Author's Note: To be truthful, this has been almost done for more than a few weeks. I was hoping to get it up a few days after Thanksgiving, but obviously that didn't happen. The truth is that one of my friends committed suicide on December 2 and I lost my will to write for a bit. Sorry to be so blunt, but there's really no other way to say it. If I may, I would really appreciate it if everyone who reads this could take five minutes and stop by my profile page. I've put something up. There's no way I can force you to do this, but it would mean so much to me if you all could. Hopefully, there has been no drop in quality, though I must warn you, it has not been beta read. From me to you. Thank you and enjoy.
Disclaimer: I own most of the things you don't recognize, but nothing else.
I was in the forest again, walking slowly, searching. The rain hit me like a thousand tiny whips, stinging my skin as though my clothes weren't even there. Not that they offered much protection in normal cold, but a little shielding would have been nice. The trees were dead or as good as dead, all their leaves shed, their branches thin, spidery claws reaching for me, trying to restrain me, to keep me from my goal. My goal... What was my goal? Who was it that I was looking for? Night pressed in all around me, there was no life, no air, almost as though the forest were constricting like a serpent. The purple-green mist was thicker than before, swirling about me impatiently, grabbing at my arms and legs. Shadows loomed everywhere, behind the trees, inside the rain, even my own was staring at me greedily. They weren't even shadows anymore, actually, more like... a concentration of darkness, as the glow from the mist that lit my path was little more than a lack of darkness. Why was I here? Why had I come? The rain made no sound, my footsteps silent in the mud, the mist coiled around me as I pushed through it.
"Kouji," I called uncertainly. 'Kouji, Kouji, Kouji,' the shadows whispered back teasingly. I tried to ignore them, my feet moving mechanically through the muck. "Kouji, are you here? Where are you?" 'Where are you? Where are you?' The shadows answered like some kind of obnoxious parrot. I bit my tongue and pressed on to no place in particular. The forest seemed so tight, so small, black and grey walls of swirling darkness creating a sphere about eight meters in diameter with me at its center, yet I never ran into a wall. It just kept going and going like I was in one of those hamster balls. "Kouji? Kouji, please, if you're out there say something, anything!" 'Anything, anything.' I gasped as something very solid grabbed me by the arm, pulling me backwards. I yielded easily, stumbling and turning sharply. No one, nothing, only the leering forms of darkness. Gingerly, I steadied myself against a slick tree trunk, glancing around as if the assailant was still within my line of vision... somehow. I opened my mouth to call out, but the shadows did it for me. 'Kouji, Kouji, Kouji? Kouji, Kouji, Kouji?' No answer, nothing.
I sighed and turned to keep moving. Why or where I was going, I don't think I'll ever know, but I had to go. I had to find him, at least, I thought I did. What other reason could I possibly have had for being in this desolate place if I wasn't looking for him? A dead branch snapped, leaves rustled like footsteps to my right. I spun around, my frozen limbs like lead, my balance barely qualifying to be called such. There, in the trees, there was something- no, someone. Someone I knew. "Kouji!" I started to run, following the broken trees and the wobbling branches, the splashing of something moving just behind the next turn. "Kouji, wait! Don't go! Kouji, stop!" My throat burned from yelling as the icy air tore at it like a collection of reluctant knives protesting the sudden movement. I could see him now, he was just ahead of me. I could see his back, the flash of his shoes, his hair as it flicked around a corner like a wolf's tail. I ran faster, ignoring the pain, listening to my blood as it pounded through me. This time I was going to catch him. This time, we were going to speak. We would make the family whole again, we could all be happy again. Everything I wanted, everything I needed was just in front of me, just out of my grasp. And as soon as I found it, as soon as we were together, my life would be perfect. I could see my destiny running just ahead of me.
Suddenly, something reached out, grabbing me firmly just above my elbows. I yelped as my ams were practically torn from their sockets. I would have fallen if their grip hadn't been so strong, so controlling. They held me in place, restraining me even as I pulled against them, my breath catching and tearing. "Let go! Kouji! Kouji!" I screamed, not bothering to see what it was that had me. He kept running, pushing through the darkness as though it wasn't even there, his eyes fixed ahead, his ears deaf to my voice. "Kouji, no!" Even as I cried for him, as I begged him to save me, my body began to slacken in despair. How could he save someone he didn't know lived? He didn't turn, just kept running, fading into the distance. The black wall that held me didn't exist for him, it couldn't contain him, couldn't stop him. He wasn't like me. Kouji passed right through the dark sphere, leaving me alone. I blinked, my breath caught, my heart began to quicken. "No... NO!" I yelled, jerking suddenly against my restraints, thrashing like a fish on a hook, fighting desperately to follow him. "You can't do this to me! You can't just leave me! I'm your brother, your twin! We're blood, you can't!" The words tore at my throat, I felt something oddly warm in my mouth, almost like when you get a rug-burn and imagine you can feel the wetness of blood on your knee even when you are staring right at the dry skin. That pain wasn't important, but it was infuriating, fueling my rage. "You have to come back, can't just leave me here." Here by myself. Alone. Alone with him.
