Chapter 11: Leave

The thoughts in my head were causing the headache. What was I going to do about Deidara, Pein and Hidan? Hidan was just a friend so I didn't have to worry about that very much. **knock knock**

"No one fucking understands me. They can all go to hell." Speaking of Hidan… I thought. Hidan sat down on the bed next to me.

"What do you need Hidan-kun?" I asked. He stared at the floor and answered.

"I want to talk to some one who understands me. Some one like you." Hidan tried his best to hide his blush. I wasn't really paying full attention to him. His eyes strayed from the floor and locked onto mine.

"I can't help but feel that you still have feelings for Deidara. He's long gone though." Hidan sighed.

"Uh… sure." I didn't want Hidan to know about Dei. Hidan still stared into my eyes.

"I have something for you. Hang on a second." He dug around in his cloak and pulled out something. He grabbed my hand and put the object in it. I looked at the object I was holding. It was a neclace, a Jashin symbol hung from the silver chain.

"Why?" I asked him.

"I thought maybe you'd like something to remember me by."

"But you're not going anywhere are you?"

"No, but it's like a token of how much I love you." He leaned in and his lips met mine. I was shocked to say the least. His hands cupped my face and his lips were soft and not forceful like I'd expected. Blood boiled under my skin and my heart pounded so hard I thought it'd come out my chest. Hidan knew what he was doing and I could tell when his tongue swept into my mouth. He felt around with it as if he needed to make a mental map of the inside of my mouth. He pulled away and murmered.

"I needed that."

"Thanks for the necklace." was all I could say.

"Jashin has told me it's okay for us to be together." Hidan whispered. I was about to stand when he pulled me back down.

"I have to go." I said.

"Please. Don't go." Hidan put his hand on mine. I shivered at his touch.

"Hidan, I don't want our friendship to go any further."

"You and I both know that you're just saying that." He kissed me again and this time I felt more. My whole body felt hot and tingly. I did want the friendship to go further. I never imagined this happening. Hidan's lips moved from my mouth to my neck. He kissed my neck and ever so gently sucked at it. He moved from there to my collar bone. He kept going down. And down. Finally I came to realize this.

"Stop!" I shouted. Hidan pulled his face up to look at me.

"Did I do something wrong?" He asked.

"No. But, I can't do this. Not after-" I cut myself off, not wanting to let it slip about Deidara.

"Not after what? Is there something I don't know about?"

"That's not it. Hidan, I really like you too, but like I said. I can't do this." I slipped away from him andwalked over to the window-wall.

"I don't want you to leave. Will you consider being immortal with me? All you have to do is drink this." I noticed Hidan was standing next to me holding out a vial of scarlet red liquid.

"I'll consider it." I took the vial from him and continued speaking. "Please give me some alone time to think."

"Sure thing. Remember that I'm always there for you, Kat-chan. No matter how much you may not like it." Hidan kissed my cheek and left the room.

Remember the me and Hidan are just friends bit? Now I believed different. I sat on my bed and cried. I was so confused. What was I suppose to do? I had an idea on the subject. Here goes:

One; break up with Deidara. I really didn't want to do that but, I could go on loving some one who isn't even alive. Especialy when only Rukai and I can see him. I really loved Deidara and I was devistated when he died. But I needed to move on with my life. Did I want to; no. Was I going to; I had to.

Two; break up with Hidan. He just barged right in and told me how he felt. I liked him a lot now and I wasn't willing to give him up. He might have his swearing problem but he really was a good person. You know, also aside from the ongoing rituals and looking to Jashin for everything. Did I want to leave him; no. Was I going to; no.

Three; break up with Pein. I didn't even know if he liked me or not. I had to know but, what would I do if he did like me? Love me I mean. How would I deal with that? I wasn't sure. He seemed to be in love with Konan before I messed up and she got killed. He fed me lies in the beginning but he also made up for it when he told me I interested him and he conforted me in my time of need. Did I want to break up with him; no. was I going to; I should.

I cried and cried till it hurt. Deidara came back in the room and sat next to me. He put his arm around me and pulled me close to him.

"What's the matter baby?" He asked.

"Nothing's wrong. Just leave me be." I answered. "What do you mean by that?"

"I can't be with you anymore Dei-kun. I can't go on loving some one that other peole can't see." I shrugged out of his arm and stood.

"I don't want to leave, un." he said still sitting.

"I have enough to worry about, I can't go sneaking around to go have fun with a dead person." I felt tears escape my eyes. I wiped them away as quick as possible.

"But I love you, un."

"Deidara, you don't understand. I need to move on!" I noticed that my words hurt him.

"If you don't love me anymore just say it, un." Deidara sighed looking at the floor.

"I still love you but, I can't. I'm alive and you're dead. It just won't work."

"I still love you to. I just thought… I could be with you as long as I wanted, un. I thought that would make you happy." Deidara's voice was all cracky. He looked up and his eyes were all puffy and red and tears rolled down his cheeks. I couldn't stand seeing him like this. I wanted to hold him in my arms and tell him I was sorry. But I couldn't, not when I was trying to get rid of him. I stood my ground.

"Deidara, go back to where you came from!" I shouted. He looked even more hurt.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't please you, un." Deidara wipped away his tears. "I didn't know you wanted to move on. I'll go now, un." He stated then left. I stood in my place, not moving. My body wouldn't let me. Pein walked in and stared to speak.

"What happened in here? I heard you screaming. Are you alright?" he asked. My body regained movement and I fell to my knees.

"What have I done!?" I screamed as the tears returned. Pein was at my side instently.

"What happened to you?" He asked. I couldn't keep it in. I told him everything.

"How the hell did you do that?" He asked. "Is that even possible?" I nodded and continued.

"I wasn't expecting it to happen. Now I know what emotional pain really is." I sighed. "My life sucks."