It is mandatory for Captains to attend a Captains' meeting, henceforth the meeting being referred to as a Captains' meeting. It wouldn't be referred to as a Captains' meeting if it wasn't necessary for Captains to attend. No one but a Captain is permitted entrance to the meeting—except on special occasions. Like now, for example—Ichigo Kurosaki had died, graduated from the Academy in two months, and wished to become the Third's Captain. Apparently, he'd passed the test with flying colors, for Byakuya's face was still tinged green, and Soifon scowled every time something orange passed her eyes.
Hitsugaya sighed. Now that it was required for him to come out of his comfortable hole, he didn't want to. Steadily, the appeal of Yachiru's company had been increasing with her abundant vocabulary and quickly developing wits. Shockingly, she no longer bit like a rabid dog, and reluctantly agreed to calling Hitsugaya by his given name. His given name shortened by two letters.
"Toshi-kun!" Hitsugaya winced. Perhaps he'd have done better to let the child (who was now the same height as him) call him Snowball.
"Yes, Yachiru?" She'd demanded to be called Chiru-chan as an endearment equal to Toshi-kun. In the end, they'd compromised. To his horror, 'Yachiru' was now fluently flowing off his tongue as if it was the sole purpose the pink slimy thing existed. Maybe it was just the fact he'd been hiding for weeks with only Yachiru (and occasionally Matsumoto) for company. His head was addled by the dust. That must have been it.
"Are you going to the meeting? All the Lieutenants were asked to come too," Yachiru said. Closing his eyes in frustration, Hitsugaya let himself be dragged out by Yachiru. His leg was still broken from the last hideout incident when Kenpachi found him. Most either believed him dead, barely surviving, or pulverized. Sadly, the popular dream for Yachiru/Hitsugaya was over. Or so he thought, the poor deluded soul.
Spectators turned from the procession of Ichigo Kurosaki and his friends to the unruly sight of Hitsugaya, who was using Yachiru as a pillar of support for his broken leg. The strawberry's face lit up, causing an extremely strange combination of shoulder length orange hair, twinkling amber eyes, and a wacky smile on the oddly serious face. People turned back and forth between the two spectacles, and couldn't decide which one was better. In the midst of it all, Rukia Kuchiki somehow appeared out of nowhere just as the fan girls began squealing like pigs ready for slaughter.
Let's just say they were never heard from again.
"TOSHIRO? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?" Ichigo yelled as he finally released Rukia form their embrace. Rukia punched him for being loud, which caused a rather loud explosion of cuss words.
"WHY YOU FUCKING MIDGET! I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY MISSED YOUR SHITTY BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS!"
"YOU STUPID OVERGROWN FRUIT! I CAN'T BELIEVE I THOUGHT YOU GREW UP!"
"I DID GROW UP, WELL, COMPARED TO YOUR SHORTNESS!"
"I. AM. NOT. SHORT!"
"YES YOU ARE!"
"NOT!"
"ARE!"
"WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY?" Hitsugaya shrieked when his sensitive eardrums could take no more angry vibrations. Confused once again by the sight of Hitsugaya (his clothes all wrinkled) with a Yachiru with long hair who could be mistaken for thirteen (and she was wrinkled too by Hitsugaya leaning on her for a crutch). Hastily explaining the situation to him lest he offend the couple, the Strawberry's eyes widened with comprehension.
"Congratulations, Toshiro. I hope you and Yachiru live happy afterlives." This, of course, caused another onslaught of rumors.
"What? They already eloped?"
"Aren't they a bit young?"
"Love is never to young!"
"HERE COMES THE GROOM!" a person yelled randomly, causing much laughter. Daunted by the intensity of the mood, Hitsugaya finally gave up trying to remedy the situation and curled up into a ball on the ground, utterly miserable.
"It seems your boyfriend's a bit shy!" a random fifth squad member said to Yachiru conversationally.
"Hm, maybe it's got something to do with the fact that you're crowding him," Yachiru pointed out rather intelligently. She didn't bother telling them he wasn't her boyfriend, for she firmly believed that boyfriend referred to a friend who was a boy.
Once again, in the background, there was a spiky haired shadow that took pictures and careful notes. A person whose tattoo made the strawberry crack up for various perverted reasons.
A person who had a magazine that was about to spread more scandalizing rumors.
Hisagi Shuuhei. And he was very happy indeed until suddenly, a dark shadow loomed above him.
"Hisagi Shuuhei," gritted a very angry Kenpachi, which never signified any good, "are you the one publishing the false magazines about Yachiru and the midget Captain?"
Too nervous to lie or to even speak, Hisagi nodded uncertainly, trying fruitlessly not to wonder what was going to happen to him. Suddenly, Kenpachi burst into a huge grin that showed off his scarred face, highlighting the missing flesh of his many wounds.
Hisagi grimaced.
"Keep me posted on them. If Hitsugaya can survive me, he can survive Yachiru."
At that point Hisagi fainted.
A/N: Yes, this means that Kenpachi is challenging Toshiro to a duel. Didn't we say we'd enter the Ryoka? Well, we've just entered the Strawberry, but there will be more action later, we promise.
Parody Thingy: An Entry in Pie's Diary
Un-dear red silk binding that holds fibrous pages,
OMGEEE! Guess what, guess what, guess what? You'll never guess it? Never, never, never, never, never!
Because you're a book.
I'm talking to a book.
Woe is me.
I feel emo now.
QUINCY ARCHER HATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS YOUUUUUUUUUU!
Pwned.
Anyways, I went to a carnival. It was fun. I went bobbing for apples and spilled the whole tub. Well, at least I wasn't wearing white. Now my mom's beloved car (sometimes, I think she loves that car more than she loves life) has a soggy seat. HA! TAKE THAT, YOU NAGGY OLD MOM!
Oh, dinner's ready. Chicken salad with pecan, olives, bacon bits, and pomegranate sauce.
I smell chrysanthemum tea. Yay!
-Me
Demon-Pixie: Well, that was interesting. A look into Pie's demented spazz mind.
Pie: I. AM. NOT. A. SPAZZ! *Does: The Spazzy Offended Dance*
Demon-Pixie: Right. And remember how you nearly ran over this random popular guy that so happens to be your crush doing the Happy Spazz-Spazz dance?
Pie: Don't remind me. *emo corner*
Demon-Pixie: Point proven. *smirks*
Pie: Rukia, do the honors.
Rukia: Pie and Demon-Pixie do not own Bleach; they just write fanfiction. However, if Tite Kurbo is willing to sell it, they might buy it. Also: ICHIGO FLIPPING KUROSAKI BELONGS TO ME, ORIHIME!
Orihime: Huh?