Chapter 11. Kaboom (and the funky chicken)
'How funky is your chicken!' FFF screamed, dancing to a techno version of the chicken dance.
'Oh god, she's lost it.' Mr. Mxy said, with his head in his hands.
Soul and TBT were watching her with puzzled and slightly scared expressions on their faces as they were repairing the ruined carts from the six cart pile up. Fantastic Flying Ferret was suffering from sugar withdrawals, very scary sight. She had the skirt of her long white empire waist dress lifted up over her knees performing a slightly un-co version of the Can-Can.
Mxy sighed, ignoring the large repair bills on his desk, and turned to look out the window toward the track that had been shut down until tomorrow night. He saw an even odder site.
Clement Rage, still carrying his insanely large rocket launcher, was running up and down the track yelling himself hoarse as he repeatedly apologized to Harold, who took the destruction of the popcorn machine to heart.
Harold on the Rocks had somehow got a hold of the Soul Reaver and was chasing Clement around with it, firing reaver bolts over his head while yelling all sorts of profane language at him.
Chasing Harold was Kain, who looked completely livid, running after him with only the Tube Reaver as a weapon and whose language was just as bad as Harold's. Sitting in the stands, sipping what looked like a red slushy and eating candy popcorn, where Janos, Moebius, Rahab and Raziel watching the three chase each other round and round in circles.
Mxy turned back to the girls, rolling his eyes. FFF had fallen over and was laughing so hard she couldn't get back up.
Meanwhile, over at the Pillars of Nosgoth, a shady looking character had popped up out of no where and was sneaking up onto the platform, trying not to wake the snoring Ariel. The thing had a long brown cloak over its body that looked so large it was hanging off them, the hem trailing on the ground occasionally getting snagged on a twig. With a viscous tug, the figure pulled the hem free, lost their balance and came crashing down onto the platform. The figure looked up at Ariel, or the hood looked at Ariel.
Ariel grunted in her sleep, her head lolling to the side.
'Kain stole my money…' She muttered, snoring off again.
The creature sighed, and got too its feet. It sneaked, shoes squeaking on the marble floor, pulling out a large tin of salt. The figure proceeded to make a careful salt circle around Ariel. Quietly giggling to itself, it pulled out a mobile phone wired to a large block c4, creeping over to the balance pillar, pulling out more c4 and wires.
'Welcome back, all our lovely viewers, to the pillars track! After a nasty accident, involving a harmless popcorn machine,'
'Too Right!' Harold said, sporting a cast on his arm where Kain broke it and I black eye where Clement had hit him accidentally with the butt of the gun.
'And a six cart pile up, everything has been put back together for tonight's race! Please welcome our racers! Kain, Raziel, Janos, Moebuis and Rahab. And give a round of applause for our three newest competitors; Sarafan Malek, Sarafan Truel and Sluagh #268!' FFF's very happy voice told the crowd.
Clement walked onto the track, holding a tiny gun, called a Noisy Cricket, with a rather dejected look on his face. He too was sporting a black eye, after Harold's fist connected with it. He raised the gun in the air, this time hitting Soultail Omega-Light and Turn Based Tragedy's garage, blowing a large hole in the side. The recoil on the tiny gun blew Clement clean off the track and into a drooling Raziel fans lap.
'Man, he can't aim!' Soul said, from the concrete floor of the garage.
'Yeah, maybe we should give the guns to Harold, at least he can aim.' TBT replied from next to her.
Soul and TBT looked at each other.
'Nah, lets not to that.' Both girls said.
Ferret was off in her own La-La land and had somehow grabbed Harry Potter's wand, said wizard was trying desperately to get it back as she danced out of his reach. This left Mr. Mxy to the Announcing job. He was speaking so fast no-one could keep up with him, sounding like an announcer at a horse race only sped up.
As the racers entered the second lap ('ANNNd hgeuwr#$ awh..ahdhaed KAIN Indalead!!! Fgsbdbf& NOOO….TRUELTAKESDALEAD!!), a loud boom rocked the track like a mini earthquake. All the racers stopped, the spectators ducked for cover, Ferret stopped wrestling with Harry Potter for the wand (only after he kicked her in the shins), Mxy took a breath, and the others stared, as the Pillars toppled once again in a plume of fire.
Ariel woke stretching, cursing as she heard the noise from the racing track. Turning around to float to the Balance pillar to watch the TV, she found that she couldn't go any further, she hit a wall. Looking down she saw the perfect circle of salt and screeched.
'Salt? Who the hell put salt here? Spirits can't cross salt! Which one of you damn authors did it? Come on, fuss up.'
She heard a giggle from behind her, Ariel turned around to yell at the author behind her. Ariel came face to face with the thing in the brown cloak.
'Who the heck are you?' She asked.
The thing just raised a mobile and pressed call. The mobile connected to the c4 rang twice before it detonated all the explosives wired to it, bringing the pillars down. Ariel screeched and ran into the underworld, rocking in a corner listening to the maddening laughter of the Elder.
'Ha, that will show you Harold! Poke me in the eye will ya?' The elder god laughed.
On the surface the Hylden Lord stepped through the smoke, glowing golden eyes smiling with glee.
'Here's Brucey!' He yelled to the sky.
Down on the Track, the Authors huddled together in a scared hug, shaking.
'That's not supposed to happen!' Turn Based Tragedy screamed.
'What do you mean? You're all writing it!' Raziel said.
'We are, well how about that? I didn't know. Thank you Captain Obvious!' Clement Rage said sarcastically.
Raziel just growled at him. Janos had fainted when he heard Bruce's voice and was being fanned by a shaking Soul.
'Not my fault this time, I swear!' Kain said, signaling surrender.
'Never said it was.' Mr. Mxy said.
'Oh.' Kain went silent.
Everyone turned to Moebuis who was looking a little dazed. Realizing that everyone was looking at him, except Janos and Soul (who was now giving mouth to mouth), dropped his staff and signaled surrender to all.
'Don't look at me! I didn't have a part in it this time! I swear!' Moebuis cried, eyeing Kain and Raziel both who looked like they were ready to kill him, again.
Chapter 11 by Fantastic Flying Ferret. (Riding on the coat tails of Clement Rage, this being typed in a little under an hour!)