A/N - So... who wants an update? I've had a shitty Monday so I thought what do I like to see when I've had a rubbish day...? Updates!
Thank you for your reviews, some have them hav really made me laugh so I appreciate them, and thank you so much for reading!
A month and a half later and I was suffering from a never ending hangover. I'd been out nearly every night of the week since the photo shoot, leaving with different men each night, and having to parade them in front of the paparazzi on my way out each time. I didn't have any work planned so I was free to be as reckless as I wanted without worrying about the next day. Rosalie was losing her mind at me, telling me that any good that we had done with the Rolling Stone article would be ruined by my recent behaviour, but I did nothing to stop it. I was being completely self obsessed, wallowing in my own self pity and losing myself in the party scene.
I stumbled into my apartment one morning, no doubt looking an absolute state after being nicely ravaged by a lovely young man called Mike the night before, he wasn't really sure what he was doing bless him, but he got the job done. I walked over to the kitchen, kicking my shoes off as I went, I poured myself a glass of water and turned to lean on the counter, and nearly shat myself.
Rosalie was sat on my coffee table staring at me, a magazine in her hand.
"Another good night was it?" She asked angrily.
"Nothing to write home about." I joked, stepping forward towards her, but still feeling the effects of last night and stumbling slightly, having to hold myself up.
"Look at you, you can't even walk to the fucking couch!"
"I can!" I protested and proceeded to fall over on my way. I gave up and crawled to the couch before sprawling out on it. "Was there something in particular you wanted Rose?"
"In fact there was, look what landed on my desk this morning..." She threw the magazine at the sofa next to my head, but I didn't bother to look at it. I knew what it would be.
"I don't want to look at that piece of shit Rose!" I groaned, tossing it onto the floor.
"Fine. I'll go, but you have a week Bella. One week and then I'm gone. I've lost any kind of control that a manager should have, and there's no point in me being here anymore. So you sort yourself out in a week or I'm gone. And Emmett will come with me... you can bet on that."
With that she turned on her heel and left my apartment, slamming the door behind her.
The truth is. Since leaving that shoot a month and a half ago, I'd had a complete breakdown. Edward had told me that he liked me, and that he shouldn't have left me. And because I was a stubborn bitch I turned and left, not even thinking about it.
The men that I'd been with recently were, in all seriousness, making me ashamed of myself. They all knew that for some reason, I'd recently become the easiest lay in New York, and thought they'd all get a piece before I had an untimely death. I'd seen the magazines with headlines such as "Out of Control" and couldn't even remember where I was in the photographs that they were talking about. It really comes to something when you have to read a magazine to find out what you had done.
There were so many times that I just wanted to call Edward, but firstly I didn't have any way of contacting him other than knowing where he worked, and secondly, after seeing all of those recent photo's, it's very unlikely he'd be interested anymore.
I sat up slowly and glanced at the magazine that I'd discarded onto the floor. The back cover was facing up, so I couldn't even see which photo they'd used as the cover shot. They'd sent me a proof copy a few weeks ago, but I threw it in the bin before looking at it.
I continued to stare at the magazine, wondering what Alice had written, and which bits of Edward's interview she'd left in.
***
The next day I woke up, having decided to stay in and watch T.V. for the first night in a long time. I walked out of my room, rubbing my eyes to try and coax them to wake up, and they spotted the magazine which was still on the floor. That's right, I'd left it there, taunting me for the entire day and night, but I couldn't bring myself to pick it up, let alone read it. I ignored it and walked to the kitchen to get some cereal, and sat at the breakfast bar, staring at it intently. I knew what I was doing was stupid, Edward hadn't even written the damn thing so I really shouldn't be so prissy about it. I stood up abruptly and stomped over to the magazine, looking down at it with a scowl on my face. I crouched down over it, slowly, and ran my hand over the back, willing myself to turn it over. But then I was saved, my cell phone rang from my bedroom so I stood quickly and literally ran to get it. When I saw that it was Emmett I smiled brightly, running my finger over the screen to answer.
"Hey Emmett!"
"Oh look who's sounding bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning!"
"Alright alright!" I warned, "What's up?"
"Honestly? Rose asked me to call you to check up on you."
"Ah, ok. If I ever tell you a secret, can you please remind me that you are the least subtle person on the planet?"
"Will do Bells!" He laughed, "So... everything good?"
"Yes, things are good. I stayed in last night with a tub of Ben and Jerry's and True Blood on the T.V."
