Brian parked his bike about a half mile from the Circle Bar Seven. He had decided that roaring up on a motorcycle might not be the best way to approach his brothers. The nervousness he felt surprised him. He had dreaded this moment; feared it, but he had no idea that he would feel this nervous. He wasn't sure he could face them knowing how angry they must all be. He hadn't called; not once. He hadn't talked to any of them. He had simply disappeared.
He walked the fence line of their property and was not that shocked to see the old tractor sitting idle. He could hear the faint muttering of curses and had to smile, despite his anxiety, recognizing Daniel's boots sticking out from underneath the old monstrosity.
"Need a hand there?" He asked leaning just outside the fence.
"Need a new engine." Daniel said from underneath and then slid himself out, eyes wide with surprise. "Brian?" He rose wiping dirty hands on his jeans. "You decided to drag your sorry ass back home then?"
"Well, I'm not so sure my sorry ass is welcome here." As if to give an answer, Daniel hopped over the fence and embraced his brother.
"I missed you man! Why didn't you at least call or write? Adam's a wreck!"
"Dan'l, I'm sorry. I was so ashamed at first and then, I don't know, I couldn't make myself do it. I knew you'd be pissed as hell that I took off like that."
"Well, you showed up at the right time. A week ago I would've knocked you on your ass. I still might, if I get a mind to think about it. Why didn't you at least call?"
"I tried a couple of times." He sighed. "I don't know."
"Well, I'm probably your friendliest face - besides Hannah. Guthrie's mad as hell at you - so good luck there." He squeezed his brother's shoulder. "You missed his birthday."
"I know." Brian said quietly.
"He's waited his whole damn life to turn 14 and have his first beer, and he refused to even drink it. He's not gonna give you a hug." Daniel smiled at him.
"I wasn't expecting a hug from anyone." Brian confessed. "Everything just got so out of control, and I really lost my temper. I'm still ashamed about it! I can't believe I fought with Adam like that! And right in front of Hannah!"
"You had good reason. Adam was being a complete jackass!" Daniel said.
"Hey, he had his reasons too." Brian said.
"I know. They told us - the day you left. Still, it didn't give him the right to be such a colossal jerk to everyone - especially to you." Daniel glanced around. "How'd you get here? Where you been?"
"I got job cutting trees. I've been over in Sonora - rented a room."
"Living the wild life of a single man with no responsibilities! I bet you got some stories!"
"Just one." Brian said raising an eyebrow at his younger brother. "I picked up an old Triumph Trident - it's parked up the road aways."
"You got a motorcycle!" Daniel practical jumped up and down. "Oh, man! Adam's gonna flip out!"
"Yeah, well, don't get excited. I spend most of my free time trying to put it back together. I know why they guy sold it so cheap." He smiled at Daniel. "Maybe you can help me with it, huh?"
"You're a working man now. I'm gonna have to charge you."
"I'll pay a fair wage." Brian grinned and squeezed Daniel's neck. "I'm sorry for not calling you, Dan'l. Guess I had some things to work out for myself." He sighed and glanced at the house in the distance. "Think they'll stop me at the gate with a rifle?"
"Guthrie might." Daniel admitted. "Hannah will come running down the lane to you - like the prodigal father. She's probably already spotted you. Now's a good time though. Only Hannah and Crane are home."
"Where's everybody else?"
"You mean where's Adam." Daniel laughed. "They drove up to your neck of the woods to pick up Evan. He gets in in about at 11 so you got about two hours to win Mrs. McFadden to your side. Although, it should only take long enough for you to spit out, 'I'm sorry.'" He nudged Brian's side. "Come on."
***7****
He wasn't sure what he expected to feel, stepping back on the porch. He'd only been gone three weeks, but it seemed like years. He was only on the third step when he heard the familiar creak of the screen door and looked up to see Crane standing there.
"The prodigal son." Crane said with a shake of his head.
"That's what I said!" Daniel said with a laugh.
"I guess." Brian said quietly. He studied Crane's face, searching for anger, but saw only sadness and compassion. "I'm sorry, Crane. I shouldn't have stayed away so long."
"You shouldn't have." Crane agreed. Brian stood before him now, unsure.
"I screwed up pretty good."
