Onyxx: Hey, guys, Onyxx here with a special guest spectator!
Bre: Haloo mai bitches!
Onyxx: That's just her, she's not implying that you're all bitches or anything. Except you, Nameless.
Bre: Yeah. That nameless kid… there is a reason that the Lord made bazookas… HEHEHE.
Onyxx: Bre here is one of my bestest bestest bestest buddies. =3 She's guest commentating the story because… well… I'm at her house and we're bored and hyped up on Pepsi at 4:30 in the morning. XD
Bre: *feels loved* So get to the story before I bring the bazooka out on you, Linky Linky!
Joker: Just forget about me, then. *feels neglected*
Onyxx: Awww, come here, Heathy! *grabs* You aren't neglected anymore. Bre… have fun.
Joker: Wh-what?
Bre: *nomnom*
Onyxx: On… what part of his anatomy, exactly?
Bre: =3
Chapter Eleven:
Annabel's hand trembled. She couldn't stand waiting for sixty seconds. She was about to die of a heart attack. She looked at the little applicator, then the timer. Dammit… why do these things take so long?
Finally, a little plus sign appeared on the pregnancy test. She dropped the applicator, a hand clapping over her mouth. "Oh my God… oh God…" What will I tell Bruce? God, I'm supposed to be staying with him! What will he say?
Speak of the devil. He knocked on the bathroom door. "Annabel, are you alright in there?" Bruce called. "Anna?"
"F-fine!" she called out. "Just… uh… I'm fine, I'll be out in a minute!" What was she going to do? It was obviously Jack's baby, considering she'd been a virgin before it happened and she hadn't gone to bed with Bruce… as far as she knew.
"Okay. I've got your bags packed in my car, sweetheart. Want me to wait out there for you?"
"Sure!" He'd be able to tell she was nervous. Oh, God…
Bruce waited out by his car for Annabel after throwing the last of her bags in the trunk. What on Earth could be taking so long? He sighed, kicking at the gravel of Anthony's driveway.
Finally, she came out the door, looking a little pale and worried, carrying Edgar's little box. Bruce opened the passenger door for her before climbing into the driver's side.
She put a hand on his arm before he could start the engine. "Bruce, wait. I… have to tell you something. And I don't want you to wreck and kill us."
He frowned a bit, looking at her. "Are you alright?" he asked. "What's wrong?"
She sighed, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Bruce… I… I'm pregnant."
His jaw dropped. He studied her face for a moment, trying to convince himself it was a joke… God knew her sense of humor was whacked. He saw no sign of falseness, however.
"Before you say anything, Bruce, I… it happened before… before I realized I loved you," she stammered, looking into his eyes. "I… I'm sorry."
He looked away a moment. "So that's why you wouldn't… you know," he whispered. "Because you'd just gotten over losing your virginity. Might I ask whom it was lost to?" He raised his eyebrows, looking at her with a stony expression.
Annabel's face reddened. "Look, Bruce, what happened between he and I is none of your business!" she said. "The point is, I love you. I do. Okay? And I'm sorry, but I'm having this baby, whether you like that or not."
He sighed, chewing his lower lip. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I shouldn't have said that. Forgive me." Bruce met her gaze again. "What are we going to do? Your uncle will have a conniption."
She sighed. "I was hoping I wouldn't have to tell him," she grumbled.
He snorted. "I'm not sure if you're aware, Anna, but it's probably going to get a little noticeable, don't you think?" he asked sarcastically. "Don't you think he's going to wonder why you're suddenly gaining weight and then, if he doesn't have to drive you to the hospital to give birth, why you suddenly have lost said weight?"
She looked up at him, a little hurt. "Well, do you have to be so damn mean about it?"
Bruce closed his mouth, a blush of shame creeping over his face. "I'm sorry," he said again. "I'm just… I can only think of one person who might have a solution. We need to get to my place and see what Alfred says."
She nodded. "Okay. Whatever."
He rolled his eyes. Was he ever going to get used to the mood swings?
Probably not.
He drove at the speed of sound to get to Wayne Manor, breaking, he knew, every traffic law but one. Once they arrived at the huge mansion, he got her things out of the trunk and carried them inside for her, putting them down in the doorway.
"Alfred!" he yelled. "Alfred!"
The old man stepped out of the kitchen wearing an apron. "What seems to be the problem, Master Bruce?" he asked, a wok in his left hand. "Please don't tell me the Joker has kidnapped Miss Nicholson again."
He shook his head, pulling Annabel in the kitchen by the hand. "We need your advice."
Alfred raised an eyebrow. "Oh, dear. On what?"
Bruce rolled his eyes. "Okay. Let's say the girl you love is pregnant, and it's not your child, but you still want to be with her. What do you do?"
"Marry her," the old butler said simply.
Bruce snorted. "Alfred, be serious."
"I'm dead serious," Alfred said, returning to his stir-fry. "It's actually legal if you have her legal guardian sign the paperwork. I'm sure you'll figure something out, Bruce." "Alfred, I don't think Anthony's going to let me marry his sixteen-year-old niece!" Bruce hissed. "Think of something more practical."
"This is practical," Alfred insisted. "No one can deny you anything, Bruce, because you have too many connections. Anthony would be afraid he'd lose his position as mayor if he didn't let you. You just have to appear as though you want her and you'll do whatever it takes to marry her."
Annabel had stayed silent the entire time, until she finally spoke up. "Well, is there another way? One that doesn't involve me being married off to Bruce?"
