Authors note: oh my god you guys! You were SO awesome reviewing the last chapter I was seriously touched. To know you guys feel as strongly about these characters and their feelings as I do is amazing. It's so great that you're following this and seeing it as canon too because that's my absolute hope and dream for this story. This next chapter was getting too long and so it's going to be split into two parts. I also want to get Alison's POV into the next chapter too because I know you guys like to hear her thoughts so I've decided to make this a two parter. Otherwise you guys would have had to have waited longer for an update so I didn't think you'd mind too much. Things are heating up for Emily. Here is Poker Face – Part One. Please tell me your thoughts :) love you all
The thing about an honest face is…it's usually attached to a liar. Every day, you go through life accepting the face that people show you, never really knowing if what you're seeing is true. You can never really know a person. Not really. But then again, does anyone ever really know you?
Present day
Emily Fields was having the perfect morning. She was up early, she was ready for school, and she was eating one of her favourite things ever; a croissant. She had been dating her boyfriend Ben for almost four weeks now, and she was exceptionally proud of herself. Every morning, before she left for school, she would look in the mirror and see her reflection. She would look herself up and down, and in a happy voice she would say "you're normal." She would then smile at herself, and count all the ways in which she was the same as everyone else, in her head.
Friends. Got them. Hobby, got it: Swimming! Yay! Boyfriend? YEP! Normal! Normal, normal! Things were finally falling into place for her.
She was in the process of this daily ritual when the sound of someone banging on the bathroom door interrupted her.
"Yeah?" She called.
Her mothers serious voice sounded out from behind the door. "Emmy, can you come downstairs, I need to talk to you about something."
Oh my god, Dad. Is he okay? She thought, suddenly worried. Her father was in the army and was always working away. One of her main worries in life was that something would happen to him one day. She worried he'd be injured, or worse, killed. The thought kept her up at night, sometimes.
"Is it Dad?" She called. "Is he okay?"
"No he's fine honey, don't worry. It's nothing to do with your father, I just need to talk to you about something." Her mom answered.
Hmm that's strange. I wonder what she wants. Emily thought. She hadn't done anything wrong so it couldn't be that bad. At least dad's fine.
She finished getting her things together and went downstairs to find her mother. Her mom was stood at the kitchen table, one arm on the back of a chair. She looked up as Emily entered the room.
"Hey, sweetie. Can you sit down, we need to have a talk."
A talk? This can't be good.
"Okay…mom, what is it? You're starting to freak me out. Are you sure dad's okay?" Emily asked cautiously. She sat down on her kitchen chair. She frowned up at her mother.
"No, he's fine honey, really. It's not that…it's…" For once in her life Pam Fields was lost for words. She took a deep breath. She fidgeted a little with her hands, taking a couple of steps away from the table, before turning around again and sitting down, opposite her daughter.
"Alright." She started. "Emily, this isn't going to be fun for me either so let's just get it out of the way quickly." She said, rushing her words.
Emily didn't say anything, she just looked at her mother with a blank expression. She was totally confused.
"I know you're having sex." Pam blurted out suddenly.
What the fuck.
Emily was shocked. This was the last thing she expected her mother to say. Not only was she not having sex, but she also didn't have a clue as to why her mother would think she was.
Emily went to say something, but her mother held up a hand to silence her.
"Emily, I know you're having sex. And I want you to start taking birth control. I don't want any arguments." She said sternly.
"Mom…" Emily started. "I'm not…having sex, I swear." She blushed in embarrassment.
Emily thought this was just about the most awkward conversation she had ever had in her entire life. She wanted the floor to open up and swallow her.
Emily's mom pulled something out of her pocket and slid it across to the table towards Emily. The brunette looked down at it, surprised. A condom? She's giving me a condom? What the hell! Where is this coming from!
"Mom, what…?" Emily started to speak but her mother cut her off.
"I found this down the side of the couch while I was cleaning. Do not tell me it isn't yours. I want to know where it came from and why it was stuffed down the side of my couch cushions. Don't you try and tell me it's mine, either! You know perfectly well that your dad isn't here so I want the truth, Emily. Now."
Oh my God this is not happening to me. This is not happening. This cannot be happening.
"I swear, mom…it's not mine. I promise." She said sincerely. Her mother wouldn't meet her eye.
"I know you and Ben really like each other, and he's a nice boy, Emily. I like him, you know I do. But I am not happy about this. You've only known each other for a month! How can you be so irresponsible!" Her mother chided angrily.
"Mom, it's not mine. We aren't having sex. I don't know how it got there, I swear." Emily protested.
"Then how do you explain it appearing magically inside my couch? Did it walk there on it's own? Don't lie to me, Emily! I won't have you lying!"
"I'm NOT LYING!" Emily shouted, banging her hand on the table.
"Yes you are! Emily, if you're having sex with that boy then you're in a lot of trouble! I raised you better than this. I do not want my daughter getting pregnant while she's still at school! I can't believe you would be so stupid!"
Emily breathed out a frustrated sigh, and tried not to shout. She couldn't believe she was about to say this to her mother, but she had no other choice.
"Mom…" She started. "I'm…a virgin. Okay. I'm not having sex. I've not…ever. I'm still a virgin." Emily blushed harder than before, and cringed. That was the single most embarrassing moment I have ever had. Ever. Floor…you can start opening up any time you're ready. Tick tock.
Emily's mother considered this statement for a second.
"Okay. Fine. You've always been an honest girl, so I'm not going to disbelieve you now. Even though I find it extremely strange that this should be in my house." She gestured towards the small blue packet.
