The first thing Lily did when she woke up the next morning was stumble to the kitchen to chug two large glasses of water and pour another to take back to her room with her. Hangovers were foul. The second thing she did was start a list of all the reasons why she couldn't date James Potter. Lily was a capital list maker.

Why I can't date James Potter:

1. Sev would feel so betrayed. Sev was my best friend long before James "I'm so witty and unfairly good looking" Potter drifted into my life. Sev should have first priority, even if he has been a prick lately.

2. Sirius. He hates me. And he's James' best friend. Doomed from the start.

3. I have two jobs. As in no time for this nonsense. I need to focus on my career and on making actual friends, not hanging around platonically with people I secretly want to shag.

4. James can be an actual moron. I mean, yes, he's generally on the right side of the big things, but on an individual basis, he's been a bully, and he doesn't really seem that regretful.

When it was completed she sat back and surveyed her handiwork. Sadly, it didn't make her feel any better. She threw the paper aside and rolled out of bed again, giving into the pounding behind her temples. She needed fresh air and she needed something greasy.

Half an hour later, Lily stepped out of the shop down the street, tantalizing smells curling out from the oil-spotted paper in her hand. She started to walk, taking an enormous bite of pie as she went and burning the top of her mouth. She tried to just walk and not acknowledge the fact that her feet were leading her towards the tube stop. I will not go see James, I will not go see James, she muttered to herself. I will walk right past that tube stop and I will not get on and I will not go see –

"Lily!"

Her heart stopped. She squinted ahead. Emerging from the tube stop was James. Typical.

"I was just coming to see you!"

He got closer and she tried to avoid looking at him by taking an enormous bite of pie. Unfortunately, that meant she was unable to say hello. They stood there in awkward silence for a moment, then James held out something wrapped in butcher paper.

"I brought you a sandwich."

Lily, mouth full of pie, raised an eyebrow at him.

"You can save it for later."

Lily swallowed with difficulty. "What kind is it?"

"BLT."

"That's my favorite."

"I know."

Lily raised an eyebrow at him.

"You…mentioned it at some point."

She nodded slowly.

"So, do you want to walk to the park or something?"

"I, uh, I suppose so."

They started to walk together, buffered by an extremely uncomfortable silence.

"So…did you have fun last night?" James asked.

This is not happening, this is not happening. Lily coughed.

"Ah, yes. You have very…exuberant friends."

"I like them."

"Clearly."

There was another silence. Lily really hadn't wanted to see him before she'd had a chance to sort out her own feelings. Whenever she was around him, her judgement got clouded in a way she didn't trust.

"Why'd you come to see me?" she said, without really considering how unfriendly it would sound.

"Well…you're my friend. I just wanted to see you. If that's ok."

"I mean, you could have called."

James looked surprised by her coldness. "Well, to be honest, I hadn't entirely decided yet whether I was actually going to go through with it. Still working up the nerve."

Lily was thrown off by his bluntness, per usual. He seemed able to wear his heart on his sleeve so effortlessly, as if he wasn't laying himself bare for her perusal. It almost made her jealous.

James cleared his throat. "What are you doing out here?"

She held up her pie. "I was hungry. And I wanted to get out of my apartment, I suppose."

"How are things with Snape?"

Lily shot him a suspicious sideways glance. "Why do you ask?"

"Just asking, no agenda. Wondering how you're settling in."

"He's - " Lily hesitated. She had been about to answer honestly, but she normally preferred to keep her friend issues private, especially when the person asking was James Potter. "We're fine."

James walked in front of her, turning around and walking backwards so they were facing each other.

"Lily…what's up?"

"The sky."

"Har har. Seriously, what's going on?"

"Well, if you must know, I'm not talking to Severus now. I don't like the way he's been behaving," she answered, purposefully ignoring the more general nature of the question.

She thought for a moment James looked disappointed, but she may have been imagining it. "Sorry to hear that."

She shrugged. "His choice."

"Maybe he just needs time. Like, he wants you to be a part of his life here, but he needs to figure out how that's going to work. I mean, you were friends from a very different time and place, right?" He was looking at her shrewdly, and Lily wondered whether he was really talking about Severus. She decided to change the topic.

