Well, I guess I'll be the first to say it - since you are all too polite to mention the elephant in the room. "N.Q. Wilder, you are a terrible person." Yes, it's true. I admit it. My delay between each chapter is frustrating, even to me. I swear that I do try, but life seems to conspire against me. But that's little consolation to you, the readers, I know - so, I must, yet again, apologize.
Anyway, I decided to hand the reins over to Liara in this chapter because it is more her story than Shepard's, and also she gets one full chapter to herself per story. So far, in this story, we've seen Liara be the rock in their relationship, comforting Shepard through all the losses. Time for Shep to return the favor a bit. I've deviated a good bit from the actual conversation in game, but I think we can agree that that conversation probably should have been more fleshed out. And there should have been some sort of deeper connection if you romanced Liara.
Also, only two more chapters to go. I may just finished this before the year is out.
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The Fall
Liara forced herself to slow her breathing. Made her mind focus on one thing at a time instead of grabbing every thought and boiling them all into one big mess. She'd come to her office to work, to help her people in whatever way she could. She needed to be calm. She needed to be rational. She needed to be the Shadow Broker.
"Glyph, access file Personal, subset Benezia."
"At once, Shadow Broker," came the emotionless, automated reply.
The database of files all relating to her mother popped up on the terminal. One of the first personal projects that Liara had undertaken as the Broker had been to collect all of Benezia's files and every scrap of information related to her. Being such a high ranking official, Benezia had a multitude of files - more than Liara had been able to look through. She'd separated the information in two broad categories: personal and work related. Then she had pored over the personal files - trying to remember, trying to learn. That was how she had learned of Aethyta. But now, Liara concentrated on Benezia's work files, searching for any shred of information about the Temple of Athame.
Less than an hour ago, after learning about the Reaper attack on Thessia, Shepard had received a highly secure message. In it there had only been one sentence and no signature.
Go to the Temple of Athame.
Despite the lack of signature, they had both agreed that Tevos had probably sent the message. But why hadn't the councilor told Shepard about the temple during their conversation? Why the heavy encryption? The eeriness of it was enough to create a sense of foreboding that now sat like a stone in Liara's stomach.
As the commander had begun organizing their departure, Liara had set out to do the only thing she could think of: learn more. As the Shadow Broker, she had spies in every level of every government. There were no more secrets left in the galaxy. Or so she had thought. Yet, never had she encountered any connection between the asari government and the Temple of Athame. Searching for it in Benezia's files only brought up three hits, but all three made her breath catch in her throat. Every file was protected by a security encryption more complex than anything Liara had ever seen. And she had seen a lot of good security.
"Glyph, can you access these files?"
It took less than a second for the drone to reply, "I'm sorry, Shadow Broker. This is beyond my capabilities."
She'd expected that though. "EDI," she said, knowing the AI could hear her anywhere aboard the ship. "I am patching you into my terminal. Can you access these three files?" She typed in the commands and waited five seconds this time for a response.
"No, I cannot." EDI sounded shocked. "This is amazingly complex encryption, Liara."
"I know," she answered. But where had it come from? And why was it used for these files? Hunches and feelings that she'd pushed to the back of her mind now resurfaced and began to piece themselves together. Tevos had taken a great risk sending Shepard that message about the temple. If her betters knew what she had done... she'd be replaced in a heartbeat. Maybe even erased. Whatever was in the temple was dangerous. Dangerous enough to warrant the development of an unprecedented security system. Could it truly be the Catalyst? If the Crucible was a super weapon capable of destroying Reapers, then was the Catalyst the source of that power? What was waiting for them at the Temple of Athame?
Liara pondered these questions while simultaneously sifting through everything she could find about the attack on Thessia. She pieced together a network of all the major areas of activity and resources, overlaid that onto a map of Thessia, and then sent the data to EDI who would upload it into the navigation software of Shepard's omni-tool. That's how Liara occupied herself for the next few hours until the Normandy neared the asari home world. When she finally got the call to head down to the shuttle bay, she nearly ran to the elevator. Her body seemed to be dumping adrenaline into her bloodstream at an inexhaustible rate.