Emily's mind struggled to think of an excuse that she could use quickly.
"You know…" She started. "I had the girls over last week. They were helping me with the posters for the swim tryout. We were all sitting on the sofa, it probably fell out of one of their bags…or something."
"Oh?" Her mom questioned.
Yes! Please believe me. Emily thought.
"Well who does it belong to? Are any of them having sex?" Pam asked.
"Mom! I can't tell you that! That's their business. It could have been any one of theirs so I really don't know!" Emily exclaimed.
There, now she can't blame anyone.
"Well when it ends up on my couch it becomes my business, Emily. I have half a mind to call every one of their parents!" She said, annoyed.
Shit, it backfired! Think fast!
"No! Mom you can't do that! It only belongs to one person, it's not fair to get everyone else in trouble. I'll talk to them about it. I promise. Besides, at least you know they're being careful." She added meekly.
Please just accept this so that I can leave. Please oh please let this conversation be over. She thought.
Pam looked down and frowned. She took a deep breath. "Alright, Emily." She said.
Emily let out a huge sigh of relief.
Her mom looked at her with a glare only a mother could give. "But I better not find out this is yours. This is the last time I want to be having this conversation. Trust me." She said.
You and me both.
"Got it." Emily said.
She hurriedly stood up from the table. Emily couldn't leave the house quick enough. She was in such a rush to get away from her mother that she almost forgot to put her shoes on.
She rushed outside and stood at the end of her garden path, waiting for her ride to school. As she stood in the morning sunshine, she felt a terrible sense of guilt creep through her. Her mother had believed her because she thought she was an honest type of person. In this instance, however, that wasn't the case. Emily had lied. She knew exactly where the little blue packet had come from, and how it had come to be there. Emily remembered back to the weekend before.
The previous Saturday
It was a warm Saturday evening, and Emily was home alone. Her mother had decided to meet up with an old friend for the night and was currently out to dinner. She has asked if Emily wanted to come along, but being seen out with your mother on a Saturday night instead of with your friends seemed a little desperate to Emily.
Not that she didn't like her mother, she did, but now that she had a boyfriend, she was starting to spend more time focusing on other things. Her mother had wanted her to get out more. She was always the shy, quiet type who would stay in on the weekend. Just lately, though, she had started to spend a lot more time with her boyfriend, Ben.
Emily couldn't quite pinpoint exactly when they had become an official couple. She had just spent more and more time with Ben until it was just common knowledge that they were an item. Before she knew it, she was calling him her boyfriend to her friends, and that was that. It had all been easy. Up till then, at least.
They had been out together no end of times. Ben was kind, and he made her laugh. He always opened doors for her, and he drove her home from school, every single day. They had spent a great deal of time in each other's company and Emily felt it oddly comfortable. She wasn't used to being around a person for so long and not getting sick of them. She felt normal, and she felt safe. For the first time in her life she didn't feel judged by anyone. She could blend in, like a chameleon, and nobody would take any notice of her. Having a boyfriend was a relief. It just made everything easier.
She listened to Ben's car pull up outside her house, his loud music booming. She heard his car door slam and waited for him to ring her doorbell. Well…she almost waited. She was at the door and opening it just as his finger was about to press the button.
His beaming smile met her at the door. "Ben." She said.
"Miss Fields." He took a bow.
Emily opened the door to let him into her warm house. He took off his shoes and jacket. They had planned to sit in and watch a movie, but Emily couldn't help but notice that Ben was a little dressed up.
"You look nice." She said, eyeing his fancy white shirt and jeans. She also noticed he was wearing aftershave, which he didn't often do unless they went out. "What's the occasion?" She asked.
"Oh, nothing." He said casually. "Just wanna look good for my girl." He said, eyeing her up and down.
Emily smiled up at him.
"Is that okay?" He added, smirking.
"Yes! It's okay." Emily laughed. She stood and stared at him for a second before he leaned down, cupping her face with his hand.
Ben pulled Emily in for a kiss, his tongue snaking out to caress hers. Emily had been getting quite a lot of practice at kissing, lately. Ben liked to kiss, a lot. She was practically an expert at it by now.
Emily pulled back first, breathless. "So, movie? Don't worry, I didn't just get chick flicks." She laughed.
"Sure! Your mom's not coming back for a while? Right?" Ben said, a slight glint of mischief in his eyes.
"No, she's out all night. She's with her friend Sarah, and boy, Sarah can drink. I wouldn't be surprised if they're out till, like, sunrise." Emily chuckled.
Ben's voice lowered seductively. "Good. I like having you all to myself." He winked at her.
Emily was instantly reminded of Alison, and the way she would wink at her, and she had to push the thought away, fast, before it hurt her. She felt guilty every time she would have these thoughts. She was with Ben now, she should be over this crush with Ali. At least, that's what she kept telling herself.
"Me too." Emily said, a little less enthusiastic about it than she had been before.
God I need to stop this. You need to forget about her. Just forget, things are finally going well. You're finally normal. Don't ruin it.
Emily walked back up to Ben, and kissed him again with added passion. She pulled his face down to hers and he walked them backwards until the back of her knees hit the front of the couch. She felt it behind her and instinctively sat down, breaking her contact with Ben's lips.
"Where do you think you're going?" Ben said playfully, tilting his head.
"The couch. What's it look like?" Emily said flirtatiously. She gave Ben a small smile and scooted backwards to the corner of the couch.
Emily curled her knees underneath her body, making herself comfortable. She watched as Ben picked up the films she had bought and inspected them.