"How are your friends. Have Sirius and Peter gotten over their fight?"

Now it was James' turn to avoid her eyes. She watched him closely, wondering if he was going to be honest with her.

"It's…complicated. They're able to be in the same room together now."

"You mean Sirius is able to be in the same room as Peter."

Lily watched as the bewilderment on James' face started to transform into hostility. Lily almost felt relieved – maybe she was picking a fight to avoid having an awkward conversation with him, or maybe she was taking out her horrible week on him. Either way, it felt like some steam was being let out from a valve inside of her.

"What's your problem with Sirius?"

"What's his problem with me?"

"I-what?"

"Oh, don't play dumb. Sirius doesn't like me, he's made that perfectly clear."

"Yeah, well, you won't even admit to Snape that we're friends. At least I try to forgive my friends for their bad moments."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You're demanding, Lily, you can't deny it!"

"Demanding?!"

"Demanding of yourself, demanding of your friends. I mean, Jesus, you and Snape have been friends for what, 15 years? And you move down here and he won't spend as much time as you want him to, or introduce you to his friends when you want him to, and you freak out. I mean, God help me, I never thought I'd be defending Snape, but do you do that to everybody, Lily? Cut them off when they mess up once?"

"Once? What the hell do you know, you haven't been in our flat for all of our fights!"

"Fine, but sometimes I feel like you're spending time with me just to get some sort of revenge on him."

"Why the fuck are you defending Severus?"

"I don't know," James roared, surprising both of them. "It's just…I don't even know why you're here right now. You seem to just keep tolerating me because you haven't had a reason to cut me off yet. You are so fast to judge and so slow to forgive."

"Well maybe people just have to earn my trust."

"But how the fuck will I earn it, Lily?"

"I'm confused, is this about you or Severus?"

"How do I know you won't just drop me like you've dropped Snape? You've barely known me a month."

"I didn't drop Sev, James. Stop talking about things you don't understand."

And then they were silent. Everything they had said hung in the air, along with several things left unsaid.

"I haven't dropped Severus. But if I do, James, it will be because I want to, not because I can't forgive him."

"Why not?"

"He's…not the person I thought he was. He's not honest with me. That's what I need, above all. Honesty. Listen, James, I know I'm hard on people. It's how I am. It's who I am. If you don't want that, you should leave now."

"I'm not saying I don't want it Lily, I just – I need to know where we stand. I need to know…if we're friends. And I know we didn't get off to the best start, and I know maybe our best friends hate that we're friends. But…I like you. And I still want to be your friend – I want to make it work. But to be your friend, we have to trust each other, and I have to know that you want to be my friend. And I don't know that."

James' voice was quieting now, and Lily found something in her unknitting. Maybe she hadn't wanted a fight, after all. Maybe she'd just wanted an excuse to be honest, for once, instead of always holding her cards so close to her chest.

"All I'm saying. Lily, is that you can't go through life ready to be disappointed."

"I don't."

"And we have to learn to work through the differences between us. I may not understand, experientially, what you've gone through or what you're going through. But I am willing to listen. I just wish I knew whether you were willing to talk."

"I am, James," she said, realizing as she did so that it was the truth. "But you can't expect me to be perfect overnight."

"I don't expect that – I would never expect that!"

"Then what do you want?"

"I just want to know that – that you want to keep trying to be friends. That you put up with me and my mistakes and my stupidities because you want to, because you're getting something out of spending time with me. I feel like I keep being as honest as I can with you, and you never open up."

"I take longer than you do."

"Fine."

"But…sometimes I feel like you're the demanding one. This – everything in my life right now is new. Everything except Severus, I suppose. And that makes me…guarded. But I do like you. I enjoy spending time with you. When you're not being a prat."

"Well, I could call you a self-righteous know-it-all, but I won't."

"Because that would be more hurtful than all the shit we've just said?"

"Because it's not true. You're just trying to disguise your insecurities. You're just as imperfect as the rest of us."

"You caught me."

"I'm imperfect too."

"I know."