When she arrived on the lowest deck, she saw Shepard standing by the shuttle, dressed in pristine, white armor and looking every inch the savior that people knew her to be. When it seemed like the rest of the galaxy churned with chaos, Shepard remained a calm, immovable center. Here, preparing to enter the heart of the storm, she looked so sure of herself. Of course, Liara knew better than anyone that Shepard's appearance of control was precisely calculated to put others at ease, even if the commander felt just as worried as everyone else. However, even knowing this Liara still felt better just looking at the human. More than anything she wanted to run into Shepard's arms and have her lover comfort her, to tell her that her people would be just fine. Yet, she knew that if she did that, then it would be nearly impossible to tear herself away again. If she went running in search of protection now, she might not have the strength to leave that safe haven and do what needed to be done.
Liara forced herself to stop staring at Shepard and instead looked at Lt. Vega who carried a large gun case to the shuttle and loaded it aboard. He was dressed in his usual thick body armor which made him look absolutely massive: broad shouldered, tall, and looming. She couldn't help frowning slightly at the sight. Not because she disliked the lieutenant - she had nothing against him - but because she didn't know him that well. This mission felt so personal, her home world under siege, that she would have preferred Garrus, Tali, or Ashley to join her and Shepard.
Her thoughts must have been plain on her face because Shepard said, in a low voice, "I don't know how bad things will be down there, but it will be good to have someone who can hold a line if need be. Besides," she added with a hint of humor, "he was one of the few without a hangover."
Liara blushed, feeling slightly guilty for so obviously being displeased with Shepard's squad choice. Shepard had proved herself an extraordinary tactician many times over, and if she thought James would be an asset, then Liara wasn't in a position to argue. And Shepard was right: usefulness was more important than worrying about having James witness such a personal struggle for her. She remembered Shepard saying that she had decided to trust James the second he crashed that shuttle in order to secure the data on Mars. While the action had been reckless, it had shown tenacity, and once pointed towards a goal, he wasn't one to give up. Perhaps that was exactly the type of person they needed with them at the moment.
Shepard gave her a worried look, though it was subtle, just a small frown and questioning eyes. A look just for Liara. In a quiet voice she asked, "Are you ready for this?"
"I have to be," Liara answered.
~.~.~.~.~
Burning. Her world was burning. Acrid smoke filled the air, the stench of blood and death and fire. And everywhere she looked a fresh scene of horror waited. To her right she saw a collapsed building with arms sticking out from the rubble, blue blood smeared where the hands had scraped and clawed, trying to pull the occupants free before they suffocated. To her left she saw a vehicle on fire, its driver still in the seat, charred black by the heat. It smelled like any kind of meat cooking, no different than any animal, and the thought made Liara suddenly convulse as she fought not to retch.
The air was full of gunfire. Some close by, some off in the distance, but constant as the asari fought for their world. Over the radio Liara could hear women screaming as husks tore them apart or a Reaper laser disintegrated them where they stood. And over all the chaos, Liara could hear the high pitched ringing that accompanied the Reapers. An indoctrination signal? She was never quite sure, but she ignored the sound with every inch of her being regardless.
Liara couldn't help looking towards Shepard as they progressed, wondering if the commander felt as sick to her stomach as she did. Did this remind her of Earth? Or Elysium? Or Mindoir? Did she see other battles in the flames all around them, or did she only see the present? This moment, this fight, and nothing else? The human's face was completely unreadable, even during the occasional skirmishes where she sent round after round of bullets straight through the heads of husks. But that was Shepard: calm and confident.
James, however, lacked the same level of control. One look at his face and Liara knew that he saw a repeat of the Reaper's attack on Earth. Rage and hate rippled off him in waves as he charged the husks, throwing himself at them like a rabid krogan. Not here, his body language screamed. Not again.