He looked at the front of each film, placing them one behind the other as he read out the titles."Hmm Fast and furious…The Deep…The talented Mr Ripley." He smiled at Emily.
"Someone likes their retro." He laughed.
Emily smiled. "Hey! The deep is about swimming! And sharks! Hello…sharks swim team!" She giggled.
"Aright, alright...I get the shark obsession." He laughed. "Just don't turn up to Noel's Halloween party dressed as a Great White."
"I was thinking more…Indian attire." Emily said. "You know…Pocahontas." Emily smiled.
Ben raised his eyebrows in approval. "Or…you could go as a sexy cop. I wouldn't mind being handcuffed to you all night." He said, grinning.
Emily blushed. She nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
Ben sat down on the couch next to her. He sat sideways, resting one arm on the back of the couch and looked at her slyly.
"What are you looking at?" Emily asked playfully.
Ben's eyes dragged up and down her body. Emily felt a little nervous suddenly.
"Oh nothing…just you. You're so beautiful, you know that?" He stated, flashing her a grin.
Emily blushed. It still made her self conscious to be given compliments. She shook her head shyly and looked down, smiling.
"Don't shake your head, you are." He said, sliding closer to her.
Emily shifted away slightly, his proximity making her nervous. She looked down again. Ben's hand came up to touch her chin, pulling her head up to look him in the eyes. He smiled at her and leaned in for a kiss. Emily kissed him back tentatively and felt his hand twist round to tangle in her hair. He deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue inside her mouth. He kissed her like that for a minute or so, slowly, before moving his lips to her jawline, kissing his way along it and down towards her neck. Emily tilted her head to the side slightly, allowing him access. Her eyes closed as he kissed his way down to her collarbone.
This feels nice. I like kissing. I like the way it feels when someone wants me like this. It feels good. Emily thought. In the back of her mind, though, Alison's face still lingered.
Ben leaned forward a little, pushing Emily back against the couch cushions. He kissed his way back up her neck to her mouth. He was practically lying on top of her now as their kissing became faster, and more heated. He was kissing her quicker now, his mouth moving against hers, hard. She kissed back, but she was starting to feel overwhelmed. She broke away breathlessly. She could feel Ben's heavy weight on top of her, and she panted hard. His lips were only a whisper away from her own.
"Ben…" She started. "We should watch the movie." She said, in between breaths. She could feel his weight pressing down her her, his body lying flush against hers.
This is getting too much, I wanna get up now.
"Whats the rush? You sure you wouldn't rather get deep with the talented Mr Coogan? I can be fast and furious too, you know." He smiled, leaning back down to kiss her again before she could answer.
Oh my god he did not just say that, was that supposed to be sexy! That's terrible. Kinda funny though…Emily thought.
She broke away from his kiss, laughing.
He raised his head slightly to give her a quizzical look. "What's so funny?"
"You." She said in between giggles. "You seriously did not just say that."
"Hey!" He exclaimed. "You think it's funny, huh?" He leaned down again, kissing her chastely on the mouth. He pulled back again to whisper in her ear. "I'll show you funny."
His hand moved to grip her thigh as he kissed her again, hard. Emily was slightly shocked by the ferocity of it, and her body jolted a bit. Ben seemed to mistake this for encouragement and grunted into Emily's mouth, pulling her thigh up and around his body. He settled himself in between her legs.
This is going too far. I don't want to do this, this is getting too much. Emily thought, panicking. She could tell what was going to happen if she let this continue. She could feel Ben between her legs. He was hard, and she was shocked. She'd never felt anything like that before, and strangely, she didn't like it. It scared her, but at the same time it disinterested her. She just wasn't…into it.
This is what normal people do, Emily. She told herself. Normal people have sex. You'll have to do it at some point, why not now?
As she felt Ben press into her again, she answered her own question. Because you don't want to. You don't want to have sex with Ben. The kissing is nice, but you're not feeling anything. What is wrong with you. He's going to think you're weird.
Ben kissed Emily hungrily, his lips moving again to her neck as he held her thigh around his body, pushing into her slightly through her clothes. She felt him between her legs again, this time pushing harder.
He moved his hand to the bottom of her shirt, and looked Emily right in the eyes. He grinned, breathing hard.
Emily watched him, breathless, and unsure what to say. She wanted to tell him to stop, but she didn't at the same time. This is what normal people do. You have to do it. She told herself.
Ben lowered his head to Emily's neck again, kissing her there lightly as his fingertips danced along the skin just under the bottom of her tank top.
Emily was instantly reminded of the time she had lain in bed with Alison in Spencer's barn. She had felt an instant fire as soon as Ali had touched her on her lower stomach. The blondes fingers had danced a light path across her waistline and her stomach had jumped at the lightest of touches. Having Ben's rough hand there wasn't the same. She almost felt like it was territory that had already been claimed. You're being silly, stop. Just go with it. You can't do this, you can't think of her while this is happening.
As Ben kissed Emily's neck, her eyes stared up at the ceiling. The kissing had felt okay at first, but as it now took on a whole new dimension of intensity, she couldn't bring herself to enjoy it. It just felt…wrong. Part of her had known that this would happen. She had tried and tried to feel sexually attracted to Ben, but even though there was something there, it just wasn't enough.
Ben's hand slid higher up her stomach underneath her tank top, his fingers creeping closer to the underside of her bra. Emily's breathing increased dramatically. Ben groaned. His hand moved up slightly as if to move under the lacy material, but Emily just couldn't let him do it.
"Ben." She said flatly.
Ben never stopped kissing her neck as he murmured. "Yeah?"