"You did. But so did Adam." Crane sighed and reaching out pulled Brian into an embrace. "Don't compound your stupidity! Hug me, man!" Brian laughed into Crane's shoulder.
"I'm sorry." He repeated.
"You already said that." Crane released him. "You don't look like you been starving. Where the hell you been? I've been looking all over for you."
"I rented a room just outside of Murphys and been working at the mill." Brian sighed. "I don't know. I just kind of laid low."
"You could've called at least." And Brian could hear the irritation in Crane's voice.
"You should have called." Daniel added.
"I should have. I don't know. It started out small, and then I just kind of got dug in. I was too chicken - afraid of what you'd say because it would be true. I don't know." He hung his head.
"Well, you better get inside. It's probably all Hannah can do not to come busting through the door. She'll be happy to see you - although you might feel the sharp side of her temper, too." He raised an eyebrow.
Brian stepped into the front room and drew in a breath of the familiarity of home. The house always smelled of leather, wood and, since Hannah's arrival, the soft scent of flowers. She was standing just inside the door and immediately embraced him.
"Three days?" She asked him angrily. "I came to see you three days ago! What took so long?" She tapped her foot in displeasure.
"You knew where he was?" Crane turned toward her surprised.
"I went to see him, and told him to come home." She said turning to them.
"I deserve your anger, Hannah. You are right, but," He sighed and chewed at the corner of his lip. "Can I give you a kiss first? And I gotta say . . .I'm so sorry. You can't know how sorry I am about that day. I can't believe I knocked you down. I would never, ever in a million years . . ."
"You didn't knock me down, Brian!" She interrupted him. "I lost my balance and I fell." She patted his arm affectionately. "And I know you would never hurt me!" She stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. "But you staying away and not calling, has wreaked a havoc on your brothers and on this house. I am so grateful you are home, Brian. I am so glad you are home, but this isn't going to be easy. Guthrie was so brokenhearted when you didn't even call him on his birthday."
"I know." Brian hung his head, utterly ashamed. "I'm sorry."
"And Ford's none to pleased with you, either. Evan came back the week after you left - missed two rodeos because he couldn't believe what happened. He nearly lost his spot - but Adam made him go back." Her voice was gentle and compassionate as she delivered this news to him.
"I wasn't thinking when I left."
"Hey," She said reaching for his hand. "You had cause, Brian. I was there. I saw how he acted. He has taken the blame for it. I just thought you should know. You need to be prepared."
"I am." He studied her thoughtfully. "And you," He added. "You're pretty mad too."
"I don't . . ."
"I hurt your baby boy. I broke his heart." He smiled at her. "Not to mention your sweetheart - it's okay, Sis, you can admit it."
"You hurt all my boys." She corrected him, but her voice was soft. "I know why you did it, but still," She sighed. "It is hard to see them hurt - even when it is by someone you love. And I do love you Brian. We've missed you so much."
"I know you love me, Hannah." He smiled at her. "I still can't believe all the crap you put up with. I don't know why you do it. Adam's just not that good looking - hell, no one is."
"It's my cross to bear." She said with a grin.
"A life stuck with seven, smelly, stubborn, hard-headed cowboys." Brian said.
"A life of stepping in between warring brothers who ought to know better." Crane added.
"Don't forget the cows, chickens, lambs, laundry and dishes." Daniel said.
"Well the dishes got easier." Hannah said grinning at Brian. "Are you gonna give me that kiss or not?" He laughed and kissed her cheek. "So we got an hour or so until the great battle of the brothers, are you gonna tell us what you been doing or not?"
"Nothing to tell really. I worked. I ate. I read." He shrugged his shoulders settling onto the couch between his brothers. Hannah sat across from the three of them on the edge of the arm chair.
"No wild parties?" Daniel asked, clearly disappointed.
"I wasn't in a partying mood, Dan'l."
"You read?" Crane asked. "Read what?"
"Lots of stuff. I don't know. I went to the library in Sonora." Even at this brief mention of the library, his mind drifted and he could see himself sitting at a table a book in front of him, but his eyes returning again and again to Caroline.
"Uh, huh." Hannah said meeting his eye, and he blushed terrified she could read his thoughts. But for whatever reason, she asked nothing more and instead said, "You hungry?"