"Excellent, Rose has been busting my balls about you Bells, she's worried..."
"I know, I'm sorry. I'm trying to sort it out, I promise."
"She told me she gave you an ultimatum?"
"Mmm..." I replied, thinking about her words yesterday, "It's ok, I know what I need to do, but... I've just got to psyche myself up for it."
"Do you need any help or are you good?"
"I'm good, thanks Em. I don't reckon anyone can help me with this one, I just need to be... well... I don't know, I just need to do it."
"Right well I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about but I'm gonna trust that you know what you're doing. Rose will be happy, and then maybe she'll be nicer to me... she's been mean Bells!" He whined like a child, and I laughed in response, "Anyway, have you heard the good news?"
"Please tell me she's not fucking pregnant?!" I guessed
"Of course not!" Emmett laughed, "If I accidently got her pregnant she'd cut my balls off! I was talking about Jasper actually..."
"What about him?" I asked suspiciously.
"Well he's only gone and proposed to Alice, and the crazy bitch said yes!"
"No shit!" I shouted in surprise, "They've known each other for a few months!"
"He said he knows she's the one... He's one messed up fucker. Anyway, they're having an engagement party."
"Oh right." I replied emotionlessly, "Well I doubt I've been invited, not been the best party guest recently have I?"
"The invitation only arrived this morning. Check your mail!"
I sighed in resignation as I went to get my mail and was pleasantly surprised when I saw a handwritten envelope on top of the pile. I opened it quickly and let out a happy sigh down the phone which didn't go unnoticed.
"Someone's going to the ball!"
"Oh shut up Emmett!" I laughed as I stepped over the magazine on the floor.
"So you'll be going with me and Rosie yeah?"
"I don't think we should be making plans like that just yet Em. She was pretty pissed yesterday."
"You know she'll forgive you. You should have seen her face when she read that Rolling Stone article, she was literally jumping with happiness! You look smoking on the cover as well by the way!"
"Eh, really? I haven't looked at it yet, it's on the floor."
"You should definitely give it a once over, looks like Edward decided to write it after all..."
....
I pressed the end button and dropped the phone to the floor, rushing over to the floor where the magazine lay and flipping it over.
EPOV
While staying with my parents after I left Bella's tour I was constantly on the phone to Alice. Truth be told, I didn't want her writing the article. I would phone and ask for her to find out certain things, to ask certain questions in her interviews. In the end I had to tell Alice what had happened between Bella and I, and I told her that I would still write the article, but asked her not to tell Bella.
Alice would send me all of the transcripts and copies of the photo's she had been taking, so I was never far from my next Bella fix.
When the tour ended I knew I wouldn't see Bella again, and I resigned myself to the fact, so set about writing the best article I could. After a few weeks I flew back to New York, and was immediately called into a meeting with Carlisle to go through what I had so far. When I arrived at the building I headed up to Carlisle's office and showed him the first draft, and to say he was impressed would be an understatement. He was proud that I had managed to see a Bella Swan that the world didn't know, and my revelation about her writing her own songs was like gold dust apparently, "It will be the making of you," he said, while patting me on the back firmly.
Just while I was turning to leave he mentioned something about a shoot taking place in the basement which piqued my interest.
"What was that Carlisle?"
"Oh... Alice has got her in the basement doing her cover shoot."
"Her?" I asked, I could hear my voice getting higher with excitement as I spoke, "You mean, Bella?"
"Yes, Edward. Bella..." He frowned at me quizzically.
"Oh right..." I answered, more calmly, but inside there was a full on fun fair taking place, "Well, it was nice seeing you, I'll make those changes and then email it to you, ok?"
"Excellent. Good work Edward, I'm very impressed."
"Thank you, sir." I nodded and closed the door behind me.
I tried to walk down the stairs slowly, but my heart was willing me to jump them two at a time. When I got to the last stair case that would take me to the basement I stopped. What if she didn't want to see me? What if she's forgotten who I am? What if she's changed her mind?
I stood for a little while and thought about it. But while doing so, I heard her laugh coming up the stair case and engulfing me in her happy sounds. Without my brain willing it, my feet carried me down the stairs. I stood in the doorway in complete awe.
Bella was stood in front of the camera in a tight white tank and lace panties, doing air guitar and pulling gurning faces while her and Alice both laughed. Her hair and makeup made her look indescribable, and I felt myself getting hard watching her prance around the studio.