"Can you get off, for a sec." She said in a panicked voice.
"I'm about to get you off, Emily." He said huskily, his lips moving to her collarbone.
Emily pushed upwards a little bit. She moved her hand to grab his arm which was underneath her shirt. "No, Ben can you stop. I wanna stop."
Ben finally stopped kissing Emily's neck and looked up at her with a confused expression on his face. "What, why?" He said.
Because I said so, that's why. Emily thought. She was suddenly wanting to be anywhere else other than underneath Ben.
"Because…" She started, but didn't know how to finish. Ben slid his hand out from under her top and lifted himself off her slightly.
"Because my mom could be home any second and I don't think I want her to walk in on you on top of me on the couch." Emily continued, finding a weak excuse.
"Let's go upstairs, then." Ben smirked, taking Emily's hand.
"No…Ben I…I just…I don't feel like it, tonight. I'm not…I'm not ready." Emily stuttered. "I'm not ready to do this, yet."
Emily could see the disappointment as it covered Ben's face. He also looked a little irritated.
"Why? Is there something wrong with me." He asked, indicating to himself. "I mean…we've been dating a while now. All we've done is kiss…don't you think we should be, you know, taking it further?" He asked.
Emily was slightly taken aback. "Why? Who says? Can't we go at our own pace? It's been less than a month, Ben."
He looked annoyed again. Emily was starting to feel a little irritated, too. They hadn't been dating that long.
Emily realised that this was going to be their first argument. And it's about sex. Great! Typical...
"Yeah, I know. But I really like you. I thought you liked me, too?" He questioned.
I do like you. Please don't think I don't. Oh my god if he breaks up with me what will I do. He can't break up with me over this.
"I do!" She said enthusiastically. Ben lifted himself completely off Emily and sat back against the couch, an annoyed expression on his face. Emily sat up to face him.
"Doesn't feel like it." He said flatly.
Oh god, this can't happen. He's my boyfriend. I need him to be my boyfriend. Stop being so silly, Emily. What did you think, you could go on kissing him for the rest of your life and he wouldn't get bored? He's a guy, they like sex. He's going to think you're weird if you don't want it.
That was the problem, though. Emily had been thinking about sex. She'd been thinking about it a lot lately. It just wasn't with Ben.
"Ben I do like you. I like you a lot." She said sincerely.
"Then why won't you let me touch you? The guys at school keep asking me if we've done it yet. I keep telling them no. They're gonna start laughing at me." Ben said petulantly.
Wait, this is what this is about? What his friends think?
"I do let you touch me." Emily said defensively.
Ben made a laughing noise in his throat.
Oh god, I have to do something. I have to give him something. It doesn't have to be much, just don't lose him. If I lose him I'll lose everything. I won't be normal, anymore. Just do it, stop being afraid. You can do this.
Emily didn't want to, but she did the only thing she could think of in her panicked state of mind. She was so afraid of what would happen if she lost Ben. She looked straight into Ben's eyes, and put on her most determined expression. She reached out to grab his hand and as quickly as she could, she brought it under her shirt. She watched Ben's startled expression as she settled his hand over her breast, on top of her bra. Before he could say anything, she leaned over and kissed him, hard, sliding her tongue into his mouth. Ben let out a loud groan and squeezed her breast slightly, kissing her back vigorously. Emily pulled away, holding his hand against her breast still. She leaned her forehead against his, breathing hard. "Alright? Good?" She said in between breaths. You got to touch my boob…be satisfied. Please be satisfied.
Ben swallowed thickly. His breathing was intense. "ye…yeah. Alright…" He stammered.
Good. Okay. It's alright, everything's fine.
"You know, if I go back to school and I tell my friends I spent all night here with you, alone, and nothing happened…they're gonna think there's something wrong with me. They're gonna start saying I can't get it up or something." Ben said.
It's not you that's broken, it's me. My brain is broken. Emily thought.
"Well…that's not true." Emily answered. Her eyes flickered down to the bulge in Ben's jeans and then back up to his face. It's definitely not true.
"I know, but that's what everyone's going to say." Ben whined.
Oh for fuck sake, you got to touch my boob! Why aren't you satisfied! Emily thought, irritated.
Suddenly, Emily had an idea. If Ben was pushing all this because of what his friends would think, then why not let them think it? Would it really be so bad if everyone thinks you've had sex? Alright, it's quite early…but everyone can see how much you like each other. And it's a normal thing, it'll make things easier. You'll blend in. Nobody will wonder why you aren't doing it, because everyone will already think you have. Why not just…lie?
Ben frowned at Emily. "What are you thinking?" He said.
Emily was suddenly aware that Ben's hand was still on her breast, and it was a little awkward now that they were just talking. She disentangled herself from him and stood up. She paced in front of the couch. Ben sat and looked up at her with a confused expression on his face.
"Well…" Emily started. "If they want to think that…then just...let them." She said in a matter-of-fact tone. She shrugged.
Just let them. Anything to stall this.
Emily knew she shouldn't be wanting to stall things with her boyfriend. She should want to be all over him. She should. But she didn't.
"Seriously?" Ben looked relieved. His eyebrows raised in surprise. "I can tell them we have? You'd be okay with that?" He asked.
"Sure…" Emily trailed off. "You can tell them we have. If it makes things easier for you."
You shouldn't have to tell them anything. You weren't supposed to agree, Ben.
Ben jumped up off the couch and bounced on his toes in front of Emily, a happy expression on his face. He grinned. "You're the best babe, thanks." He pecked her once on the lips.
"You got any snacks?" He asked. "I could eat a horse."