"I have missed your cooking greatly, Sis. Left to myself, I discovered what they've been saying all along - you are much better cook than me." He smiled up at her.
"Well, I guess your exile wasn't a total loss." She winked at him, and they all followed her into the kitchen.
***7***
He and Daniel dragged his bike into the garage. Daniel was already fiddling with it - his voice filled with excitement.
"I can see what you mean. It's in pretty bad shape." He considered it thoughtfully. "But it won't take much - except time and determination. We can turn this thing into a little beauty."
"You got a better eye for it than me then." Brian said with a shake of his head. "I just see an endless pit in which to throw my money."
"Oh, it will cost alright." Daniel agreed. "But most important things do."
"Don't get all philosophical, little brother. You been spending too much time with Dr. Crane."
"Who else did I have to hang around?" Daniel said wryly.
"That's a fair point, although a feels more like a kick in the gut." He glanced at his watch anxiously. "You think they'll stop on the way?"
"Nope. Coming straight home. That's what Adam told Hannah when he left."
"'Nother twenty minutes or so." He sighed.
"'bout right." Daniel agreed.
"I gotta make a phone call." Brian said abruptly. "I'll be right back." He darted out of the darkness of the barn, and crossed the yard in easy strides. He was filled with such anxiety. He stepped into the kitchen and glanced around. Hannah was nowhere to be seen. He grabbed the phone and dialed the number quickly. She picked up on the first ring.
"Hey." He said suddenly unsure of himself.
"Brian!" And he relaxed hearing her say his name so happily.
"I'm home."
"Still breathing?" She asked.
"More or less. He's out. I'm waiting for him to get home." He sighed. "I'm not sure I can . . ."
"Where are you right now?" She asked interrupting him.
"What? The kitchen."
"I'm trying to picture it. Is it a big room?"
"Not really." He answered completely confused. "Why are you . . ."
"I want to be standing in it." She said pointedly. "Some day, right where you are now, you and I will be standing."
He digested this information slowly - already picturing it. Holding Caroline's hand as they stepped into the house together. The light shining through the white curtains his mother had sewed decades ago making her blond hair shimmer. His whole body relaxed at the thought.
"I wish you were right now." He confessed. "I'm kind of terrified." She laughed.
"That - I cannot imagine!"
"Oh, give it a think. You can do it." He said surprised at how happy he was.
"When it gets too nerve wracking, think of me standing there, right beside you." She said her voice as kind as her words.
"I'd be holding your hand - hanging on for life." He said seeing it; feeling it - Caroline beside him.
"It will be okay again."
"You make me almost believe it." He sighed.
"You better go." She whispered.
"I better." He agreed.
"Call me after." She said. "Even if it is really, really late, okay?"
"I will." He sighed wishing he were braver and could say everything he felt. "Thanks honey. Thanks."
"You're welcome." And he could hear her smile through the phone. "Call me."
"I will." He repeated. "Bye."
He hung up the phone feeling so much better. He'd been just about ready to bolt -thinking of facing Adam, but for some reason even just the sound of her voice seemed to steady him.
"Listen," Hannah said startling him. He looked up to see she was standing in the doorway between the small laundry room and the kitchen. "I realized that we are about to face a pretty stressful evening - but I just want to make sure you understand when it is all over - you are gonna explain that phone call to me."
"Hannah, I . . ."
"Brian McFadden!" She said with a smile, seeing him blush. "Who is she? I think I already love her! Really? What is it about McFadden men? You were gone for 23 days!" She reached out and squeezed his arm laughing.
"Han-nah!" He groaned. "Don't tease me! I'm a wreck right now."
"I know." She said her smile growing even bigger. "So you called your girl! Oh, Brian! I am so happy for you!" She hugged him and he accepted her embrace knowing that she was happy for him.
"I want you to meet her." He said at last. "Although, I'm scared to death of it too. You two together would be the end of me." He shook his head with a shy smile.
"Oh! I can't wait. This is turning out to be the most surprising day! And you," She pointed a finger at his chest, "are telling me everything!"
But he didn't even have the chance to tell Hannah her name because it was precisely at that moment that the crunch of the jeep tires on gravel, startled them both. And Brian turned away from Hannah moving to the front door with unsteady legs to face his brothers.