Hold on to me, love
You know I can't stay long
All I wanted to say was I love you
And I'm not afraid
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me in your arms,
Holding my last breath?
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet rapture life
It ends here tonight
My Last Breath by Evanescence"Relax," Nicole whispered, noticing her friend's panicked look. "Here come the boys right now, if I'm not mistaken—"
Sure enough, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and James Potter himself entered the living room all at once, and as soon as they saw the girls, their jaws literally dropped. For several heartbeats, all four boys were completely silent, and Lily was painfully reminded of that night months ago where they had found her crying on the floor. She actually thought that she might burst into tears again, right there if one of them didn't say something soon.
"You look s-stunning," James finally managed to stutter, and Nicole burst into nervous giggles.
"That's what I keep trying to tell her!" she said, sounding relieved for all her tough talk about remaining calm. She knew tension when she felt it, however, and this room was teeming with it.
James cleared his throat. "I see the dress fits," he said, using this as an excuse to look up and down the redhead's body. The dress really was quite lovely on her; it accented the green of her eyes, causing them to really stand out, and the contrast of her dark red hair and milky complexion against the gown added to the beauty.
"Actually, Nicole had to alter it," she said just as awkwardly, not quite meeting his eyes. "It was a bit too big…"
"A bit?" repeated Nicole. "Babe, you were practically swimming in it, you're so skinny! But it fits quite nicely now, thanks to yours truly. It took me a little while to figure out how to shrink it, actually…Evans had to look it up in a text book and—"
"Nicole, love, you're babbling," Sirius said gently, and burst into laughter at the shocked look on her face.
"I'm just trying to make conversation," she said, hurt. "No one else is talking, and I hate awkward silences. If you don't want to listen to me talk, then someone else should bring up a conversation to break the ice or something."
That was the great thing about Nicole, Lily decided. She wasn't afraid to say the things that no one else was willing to say even though everyone else was thinking it.
"It's not that we don't want to listen to you talk, dear," Sirius said suavely, coming to sit next to her, "it's just that you weren't telling a very exciting story. You should know that it's all about the presentation."
"So how 'bout them Cannons?"
Everyone turned to stare at the rotund boy standing in the doorway, and Peter shrank under all the eyes, and remained quiet after that.
There was another long silence until Nicole could no longer take it. "Voi dite, per favore I can't stand this awkward silence anymore. Maybe you should introduce Lily here to your parents or something, James. Is anyone hungry? Ho molta fame!"
They just sort of stared at her for a moment, uncomprehending.
"It means you all talk, please! Seriously."
As if some secret code word had been said, they all began laughing, and the atmosphere lightened considerably; everyone visibly relaxed, and they began to chat easily about their Christmases. Lily remained silent during the exchanging of stories, making the occasional comment here and there or laughing at a funny bit, but she shared no personal information. But Nicole, who felt as if she were somehow excluding the redhead unintentionally and who knew nothing of Lily's past, sought to include in her the conversation.
"So how's your Christmas been so far, Lily?" she asked cheerfully when Remus was finished retelling the tale of his day's activities.
Once again the awkward silence filled the room, and the redhead's eyes dropped to gaze at the carpet. "Oh, it's been…well, interesting," she said vaguely, waving a hand in the air and shrugging. "I can honestly say that so far this has been one of the most eventful holidays I've had in a while."
"So…is that a good thing?" the other girl asked, pushing her bangs from her eyes.
Once again she shrugged, still not meeting anyone's eyes. She was saved from answering more questions by the doorbell ringing. James jumped up from his position on the second couch. "I'll get it!" he called loudly, and exited the room. A moment later, he was back, leading a large group of people Lily didn't recognize.
Introductions were made, but the redhead didn't remember any of their names, just that they were other Aurors that worked with James's parents. She was feeling dizzy, and found it a little hard to concentrate on any one thing in particular. Her head was aching a little, too. But she nodded and smiled at the witches and wizards politely, and tried to follow the conversations that went on between them, but found it extremely difficult. People began to show up very quickly after that; sometimes they came in small groups of three or four or in larger groups of up to fifteen at a time. No one showed up alone.
Nicole and Lily stayed together throughout the whole night, chatting and learning more about each other. Sirius and Remus mostly stayed with them as well; Peter hovered around the buffet table (which kept refilling itself when it became empty), and James had to stay and mingle with the other guests. Occasionally he would pop up and say hullo and talk for a few minutes, but then he was whisked away by another witch or wizard.