"Yeah, sure, in the kitchen." Emily said, pointing vaguely towards the other room.
Ben grinned, and hurriedly bounced out of the room, their conversation now obviously forgotten. Emily stood alone in the middle of the living room.
Well…that was that. She thought.
Present Day
Emily thought back to her encounter with Ben, and sighed. Nothing else had happened that night, they had just sat and watched the movies. Things between them had been okay since, but Emily wasn't entirely happy about the whole exchange. She would stand in the mirror every day and count all the reasons she could think of to prove that she was normal, but she just couldn't shake the thought that something was very, very wrong.
It didn't help that she still couldn't keep her mind off of Alison. She had tried to keep away from her. She had tried not to touch her, but the more time passed, the harder it was getting to think of anything else.
She knew she should be concentrating on Ben. He was a nice guy, a little pushy, but nice. She shouldn't be having these thoughts while she was dating him, she knew that. But she just couldn't help the way she felt.
The first time she had seen Alison again after their kiss was at Spencer's study date. Admittedly, not much studying had been done, which was mainly down to Hanna; but she had seen her just the same. Emily had seen a lot of Ali that night. She couldn't help herself check out the blondes legs. She had been wearing the shortest Jean shorts in existence, and Emily could see all the way up to the top of her thigh. How am I not supposed to be distracted by that? How was I not supposed to look. She thought.
Alison had hurt her foot and Emily had helped put ice on it to cool the swelling. Ali seemed different that night. She seemed more flirtatious than usual. Emily wasn't sure if she was just imagining it because she hadn't seen her in a while, but Alison definitely seemed like she wanted to be around her more. Emily couldn't help but be pleased. Maybe that kiss did mean something, after all.
She had decided she would be brave, for once. As Ali had put her foot against Emily's leg, Emily just couldn't hold it back anymore. She had to try. She had read something in Cosmo about pressure points…something about erogenous zones. She didn't quite know what they were, exactly, but she had read that if you put just the right pressure on the arch of someone's foot, they'd feel it all through their body.
Alison's reaction didn't disappoint. Emily could physically see her become affected by it. Emily was so shocked that it had actually worked. She was also a little worried. What if I'm just reading the signs wrong? Was that a sign? She had asked herself. She had gone to try again, but Spencer had interrupted them by smashing a vase. She had tried to tell herself that it wasn't her that had caused the gasp that had escaped Ali's mouth when she touched her foot. She tried to tell herself it was just physics; that anyone would have reacted to a touch like that. But deep down…she couldn't help but hope it was her. She wanted it to be her that had done that to Ali. And I shouldn't want that. I should want to be normal.
Ali's proximity had haunted Emily that night. Emily just couldn't keep her eyes away. Every now and again she would look over at Alison secretly, to watch her beautiful face. She wanted to say something so many times, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. She was terrified of what Alison's reaction would be.
When the girls had asked about her kiss with Ben, Emily didn't want to talk about it. She loathed to bring it up in front of Ali. She just felt like a total liar. The worst part was…Ali knew she was a liar. She would have to sit there and describe her kiss in immaculate detail to the girls, when really, all she wanted to do was tell Ali how perfect their own kiss was. Alison had stopped her from saying it at the kissing rock. She had placed her hand over Emily's lips before she could speak. Emily knew she'd seen her kiss Ben, too. Wonderful timing, that was. She thought.
So, when Ali turned to her and asked how her first kiss was, Emily just had to let her know. She knew none of the other girls would understand Alison's innuendo, so she just turned to the blonde, and as honestly and sincerely has she could…she told her it was perfect.
She had tried not to follow her up the stairs when the Ali went to watch the movie. She had really, really tried. She was quite proud of herself at actually staying in her seat when Alison left the room. It was short lived, though, as she could feel Alison's presence watching her from the doorway. She could feel the blondes eyes enticing her to get up. And, like a magnet, she was pulled from the room.
She had followed Alison up the stairs. Ali seemed to walk slowly, and with purpose. Emily could see just how short her shorts were from this angle, and she couldn't take her eyes off of Alison's backside the entire way up the stairs. Her body…her body is amazing. Stop! Stop looking! She had thought, but she couldn't look away.
Of course, Hanna wasn't watching the movie, she was watching MTV. Emily didn't mind though, she liked Lady Gaga a lot, so watching the documentary really wasn't a big deal. She could study for the test any time. As a matter of fact, they never ended up having the test anyway. Their teacher had postponed it for another few weeks so the whole study date was pointless, anyway.
Ali had lain down on the bed with Emily, their bodies so close together that Emily could feel the heat from Alison's naked thigh against her own leg. The proximity was intoxicating. Then, Alison had quietly touched her face, sending shivers down Emily's spine. Ali seemed so warm, that night, so inviting. It was a side to the blonde that Emily seldom ever saw, but when she did, she was enthralled by it.
She had played with Emily's hair, and that was what undid her. If Emily thought that she had learned about erogenous zones, then Alison was playing an entirely different ball game. When Ali ran her fingers through Emily's hair, scratching slightly at the nape of her neck, and trailing her fingers across her skin, Emily didn't think she had ever felt something so erotic in her whole entire life. Her whole body had shuddered, the most delicious feeling running through her like electricity.
All too soon, it was over. The whole night had been confusing, and intense. She was sure she had seen a different side to Alison that night, a much more flirtatious side. But she couldn't be sure. She could never be sure with Alison. I felt her the entire night. I felt her presence all around me. She's everywhere. I can't get away from this. I just have to lie. Just lie. Pretend this doesn't exist, and maybe, it'll get easier. Emily thought doubtfully.
