed and threw myself in bed, falling asleep faster than I could close my eyes…
"Kai, wake up!"
My eyes snapped open, my nerves frayed from lack of sleep. Black*Star was hovering over me with one hand on my shoulder, lighting bolts of excitement crackling in his irises. His blue hair was slightly damp and I could smell his bodywash wafting from his skin. Not only that, but he wasn't in his usual ensemble, but in a pair of white basketball shorts and a black wife-beater, his muscles displayed. I touched my upper lip to assure that I hadn't gotten a nosebleed before looking back up to his face, returning my attention to what he was saying.
"I read the letter from Lord Death! I can't wait to go to this party thing! It sounds like a lot of fun! And you can meet Tsubaki and the rest of Team Maka in person! Of course, none of them are big stars like me, but they're alright, ya' know?"
"It's a ball," I corrected absentmindedly, caught in some sort of daze as I sat up. I peered at my childishly excitable meister through a curtain of my hair – it had come out sometime while I was sleeping. Why is my heart beating so quickly?
"Are you going to wear that dress that's in my closet?"
I blinked, "What are you talking about?"
Black*Star, instead of speaking, bounced out of my room and quickly came back with a large black garment bag like a puppy bringing back a stick. I had never seen it before and was puzzled by its existence, wondering why such a thing would have been in Black*Star's closet. It occurred to me - as I began unzipping the zipper - that Warren had been in that room for quite some time before Black*Star had come to America.
There was nothing to prepare me for what was in that bag. Though I had never been much of a dress girl, the one that the bag had contained was something that actually appealed to my tastes. It was simple, a strapless black corset top with a burgundy bustled skirt that spilled from the bag onto the floor. I was surprised by the fact that I actually quite liked the dress, but that wasn't even the most surprising point. A notecard tumbled to the floor, slightly crumpled up. Automatically I went down to grab it, ignoring Black*Star's curious eyes and reading the note for myself. Warren.
Note to self: find a time to give this to Kai.
Suspicious.
I frowned. Looking back and forth from the dress to the note, I finally tucked the piece of paper under my pillow and pulled the dress towards me and out of Black*Star's masculine hands. Who knows what the god-envious boy could do to a fine thing like that? The fabric of the skirt was silky and slid pleasurably through my fingers. It was by far the nicest thing I had ever touched, which made me quickly and gently set it on the bed beside me. There was more to going to a ball than just having a dress, I knew. I couldn't exactly wear combat boots, now could I? With a sigh and a longing gaze, I latched my hand around Black*Star's forearm and pushed him out of my room so I could get dressed, leaving the beautiful thing lying on my bed.
Several minutes later I too left my room, beckoning for Black*Star to follow me out of the house. My wallet was burning a hole in my pocket as if to point out to me that containing such an amount on my person was just inviting trouble. My red locks were pulled back away from my face in a lazy ponytail, only my asymmetrical bangs hanging free. Black*Star, for his part, was being semi-silent as he walked beside me, enjoying the city streets. It was already a full-swing workday, cars packed in the streets and pedestrians crowding the sidewalks. Usually I was overstimulated and avoided going out during the day but Black*Star's presence left me feeling oddly calm. Maybe it was the anti-madness pill reacting to the chaos.
A group of three girls exited a store and spotted Black*Star: his blue spiked hair, his biceps, and his cocky grin. Immediately they turned to each other like a group of excited hens and fell into step several paces behind us. With my advanced hearing I could make out every single one of their vulgar, giggling phrases as they blatantly inspected my meister's ass and body. I shoved my hands into my pockets, mood hot and fiery, feeling excessively boyish and dull in my cargo short-shorts and half-tee, wishing I had left my baggy sleeveless hoody at home and maybe traded my combat boots for a pair of sandals. I had even left without putting on makeup, a fact that suddenly seemed very important.
As I tittered over my appearance in the windows of stores, Black*Star had begun noticing the following of girls he had amassed. Now the three girls had been joined by countless others, all ranging from age fourteen to eighteen. It was as if they didn't notice the perfectly eligible female beside him. Then again, he had stopped noticing me as well. Now all of his smirks were thrown over his shoulder, his flexing occurring more often and without reason. I became a small, red-haired, insignificant shadow beside him: simmering and stewing as my insecurity was joined by a severe dislike of anyone that was of the male gender. Like the shadow I had become, I spotted a small boutique and slipped inside while Black*Star continued walking down the boardwalk with his followers.
"The way they were acting, he might as well have been famous!" I growled irritably, gazing at my surroundings. It was full of paisley and pink and frills, but it suited my purpose. I made a beeline to the shoe section to attempt to find myself some heels that wouldn't make me look like a little girl trying to dress up in her mother's things. A salesgirl took her sweet time in noticing me, her bubblegum smacking the whole way as she sashayed her petite way over to me.
"Hello, and welcome to Rainbow's Abbey, where you can fill all your beauty needs!" She said in a voice that was nowhere near as sweet the cotton candy pink that covered every surface. "What can I do for you today?"