During one of the rare moments when the redhead was alone (Sirius had just taken Nicole for a dance and Remus had gone to check on Peter), Lily decided to take a seat back in the living room. Her head was spinning, and she felt incredibly hot although her hands felt like ice cubes. She collapsed into the armchair she had been sitting in before the party had begun, placing a shaking hand on her forehead and closed her eyes.
Suddenly James stepped around to the front of the chair and extended his hand to her. "Would you like to dance?"
She was taken aback by the request, and hesitated for a moment. What was he trying to do, exactly? Ever since Brady she was more than a little suspicious of boys. How many of them just wanted her for sex? Still, James was being incredibly nice, and he had bought her this beautiful dress and invited her into his home on Christmas. At last she came to a decision and took the hand he offered her and allowed him to help her stand.
"Your hands are freezing!" he exclaimed, leading her into the ballroom. He moved them into a place on the floor where no one else was and gently placed a hand on her waist, pulling her closer to him. Their feet moved in time with the band playing on the stage near them.
"It must be nice to have so much money," she said absently, watching the small orchestra playing their instruments.
He shrugged. "I guess. I'd rather have my parents home more often, though," he replied. "Sometimes I wish we weren't so rich, because I think that maybe they wouldn't work so much and they'd be around more often."
"I would rather have my parents working," she said softly, gazing at a witch playing a flute solo. The notes were slow and haunting. "I'd rather be alone in a huge house like this any day."
"We should trade lives," he said jokingly, but she when she turned and looked at him, her face was grim.
"I wouldn't wish that on anyone," she said seriously, her eyes shining brightly. "Not even Monica."
He was stunned into silence. For someone so young, she carries around so much pain, he thought sadly, and pulled her closer still against him. Quite possibly the worst thing about the whole situation was he felt completely helpless; he didn't know how to stop the abuse, and he didn't know how to approach her about his other suspicions. For now, all he could do was try and be there for her, try to get her to trust him enough to tell him something that would be considered proof enough for the authorities to do something about the abuse.
"May I cut in?" a voice asked smoothly from beside them. They both looked up, and Lily felt her heart come to a screeching halt. Brady Johnson was standing there, looking quite dashing indeed in his tuxedo.
James's eyes narrowed as he looked between the former couple, and he remembered that night long ago where he'd found a broken redheaded girl sitting on the floor crying because of the very person now asking her for a dance.
"I…we should talk," Brady added to the girl, avoiding eye contact with James.
"I'm already dancing with someone," Lily said indifferently, but her heart was practically screaming, "But I really want to be dancing with you!!"
"He won't mind, will you, Potter?" But before really waiting for a sufficient answer, Brady took hold of the redhead's waist and pulled her away from James.
"I guess not," the other boy replied coolly, and stepped away, silently fuming at the intrusion and vowing to keep a close eye on the two.
"You're looking well," Brady told Lily when James had left. "I certainly haven't seen you in a while."
"Gee, Brady, I wonder why. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with the fact that you used for sex and then broke up with me. Oh, and that punch? Not a chance that has anything to do with why we haven't seen each other lately."
"Look, I'm really sorry, okay?" he said softly, pulling her closer. "I made a huge mistake when I left you, but it's taken me a while to realize that. I need you, Lily. I miss you. Please, forgive me."
"I don't think I can," she whispered, choking on the words. "I told you I loved you, Brady, and you abandoned me when I needed you the most. I can't trust that you'll be there for me, and if there's no trust in a relationship, there's no point in having the relationship at all, is there?"
"Please," Brady repeated, bending down to kiss her neck. "Please. I need you. I made a mistake."
"Look at them," James snapped furiously to Nicole and Sirius over at the buffet table. He had stormed over to his friends after Brady had showed up, and he was watching the pair like a hawk. "It's disgusting. Does he really think she'll take him back after the way he treated her?"
"I don't know," Nicole replied gently. "She might do just that, though."
"What? Why in the world would she even think about that?"
She shrugged. "Because before she had us, Brady was all she had in the way of a friend," she replied carefully. "And I still don't think she really sees that we're trying to be there for her. She just wants to be loved by someone. She's desperate to feel like someone wants her."