Emily looked down the street as her boyfriend Ben pulled up to her house in his car to pick her up. She opened the door and clambered into the front seat. Ben leaned over and pecked her a couple of times on the lips chastely.
"Hey babe." He said casually. "You looked miles away standing there." He chuckled. "What were you thinking about?"
"Oh, nothing. Just about this party." Emily lied. I think I'm definitely going to go with Pocahontas.".
Ben shook his head. "Hey! What happened to the sexy cop?" He asked, pouting.
"In your dreams!" Emily exclaimed, poking him on the arm playfully.
Ben laughed and drove them to school. The entire way there they discussed Noel's party. Emily was glad to have something to take her mind off of the mornings conversation with her mother. She didn't want to bring it up with Ben, what would be the point? If she did then it would just remind him of it, and she wanted to keep his attention on anything other than sex. At least he was okay with waiting, though. At least there's that. Emily thought.
The school cafeteria, later that day
Emily had had a pretty easy day, and she sat in the school cafeteria at lunch, eating with Her friend Aria. They had been discussing Noel's party all day, it seemed like the whole school was, actually. Emily was beginning to get pretty excited for it, too. She hadn't been to a party in a while, and she absolutely loved holidays.
She was in the middle of telling Aria about the costume she was planning to buy, when her friend Hanna Marin sat down opposite them.
"Em, you need to go talk to Ben." Hanna said abruptly. She pointed across the room as she spoke.
Aria looked over at the table across the room, where Ben and his friends sat huddled over, laughing. Emily followed her gaze. She turned to Hanna, a confused expression on her face.
Emily leaned across the table slightly. "What's going on?" She asked.
Hanna looked annoyed. "He's been telling all of his guy friends that you guys had sex last weekend!" She screwed up her face in a disbelieving, irritated expression.
Oh shit. Oh shit, here we go. Emily thought.
Aria looked over at Ben furiously. "What?" She said.
Emily looked too, a knowing expression on her face.
Emily hesitated, not knowing what to say.
Aria jumped in, first. "Em, I will go over there with you! Let's shut this thing down right now!" She exclaimed dramatically. Aria went to stand up quickly, insistent on defending her friend.
No, no no no. Fuck. Emily thought.
She grabbed Aria's hand as the small girl got to her feet and quickly pulled her back down to her seat by the arm.
Sit down, don't make a scene! Shh! Emily thought, panicking.
Aria looked at Emily, a confused expression on her face. "Emily…" She said kindly. "You can't just ignore this."
Emily stayed quiet. She was annoyed that Ben had actually told his friends; but then again, she had told him it was okay, so what could she say, really?
Emily caught Hanna's eye. She tried to give her a look that indicated it was true.
Just let them think it's true. This is what you wanted to happen. You caused this, now deal with it.
Hanna caught on quickly. She gave Emily a scandalous look, her mouth twitching into a surprised smile. "Em?..." She said, and Emily knew instantly that she believed the lie.
Emily stared at Hanna, not responding. She couldn't out right lie to her friends, it was too hard. But it seemed her silence was doing all the talking for her..
Aria grabbed Emily's arm. She finally caught up. "Oh my god!" She stared at Emily with disbelief.
What? Why is everyone so shocked. Is it so weird that I'd have sex? She thought.
"Is it true?" Aria asked, in a voice that said she already believed it was.
Hanna looked from Aria to Emily excitedly. She looked as if she'd just found out the biggest secret on the planet. "Wait, why didn't you tell us!" She exclaimed excitedly, the grin on her face getting bigger.
Suddenly, Alison strolled over. She sauntered across the room and sat down in the chair across from Emily.
Oh great, perfect timing, this really couldn't get any worse.
"Tell us what?" Ali asked in an intrigued voice, obviously knowing there was a secret she couldn't miss.
Three pairs of eyes watched Emily, expectantly.
Before Emily could answer, one of the girls from their class, Mona Vanderwaal, appeared abruptly at the edge of their table, holding a tray full of food.
"Hi you guys!" She said brightly.
Before anybody had a chance to respond, Alison spoke first.
"If you ignore it…it will go away." She said in a bored, bitchy voice to the other girls. She never even looked up at Mona as she spoke. Mona walked quickly away from the table before any of the other girls could respond. Emily felt bad for Mona, and vowed to speak to Ali about it later. She didn't like it when Alison was mean to people like that. She had to deal with this Ben situation first, though.
Emily decided to speak, finally. She didn't want to tell Alison about what Ben was saying, it was all very awkward, but the cat was already out of the bag now, anyway. If she didn't find out from Emily, she'd find out from someone else. Ben's probably told the whole world by now, anyway. Emily thought.
She looked at Alison. "Ben's telling everyone we had sex."
Before Ali could respond, Spencer appeared at the side of the table next to Ali, and sat down. She had obviously heard what Emily had just said and she exclaimed "what!?" In a surprised voice as she took her seat.
Great, now everyone's here, wonderful.
Alison looked really annoyed. She rested her head in her hand and scowled at Emily. "And he's still breathing because…?" She asked.
She's the only one that didn't believe me straight away. Emily thought.
Aria spoke for Emily. "It's…true." She said in a small voice.
Hanna turned her head dramatically towards Spencer and Alison, her voice full of scandal. "I can't believe Emily lost her V before any one of us did!" She rolled her eyes in Emily's direction as she spoke. Hanna sat back in her chair.
Why? What's wrong with me? Why wouldn't people think I'd be first? Emily thought, annoyed.