"I'm a horrible human being sometimes."

"I know. I heard the stories."

"I'm letting my friends down, because I can't hold us together. I don't listen to Remus enough. I don't talk to Peter enough. I don't tell off Sirius when he's being stupid."

"You can't fix everything, James."

"But I can't stop trying."

"Sometimes you've got to. Sometimes giving up, at least temporarily, is the only thing for it. You've got to learn to give up, sometimes."

"You've got to learn to depend on people."

"I depend on you to try your bad hand at semi-accurate psychological analyses."

"I'm cheaper than therapy."

"Are you, though? Because I'm pretty sure therapy doesn't give people headaches."

"But it doesn't give them free sandwiches either."

"I hate you."

"I hate you too."

Another silence. Longer than the last. Finally, taking a deep breath, Lily broke it.

"So. I'm…sorry. For being pissy since the first moment I saw you today. And for being judgmental about your friends. From now on, I'll try harder at being open with you about how I'm feeling so it doesn't volcano up every once in a while. And I will tell Severus that we're friends."

James' face broke into a grin. Lily didn't quite feel like smiling yet, but the next moment he had pulled her into a hug.

"I'm sorry, too," he said, speaking into her hair. "For saying you aren't patient enough with Snape – that was really low of me - "

"And also really out of character," Lily piped up from where her face was pressed into James' chest. She could feel his chuckle vibrate in his chest. She shivered and pulled away.

"Yeah. I was projecting what's going on with my friends, but it's a totally different situation. You deserve way better than the way he's been treating you. And I promise I'll talk to Sirius about not being an asshole around you."

They started walking again, closer than they'd been before, and Lily felt the knot in her chest loosen. She finally felt like someone in London was on her side.

"So, while we're being honest with each other…wanna talk about that kiss?" James said, waggling his eyebrows.

"Not a chance."

James laughed.

Lily started that week with a far more cheerful outlook than the previous Monday. It didn't escape her notice that when she fought with James they ended it with the air far clearer and grievances redressed, whereas when she fought with Severus it felt like the list of forbidden topics just got longer. She tried not to dwell on it, however. Denial was healthy sometimes. Instead, she buried herself in work. She left late on Wednesday in a haze of exhaustion. She was so lost in thoughts of how comfortable her bed was going to feel at home that she almost didn't register the sound of her own name.

"Evans? Lily Evans?"

She looked up. A man – about her own age, or maybe a little younger – was waiting by the streetlight just outside her office. He was wiry, with closely-cropped black hair. He looked shifty and uncertain, and Lily was immediately wary.

"Do I know you?"

"I'm a friend of Snape's."

Lily felt a jolt of fear.

"What's wrong with him? Is he hurt?"

"What? Snape? No, he's – he doesn't know I'm here."

Lily reverted right back to suspicious.

"How do you know who I am?"

He shrugged noncommittally. "Look, can we go somewhere a little more private?"

"I don't think so."

He was surprised by her hostility, and the emotion made him look younger, naïve. Lily stayed firm.

"Whatever you need to say, you can say it right here."

"I – oh fine," he spat, his eyes darting around. "I need your help."

"Why don't you start with your name?"

He hesitated. Finally, "Regulus Black," and all at once Lily realied that she'd heard his voice before - arguing with Severus in the apartment. She wasn't sure if it was just because she was looking for it, but she could also see something of Sirius in his nose and cheekbones, as well as the relentlessly darting eyes, although Sirius was certainly the handsomer of the two. Although still guarded, Lily felt slightly more relaxed knowing he was genuinely a friend of Severus'.

"What do you need?"

"You work here, right?" Regulus said, indicating the Phoenix Foundation building behind Lily. She nodded.

"You do, immigration law and stuff?" Lily hid her smirk and nodded again.

He rocked a bit on his heels, stealing himself, then spit out, "I need you to talk to somebody at a detention centre."

Lily arched an eyebrow, but finally acquiesced to her curiosity. "Let's walk. We can go to a pub. While we walk, why don't you get a little more specific." Regulus gave a jerky nod.