"He can't hear you," whispered a voice by my ear, a low, rough, growl. It was... familiar. "He's not capable. The light can't recognize the darkness. To do so would be to admit it's own flawed nature, that it has failed in seizing everything for itself." I stopped moving, tensing like a statue as the words slid into my unwilling mind.
"What do you mean," I asked slowly, staring straight forward, my gaze empty. Chilled breath tickled my neck, sending goosebumps down my arms and spine while a solid and heatless form pressed against my back, enticing me to turn around and discover what was hiding in the gloom. "What are you saying?"
"Only what you already know to be true," murmured the voice. My breath slowed as numbness began to tingle at my fingertips. "Kouji will never notice you or admit to your existence. If he did, your presence would be nothing but a burden to him, you little more than an obstacle to overcome. He would destroy you merely because you are not like him, and then he would take everything that was yours, that could be yours. Everything that should be yours. That is his nature."
"That can't be." My thoughts were slow, sluggish, cold, but my senses were sharper than ever. The longer I was in the strange forest, the more at home I felt, the more appeasing it became. All knowledge was fading from my mind, replaced by raw emotion and sensation. Instead of knowing that my mother was sick, I felt an overwhelming sense of grief ; instead of thinking of ways to fix my life, I felt rage and a insurmountable desire for some form of vengeance. I could sense the creature behind me, sense its power. But the strongest feeling of all, the one that could not be drowned out by the creatures tainted logic, the one I knew this place wanted me to forget, was a sense of ethics. I still felt just how wrong it was to fell the way I did. I could still distinguish between morally right and selfish hunger. And it was wrong to hate my brother. "He doesn't know I'm alive, we've never actually met. How can you know what he'd do? How can you know how he thinks?" The creature's grip tightened and I winced, trying to jerk away.
"I don't need to meet him," it hissed, angry, sickeningly dangerous, "I've seen him through your eyes, seen him joke and laugh and play while you work harder than any of the others just to stay alive. Seen him look straight at you and not see, and ignore. Seen him live his happy life while you suffer in the shadows, shine so brightly, so brazenly, that even your own father abandoned your mother and you and still refuses to acknowledge your mere existence. All for him. He's proven time and again that he doesn't care about your pain, that you matter less to him than that obnoxious bandana of his." I closed my eyes and hung my head, unable to truly and certainly deny anything it had just said. It sensed my indecision, my weakness. Smirking, it released me and moved its... hands, if you could call them that, to my ears. I shivered, trying not to think about those hands. They were five fingered and frozen, like dead paws, the hard but still remotely fuzzy skin sliding easily through my hair like one of those fake, bobble-head dogs. Claws that were never distinguished from the hands made little dents in the sides of my face, causing me to hold myself as still as was possible.
"I don't mean anything to him, I'm not even there as far as he is concerned," I said blankly, stating the only concussing I could have possibly come to, the only thing that made any sense. Despair swelled within me, but I couldn't do anything, my body just wouldn't move, my expression just wouldn't change. I felt hollow, alone, wrathful, and cold. Above all cold.
"Yes, you are nothing to Kouji. He has taken everything from you and will continue to do so as long as he remains. Your life is meaningless so long as he exists." The voice seemed to come from the hands now, surrounding me. There was no denying it, no escaping it. "All of your patience and hope have led you only to pain. If you want results, you need power." The hands moved again, one sliding to my shoulder while the other reached around my head, grasping my chin gently. "The power of darkness." It tilted my head up, forcing my gaze onto a crimson object. My eyes widened, my stomach clenched, my heart stopped.
It was small, maybe the size of a basket ball, and glowing. A thick, crimson mist surrounded it and emanated from it, staining my forest with color. The surface was black and smooth, solid across most of the body. At its center, there was a wide, scarlet eye, the white looking unnatural and out of place. Fanning from the central eye was a web of black rods stretched over red flesh. Two pillar like forms framed the edges, their bases sharp and crowned with more eyes. They slid upwards, bleeding into another set of eyes, these ones larger and staring straight out to either side, unblinking. At the peaks two skeletal dragon heads perched, their teeth bared, their eye sockets empty holes. The object was crowned with a skull-like helmet, its empty eyes narrow and unforgiving, spikes fanning out behind it. It called to me, it wanted- no, needed me. I was meant for it, and it for me.
"Admit to the darkness within you. Embrace your fate and become one with this Spirit of Darkness! Destroy Kouji and the light!" Darkness? Was that what this feeling was, darkness within me? I was darkness? It was my purpose to destroy the light? But Kouji. He was my brother, the embodiment of light or not, my twin. How was it right to kill him? What had he done to deserve that? Could I even do it? Could I destroy my own brother?
"No," I snapped defiantly, jerking away and spinning around . The disembodied hands hovered uncertainly, the glowing eyes, yellow and more solid now, narrowed in annoyance. "I won't do it! I'm not like that, I won't do it!"