"Yeah, but he's a prick, Nicole!" Sirius said incredulously. "Is Evans really desperate enough to take him back, just for a little more attention?"
"I don't know, Sirius. I wish I could tell you, but I haven't known her long enough, or gotten to know her well enough to say for certain what she would or wouldn't do. But I'm really worried about her."
"Me too," James said softly, watching Brady whisper something in the redhead's ear.
"You should know, James…before the party, when we were getting ready…" Nicole hesitated, trying to find the right words. "She'd just put on her dress, but she couldn't quite get the zipper done up so I offered to help. When I went behind her, I could her ribs and spine, like someone stretched the skin against them. It's terrible. And her entire body was covered in bruises; I had to use a concealment potion so no one would notice them."
"Did she say anything about them?"
"I didn't want to ask," Nicole replied, sounding a little scared. "I didn't really want to know. But I thought you should know."
James turned back to the dance floor, but Brady and Lily were gone. "Hey, where'd they go?" he asked, frantically searching the grand ballroom for any trace of the couple. "Where'd he take her?"
"You look beautiful tonight," Brady whispered into Lily's ear. She whimpered and tried to push him off her, but he had her pressed up against a wall in a dark room. She couldn't see anything, but she could feel—could feel Brady's hands roaming all around on her body.
"Please stop," she begged, feeling helplessly scared and alone.
"What's the matter? Don't you remember the way I used to touch you? Don't you miss that?"
"NO!" she wanted to scream, but her voice didn't seem to want to work.
A hand slid up her side and came to rest on her breast. Then it was squeezing her, hard and unforgiving. He crushed her against the wall, pinning her body beneath his.
"Stop," she whimpered pleadingly, starting to gasp for oxygen. Her lungs felt like they were collapsing; she couldn't get enough air. "Please, Brady…stop…just stop…"
"HEY!" The door burst open and light came flooding in. "GET AWAY FROM HER RIGHT NOW!"
Suddenly Brady's weight was gone from her chest, and she fell to the floor, wrapping her arms around herself. James pulled Brady away from the wall and managed to land a punch to his temple that sent him stumbling.
"Get the hell out of my house! NOW!" James bellowed, shoving him out the door of the room, where Sirius and Remus were waiting. "And don't you EVER touch her again!" He crouched down in front of the redhead, trying to assess her for any injuries. "Lily…are you alright?"
"I—can't breathe," she sobbed, her body shaking. Her vision was growing fuzzy around the edges. She coughed and spluttered as she tried to draw in a breath. The world was spinning.
"What? Why? Did he do something to you? Lily?"
She shook her head. "No…I don't know. Please, you have to help me…"
James helped her stand up. "Here, lean on me. We'll get you some help. Just hang on."
"I can't," she whispered, stumbling. "I—can't breathe! I need air! W-why can't I breathe?"
"Calm down," James said, even though he was panicking, too. "It'll be fine, we just need to get you—"
"Am I g-g-going to die?" she wheezed, and collapsed onto the ground again. He went down with her.
"No," he said firmly, pulling her into his arms and rocking her gently. "Somebody get some help!" he yelled out the door. "Hurry!"
Lily was staring at the ceiling, tears rolling down her cheeks as she tried helplessly to draw oxygen into her lungs. She could feel James stroking her hair and whispering in her ears, telling her she had to wait just a little bit longer, help was coming, just hold on…but she couldn't. Everything was fading from her vision, tilting sideways, and there was nothing she could do.
She was dying, and she knew it. She should be scared, but oddly enough she was at peace, almost prepared to die. She appreciated having James there with her, though. At least she wouldn't die alone. Feeling something wet splash onto her cheek, she realized that he was crying.
"It's okay," she gasped, reaching out with a shaking hand to grasp his own. "It's okay, James, it's okay. I-I'm ready."
"You aren't going to die, damn it!" he said loudly, shaking her a little. "HELP!" he shouted out the door again. "For the love of God, somebody please HELP!"
"Thanks for trying to save me," she whispered. "I'm sorry I was so s-s-stubborn about it. I guess you were just too late—"
"Don't say that! Don't you say that!" he shouted, cradling her against him possessively. "You're going to live!"
She started to say "I'm better off dead," but suddenly her eyes rolled into the back of her head.
The last thing she remembered was hearing James's voice screaming, "LILY!"