Despite their various mental states, all three of them shared a sense of urgency. Shepard kept them moving at a demanding pace, only stopping to deal with any resistance on the way. The commander had always had the amazing ability to thrive under pressure. The more dire the circumstance, the greater the stakes, the more flawlessly she seemed to perform. And today her movements were perfect. Not a single wasted shot, every order to advance gaining valuable ground, and every push from the enemy diffused in a matter of minutes.
By the time they reached the Temple of Athame, they had left a path of fallen husks behind them. Shepard had them sweep the perimeter of the temple for any sign of an ambush before giving the all clear to relax a little. She holstered her sniper rifle, but kept her right hand on the pistol strapped to her side as she approached the altar. Liara and James followed, the asari recalling memories from her childhood as she glanced around. It had been so long, but she could remember bits and pieces from her childhood, when she had visited the temple. Mostly memories of her mother, though. How happy she'd felt to have her mother all to herself for a day. How beautiful Benezia had looked in her flowing, yellow dress. How her mother had talked about the proud history of the asari race.
"Look, over there." James voice snapped Liara out of her thoughts. "Two bodies." He pointed to the left of the altar where two asari lay motionless, their backs to the approaching trio. Shepard cautiously crouched down, tugging at one woman's shoulder so that she rolled over onto her back. She stared lifelessly up at the ceiling as a gash across her throat oozed blood, still relatively fresh.
Shepard jerked back as if burned, springing to her feet uneasily. For the first time during the mission her face showed emotion: eyes wide, mouth slightly agape in horror, skin suddenly pale. But her thoughts... those were somewhere else. Liara could tell that those violet eyes saw someone else reflected in the face of this dead asari. Then, in the briefest flash, those eyes were staring straight at her. They held an immense pain. And then Shepard looked away again, returning her attention to the dead women.
Liara looked at the commander's back, too shocked to move. Her? Was she the person who Shepard saw? The reason why she had reacted so visibly? But how? Suddenly Liara recalled the other night when Shepard had awoken so violently from sleep, obviously distressed. She'd said "I can't watch you die again." Is that what Shepard had seen in her Reaper dreams? Liara's throat slit just like this woman here? Liara's hand was already feeling at her throat before she realized what she was doing. Hastily she lowered her hands and forced them to remain at her side.
"Their throats have been slit," Shepard said, stating the obvious. "The cuts are fresh. Someone has been here before us."
"Husks?" James wondered. "Would husks cut someone's throat like this?"
"Maybe," Shepard muttered. She seemed confused. After shaking her head she stared at the bodies as if trying to separate reality from her nightmares. Then, turning her attention back to the altar, her voice was back to its usual strength. "Whoever did this is gone now, at any rate. Let's get what we came for and get out."
The question was: what had they come for? They still weren't sure. Shepard ran her fingers over the plaque on the altar, looking from it to the large statue before her. Obviously she couldn't read any of the asari writing, so she said, "Who's that supposed to be?"
The statue looked distinctly like an asari in many ways. The only real difference was her crest, which divided into two long tendrils rather than several. She'd been depicted with her hands clasped behind her back, staring up at the heavens. She was both familiar and divine. "It's Athame," Liara said. "Her image became more like ours over time."
James looked around the temple as if still expecting an ambush, but after finding nothing he turned his attention to the statue as well. "Is it just me, or is this a lot of trouble for a dead religion?"
He was right, in a way. Few asari still devoted themselves to the Goddess, but the religion still held some measure of significance. It was their history. Their origin. Even Liara, who didn't believe in the Goddess, still knew about the faith and knew that it influenced her. She'd whispered a few prayers now and then, in the darkest hours. Still, from what she had been able to uncover, the asari government had been funneling vast amounts of money into the temple's upkeep for centuries. A government didn't do that just to preserve history.
"I admit this does seem rather elaborate, even by our standards," she said. "Though Athame does have great historical significance. We once believed our gods were separate from the world, looking down on us. But now asari see everything as a cosmic whole. There is a universal energy from which all living things are formed." She was rambling, she knew, but the act of listing off information helped her think. Helped her order her thoughts.