"You are a difficult one! Nevertheless, the dark seed has already bloomed inside of you. You can't escape."
"No. I won't let this happen, I won't let my self become that!" I pointed at the Spirit, the incarnation of all the darkness inside of me.
"You're too late. Look at yourself." I blinked, gritting my teeth and setting my face. "Look." Slowly, reluctantly, I glanced down at the ground, my stomach sinking. Tendrils of darkness had consumed my feet and were grasping greedily at my knees and lower thighs. I tried to move, to get away, but their grip had grown too strong to break. "You're already becoming that. You will seek out the Spirit of Darkness and you will become one with it. That has already been decided. You will come to me of your own free will, You can not turn away now." My breath was coming in short, panicked gasps, my body trembling in fear. Lord Cherubimon leered. "I'll be waiting, Kouichi."
I gasped, my head jerking and my hands flexing. My fingers brushed across something cool and smooth, sending goosebumps up my arms. Cautiously, I opened my eyes, blinking uncertainly in the new light. I was out of the forest, that much was obvious, but where this new place was, I couldn't quite figure out. I raised my eyes tentatively, taking in the wide, smooth, industrial room with its silver walls and pale yellow floor. That floor was very, very far beneath me, unusually so. How was that possible? Groaning, I rolled my head into an upright position, trying to get a better angle and wincing as I did so. It was killing me, as if there were a thousand little miners inside my skull, all searching for irregular mineral deposits in the bone with honed picks. I tried to rub my temples with my semi-cool fingertips, but somehow, I couldn't move. Confused, I glanced down at my hands, staring at them in absolute astonishment. There were thick, silver bands across my wrists, holding them securely to the chair's arms, loose enough to allow me some movement, but tight enough to ensure that I wasn't going anywhere. Why? Where was I and why wasn't I allowed to leave? I scowled, trying to make sense of it, then consciousness slapped me in the face.
I grunted, straitening and straining against the bands of metal. Perhaps they had a weak spot, somewhere that would give if I tugged hard enough. My hands clenched into fists, my wrists working back and fourth, up and down. Death was unlikely at this point; however, it was preferable to what I knew they had in store for me. Snimon had wanted to kill me. Now that I knew what the other, Nabikasumon, wanted, I wished he had. He was going to take me, willing or not, to Cherubimon-sama, who would then turn me into some kind of monster. Bile climbed up my throat and I pulled harder, wiggling my wrists until I could feel the bite of the metal. I would loose myself easily if they got to me, that was clear, bend like a cooked bit of udon to their will. That couldn't be allowed to happen. I slid my arm through the loop as far as it would go, making my hand as thin as possible, tucking my thumb against my palm and straightening my fingers, even bending my pinkie in. Because if it did, if they found me and brought me to Cherubimon-sama, my brother would die. I pulled my arm back as quickly as I could, trying to ram it through the restraint. It was barely even stuck, barely to the widest point where I could squeeze myself to freedom. I began to twist my hand painfully, trying to wedge it further in. I would kill him, kill my brother, quickly, without hesitation. All for the numbness, the escape the Digimon offered. There was a sharp pain and Zoe's handkerchief was marked by a new stain. A very loud cry hissed through my teeth, drawing all attention to me.
This was particularly easy to do. Someone had placed me on top of the central chair, the one where Snimon had occupied when I'd first come in. It had since been outfitted with some new features, including several pillows and the metal bands, but it was the same tall chair. The platform it rested on was narrow, just wide enough for my feet and maybe another pair, the pillar I was perched on long and smooth, but not unclimbable. A small table jutted out to my right, bearing an assortment of oddly shaped food smelling of miso and tofu. How I was expected to eat it I couldn't say, but it was warm, enticing. The passageway, which should have been a gapping hole in the technological façade, was gone, however a small, indistinguishable lever was poking out to the left of where the passage had been. One could probably open the door using it, but it could have just as easily dropped a 16 ton weight for all I knew. There was a cluster of Goblimon off to my right. I could see them just out of the corner of my eye, doing their version of a gossip circle. My presence was big news, obviously. Snimon was nowhere to be seen and, thankfully, neither was Nabikasumon. I could make an escape, so long as I did it quietly and quickly. Gingerly, I withdrew my bleeding hand from the cuffs, examining it. The cut was across my first knuckle, small and mostly superficial, but it stung like nothing else. Wincing, I closed my hand into a fist again, trying to push out as much blood as was possible to induce clotting. I'd had my fair share of cuts and scrapes, I knew how to handle them well enough with both hands and a spare piece of cloth. Turns out that it's much harder to stop bleeding with no hands while tied to a chair.
"The pink outsider's alive," exclaimed one of the Goblimon importantly, pointing one larger, green finger at me. The rest just stared, dumbfounded. I turned sharply, peering at the boorish mob, analyzing them, looking for something that could help me. Each one carried a club and, from what I could conclude, had been assigned to guard me. For what reason seemed to escape them, none appeared particularly concerned by my movement or presence. Some were even looking rather awkward, as if I was some sort of baby giraffe that had just landed in front of them and exclaimed 'Mama'. They may have put me up here, but it was evident that they didn't have the slightest clue what to do with me.