"Why is that so hard to believe?" She asked Hanna. She was slightly annoyed now.
Alison watched Emily from across the table with a scrutinising expression. She still had her head in her hand, as if she was thinking about something. She had an expression on her face that Emily couldn't read. One minute she looked annoyed, and the next she looked the way someone would look when they were listening to a story they knew wasn't true. I'm just being paranoid. Emily thought. But she distinctly noticed a small smirk on Ali's face.
"I didn't mean anything by it…I just thought you were a prude!" Hanna said in a matter of fact tone. She shrugged, as if her comment wasn't even remotely offensive.
Emily knew she didn't really mean it that way, but still, was that really what people thought of her? That she was a prude? She hadn't realised just how she she really must come across until that moment. You are shy, you've always been shy. No wonder they think that. It's true.
Alison suddenly opened her mouth to speak. She rested her head against her hand, still looking like she was figuring something out. She gave Emily a very flirtatious look.
She looked right into Emily's eyes in a kittenish way. "Shy on the streets…sexy in the sheets." She smirked, her eyebrows raising. She looked almost proud of her. She gave Emily a wide, sexy grin.
Emily smiled back, unable to hide her own grin. She liked the way Ali was talking to her. She found it sexy. She tried not to show that in front of the other girls, though.
Ali continued to keep eye contact with Emily. "I knew there was something different about you." She said, still looking like the happiest person in the world.
She's not mad. She's not mad at all. Emily thought. She thinks I'm sexy in the sheets. Why do I find that so…hot. Emily thought.
Emily couldn't hide her grin, and her eyes dropped to the table. She was suddenly shy.
"Oh well...congratulations, Emily." Aria said, smiling.
"Hanna leaned over the table slightly. "I want to hear details later, details!" She said, her eyes glaring.
Emily smiled in response. Great now I have to make up imaginary details. She thought.
They began to eat their lunches, and Emily was grateful for the silence. She was happy the conversation had come to an end. It made her uncomfortable to lie, especially in front of Ali. She always felt like Ali knew when she was making something up.
She felt something under the table, suddenly. Someone's foot was rubbing against hers. Her heart jolted in her chest. Is that Ali? Is that deliberate?
She felt the foot brush her own again, slightly more obviously, this time. She knew that that time, it wasn't a mistake. She moved her own foot back against the persons leg. I seriously hope this is Ali, and not Spencer. She thought, looking up at her friends.
Spencer was eating her food quietly, occasionally glancing down at a note pad she had out next to her plate. Well it's obviously not her, why would it be?
She looked at Alison next. She was fiddling with her phone, close to her face. Emily felt the foot brush hers again, slightly higher this time. Alison smirked slightly. Emily wasn't sure if she was smirking at her phone, or at her.
Emily felt the foot stop moving, it was suddenly gone. She cleared her throat nervously. She decided to just ignore it, and eat her food quietly. However...she quickly found that she wasn't that hungry anymore.
Things are getting very, very complicated. Emily thought.
The Next Morning, before school.
The next morning, Emily left her house in a hurry. She was still avoiding her mother. She still couldn't look her in the eye, it was still all too uncomfortable. . She couldn't believe her mom had found the condom. She didn't even know Ben had a condom on him that night. It must have fallen out of his pocket while he was lying on top of her. Every time she thought about her mom finding it, she cringed. She had managed to keep herself out of trouble by lying, but only barely.
The rumours were now all over the school about her and Ben. He'd told his friends in the locker room and now everyone knew about it. The last thing she wanted to happen was for her mom to hear about it. She'd never be allowed to leave the house again.
He was obviously expecting to have sex with you. He had the condom in his pocket, ready to go. Emily thought. She was slightly irritated by the whole situation. She couldn't say anything though because she had told Ben it was okay to tell everyone. I caused this. She thought.
She hadn't spoken to Ben much since the morning before. Not since he had told everyone. She just didn't want to speak to him, yet. He had text her and asked her if she wanted a ride to school but she had text back and told him she was walking with Ali. She waited at the end of her street for the blonde to show up.
She didn't have to wait long. Alison appeared on the other side of the road, and came strolling up beside her. She smiled at Emily, and Emily smiled back. Ail didn't say anything, she just fell into stride quietly beside the brunette. Strange…she's usually much chattier. Emily thought.
They walked in silence for a few seconds before Ali turned to Emily with an amused look on her face.
"I know a doctor if you wanna go on the pill." Ali blurted out. She stared at Emily, as if she was searching for something. "He'll see you without telling your mom." She added, still looking at the brunette.
I can't do this. I can't lie to her. She's looking right through me. If she doesn't already know I'm lying she'll figure it out. I can't look her in the eye. Why is that!
Emily smiled slightly, and looked down. It's only Ali. You can tell Ali. She thought. Part of her wanted to tell Alison it wasn't true. She knew it was wrong, but she didn't want the blonde to think she'd had sex with Ben. That was very suddenly the last thing she wanted Ali to think of her.
"I don't need to go on the pill." She admitted. She could feel Alison staring at her still as they walked. It went quiet, neither girl saying a word. Ali kept watching Emily, carefully.
"You can't be too careful, Emily. I mean 'Juno' was a cute movie but I wouldn't wanna live it." Ali said. Emily had the distinct feeling that Alison was playing with her. Alison watched her face carefully.
"It's not that…" Emily trailed off. She turned to face Ali as they walked. "I don't need to go on the pill because I'm not having sex." She admitted.
Alison made a grimace with her face. For a second, Emily wasn't so sure anymore if she knew she was lying. Her reaction seemed surprised.
