Burke finally got home the next evening after one of the more distracted days at work. After seeing Derek run out of the hospital in tears and Cristina escort the distraught Meredith from the hospital he had more than enough things to keep him from focusing entirely on his job. The door to the apartment was unlocked when he got to it; Cristina had a dangerous habit of forgetting to lock the door.
"Cristina," he called softly as he walked in the door.
"Hey." She walked out of the living room, dressed in her pajamas.
Burke shed his jacket and hung it carefully in the hall closet as he asked, "How is she?"
Cristina shook her head. "I don't know. She's been in bed all day, but I know she hasn't slept. I can't convince her to get up."
He wasn't surprised at the assessment. Meredith was probably more broken and angry than Derek, if that was possible. "Has she eaten?"
"Nope. She refuses."
Sighing in despair, Burke said, "Well, we'll have to keep pushing her. She has to take care of herself."
"It's not like she has a lot of motivation right now."
"Cristina," Burke sighed. "Don't . . ."
A terrible scream from their bedroom cut him off. He and Cristina glanced at each other quickly before sprinting into their room where Meredith was.
"Meredith!" Cristina exclaimed, upon seeing her friend thrashing in her scream.
"Stop! Stop!" Meredith cried, her head tossing back and forth.
Cristina stood frozen in the doorway as Burke approached the bed, and gently shook Meredith's shoulder to wake her up.
"Meredith," he soothed. "You're okay. Wake up, Meredith. It's okay."
Panic filled Meredith's eyes when they were first opened, but after a moment Burke saw it melt into pain. He still couldn't wrap his mind around what had happened. It didn't seem anyone could.
Cristina walked up to them. "Meredith," she said with an uncharacteristically gentle tone. "Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?"
Meredith shook her head, but said in a small voice. "I don't want to be alone."
"Okay." Cristina glanced at Burke, who nodded slightly, before climbing into the other side of the bed.
Burke leaned over to kiss Cristina as she settled into the bed, and reached over her to gently grip Meredith's shoulder.
"Goodnight," he whispered as he left the room, thankful that he owned a comfortable couch.
GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA
"Derek," Meredith murmured as he pulled out of her, and laid his head lightly on her sweaty chest.
He panted for a moment, keeping his arms wrapped tight around her, even as her legs fell down from around his waist to lie on the bed on either side of him.
"Hmm," he moaned, lifting his head so he could lean over her and kiss her softly. "I love you, Meredith Shepard."
She giggled at the name. Three days was not enough time to adjust to the fact that she was now his wife.
Derek smiled, ducking down to claim her lips once again. "Slow is good, isn't it?"
"We are never doing it that slow again," Meredith protested. "That was like torture."
"You loved it," Derek contradicted. "And you'll want slow again."
"Maybe," she said in a sing-song voice, before moving from underneath him and out of the bed.
Derek groaned loudly. "Where are you going?" He sat up in bed to see her bent at the waist and digging through a suitcase. The sight caused him to groan again.
"We're going to the beach," she announced, tossing his swimsuit at him. "We've been here almost two days, and haven't even left this room."
"There's no reason to leave this room," Derek declared, pushing his swimsuit aside. "Go on the balcony and look at the ocean."
Meredith pouted at him as she wiggled into the bottom of her bikini. "Derek, we're in the Bahamas," she whined. "I want to go to the ocean."
"Okay," Derek agreed, wondering if he would ever be able to refuse her anything. He climbed out of the well-used bed, and pulled on his suit.
"Tie me," Meredith ordered, gesturing to the back of her top.
"It's sinful to cover up something so beautiful," Derek commented, turning her around after finishing his task to soak in the sight of her. Even though he rather see her naked, he couldn't deny that she looked damn hot.
"You'll be taking it off soon enough," Meredith giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him deeply.
Derek ran all of his fingers through her hair. "Keep that up and we won't leave. Now, come on. Let's go see that ocean."
Derek slammed his laptop closed, hiding the background that featured Meredith in the ocean surrounded by a tropical paradise, and forcing his brain to shut out the memory. They had been so happy then, and it that happiness had lasted through their marriage. Well, their marriage up until two days ago.
"God!" Derek cried in frustration. He could not believe that he had lost what they had. Love and happiness like that are not something that comes more than once in a lifetime, and there were too many people who never experienced it at all. Derek had had the perfect life, and it was gone.
After a moment, Derek carefully opened his computer, and, hardly looking at the background, fumbled for the feature that allowed him to change back to the default. He couldn't look at a picture of her that happy. Not when he had stolen that emotion from her.
It was painful to look at the drab picture Microsoft had picked out for his computer. Derek had grown accustomed to seeing his beautiful wife when he opened the screen. She had demanded that he change it last year when she had seen what background he had put on his new computer, claiming that her in a bikini was not appropriate when he used the computer for work. That was probably true, but he could never bring himself to remove it until that day.
The memories seemed to haunt Derek no matter what he did. He was back in the house again, and despite the fact that he had spent the night before in the guestroom, he couldn't escape everything. It was painful, but Derek was beginning to realize that, while it hurt to live in a place that reminded him so much of Meredith, it would hurt worse to live somewhere that didn't reminded him of her.
Fighting the distraction, Derek opened his email, and looked through the messages pertaining to his job. Despite all the problems with his life, he still had responsibilities.
Derek deleted a few advertisements from the medical journals he subscribed to, and scanned through the emails he had gotten.
Attending Considerations
The subject caught his interest, and he clicked on the message from the board, which displayed a list and asked for his approval and justification of the candidates. Derek glanced at the date at the bottom of the screen to confirm that it was really almost the end of the month and time for his fellows to move up. That had snuck up on Derek over the past couple of weeks.
Grey-Shepard, Meredith E.
Derek's eyes were drawn automatically to the name and he found he couldn't tear his eyes away. She doesn't want to be Meredith Shepard anymore, he realized with a pained sigh. He fingered the chain around his neck, and pulled it out of his shirt to reveal where Meredith's shiny wedding ring hung securely. The day he had put it on her finger was a sharp memory, and it hurt that she didn't want to wear it, and use his last name. She doesn't want to be my wife.
He opened a new document, and started with Meredith, even though her name appeared in the middle of the short list.
Grey, Meredith E.
The words he had just typed mocked him. Meredith Grey. She hadn't been Meredith Grey for four years now. But, as much as it pained him, Derek was going to respect her wishes. It was the least he could do, and maybe, if he made her happy, one day she would smile at him again.
The holidays have really been making me busy and they're not even over yet. But the relatives have finally left, yay, so hopefully I'll be able to get you guys longer and more frequent updates as my life gets back to normal. I hope everyone had a great Christmas or Hanukah or anything else that was celebrated. Mine was actually quite nice, despite all the family. And my relatives are actually pretty cool; it's just draining to have them all together and in my house.
Please review, and end the holiday season with a great New Year's.