"What he doing?"
"Don't know. Aren't we supposed to do something when he wakes up?"
"Yeah, we're supposed to tell Snimon and Nabikasumon! I remember!" He remembered? How long had I been out? I blinked several times, shaking my head slightly to make sure I was really awake.
"You! Go get him."
"No, you go get him!" The discussion didn't continue much further, unless the grunts and muffled sounds of rough flesh ramming rough flesh constituted a discussion. As easily as they had noticed me, they had forgotten. I still had time, I could still slip out unnoticed, assuming the Goblimon were as focused on conflict as I took them to be and I could get out of the chair. I started to struggle again, ignoring the pain as best I could.
"You must have realized by now how futile that is," breathed a voice from no where in particular, a voice I wished I didn't recognize. Somehow, Nabikasumon had materialized right behind me, held securely to the pole by two of his tails. The rest of them were coming around, caressing the edges of my vision as his long, thin face slid over my shoulder, one violet eye staring at me. He had no pupils, so for anyone else this might have been difficult to conclude, but I could feel it like a cold gust of wind across the side of my face. One of his tails brushed the back of my hand, his bitter scales causing me to twitch. "You may leave now," he stated to the Goblimon, not looking at them. It sounded civil, but wrapped inside was an unmistakable threat. The Goblimon froze in the middle of their... argument, blinked once collectively, and marched out of the room with as much dignity as they were capable of.
"Please, forgive their rudeness. The Goblimon are truly tactless, but they make excellent guards and soldiers. One merely has to, how to phrase this, direct their aggression." I didn't say anything. I couldn't. Trapped in a corner and my hunter was trying to make small talk before the kill. That one was going on the list of things that would have been very funny under different circumstances. "I hope you are comfortable. This is, after all, a factory and I wasn't sure how well it could suit your needs. I have done the most these incompetent fools will allow me. Are you pleased?" I risked a quick glance, 'Are you kidding' written all over my face. It- he, looked amused. "Of course, some comfort had to be sacrificed in order to assure that you wouldn't leave before I got a chance to properly introduce myself. I am Nabikasumon, servant of our Lord Cherubimon and, by extension, you, Son of Darkness."
"What did you call me," I demanded, looking at him in the most direct manner I could manage. His wide, serpent lips were twisted up into a grin, his eye still staring at me even though the rest of his body remained perfectly still.
"The Son of Darkness, the child chosen for the Spirit of Darkness, the one destined to become the greatest of us all. Ruler of the Dark World, second only to Lord Cherubimon himself!" I stared at him, amazed. Me? That couldn't be right, I was just a kid. An ordinary kid who'd had the misfortune of being informed that he had a long lost twin brother and enough of a moron to seek him out. There had never been anything particularly special about me, nothing remarkable. I was a good student, like the rest of my class, and a decent artist, like half the school. The only thing that distinguished me from all the other eleven year olds in Japan was that I had some medical expertise and, ironically, it was the one thing I wished I didn't need. This entire concept of being sought out was new to me, let alone for something as big as this.
"You're lying," I said slowly after a minute, breaking eye contact and looking at the floor. "That's impossible." He wanted something from me, that was the only logical, rational thing I could come up with. Information, perhaps, about the others and their Spirits. To think anything else was to admit to the darkness inside of me, the darkness that wanted to become all those things and more. "You're trying to use me for something."
"Ah, yes," he breathed, sustaining his 's' for longer then was necessary. "It is understandable that you would react like this. I apologize for being so presumptuous." He dipped his head, his dry, serpent tongue brushing my shoulder. "You're not used to being treated like you matter, like you're important to someone. Like fate has chosen you for something. Things such as these are usually reserved for people like..." His tongue slid between his lips thoughtfully and he tilted his head so both jeweled eyes could stare at me, savoring the moment a little more than was polite. "Kouji." I tensed, my body going ridged.
"Yes, people like him get all the glory, the action, the love. Not because they deserve it, no, they never deserve it. Kouji demands it, he wants to steal it all for himself and leave people like you alone. Alone and suffering. But you never think about that sort of thing." I made no reply, refusing to acknowledge him at all. At least, refusing to let him see that his words were... being heard. He knew. "Never the less, on occasion, while you watch him, you wonder what it would be like to be him, don't you. Do you envy him for what he has stolen from you? Do you hate him for shunning you? Are you pleased to know that in this world he will be forced to know your torment?"
"Stop it!" My yell echoed through the room, my eyes squeezed shut, my hands clenched into fists. "Just stop it. Why are you doing this?"