Just then Alice turned around and stared at me, the huge smile on her face dropping and a confused frown replacing it. She gestured me over to her, and I walked sullenly over to where she was standing, hoping that Bella wouldn't notice me there.
"What are you doing here?" Alice hissed at me.
"I didn't know she would be here, I promise, I came in to see Carlisle," I whispered back.
"Well now you can just go because I really don't think she wants to see you."
"I was going to. I don't even know why I came down here. I just needed to... see her again." I glanced over Alice's shoulder to where Bella had been dancing around happily and saw her staring at me intently, with what looked like anger in her eyes.
And that's when I ruined everything. Again.
She walked out of my life after I told her how I felt. And I was literally crushed. Unable to even move from the spot where she left me.
After a stern talking to from Alice I returned home and revised the article like Carlisle had asked me to. I still wasn't happy with it though so I played around with it for a few more days, refusing to leave my apartment, working on Bella's article was like having her with me, her face greeted me every time I went to look at the article on the screen, the shots that Alice had taken surrounded the page haphazardly and I took a moment every couple of minutes to look at her.
After a week of perfecting the article I emailed it to Carlisle, and he was more than happy with the results.
I went back to work a few days after emailing Carlisle the article, and while there were no band reviews to write, I got given a pile of CD's to listen to and review, as well as a list of dates and gigs I would be at so that I could review them. I guess I couldn't get the cover feature every month could I?
However my inbox was getting ridiculously rammed with the recent stories about Bella's antics around New York's party scene. My work mates seemed to think it was funny that we were about to publish a story saying how she wasn't like this, and she was out proving me wrong.
She had a different man every night, and was always completely smashed and wearing trashy dresses, and you could see with every night that passed the damage she was doing to herself. She clearly wasn't eating, and was becoming thinner and thinner, her pale skin was becoming almost translucent, her face was gaunt and her eyes dead, void of emotion. Every picture I saw made me feel guiltier, and it took all I had not to head over to her apartment and force feed her, telling her I loved her. But she was done with me now. She didn't want me.
That's the problem you see. Seeing all those pictures made me realise I actually love her, I'd never been in love before, and I really didn't think that my feelings for her would be strongest after seeing her destroying herself in front of the world's media.
***
The morning the magazine was published, Alice came storming into the office with a bottle of champagne and two glasses, heading straight for me and throwing her arms around me excitedly.
"How does it feel?" She beamed at me.
"How does what feel?" I laughed.
"Knowing that right now, everyone is reading an article that you wrote!" She looked at me like I was crazy, and I shook my head at her.
"I'm sure people have better things to do than head straight out and get Rolling Stone!"
"Urgh fine! You're such a killjoy!" She humphed and popped open the champagne, pouring us both a glass.
"Is it not a little early?" I question, picking up the glass and tilting it in her direction in my appreciation.
"Not when you're newly engaged it's not!" Alice squealed, shoving a huge fuck off diamond in my face.
"Fuck off!" I shouted, grabbing her hand, "Jasper proposed?"
"No, Sherlock, Jude Law proposed to me!" She joked, "Isn't it great?"
"It's amazing, congratulations! You and Jude will be very happy together!"
She laughed and hit me playfully on the chest before we both polished off our glasses of champagne.
A few days later, while sitting at my desk, my phone started to ring, it wasn't very often we received external calls on our extensions, so I answered it gingerly.
"Good afternoon, Rolling Stone magazine, Edward Cullen speaking, how may I help you?" I visibly cringed at my ineptness at answering the phone in a cool manner.
"Edward? It's Rosalie... Bella's manager."
"Rosalie? Hey... How're you?"
"I've been having a shit time recently actually, I'm sure you haven't missed the total breakdown Bella's having at the moment?" I didn't answer, so she continued, "Well yeah, she's been impossible, she's not listening to anyone. But that's why I called you, I've just given her a copy of the magazine, she threw it on the floor but I reckon she'll read it in a few days. I just wanted to say thank you. It's amazing."
"Oh, well... thanks. It's not a problem, really."
"No, really Edward, it's amazing, I don't know how to thank you."
"You can make sure that client of yours gets some food in her... she's disappearing..." I said in all seriousness. Rosalie didn't answer for a few long seconds.
"I will. So... I'll see you at the engagement party then?"
I thought for a few moments. Alice had been mentioning something about a party for the last few days, but I've had to block her out, her constant talking gives me a headache.
"I'll be there."
"Excellent, well, I'll see you soon then I guess!"
"Yep, bye Rosalie, thanks for calling."
"Bye."