Liara was so absorbed in her recitation of history that she didn't even notice Shepard reaching out to the statue. It wasn't until Shepard turned around suddenly that Liara stopped her rambling. "There's a Prothean beacon here," Shepard announced.
"What?" Liara asked, stumbling forward in surprise. "Are you sure?"
Shepard shook her head and tapped her helmet. "It's not something you forget."
"But why hide it?"
James' face took on a grave expression as he said, "If it's anything like what we found on Mars, this could be the jackpot." Then he looked at her, his eyes narrowing as if he were imparting a dangerous secret. "I'd say that's worth shutting up about."
Liara blinked at him. The Mars beacon? What did that have to do with anything? The Mars beacon had given humans mass effect drive, and introduced them to the rest of the galactic civilizations. Then there had been the First Contact War and the beacon... had been shared with the other civilizations once humans agreed to abide by Citadel law. The information contained in the beacon had proven extremely valuable, enough to help the galaxy make several more leaps in technology.
Suddenly, James' implication became clear and Liara couldn't help sputtering, "That... can't be. I cannot believe my people would keep this a secret."
She could see Shepard's eyes studying her, even from behind the glass of her helmet. The commander's face twisted into a grimace before she said, "A beacon like this could explain why asari are so advanced."
Liara could tell that Shepard was trying to be gentle about this for her sake. As non-asari, Shepard and James both had a right to be angry about this revelation. But they didn't seem angry. In fact, they nodded their heads as if this were all very logical. Which perhaps it was, but the thought upset Liara. Of course it made sense: every couple of hundred years scientists could unlock more information from the beacon, then advance asari society, leaving the rest of the galaxy to marvel and catch up.
For the humans this must be a comforting realization. The asari were not naturally more advanced than everyone else; they had been cheating all along. But for Liara the realization came like a hit to the jaw. Had she really never questioned it herself? Had she simply allowed herself to buy into asari superiority all her life? She had definitely thought that her people were better than this. Better than lying to the rest of the galaxy.
Yet, for now those thoughts had to be pushed aside. Regardless of what her people had done, they needed to finish their mission. Liara discovered several data streams linked to the beacon and with Shepard's ability to hear the Prothean language, they quickly uncovered them all. As they tapped into the last data steam, the statue began to crumble as the beacon beneath came to life.
And then to their surprise a VI appeared, a shining green orb that quickly assessed its surroundings. It seemed reluctant to talk to them after it determined that the Reapers had already reached Thessia, but Shepard was able to convince it to help them, probably due to the VI thinking she was some sort of Prothean herself. The commander demanded information on the Catalyst, to which the VI replied, "If you have followed the plans for the Crucible, I will interface with your system and assist with the Catalyst to -" The VI's voice broke off as it turned its attention to the back of the temple. "Indoctrinated presence detected. Activating security protocol." And just like that the VI disappeared, vanishing back into the beacon.
The trio turned to find a helicopter hovering just outside of the entrance, dropping off a person before pulling back into the sky. Shepard immediately positioned herself in front of Liara and James, raising her pistol. Her white armor, though dirty from the fighting, still reflected the light from the helicopter making her glow. The stranger wore all black in contrast, making it appear as if he were melting out of the shadows. He walked with a swaggering gait, oozing confidence. As his face swam into view Liara instantly recognized him. The man who had killed Thane. Kai Leng.
Shepard's voice came out as a dangerous growl. A promise of retribution. "You."
He smirked in response, lifting his chin and saying, "Yes, it's me." Then holding up a small sphere, he added, "Someone would like to talk with you."