"It is not my intent to cause you pain," Nabikasumon said, his voice monotone. Two of his tails twisted around my arms as he slid over the back of the chair, contorting his body so his head was level with mine, his gaze pouring into my mind. "But you have been deluding yourself for too long, denying that witch tortures you and using a cotton ball to stop a hemorrhage. If you want the pain to cease, then you must destroy the light which causes it. You must destroy Kouji, or he will destroy you. One way or another, you will confront him in this world. Son of Darkness, you can't escape your fate" I looked at him, my lips parted just slightly, my breath uneven. Could he have been right? Was there really no way to avoid this conflict with my brother? I'd been trying and trying, but theses things kept following me, kept coming back. And these accusations, theses awful things about Kouji I kept hearing, were they true? How could they be true? He didn't know I existed, how could he possibly want to take everything from me. We had just been babies when our parents had separated, that couldn't have been his doing. And yet... the more I heard it, the more I believed Kouji was responsible for my agony.
"Why," I asked meekly, my anguish reflecting in Nabikasumon's eyes. I could see myself, see the fire in my eyes flicker and fade, see them beginning to take on a non-reflective, red hue. He didn't answer me right away, his silence a pressure all around me. Carefully, he began to uncoil himself, retracting his tails, untwisting his body. I stared forward blankly, my thoughts sluggish as disorganized. Nabikasumon rose before me, his body twisted about the post, freeing his tails to wave magically behind him, as if caught is some sort of storm. His head was tucked, his eyes staring at me intently.
"He does what he does because he is the light," he stated softly, coldly. "It's in his nature to be cruel and selfish. He hates you on principle, so you should hate him."
"Hate Kouji?" Nabikasumon nodded sternly. "And destroy him." He nodded again. I looked at him, then away, towards the lever on the wall, my escape. If only one of us could survive this, then shouldn't it have been me? Didn't I deserve to go back to our world more than Kouji? Didn't I have a mother to care for and responsibilities to attend to, whereas he had only a child's life? The thoughts flowed smoothly, simply, naturally. There was no pain in them, no indecision, only numbness. Even so, there was something wrong about them, something inhuman. I jerked, my eyes meeting his subversively, fire burning brightly within them once more, their navy color undeniable. "No," I said flatly. "No, I won't. I won't fight my own brother." If the only way to stop the pain was to stop being human, then I'd be in pain. I remembered how I'd felt with the Goblimon before they'd brought me here, how I'd wanted to hurt them- end them. I would not allow myself to become that over something so selfish, I couldn't let myself forget why I was here. "You're wrong. If I want to stop the pain I shouldn't hurt Kouji, I should talk to him."
"You're a fool," Nabikasumon spat, his eyes narrowing in anger. "The only thing light can do is harm, but you're too blind to see that. Blinded by illusions and prejudice." The metal of the pillar was creaking under the pressure as he tightened around it, his amethyst eyes taking on a garnet tint. Then, all of a sudden, they cleared up and he relaxed, almost smiling. "You are confused," he cooed as if to a skittish dog. "You're afraid of the darkness, you think it evil, how misguided. Poor boy, let me show you." The restraint on my wrists snapped off suddenly, freeing me. There were red marks where they had bitten into the skin and my hand was a bloody mess in the most literal sense, but I was free. I was so stunned I couldn't move beyond the careful flexing of my fingers. "As far as you've been told, darkness is nothing beyond pure evil, but this simply isn't true." One of his tails grabbed my bandaged hand, removing Zoe's handkerchief softly. I winced as the bleeding started again,trying to yank it away.
"What are you doing? Let go," I demanded.
"Be still. Let me show you the true face of darkness." He inspected my hand, stretching his mouth open as wide as it would go, unsheathing two long, thin, ivory fangs. Something not quite liquid dripped from them, blacker than night and oddly gaseous. It evaporated before it fell more than a few centimeters, exploding into twisting mist like powdered snow slithering across a dry road as the cars drove over it. It was fascinating. "Ebony Taint." Before I could comprehend what was happening those fangs were in my palm, injecting the darkness into my flesh. I gasped, unable to move or understand. The fangs were imbedded in my hand, but I felt no pain. Just a chill, a cold chill seeping into my skin and climbing slowly through my veins, creeping up my arm. The world began to darken, all detail and color beginning to fade, replaced by a new image. The Spirit of Darkness wavered before me, calling, promising, insisting. All I wanted was to reach out and take it, claim it's power and its protection, take refuge and cease to fight. It would have me, one way or another, of that is was certain. And there are no words to describe how intensely I wanted it.
Then, as quickly as it had started, the fangs withdrew, the cold faded, the vision wavered. I blinked, panting and examining my wounds. They were gone, the cuts, the scabs, the bruises, vanished as if they had never existed. The fangs had left no mark, no soreness, nothing. The pain was gone, I was healed. Cautiously, I touched it with my other hand, my fingers tickling the sensitive flesh as they probed. I pulled it up to my face, scrutinizing where the cuts should have been. Nothing. Nabikasumon was smiling, pleased by his work and my reaction. "Do you understand now? Do you see what you are," he asked fondly. I didn't know what was happening, what was going on. The silence ticked on for what felt like an eternity, the world shrinking until it was just him and me. He watched me closely, as if he was expecting something. Something big.
