Wow, I didn't think it would take this long to settle on how I wanted this section to turn out...laughs As I mentioned in my profile for those who like to know what's going on with my stories, this section has been written and rewritten about nine different times from different vantage points. The profile gets updated each time I think of a new story or update one of my current ones. The bad thing about this happening is that it took so dang long to get this chapter out to you. The good part? It's almost 2500 words long, freakin amazing for me when compared to the chapter word counts of my other stories that this place keeps track of.

Scary-Girly - Loving the reviews :D and the touch with the gym showers /giggles/ that was a last minute touch that worked out well.

Stanza - I'm glad that I could bring a bit of laughter into your day with this fic. I worried that Chloe 'n Lana were a bit too much but I modeled them after my younger sisters and figured it's called fanfiction for a reason lol, glad to see that I'm not the only one who thinks the teens act way too old.

Crazy Danae - I promised more Clark in this chapter, I tried to keep it in mind as I worked on it, hope it provides you with enough of a fix to last until the next chapter. :D

Windyfontaine - The Halloween chapter should be next unless my evil muse provides me with enough imagery to work with to flesh out another decent chapter. I'm happy that you've stepped out of the shadows and dropped me a review, really happy as reviews are my candy and chocolates...mmmmm candy and chocolate, gotta run, muse is taunting me!

I am thinking more seriously on finding a beta, even if it's just to prod me in the right direction when I get stuck on parts of my stories.

This week on Lifestyles of the Buff 'n Shameless...

At the Mall – Membership Renewal

Bold gold font scrolled slowly up the monitor against a maroon background, an army of dutiful letters telling stories of adventures that happened in the sleepy little town of 'LustVille,' home of the Farm-Boy. A disturbance at the curtain pulled the attention of the reader, alerting them to the imminent emergence of the occupant. A slow smile pulled the corners of Lex's mouth as he quietly closed his laptop and folded his hands to wait patiently.

Clark stepped from the dressing room, the curtain sliding from his shoulder like a reluctant parting touch in Lex's fanciful imagination, and a relieved smile graced his friend's lips when green eyes lockedwith his own blue.

"I really appreciate you bringing me back out here to exchange these, Lex," Clark walked further from the dressing room to better show Lex how his current selection fit. "Mom was swamped with orders for the Talon and Dad was busy with the farm."

"Well, it wasn't like I was going out of my way to bring you to Metropolis," Lex smoothly cut through Clark's nervous rambling and gestured for him to take a look at himself in the mirror. "I did have some papers that needed to be brought to my father today and some documents to review." Clark nodded at his words and cast a quick look at the mirror to his side from under his bangs before returning his focus to Lex, awaiting his approval. Schooling his face into an expression of thoughtful consideration Lex pressed his fingertips together and brought them up to his mouth as he studied Clark and his clothes.

…The color his face turned when The Pink and I started whistling when he stepped out of the dressing room with those tight black pants that we picked out clinging to his long legs and that ass…well lets just say that we both were amazed that he hadn't burst into flames and set off the fire alarm…and how he managed to pour himself into those pants we shall never know. If curtains could tell tales…

Now, these pants were nowhere near as tight as the pair that he had come to exchange, but they weren't the usual baggy monstrosities that he had sported when they first became friends. The straight cut clung just enough around the hips to hint at the well-developed muscles yet allowed Clark the comfort of his sensibilities. His gaze rose from the dark blue jeans and traveled up to the heather gray sweater that draped comfortably on Clark's upper body. The color worked well with Clark's more exotic coloring, something that wouldn't clash horribly with the flame red flush that had a tendency of burning across the high cheekbones.

…Thank god for overly strong air conditioning that can be found in clothing stores after 'suffering' a 3-hour drive baking in a tiny car, it has an interesting effect on body parts. If it wasn't for the fact that the store didn't have any shirts smaller than the one The Pink had picked out…

Lex twirled his index finger indicating that Clark slowly turn around so that he could see the full effect. Chloe's voice quietly murmuring the words he had just been reading as Clark nodded slightly and raised his arms a few inches from his waist and pivoted in place, eyes watching his careful steps as his view of Lex moved from his line of sight.