He tossed the sphere towards them and a hologram of The Illusive Man appeared. As soon as his job was done, Kai Leng began to move away, pretending to admire the architecture of the temple. Both Liara and Shepard's eyes followed him warily, not willing to let him out of their sights. Shepard gave Liara a quick look, to which the asari nodded and Shepard finally turned her attention to The Illusive Man. While the commander tried to reason with a madman - he was so far gone that he had convinced himself it was possible to control the Reapers - Liara kept her gun trained on Kai Leng. Realizing that he couldn't just melt into the background, Kai Leng dropped his casual act and drew his sword. His movements changed to a careful prowl as he paced back and forth, smirking at Liara. The way he looked at her, like a piece of meat that he couldn't wait to sink his fangs into, made her skin crawl.
With her attention focused on Kai Leng, Liara only caught bits and pieces of Shepard's conversation with The Illusive Man, but it was enough to know that it wasn't going anywhere. Eventually his holographic self gave up on trying to turn the commander and turned his attention to his attack dog instead. "Leng, the commander has something I need. Please relieve her of it. And then bring me the data."
His form dissolved and Kai Leng stopped his pacing, a full smile now on his lips. "Understood." He crouched down as if readying to sprint towards them, but in the same instant Shepard had slung her sniper rifle from her back and had him in her sights.
"Not a chance," she whispered, a triumphant expression spreading on her face. As his foot came forward she pulled the trigger, sending a high impact round towards his chest. The shot took down his barriers in an instant, and James and Liara opened fire on his now defenseless form. But Kai Leng was fast. Fast enough to assess the situation and duck behind the cover of the temple pews before he would be riddled with holes.
"James, cover me," Shepard barked. "Liara, take our flank." Shepard moved in the opposite direction from the column of benches where Kai Leng hid, slowly edging towards an angle where she could see him behind his cover. James positioned himself so that he would be directly between them if Kai Leng should try to open fire on the commander while she worked her way into position. Meanwhile, Liara controlled the middle of the aisle, keeping their side covered if Kai Leng thought to circle around. He tried to move from his position a couple of times, but their combined firepower quickly put him back in his place. It seemed that they had him pinned down and within a matter of seconds Shepard would have a clear shot at him.
Or at least that's how it seemed until Kai Leng called in for backup. As the helicopter flew back down by the temple's entrance, Liara's only thought was, Oh no, I forgot about that. The heavily armed machine wasted no time targeting Shepard, unleashing a volley of gunfire that forced the commander to take cover. Liara couldn't help but glance towards Shepard's position, affirming with her own eyes that she was safe, and seeing James moving in order to get a better shot at the copter.
And that split second of averting her eyes from Kai Leng was all it took for him vault out of cover and close the gap between them. When her eyes snapped back, his face filled her vision, and before she could form a single syllable, she felt a wrenching of her neck and shoulders. Then Liara found herself suddenly in the air, the temple a blur in her vision, followed by a jolt of pain as she slammed into something solid and heavy. Her head spun as she laid sprawled against whatever she had hit, and she heard Shepard call her name, then another round of gunfire from the helicopter, some shots from a rifle, and also a groan from somewhere nearby. As her vision began to settle, she realized that all around her were the broken, wooden remains of one of the pews. Then she realized that half of her body was resting on top of James, and it dawned on her that he must have been the solid thing that she had slammed into. He let out another groan and raised his head to blink at her in surprise. Liara just blinked back as her mind tried to piece together what had just happened.
Had Kai Leng thrown her across the room? Did that mean that he had a clear path to the beacon now? Liara tried to get up and felt a surge of pain radiate along her side where she had crashed into James. She forced herself to ignore it, but just as she was about to push herself to her feet she felt James grab her by the shoulders, push her to the ground, and press his body over hers. At first she had no clue why he was doing this and her instinctive reaction was to almost give him a biotic shove, but then she heard the firing of the helicopter's machine gun and the piercing ricochet as the bullets pinged the lieutenant's armor. It only took her a second to realize that he was trying to shield her with his body and she immediately threw up a biotic barrier around them both, stemming the flow of bullets before he could regret his decision to cover her.
She'd forgotten about that helicopter. Again. She would have to remember to thank James later. For now, her mind jumped between three things: the gunfire pinning them to this spot, concern about what may have happened to Shepard, and fear over Kai Leng getting his hands on the beacon. Once James realized that Liara had put up a barrier, he pulled back so that she could sit up and try to get her bearings again. She spotted Kai Leng, only feet from the beacon, his sword in hand.