Alfred paused a moment, then sighed. "You could get an abortion, but I'm sure you don't want that."
Annabel shook her head. "No. I'm having the baby."
"Or you could tell your uncle and pray he doesn't have a conniption." Alfred chuckled. "Let's face it, Bruce, you're out of options. It's the only logical solution that would save both your reputations."
Bruce sighed, shaking his head in defeat. "You're right, Alfred," he said. "God knows I don't want her reputation ruined. It's settled, then. We're getting married." He turned back to Annabel. "If that's okay with you, of course."
She nodded. "Not like it really matters." Shrugging, she added, "I probably would have moved in with you when I got older, anyway."
Bruce blushed a bit. "I probably would have asked you to marry me the day you turned eighteen."
Alfred rolled his eyes, then thwacked Bruce in the back of the head with a bottle of cleaning solution. "Alright, lovebirds. Asian food for dinner. If you're going to be all romantic, get out of the kitchen. Not like I want to see it, anyway."
Anna laughed, but Bruce rolled his eyes. "Come on. Let's go to the living room and figure things out."
Jack sighed and paced around his office.
You should of let her go when you had the chance. And now you can't get her out of your head!
But I love her. Not like you would understand.
I understand more than you know . I love things too. I love to blow things up. Yes, that's a different kind of love… but I like mine better! Now come on! We have senior centers to blow up!
You're a psychopath.
What was your first clue? And wouldn't that make you a psycho since you hear me talking in your head? Jackie, don't argue with the voices in your head. You know you can't win.
He walked over to the wall and started banging his head against it. "Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up…" he hissed.
He sighed and looked at the wall. He did have things he needed to blow up. He walked out the door with his jacket, then met his loyal followers outside.
"Alright. Here's what we're gonna do. They're going to show that tape on the news. Batman will have to make a choice between the senior home or the orphanage." The Joker paused to lick his lips. "While that's going down, I want you idiots to stop the police from saving the other one. I want you three to go to the orphanage with a bazooka, and the other three to the senior home. If the police show up, shoot. If Batman arrives, stay hidden. Or get yourselves killed, not like I give a fuck." He sighed. "I'll be waiting at the hospital, where the real bomb is hidden." He grinned. "If this leaks out to anyone, I swear to God I'll find you all and make a new suit out of your skin." He started to walk off. "And don't take any photos of me in a dress," he added warningly, indicating his nurse's outfit.
Annabel sighed as Bruce turned the TV on, changing it to the news. She nearly had a heart attack when she saw the latest video of the Joker. Apparently, Batman was going to have to choose between the orphanage or the senior home blowing up.
Oh, God, Jack, no… What are you doing?
Bruce stood suddenly, clearing his throat. "Annabel, I'm going to go out and… see what I can do to help," he said hurriedly. "Alfred, keep her company. Don't let her out."
He ran down the hallway to the front door as Alfred walked into the living room.
"Bruce is going to be fine," Alfred said. "Don't worry about him."
"Should I worry?" Annabel asked, raising an eyebrow. She looked up at the little old man. "Alfred, I think you need to tell me everything about Bruce. I don't want any secrets to be between us if we're going to get married."
Alfred sighed, sitting down next to her. "It's a long story. And if I tell you, and you tell him I told you, I'll say you held me down with a wok in my face threatening to bash my brains in."
Annabel laughed. "Okay. Okay, just… tell me everything."
Alfred sighed and began his story.
The Joker sighed, turning around with his hands raised. "Well, well, well. Looks like you caught me, Batman." He sneered. "How long did it take you to decide I was probably at the hospital?"
"Easy," the Batman rasped. "All I had to do was think of the place only a dumbass would go to."
The Joker laughed, his insane grin wide, nearly splitting his scars. "Bravo, bravo! And you knew this from personal experience?"
A fist flew at his face, and the Batman slapped a pair of handcuffs on his wrists.
Grinning evilly, the Joker raised an eyebrow. "Kinky," he said, laughing. "Didn't know you were into bondage, Batman!"
With a growl, Batman flung him across the room.
"Who's your next victim?" the Joker taunted. "Is it another Russian chick? Or are you over the European stick insects?"
Batman punched him again, then dragged him out of the hospital and into a police car. Ten minutes later, the Joker was on his way to Arkham Asylum.
They put him in a straightjacket and a padded room, just to make sure he couldn't get out. He sat in a corner, glowering at the padded walls. Furious that they'd sent him here to get treatment, the Joker resolved to completely kill the last bit of sanity inside him.
If only it was that easy.
Bruce sighed wearily, stumbling into Wayne Manor. He was met with a worried-looking Alfred, who took his coat and led him to a chair.
"Where's Annabel?" Bruce asked, his voice tired as he took his mask off.
Instead of answering, Alfred helped him take the suit off and gave him a bathrobe to wear. "Master Bruce, you look tired. Would you like some tea?"
"I… I want Annabel," Bruce insisted. "Where is she?"
Alfred sighed. "She's… gone."
Bruce's eyes widened. "Gone? Gone where?" Suddenly full of adrenaline, he took the robe back off and went for the suit.
Alfred put a hand on his arm. "No, Master Bruce, just get some rest. You're the walking dead. She's fine."
"Where is she?" Bruce asked. "What happened? Was she kidnapped?"
"No." Alfred sighed. "She went to Arkham."
"What? Why?"
"To visit the Joker."
Onyxx: Special thanks to Bre for helping me write this chapter! What would I do without you?