"So," Lily began. You want to get into a detention centre - "

"Not me," he interrupted quickly. "I can't. I need someone else to go, someone who won't be out of place." His tone was aggressive, but it couldn't be plainer that he was completely out of his depth, this rich boy from an old British family.

"And what do you need this person to do?"

"Give a note to someone who's in there."

"Why don't you send a letter or an email?"

"Communication's monitored. Never know who's watching."

Lily gestured for them to enter a pub they were passing. They sat in a secluded corner and Lily took her time pouring over the draft menu, trying to gather her thoughts. She needed more information, but Regulus' demeanor told her she'd have to handle him delicately so as not to send him running.

"This sounds very spy novel-like. So what's in it for me?"

"Money. £200."

Lily's eyes widened. Her instinct told her nothing good could come of getting mixed up in this. Regulus seemed to sense he was losing her, because he swallowed then said, "Look, it isn't anything illegal. It's just, my company owns the centre - "

"T.M. Riddle?" Lily interrupted, shocked. Regulus looked like he wanted to swallow his words. He grimaced, then seemed to decide he was in too far to stop now.

"I need to get a message to someone in there…a friend…and I don't want my superiors to know I'm communicating with someone who is in the country illegally."

"Why not? It's not a crime. What are your bosses going to do, fire you because you're friends with someone who's undocumented?"

"Maybe…"

Lily scoffed. "Please, I don't buy it, you're going to have to do better than that."

Regulus started to look desperate. "You don't understand! Half my family works for Riddle, if any of them got wind – I'm trying to protect someone."

Lily had to keep herself from snorting. Of course it came down to xenophobia. She shouldn't be surprised, after what James had told her about Sirius' family.

"So, this friend. Are you trying to get them out?"

"Ideally."

"Why not go to Sirius? You know he doesn't hate immigrants."

Regulus' face seemed to crumple. "Go to Sirius? Yeah, right." He gave a harsh bark of laughter that sounded suddenly like his brother. "He'd kick me out before I could open my mouth, and probably give me a black eye for my trouble."

"Why not James, then? I know you know him from school, and I'm certain he wouldn't give you a black eye. Plus his father is high up and knows many more important people than a 23-year-old who's knew to London. I may research immigration, but I'm not a solicitor. About the most I could do would be to get a note to them."

Regulus opened his mouth, then closed it. He looked trapped. He started to drink more beer, then put his pint down suddenly, looking Lily in the face for the first time.

"Wait, how do you know Sirius and James?"

A whirl of fake stories shot through Lily's head, but she pushed them firmly aside. She wasn't lying anymore.

"James is my friend."

Regulus looked unabashedly shocked. "You…and James Potter? And Snape lets - "

"It's not up to Severus who I'm friends with," said Lily in a steely voice.

"I'm just…surprised." If she wasn't much mistaken, Regulus' lip was curling in something resembling a sneer. "I wouldn't have thought Snape would want his girlfriend - "

"Hold it, his what?!"

"I mean, you and Snape - "

"Who told you that?"

Regulus was definitely sneering now.

"I mean, we all assumed. Snape kept you closeted away in that flat, wouldn't let any of us meet you. We just thought you must be his, well, with him."

Lily felt sick. If that's what Sev's friends thought about her, what did he think. She had never entertained the idea that he felt anything more for her than friendship. Maybe it was just a misunderstanding. She was done with detective work; she was only finding out things she didn't want to know.

"Fine. I'll do my best." She held out her hand. "Where's that note."

Regulus hesitated, his smirk gone now.

"Well, this is what you came for, right?" she bit out impatiently.

He finally concurred, reaching into his pocket and pulling out an envelope with the name "Dorcas Meadowes, The Manor Detention Centre, Rickmansworth, UK" printed neatly on the front.

"That's sealed, and if you open it - "

"I'm not going to open your note," Lily snapped.

"Fine. Let me give you my mobile. Text me when you've delivered it and I'll get you the money."

Lily intoned her mobile number and tucked the envelope into her bag, feeling like the whole thing was slightly surreal. She still wasn't sure what she'd just agreed to, or whether she'd come to regret getting involved.