She heard Shepard before she saw her. There was a furious yell and then the commander appeared from behind support columns, opening fire with her heavy pistol. Kai Leng staggered as the shots hit his barriers, but then regained his footing and charged at the commander. Shepard brought up her omni-blade just in time to block her face and they remained deadlocked for a few seconds. Liara could see their lips moving, but was too far to make out what they were saying.
Suddenly the gunfire from the helicopter ceased. Kai Leng reacted in a flash, pushing away from Shepard with the help of his mechanically augmented limbs and catching her in-between the plating of her armor on her left arm with his sword. Shepard stumbled back just as the first missiles from the helicopter struck the support beam next to her. The entire ground shook from the impact and the heavy stone column bore a gigantic crack from where the missile had struck.
The rest happened in a matter of seconds. Liara dissolved the barrier surrounding her and James at the same time that the second missile struck. The column broke free and began to fall right on top of Shepard. James held Liara back from rushing towards the danger herself. Shepard dove out of the column's path, narrowly avoiding being crushed. A third missile slammed into another support column and a noticeable shockwave caused the entire floor to heave. Liara knew something was terribly wrong even before she saw the floor on the left side of the temple begin to rip open. Shepard scrambled over debris, trying to avoid the ever widening gap. At the same time, Kai Leng reached the beacon and took the data. Liara could see both of them from where her and James were and she knew that Shepard would want her to attack Kai Leng, but she couldn't shake the fear gripping her heart as she watched Shepard race against the growing chasm in the floor. She pushed herself to her feet and took a few hesitant steps towards them both, all the while whispering a quiet prayer, "Please..."
Then another missile from the helicopter caused the entire left side of the temple to collapse suddenly. Liara just managed to catch a glimpse of Shepard's eyes, instantly full of fear, before the commander fell from view. "No!" Liara screamed and she completely forgot about Kai Leng and the data. All that mattered was saving Shepard. Getting her back.
She sprinted to the edge of the chasm, tossing obstacles out of her way with biotics. She arrived at the lip of the gap just as a gloved hand jolted into view, scrambling to get a grip on something solid. Leaping for the hand, Liara clutched Shepard's right arm before she slipped down into the darkness below. Shepard looked up at her from behind her helmet, her face slightly relieved, but mostly frantic. She swung her left arm up so that Liara could get a better grip on her, but the second strain was placed on her injured arm Liara saw the commander grit her teeth and heard a sharp intake of breath. There was no way the commander would be able to pull herself up and Liara was using biotics just to hold them in place. Her own position on the ledge was precarious at best and she doubted that she could pull them both to safety even with her biotics.
Then she felt something solid and secure wrap about her waist and lift her up. She concentrated on keeping a hold on Shepard as they were both lifted from the pit and dragged a safe distance away. Both she and Shepard were breathing heavily and when she looked to see what had saved them, she saw James looking worn as well. Suddenly she was unbelievably thankful that Shepard had had the foresight to bring him. She doubted anyone else, besides a krogan, could have lifted both of them without any help. He'd saved her, but more importantly he had saved Shepard, and Liara would be eternally grateful to him for that.
The asari turned back to see to the commander, but found Shepard already on her feet. Her white armor was now more of a gray color from all the falling debris and dust, and a pool of blood had begun to spread along her left arm. The tightness of her jaw and the hunch of her posture indicated that she was in pain, but her eyes were focused on something towards the entrance of the temple. When Liara turned her head she saw Kai Leng leap into the waiting helicopter. As the vehicle began to rise, Shepard drew her heavy pistol and moving forward she fired on the copter. Her bullets didn't even graze the machine as it pulled away and quickly melted into the horizon.