After deliberating a moment, I decided to ask for the help simply because I knew that she didn't want to offer it. "I need some heels for a party that I'm going to tonight."
"What color is your dress?"
"Black and… burgundy?" I was unsure of what to call the bottom half, but burgundy seemed to fit. The girl twirled on the heel of her flat and disappeared between the aisles of sparkly, strappy, and sometimes furry shoes. I, clueless as to what I should do as I waited, stood silently and glanced around the store aimlessly. Twiddling my thumbs, rocking back and forth, I let a tiny sigh escape my lips as my mind twisted and prodded the enigma that existed inside it – though there were definetly more important things to think about. Why was Black*Star being fawned over such a big deal to me? We were meister and weapon, not boyfriend and girlfriend. Still, though… it seemed as though the answer was obvious, but I was too angry to admit that it might be true. Plus, my feelings for Black*Star had been nothing but negative for so long I still didn't know where I had separated my feelings of hate for something that made my insides feel so warm.
I was so cliché it hurt my eyes and turned my stomach sour.
Finally the girl came back with a pair of lacy heels. She shoved them into my hands, rang me up quicker than I could say 'thank you', and nearly shoved me out the door. As quickly as I had gone in I was out, and alone. My meister was missing from my side, somewhere enjoying the attention of several dozen mindless young females while I was left a frumpy, lonesome mess. The mass of strangers was suddenly very, very pressing. I felt weighed down by stress of… well, the stress of being a tomboy who wasn't used to trying to sort out her own feelings. It was strange, because I couldn't do anything about it. There was no kishin to kill, no bully to beat up.
There was nothing but me, the rainclouds, and the way back home.
A solitary figure carrying a box of heeled shoes that I didn't even really want anymore, that I never had wanted, I made my way back home alone. I felt gray in a sea of bright souls, each sliding like velvet against mine. I would have enjoyed the walk usually, despite hating crowds, but now more than ever I hated it. I hated how everything seemed to work out for others when all I seemed to be catching was bad luck. Warren was the last person I had been sure of but now, with all the mirrors breaking every time I tried to contact him, I was more unsure of him than I had ever been. Black*Star had always been a strange case, foolishly inspiring not only deep trust but often an intense dislike as well.
Key in lock, turned key, opened door, slid inside. The movements were mechanical and bored. Feelings had been shoved down, deep inside where I didn't need to inspect or care. I took my shoes to my room, dumped them near my dress, and the collapsed on my bed to stare at the ceiling. There was a crack directly over my bed that I hadn't noticed before. A waterstain had browned the white near one corner. The windowpane behind my nightstand was dirty and had spiderwebs drifting around it. Since when had this place become so neglected? Sure, Black*Star and I had been out on a lot of missions lately. I couldn't remember the last time I had really cleaned the place – Warren had taken care of the housework when he and I had lived together.
The contrast was sudden and stark in my mind. A time before and a time after. I couldn't tell which I liked better. My time with Warren had been sure. The lines between us had been firm and dark, easy to spot and easy to leave uncrossed. With Black*Star I teetered between two things: wanting to protect him as a weapon should and wanting to beat him senseless.
"What the hell, Kai!"
The noise was surprised me so much that I fell off the bed, popping up instantly to meet the eyes of a very angry meister. "I turned around and you weren't there! Anything bastard coulda' walked right up to you and you woulda' been defenseless! The city isn't safe enough to walk around alone!"
Oh, the irony.
"Well," I started out, my eyes narrowed and my tone sarcastic, "I was getting sick to my stomach, watching you entertain your fangirls. I'm sure they loved the show, though, so A+ for you!"
Unable to deny it, Black*Star blushed. "So what if I got a little attention? It's more than you ever give me!"
We were yelling now, our posture threatening. "What's that supposed to mean? I practically wait on you hand and foot while you run around bragging about how you're going to defeat god someday, and 'ooh, look at my muscles!' If anything, it's you who doesn't give a shit about me, jackass!"
"Is that what you think?"
"That's what I know!"
"Damn it Kai, you can be so stupid!"
"I'm the stupid one? Pull your head outta' your ass, Black*Star: you're the one with delusions about being a big star and defeating gods when all you are is an arrogant idiot who thinks his balls are bigger than everyone else's."
Time seemed to freeze as Black*Star took a step back, his usual arrogance and confidence replaced by hurt and fury. He swallowed, once, twice, his Adam's apple bobbing as he furiously attempted to clear his throat. I watched as his fists tightened, his jaw clenching in response to the anger swirling in his starry eyes. I ached for him to leap at me with his fists swinging so I could release some of the anger and frustration that I had been holing up inside for so long on someone other than myself. We both faced off, tense and coiled like two cats readying to launch themselves at the other's throats, when he just shook his head, surprising me.
"If I'm the arrogant idiot, you're the clueless bitch. We leave in a few hours. I'm not going to screw up my chance to see Tsubaki just because you're acting like a baby."
Then he turned and left me with my restless and angry energy, left me with my shame and sorrow, and shut his door on my maelstrom of madness.