"What do you want," I whispered, staring straight into his eyes, my voice barely audible.
"You."
I don't know how long I sat there, staring straight ahead. The food sat to my left, untouched and cold, despite the fact that I hadn't eaten since the Floramon's soup. Nabikasumon had left me alone in the room, not bothering to replace the restraints or tell me not to go anywhere. He watched me from a room at my back, but I could sense that he had no intention to act if I moved. His lack of concern should have made me feel nervous, but I couldn't muster the emotion. I couldn't feel anything, really. The room around me was there, but it didn't seem real, like the food, the lever in the wall, the people outside, the fact that I was actually being held against my will. All that existed were Nabikasumon's words, my dream, and my uninjured hand. Everything else had lost it's significance. What could be important about a stone hall way when my very nature was in question.
This entire situation was not to my liking; I never wanted to be involved in anything like this. But I was- no, more than that. I was not just involved, I was at the center, the cause and sustaining force. It was all about me, and I... didn't really know how I felt about that, and I hated that I didn't know. The only thing I had ever wanted was my mother's happiness, and that translated into a family, a less stressful life, and the disappearance of all financial worries. In short, everything Kouji had, something Nabikasumon had made all too clear. His life was my dream, that I couldn't deny. But the other things, that I wanted to take it all from Kouji, that I resented him, hated him. I didn't know what to make of them. Then there were the things Nabikasumon had said about Kouji, that he had purposefully stolen that dream and left me with nothing, that he wanted to shut me out completely, eradicate me, that if I didn't fight him he would fight me. That one way or another there would be war between us. I didn't want that, I didn't want to fight him.
When I'd started following him, it was out of curiosity, but it grew into something more and I had to add another thing to my list of wants: the desire for him to notice me. I wanted to meet him, I wanted to talk to him and more. I wanted to know him, which morphed into wanting him to know me. If Nabikasumon was correct, then Kouji and I didn't have this in common. That was no reason to hate him, no reason to destroy him, just as it wasn't proof that he was against me. The fact that Nabikasumon and Cherubimon-sama were trying to twist it into that confirmed that I couldn't trust anything they said. They said that the darkness wasn't evil, that it was power and I could use that power to attain my dreams. They'd told me that my suffering was Koji's fault, that if Kouji was gone, my pain would go with him, an idea that had been festering inside me for weeks. Perverse as it sounds, a part of me had been relieved to hear it from someone else. But they had motives other than my ultimate happiness, they wanted me. So I could bond with that Spirit, the Spirit of Darkness and become whatever it was they intended me to become. And then what? What would become of me once that happened? Would I still exist, or simply be his servant, the Spirit's host? Would I be in control of my actions, or a puppet for darkness?
I didn't understand, but I knew that I couldn't trust anything that came from them. That didn't mean their words didn't affect me. I was hurting, angry, vulnerable and the more I heard, the more I felt like doing whatever they asked of me. Cherubimon-samma and Nabikasumon had accused me of feelings I couldn't deny, yet they validated these feelings, replacing my pain with bliss, my anger with vengeance. If I acted on emotion alone, then the fight was lost. I couldn't trust my feelings. I was hearing voices, seeing things others weren't, so I couldn't trust my senses. The only thing left was my knowledge, logic, evaluation and conclusions based off of irrefutable fact. I had never introduced myself to Kouji, so he couldn't be guilty of willingly ignoring me. It hurt, but I knew that he didn't even realize he had a brother. And this thing inside of me, this darkness that made me such a good fit for the Spirit of Darkness, I had heard it, felt it. I knew what it wanted and what it was willing to do to get it. It would lie, manipulate, backstab, even kill without remorse. It was strong, powerful, and determined. Good wasn't the right word, but I couldn't prove that it was evil. All I knew was that it was dangerous; I couldn't loose to it, no matter how tired I was, no matter how tempting it was, I couldn't let it take over. My hands curled into defiant fists, my jaw setting as I lifted my head, determined. For the moment, my head was clear, but with Cherubimon and Nabikasumon pressuring me, it wouldn't last long. I had to leave.
"Nabikasumon! Nabikasumon, where are you?"
"I am busy, Snimon," he said dangerously, his low voice reverberating through the room. I chanced a look behind me, trying to see just how close he was. He was over by the wall, his head turned towards the opening to his left, his amethyst eyes garnet. "Can you not see that, or has your intelligence finally given up on you all together?"
"Nabikasumon, sir, I'm sorry, but this is urgent," cried the Snimon from somewhere behind me.
"More urgent than Lord Cherubimon's orders?"
"Actually, yes! The other humans, they're in the Kokuwamon barracks! They're planning to attack the factory!"
"And this would affect me in what way? I have what I came here for, I don't care what happens to you or your precious factory." He was referring to me. I looked away quickly, trying to fake my previous catatonic state.