"It was that bad?" Ali said, screwing up her face.
Emily laughed. "It didn't happen." She said, correcting the blonde.
"Ben and I made out, but…I didn't give it up." She said, her voice going slightly quiet.
"Then why is he telling people he took the VIP tour to Neverland?" Alison asked in a confused voice. She also sounded a little irritated.
Emily walked quietly for a second, still unable to meet Alison's eyes. "I don't know." She said quietly, her eyes glancing off to the side to admire the garden next to her. You know why. You know exactly why. She thought.
Alison shook her head slightly. She nudged Emily's elbow slightly with her arm. "What aren't you telling me?" She asked in a sweet voice.
Emily finally looked Ali in the eyes. She could see the blonde was confused, and a little sceptical. She could tell Alison knew there was something going on. It was almost as if Ali could see straight through her. For a second, she almost wanted to blurt it all out. I want to tell you, but I can't. Emily thought. I really want to talk to you about all this.
Emily couldn't take Alison's look any more, and laughed to shrug off the blondes request for information. She wasn't ready to talk about it, yet.
Emily shook her head. "It's no big deal. Eventually we'll do it. So, people can think it now…or they can think it later." She said, looking away.
Emily noticed Alison's face drop as she spoke. The blonde looked disappointed. They walked in silence for a couple of seconds before Alison looked over at Emily, wistfully.
"I can't figure you out…" Ali said in a quiet voice. She tilted her head to look at Emily. She suddenly seemed very quiet, and unsure. Ali was rarely like this. She very rarely looked confused, or vulnerable. But she did now. This was one of the rare times she had seen Alison look genuinely at a loss. Her face had dropped, and she wasn't smiling any more.
Emily stopped walking and faced Ali, who also turned to face her. "Can we just…keep this between us." Emily asked in a hopeful voice.
Just us, Ali…please.
"I don't wanna keep having this conversation." Emily said. She didn't mind talking about it with Ali, but she really wanted everyone else to forget about it.
Alison smiled suddenly, and reached up tenderly, putting her hand on Emily's arm. She dragged her hand down Emily's arm to her fingertips, and interlocked their hands. Emily's heart fluttered. Alison looked so beautiful in the sunshine, it was hard to focus.
"Sure." Ali said sincerely. She took Emily's hand and they walked arm in arm, all the way to school, as they often did in the mornings…when they were alone.
They had been walking for about ten minutes when Alison asked, out of the blue, "Are you scared, Em?" The blonde looked at her quizzically.
I'm terrified. I'm terrified of everything, lately. Emily wanted to say. She didn't, though.
"Scared of what?" She replied.
"Of sex. Of what it'll be like?" Ali answered flatly.
"I'm not scared…I just…." Emily mumbled. "I guess…maybe yeah. Maybe I am. I don't know. I'm just…not ready yet. I don't think I am." She admitted. She felt shy. It always made her blush to talk about this kind of thing with Ali.
"Well...do you know what to do?" Ali queried, flicking her hair back.
"Yeah…I mean, no. Not really. I mean I know how it works, obviously…" Emily said, stammering slightly.
The blonde laughed. "There's more to it that that, Em."
How do you know. No, don't tell me…I don't wanna know. Emily thought.
Emily tried to laugh, but it came out weak. "I'm sure there is." She said.
Alison didn't speak again, she just clutched Emily's hand a little tighter.
They walked in silence, Emily enjoying the feel of Ali's hand inside her own. She could feel Alison's fingers softly squeeze hers every now and again, affectionately. About half a block from the school, Alison turned to Emily again. She reached out with her other arm and grabbed Emily's other hand. Emily was slightly startled at the gesture. It was almost intimate, the way they were now standing. If anyone saw them, they'd have looked like two lovers, about to embrace.
Alison's eyes flared daringly. "You know…" She trailed off. "If you wanna learn, Emily…" Her voice changed to a flirtatious whisper. "You should come to my house, tomorrow night."
Emily was slightly taken aback. "Learn? Learn what?" She said, confused.
"Things. You'll see." Alison whispered. She winked at Emily, dropping their hands and sauntering off towards the school. Emily stood still, shocked. As she walked away from the brunette, Alison turned her head back to look at Emily, and gave her a wide smile. Quick as a flash, she turned her head around again, and walked off, inside the building.
Emily tried to tell herself not to be intrigued by the blondes invitation. But she was. She felt bad that she was even entertaining those kind of thoughts, but she just couldn't help herself. Outside, she was normal, but inside…inside she was feeling extraordinary emotions. She didn't have a clue what to do with them.
That's the thing about honest faces, you can never really tell what's going on behind the charade. Every smile, every twinkle, every twitch of the mouth, can be a lie. You can put on your best poker face, but you'll never know just who might be able to see straight through it.
Authors Note: So! That was part one of poker face. Part two is coming up next! Hope you guys don't mind me splitting it this time I hope two parts won't bore you! I just realised it was going to be super long and would take longer to update if I didn't split it. I'm trying to update as fast as I can.
Obviously it's leading to the Halloween party etc but there is a lot more to show than just that! Hehe! So…I'd love to know what you guys think Alison is going to be teaching Emily? Anyone have any ideas? And are you guys still liking Ben? I have a feeling that might have changed lol. Thank you SO much for your reviews and the lovely things you have said. You guys are literally the only reason this story is happening because without your interest in it there would be no reason for it to exist! Please let me know what you think, you're helping me immensely to structure this story. I'm listening to everything you're saying. Love you all my Twitter is hauntedtwilight