Letter the Eleventh: To the Duke of Anar House from the lady of the same
8thof the month of Greenwood
My dearest Kenworth,
Your letter did me no end of good and I began my day full of hope and confidence. Today a formal ball will take place and I shall use the opportunity to be charming King Edmund. Why, you ask? Because I have learned, through my excellent communication skills, that King Edmund caused my Peter to leave the campaign in the hands of his general and head home at once. He will be here in two days. Aren't I simply wonderful? King Edmund was obviously struck by my flawless beauty and impeccable conduct and decided I was the one for his elder brother immediately. Clumsy, loud, raucous, beet faced stutterer that he is, he cares enough for his brother to want to secure a good marriage for him, and holds enough influence over him to make him leave in the middle of a war, that I shall esteem him very highly from now on. So much so that I shall let him have the first dance with me tonight. The two queens are presumably holding this ball in my honor and so by dancing with their brother first I will win their gratitude as well. (That is called killing two birds with one stone. But I am so tender-heart ed I would never hurt a single living being.)
I must go, dear brother, I plan to help the queens with their decorating today. If it is my ball it has got to have myfeel to it.
Love from,
Daphne
The Author entreats the Readers to hold Lady Daphne and Lady Daphne alone responsible for the mistakes in this piece of writing.