"Well, I would think you would at least want to consider my plan. While they're attacking, it would be the perfect time to take their Spirits and rid Lord Cherubimon of those pesky humans! Get rid of them once and for all!" The other humans? Zoe, Takuya, J.P., and Tommy, they were in danger. I turned my head very slightly, listening to the Digimon intently.
"What are you planning? Is it possible that you have actually thought something through?"Nabikasumon sounded approving if not slightly skeptical.
"Yes, of course. What do you take me for?"
"A halfwit." Snimon snorted angrily, but chose not to retort.
"If we storm the barracks in the middle of the night while they're asleep, they won't even have a chance to evolve! It'll be easy!"
"When will our men sleep? You haven't thought this through, as usual. Take all the Goblimon off duty now. Assign half of them to the front gates incase the humans decide to strike first. The rest should prepare for the assault. We'll attack several hours after sunset and destroy anything that gets in our way until we have the Spirits."
"But the Kokuwamon!"
"You've managed to redeem yourself, slightly. Stop talking before you ruin that as well. We will discuss this further, come."
"What about the boy?" Nabikasumon turned his gaze to me critically. I twisted back, staring forward blankly, pretending I was too dazed to understand.
"It does not matter, he will return to me in the end. It is unavoidable." There was a scuttling sound, like large insect legs moving across hard, smooth ground, and then silence. They were gone, at least, I thought they were, planning the destruction of the others. A giddy feeling began to build in my chest as the implications of the situation began to hit me. I felt crazed, twitchy, and the distinct desire to laugh maniacally. True, I was free, but for how long? He was right, I could sense it. I could hold off the storm of emotions, but not forever. When would I come back, begging for the Spirit and the numbness? How long would it be before I was the one sent to find these Spirits, sent to take them? And then there were the other humans to worry about. What would happen to Zoe and the others without those Spirits? How would they survive in this strange world without them? Who would look after them, protect them when they could no longer protect each other? I started to feel panicked, like something was closing in around me. Maybe Nabikasumon was right, maybe I couldn't be saved, but they could. I had to warn them, help them. They were in the Kokuwamon barracks, so that was where I had to go.
Gingerly, I stood up, feeling my way around the platform. There had to be some way down that didn't involve falling. Maybe a Digimon could land it, but I'd break something. On the back of the post behind the chair there was something. I knelt down, peering over the edge at the oddly dispersed poles that were poking out of the metal like some kind of improvised stairwell. Unusual, but effective. Carefully as was possible, I turned myself around, reaching for the first pole with my foot and gripping the edge of the platform. This was unlikely to turn out well, but the only other option was to jump. Reach down, grip pole, reach down, grip pole, don't fall, don't fall, don't fall. It was rather frustrating to know that, while I was taking my sweet time getting down the others were in danger. I glanced down, maybe two more meters to go. Gritting my teeth, I tried to quicken my pace, refusing to test each pole before I trusted my weight to it. Not smart, especially considering my history in this world. Two steps down the pole snapped and I fell on my butt. My impact might have been quieter than a bomb, it's debatable. I really needed to stop doing that.
"Hey," yelled someone at the door behind me. I turned sharply, coming face to face with a staggered Goblimon. "What are you doing?" I scrambled to my feet, staring at him in horror. "Get back here," he shouted, waving his club threateningly. I ran for it, ramming into the wall next to the lever and fumbling with it. The Goblimon was lumbering up behind me, not very quickly but gaining ground nonetheless as the passage entrance slid open. "Nabikasumon wants you! Stop running!" I dashed into it, the desire not to be hit with a club combining with a blooming fear of being taken back to that snake and my previous anxieties about the other humans getting the life beaten out of them, pushing me into hysteria. I started to run as fast as I could, bouncing off the stone walls and dodging the candles. And I didn't stop running until I reached the other end. I burst out into the cell like area, yanking on the lever to close the door behind me, my breath heaving and my legs shaking. Safe, for the moment. My knees buckled and I slid down to the floor, leaning my head against the cool wall, slowing my breath and trying to focus. Now was not the time to have a breakdown, not when the others, Zoe and J.P., Takuya and Tommy, not when they needed me. If I didn't go now, they'd be blindsided. The Goblimon would have no problem overwhelming them and, without their Spirits, they'd be trapped here. That couldn't be allowed to happen.
Pursing my lips and forcing myself to focus, I pushed myself to my feet, wobbling only slightly as I braced myself against the wall. I took several deep breaths, slowing my thoughts so that they had time to form completely. The Goblimon were all off duty and the Kokuwamon were in their barracks for the night (as far as I knew, I really had no clue what time of day it was), so the halls were clear. However, that also meant the front door was out of the question. I ran my fingers through my hair thoughtfully as I moved towards the bars, sliding easily through them and starting down the hall. The Kokuwamon couldn't be allowed to use the main entrance, that would be tacky, so there had to be a sort of servant's door. It would be somewhere hidden, or somewhere tourists wouldn't go. I walked back into the lighted halls, wincing and shielding my eyes. Absently, I glanced into one of the glass enclosed rooms, looking around. There was the conveyer belt, the parts bucket, chairs and the like, everything you would expect. Nonetheless, there was something peculiar about the room, something that frustrated me to no end. There was no way in. I scanned the room again, looking for anything that could explain how the workers got to their posts. Something caught my eye, a door just big enough for a Goblimon in the back corner, made of the same industrial material as the walls and painted to match. It blended in perfectly, barely noticeable and probably only obvious if you were looking for it or already knew it was there. Clever. Maybe...