All Liara could do was silently mouth the word, "No." Cerberus had won? How could they possibly complete the Crucible without that data? How could Liara save her people without it? Staring at Shepard's back, she half expected to see the commander sprout wings and fly after the helicopter. She expected to see the commander do the impossible yet again. It couldn't end like this. Not like this.
Then a voice came over the radio. The captain they had met earlier calling for help, for evacuation. Liara listened to the woman's pleas for help and watched Shepard immediately respond. The defeat etched over her body transformed into desperation as if to say "Please, don't let me lose this battle too."
Liara turned her head to look at the ruined remains of Athame's statue, now more beacon than stone. Have mercy on us in great peril, she prayed, the words coming to her from somewhere way back in her childhood. Destroy the evil that we suffer and cannot overcome without your assistance. Have mercy on your daughters, O Goddess, and protect us from harm. She could not remember the last time she had whispered such a prayer.
But if the Goddess was real and if she heard Liara's prayer, she chose to ignore it. When Liara turned her eyes back to the temple entrance she saw a different kind of god descend from the clouds of ash that surrounded her burning planet. A Reaper landed at the city heart of Armali and over the radio Liara could only hear screams as a hundred asari died. And she realized that her world was lost.
There was no mercy left on Thessia.
~.~.~.~.~
Liara was making herself sick. Every second she spent looking at the reports from Thessia and her mother's old files made her stomach knot. Fresh tears continued to spring to her eyes, and her sobs came out as strangled choking noises. Sitting on the bed in her office, staring at a collection of datapads, she wished that she could pull herself together. But she couldn't. In one day she had watched her world fall to the Reapers, learned that her government had committed a crime against the rest of the galaxy by hoarding a prothean beacon, and lost the key to defeating the Reapers to Cerberus.
Her blue eyes fell over Benezia's files again and Liara frowned. Her mother had known all along; that was clear now. She'd known about the beacon, about the government's deception, all of it. How funny it must have seemed to her when Liara chose to become a prothean expert. Just a delicious, ironic little twist.
As Liara sat stewing in her own grief, the doors to her office, which she'd locked, opened. Only one person had the authority to override that lock. Shepard. The commander strode into the office, shutting the doors behind her and relocking them. Liara noticed how tired she looked. Shepard always looked tired these days. Yet, she looked especially worn at the moment, shoulders sagging, violet eyes hollow, expression grim. She must have broken to news to their allies, told Tevos and Hackett and all the rest that they had lost the data. Liara also noticed that she didn't wear her usual officer's jacket at the moment, just a white tank top instead. A bandage wrapped around her left arm suggested that she had just been to the infirmary to see to her injury from Kai Leng.
Liara quickly averted her eyes, not sure if she could bear to look at Shepard at the moment. The injury, Shepard's tiredness, they were both reminders of how close Liara had come to losing the commander today. Suddenly the Reapers seemed infinitely more menacing and she feared another close call. She couldn't lose Shepard. That was one thing she could not bear. Never again.
The commander didn't say anything, just stood near the area that divided the office from the bedroom in the back. Her violet eyes studied Liara for a while, studied the datapads, and then studied the floor. She seemed as lost for words as Liara, and just as reluctant to acknowledge everything that had gone wrong.
"You must think I am so weak," Liara whispered, wiping a few tears from her eyes before raising her head to look at the commander. Shepard's brow immediately furrowed in concern - just as Liara knew it would - and she took a step forward. But that was Shepard: protective, brave, and ready to come to the rescue at a moment's notice. Liara saw Shepard open her mouth, knew that she was about to argue with her, so she cut her off by saying, "Here I am distraught over the fall of Thessia when you have already watched your world fall to the Reapers. Watched several worlds fall to those monsters. And I know that what really matters is getting that data back from Cerberus, but all I can see is the Reapers tearing apart my planet, my people."
"Liara, no one expects you to watch your home world get taken and be ok," Shepard said. The human made a move as if to close the gap between them, but she hesitated instead, perhaps sensing that Liara wasn't ready for that. What Liara wanted was to be alone, to let the guilt and grief just tear her apart, but she knew Shepard would never let that happen. If Liara would never let Shepard do that to herself, then Shepard wasn't about let her do the same. Bitterly, she thought Fair is fair, I guess.