…Think extra small sheer black t-shirt on an extra large frame, if the air conditioning was any colder his nipples probably would have ripped through the shirt when he inhaled, much to the delight of the assisting clerks…

Mortification colored a voice cast low enough that no one other than Lex could hear, "It was so embarrassing…" A furtive glance around to see if anyone could hear him, then, "I heard one of the other customers while I was changing tell Chloe that she shouldn't bring me out in public with so many clothes on, it was a crime against nature to have so much 'Grade-A man-meat' covered."

As Lex had thought, when the brushfire that scorched Clark's face flared, the color of the sweater didn't clash or make the redness more pronounced. He gave Clark a wry grin and gently shook his head sympathetically with Clark's distress. He lowered his hands to his laptop and leaned back in his chair and Clark waited expectantly for his announcement.

"It would work well with the other clothes that you already have," Lex pronounced while splaying the fingers on his right hand in a small gesture, "As well as giving you a newer, more confident look for this school year without it being such a drastic change to bring undue notice. It is your final year, yes?"

Clark nodded, the unease that had creased his brow smoothing away at the positive endorsement, "Yup, and then it's off to college." A bright grin flashed before he was turning back towards the dressing room, words drifting back over his shoulder, "Anything in particular you want to see next, Lex?"

"I want to see the hunter green polo shirt next Clark, I'm sure the other pair of pants will be fine." Lex watched patiently for the curtain to fall into place before the lid to his laptop came back up, the screen turning back on to Chloe's LiveJournal. Eyes rapidly scanned the page looking for where he left off…ah-ha there it is.

…Poor Farm-Boy, nearly jumped out of his skin when one of the other customers walked behind him and pinched one of his cheeks, you would have thought the lady mauled him with both hands while shouting "BRRRRRITSKY!" He yelped and bolted for the safety of his dressing room only to find that The Pink deviously took his clothes and hid them in another shopping bag leaving him with just the clothes he had just come out in…

"They took my clothes and wouldn't let me change into another outfit. I'm not sure how or who they got to take them, but the clerk gave Chloe a discount for the 'walking advertisement.' Why would girls do that?" Clark's bewildered tone clearly carried to him, a quick look towards the room showed Clark's feet pointed away from the curtain, he still had a few moment's to finish the paragraph.

"Well Clark," he said slowly, as if he were taking time to think about what he was saying instead of trying to divide his attention between what he was hearing, saying, and reading. "Some people find it easier to express their interest -" he gave the slightest pause, the girls did what! He continued, trying to keep his voice steady, "- through actions than words, sometimes the actions only have significance to the person performing the action."

…When the Farm-Boy refused to leave the safety of his dressing room The Pink resorted to blatant manipulation. Boy are we ever lucky his mother taught him to be nice to girls, because I don't think very many people would have fallen for it had they grown up in the big city. The Pink gives me a quick wink before her face crumpled in an exquisite display of soul deep heartbreak. She bowed her head, long dark hair falling like a silk curtain to shield her face from the world and a single sound, the softest hitch of breath issued from within.

"You mean like when you hear parents telling each other that when a boy in elementary school pulls on a girl's hair or trips her it's because he really likes her?" The soft thoughtful words were accompanied by the sounds of rustling clothes and Lex looked up quickly to see a single sock clad foot surrounded by the bunched leg of light blue jeans joined quickly by another sock clad foot. 'He decided to try on the other pair of pants,' he realized, 'excellent…'

…I've said it before and I'll say it again, Farm-Boy has a preternatural sense when it comes to anything regarding The Pink. She sniffed, and I mean the kind of sniff when you're sad but trying to hide it. Farm-Boy popped his head out not even two breaths after she sniffed, saw her pose and without further hesitation he's by her side asking her what was wrong in that soft 'I really care about how you feel' croon that makes you want to lean into him. How in the hell did he hear it over the air conditioning, customer chatter, in-store music, and cash register? It was barely loud enough for me to hear and I was only a chair away!

"Yes, that's exactly what I mean," he answered, distracted and torn between wanting to tease Clark for his obvious gullibility when it came to a certain pink princess's wiles and showing him that he was being snowed over. He could hear Clark hopping around in the tiny cubicle as he pulled on his other pair of pants, the rustling of fabric and the sounds of a zipper pulled closed spurred him to read the next paragraph faster.