I reached out and pressed on the glass, trying to figure out a way past it. That door had to lead outside, and from there I could find the barracks and the others. Nothing, no weaknesses, no hidden panels, nothing. I had to get passed this glass. The darkness surged within me, offering me its strength and its resolve. I needed that. Perhaps I could use it, as long as I didn't allow it to control me. It worked off the same ideas as Cherubimon-sama, that Kouji didn't want anything to do with me, that I should hurt him and obtain revenge. I didn't want revenge, I wanted to meet my brother. As long as that was a reality, as long as I had hope that we could still become a family, I could resist this darkness. I could fight it. The darkness fell over me, but it didn't concur me like it had before. My eyes didn't darken, my emotions didn't fade. I was still me, I could still warn them. This must be what it felt like when they turned into Digimon, the power surging through you, traversing instead of drowning in it. For better or worse, I was still Kimura Kouichi. A part of me cried out, expressing the intense desire to fade into the darkness, but I knew better. If I let go now, I would be washed back to Nabikasumon and the others would be doomed. It was a fine line, but I had no choice but to walk it.
Face set in resolve, I turned back into the dark hall, grabbing one of the boxed on the right. I marched back to the window, dragging the box behind me like a reluctant dog, then, gripping the edges firmly, I swung it through the window. The glass shattered, spraying the conveyer belt and floor. I pulled up my arms o shield my face, but surprisingly enough nothing hit me, at least, nothing I noticed. Blunt, but effective. I crawled through the hole, avoiding the jagged edges and stepping cautiously across the shards as I made my way to the door. This entire facility had to be designed so that the Goblimon could operate it. Their hands were too big and cumbersome for a key any smaller than a grapefruit. The door was unlocked, a little small, but not impossible. It led into another stone passageway, lit by torches just like the other one. This one actually branched off, straight tunnels leading to other rooms in the factory. But each one was clearly marked, so it was easy to navigate. It felt, disconcerting, being alone.
These tunnels were for the Goblimon and Kokuwamon only, no one suspected we knew about them so they were unguarded; nevertheless, I couldn't shake the feeling someone was watching me, hunting me. I glanced around nervously, taking the the absolute emptiness, the gleeful shadows. I could feel Cherubimon-sama's yellow eyes in those shadows, his hands just waiting for me to slip, to falter and loose my foothold. And there was still the darkness of the building itself. I was all right in the bright hall, but here my will was weaker. I had to get out of here. I broke into a run again, paranoia eating away at me every step of the way. There were no turns, at least, not any drastic ones. A large door at the end of the hall, this one larger and coarser. Actually it looked more like a boulder than a door. I rammed into the stone, shoving passed it in a frenzy. I burst out of a cliff face, the blazing sun hitting me hard, causing me to gasp in relief. Safe, for the moment. I skidded to a halt, glanced around, the took off towards a collection of brick shacks to my left.
"All right, I'll go over it one more time." Takuya's voice, from somewhere to my right.
"Why bother, it's a suicide run."
"No one asked you J.P.!"
"Don't be so pessimistic, we are Legendary Warriors, after all."
"Yeah, we can do anything!"
"Maybe you are, but I'm not."
"Well, you're staying here anyway, so it doesn't matter!" They were inside a large, central building. The bricks were crumbling, the windows empty, and the ceiling was flimsy at best. Some headquarters.
"I'm sorry to interrupt, but we still aren't sure what we're supposed to do."
"Sorry."
"Right! Lets get started! Zoe, you're going to attack the front gate, distract as many Goblimon as you can and clear a path for us."
"Got it!"
"Then we'll sneak into the factory and destroy the assembly line. Without a place to work the you guys loose your value and you'll be free!"
"So what exactly are we supposed to do? Where do we fit into this plan?"
"Most of you will stay here, where it's safe. Volunteers will come with us, help Zoe or take care of the Goblimon inside the Factory. We'll need you to hold them off while Tommy and I take out the Goblimon leader."
"Oh! We understand!"
"Good! We strike at nightfall." Nightfall? Just in time to leave the rest of the Kokuwamon, the old and children, open for extermination. Under other circumstances the plan would have been sound, but they were ready.
"I can't believe it! It's going to work!" They sounded so hopeful, so optimistic. I couldn't let them go on like that. With their attitude they were guaranteed to get themselves killed. This had to stop. "Takuya, it's really going to work!"
"No, it won't," I said quietly, stepping into the light and leaning against the doorframe. They all started, staring at me like I was a Vulcan beamed down and inquiring about Captain Kirk. "They know you're coming. You won't stand a chance."