"I saw you only hours after Earth was taken," Liara said. "You were fighting, doing what needed to be done. Even James and Ashley were right there with you. Me... All I can think about is how stupid I was. I keep reliving it in my head, and every time I realize that I did everything wrong." She blinked as a fresh wave of tears collected in her eyes and then ran down her cheeks. "Was I really that naive, Shepard? Did I really buy into it all like the rest of asari society? I mean, it just seems to awful and silly now. Asari superiority. Was I actually that close-minded and proud that I thought the asari were somehow better than everyone else? That somehow we could hold the Reapers back while the rest of the galaxy fell?" She slammed her fist into the pile of datapads on her bed, making them jump and slide away. "And in reality asari superiority wasn't just a lie; it was a trick! We kept a beacon from the rest of the galaxy and used it to keep ourselves in power. It makes me sick just thinking about it."
"You shouldn't blame yourself for that," Shepard said sternly. "Blame the asari government for keeping it a secret, blame me for losing to Kai Leng, but don't blame yourself. You had no blame in what happened down there."
Liara almost laughed bitterly at that. Instead she raked her fingers across her face and shook her head. "That's why you're so strong Shepard. I remember when my mother died you told me I could blame you. Now you tell me I can blame you for this... And I know that if I did, you would accept that blame, and even if it killed you on the inside, you'd still do what needed to be done. You'd hunt down Cerberus and make things right. But I- I just feel so lost." She looked at Shepard, an almost pleading look. "I do not blame you. I could never blame you. But I do not know who I blame more: the government for lying to the galaxy, or myself for believing those lies without question. And as for me... I knew about the Reapers - knew they were coming - and I did not do enough to warn my people."
Now Shepard looked angry, her lips twisted into a scowl, nose wrinkled in disgust. "It wouldn't have mattered. They wouldn't have believed you. My people didn't believe me, the turians didn't believe Garrus, and the quarians may have believed Tali at some point, but they still started a war with the geth!" She shook her head. "Thessia fell because like everyone else in the galaxy they thought they couldn't fall. But the Reapers are showing us that we're all capable of falling. I just hope that once everyone has been pushed down, that we all rise together to stop the Reapers."
Liara had to admit that those words did make her feel better. Maybe she had been an idiot for buying into asari superiority, but if the asari proved that they were just the same as everyone else... was that so bad? Yet, all it took was another glance at the datapads in front her for those feelings of comfort to fade. Staring at Benezia's files she said, "I cannot believe that my mother knew about the beacon. Knew and allowed it. Knew and never told me. Even after I became an expert on protheans. She must have thought I was such a fool."
"I don't think she thought that at all," Shepard said, inching towards the bed. She moved slowly, gauging Liara's reaction and when the asari did not seem upset by her approach, she sat at the edge of the bed. "No one could think that you're a fool. She probably didn't tell you because she wanted to protect you. If you'd known about it, you would have had to keep it secret too. Would you really have been happy if you knew about it?"
Liara shook her head. "I suppose not. I guess she had to keep it secret. If the other civilizations knew that he asari had lied all along..."
"Exactly." Shepard slowly inched her way across the bed so that she could put her arm around Liara. "I agree that what the government did was wrong, but what your mother did was to protect you and your people."
Liara finally allowed herself to relax a little, turning into Shepard's embrace and letting the commander's arms wrap around her. She remembered how she had wanted to do just that earlier in the day as well. Shepard always had the ability to make things seem right again. Resting her cheek on Shepard's shoulder and closing her eyes, Liara breathed in deep. The air shuttered in her uneasy breast, but it was a start. She just needed a moment to put everything back together.
"Please," she whispered, letting herself melt into the commander's embrace. "Can we just stay like this for a little while?"
"Of course," Shepard murmured back, caressing the top of Liara's head and pressing her lips against the asari's forehead. "For as long as you want."