…The Pink wouldn't raise her head when she reluctantly confessed that she only wanted to spend an afternoon with him in town while he wore something that she had picked out for him. He told her that he didn't mean to hurt her feelings, that he'd wear them for the afternoon…you could literally see his anxiety ratchet up as each concession he made failed to get her to look at him. When he offered to carry her purchases for her so she could be free to see the shops her hand raised to wipe at her cheek while brushing the hair from her face. "You don't have to do that for me," she told him softly, still looking at the floor..

"Why wouldn't they just come out and say something instead of embarrassing me like that?" Clark's words and sigh were muffled by the shirt being pulled over his head and by the curtain that rustled when the outline of an elbow pressed against it. It didn't sound like Clark was expecting an answer but it did take much of his restraint not to point out Clark's own continued avoidance on asking the pink princess to be his girlfriend. It also looked like he might have enough time to finish off the next paragraph in the entry.

…"I know but-" he said, The Pink cut him off with merely a look, his words faltering as he waited. "Could we just get something to eat at the food court instead?" Her slight hesitation at the request had Farm-Boy nodding his agreement before she finished asking. "And perhaps-" she paused…

With a start at the sound of the curtain being opened, Lex closed the laptop before he could finish the next section. He was thankful that he had learned from an early age to present a calm demeanor towards the rest of the world, it was times like these when it came in handy. Clark flashed him another grateful grin for his 'sacrifice' that wasn't and turned in place at Lex's prompting awaiting his final decision. The sun-bright smile that Clark gave him when he deemed it 'good enough' was thanks enough. He knew it wasn't just for taking him back to the stores and getting the clothes exchanged, it was for listening to him tell a very edited version of what happened on his shopping trip and not pushing platitudes in one form or another to excuse or explain what happened.

"Would you like to grab some dinner before heading back to Smallville? Or are you too famished to bypass the food court?"

Lex chuckled when he heard Clark's stomach loudly announce its presence while they were completing their clothing transaction. Clark's face flamed bright red as the cute clerk loosed a tiny giggle at the droll tones but she could clearly see the teasing half smirk that flickered across Lex's mouth. Clark ducked his head and mumbled something about being able to wait. Lex breathed an internal sigh of relief, thanked Clark for his consideration, and quickly drove them to one of Metropolis's family owned restaurants.

When they arrived the owners heartily greeted them, "It's so good to see you, Lex! Welcome back!" When Clark's questioning gaze met his after they were seated in their booth he simply replied, "I used to come here to eat before, during my clubbing days. I suggest the briam, or the pastitsio if you're feeling adventurous."

Clark looked thoughtfully at the menu, eyes scanning over the unfamiliar words before he looked over to Lex, "So what's pastitsio?"

A slow smile crossed his face as he filled Clark in on the contents of the food choices, relating them to foods he would be more familiar with. Clark did end up with the pastitsio, his surprised reaction to actually liking the Greek casserole brought laughter to their table. After the initial surprise wore off Clark dug into the food with gusto and filled Lex in on the rest of his shopping trip with the two girls. Clark blushed, Lex laughed, and they left with the well wishes and reminders that they were always welcome to come back.

When Lex entered his office after dropping Clark back at the Kent Farm he found a folder on his desk from the investigator he had hired to find out where Chloe was keeping these pictures of hers. As his laptop powered up he read through the report, which simply listed a date, time and location. It was meaningless to anyone else but to Lex it told him that KryptoAngel had been active, today while he was shopping with Clark in Metropolis. The location surprised him; he didn't think that the person would be so bold as to access from the public library where anyone could discover them in the act.

After he logged onto the Internet and opened the LiveJournal of The Nose he found where he left off from this afternoon –

…"And perhaps-" she paused giving Farm-Boy just enough time to swallow the bait, hook, line and sinker with an eager and willing-to-please nod. "Could we take some pictures in the picture booth in the food court?" The pictures? Well, lets just say that the resulting blush and clumsiness was worth 3 hours of entertainment on the drive home. KryptoAngel was awesome in getting these images turned into the work of beauty that is nowmynew LiveJournal icon in such a short time.

KryptoAngel's contribution? The animated gif cycled through the picture booth's 6 pictures showing Clark and Lana posing together, then one where she's kissing his cheek and the resulting shocked expression warring with blissed happiness and a bright red blush as he gazed off camera after Lana's departure.