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They both woke exhausted the next morning, but Elliot was glad to see that her colour at least was better than yesterday – and despite being so nauseous and sick to her stomach, she'd had no more spotting. "Good morning mommy" his lips brushed her forehead as her eyes blinked open slowly to the light streaming in from her bedroom window.

She smiled and sat up against the pillows, reaching her arms above her head and stretching out stiff muscles. As she did, the hem of her shirt rose up, revealing the thickening bulge at her waist. She looked down and tugged her nightshirt back down but Elliot's hand was in the way.

He slowly pushed her shirt up so that all of her bare belly was exposed. Olivia blushed slightly and bit her lip as he cradled it in both hands. "Beautiful, you are so beautiful. This is beautiful Olivia"; he took her hands, which had stilled in midair in surprise at his touch, and brought them down to the deep lower curve he held in his own.

She still looked so lost and unsure that Elliot's heart ached just looking at her – woman as she was, she still had that 'little girl lost' look on her face that begged someone to love her. He bent and pressed feather-light lips to her belly; starting at the hard nub of her pelvic bone, and working up to where the bulge mounded just above her belly button.

"I wish I could feel her move again, Olivia said sadly. I just want to feel her, kicking and alive in me so I know she's safe. "You will Liv; she's just resting right now. Like you should be"

"Ugh, how on earth am I going to manage doing next to nothing for the next 2 and a half weeks?" She looked down thoughtfully, Elliot's head still resting on her belly. "But I'll do it" her lips twisted into a rueful smile, "I'll do anything".

Her teeth caught her bottom lip again until Elliot caught her by the chin and lifted her face to his as he straightened, his body forming a protective cage over hers. She hated herself for being so weak, she hadn't cried so much ever as in the last 4 months.

"What is it Liv"; she put a hand to his chest as if trying to push him away before giving in to the tears. "How am I going to do this El? I don't know how to be a mother. I-I know I'm good with kids but" she clasped her hands to her stomach "this baby is going to depend on me for everything – and I will give him everything I have but I'm still not sure it's going to be enough. I thought I could do this but I feel like I'm already failing my child. I see pregnant hookers, and addicts and the teenage mothers in the station everyday – and I stupidly thought that I could do better than them, that I could do better for my child. But Elliot I can't, I can't even keep this baby safe in my own body. I'm physically failing as a mother -I know how close I came to losing him or her" her voice caught again and Elliot could read the sheer terror in her eyes as she wrung the bed sheet between her hands.

"Am I being selfish?" she voiced her old fear and this time Elliot couldn't resist the urge to gather her into his arms. Olivia didn't resist either, and buried her face in his shoulder – allowing herself to be weak for a moment, to fall apart and have someone else help to pick up the pieces.

He couldn't believe the woman sobbing into his chest was his partner, tough to the end - would bow to no one and no thing. "I can't even give my baby a family. If something ever happened to me on the job…" "Hey, hey – nothing's going to happen to you, and are you forgetting about me? I will always be there for our baby.

And I haven't had the chance to tell you – but the kids know. I called them; Maureen is absolutely thrilled, and crowing to the world that she was right about us. Kathleen – well Kathleen is Kathleen, the last time I talked to her she even asked about you and the baby so she'll warm up to the idea. And Dickie and Elizabeth are, and I quote using Dickie's words 'Awesome! Cool, I bet the kids going to be cute with Olivia for a mom. She's pretty hot in a mom kind of way'".

At this Olivia laughed brokenly, "and I was thinking that we could maybe broach the subject with Eli this weekend. And you know in an instant, Alex, Casey, Cragen, Fin and even Munch would be there for you, for your child if something ever did happen to both of us.

But Olivia, even if the baby had no other people in its life than who was in this room right now – it's still a family. We're a family Olivia, and I know that that is something you've never really had, but families don't walk out on each other. No matter how many times you kick me out that door Olivia, I will always be back, always".

He paused for a moment, "marry me".

Olivia didn't move for a second, then jerked back as his words sunk in – "No". She shook her head, sitting back and crossing her legs – needing distance from him so she could think clearly. "Liv, think about it. We both care for each other deeply, and this way the baby can grow up with two parents in the same home – not being shipped back and forth like Eli. It's not fair to the little guy.

Still, Olivia shook her head – dry eyed now even though her heart was breaking on the inside as she forced the word 'no' from her lips. "I can't marry you Elliot, look how you and Kathy turned out. I, I could never lose you like that. So the answer has to be no". She closed her eyes tightly, bracing herself for the sound of the door closing but she heard nothing. She re-opened her eyes to see Elliot still sitting in front of her.

"Maybe that's a good thing" he agreed, "there needs to be trust in a marriage, and apparently you didn't hear a word I said a moment ago. I'm not going anywhere". She turned away again, crawling back underneath the covers, "I'm tired, I'd like to be alone for a while" she said coolly, not meeting his eyes.

Elliot got up and left without saying another word, a little while later a pale looking Olivia came into the living room.

"Look, can we just get through this first, and, and deal with whatever comes after later? I didn't want to marry you because I didn't want to jeopardize our relationship. But look what's happening now, we're already fighting, and I don't want to do that, I know you care about this baby and I would never stop you from being a part of its life, but I won't marry you because of an unplanned pregnancy – I won't marry anybody unless I can be sure of their love, not because circumstances or the humors of fate have thrown us together. Okay?"

Elliot sighed deeply before nodding, a small smile forming on his face; "okay" – he threw his hands up "one step at a time". Arm still crossed she shuffled over to the couch and plopped down beside him. The feel of her warm body pressed against his side nearly had him coming undone, but he forced himself to un-tense and stare at the tv – trying to focus on anything else.

The movie they'd been watching finished and Elliot turned to Olivia, "do you still feel up to having Eli stay over for the weekend? If you're not I can call Kathy and she can take him again. "No, no, have him come over – did you bring some of his stuff with you from your place? I know how much your time with him means to you. Besides, I'll be needing all the practice I can get before my little guy gets here" she assured him with a smile.

Elliot leaned over and kissed her forehead, "Thanks Liv – I don't know if you'll be saying that after a full weekend with a 3 ½ year old, but thanks for saying it anyway". She smiled and covered a yawn with her hand. "What time is Kathy dropping him off anyway?" "On Fridays she works so we'll get him around 4:30. But next week she's taking him to her mother's for 2 weeks, so she's picking him up Sunday morning at 11 am".

Olivia nodded, "sounds good. If it turns out we have Sunday afternoon free do you think you could drive me over to the mall? I desperately need some maternity clothes – I'm sick of walking around with 3 inches of belly exposed like a teenager. I'm 42 years old, almost 43" she joked before adding sadly "some people are going to think I'm this baby's grandmother by the time they're in grade school".

"That's ridiculous Liv. You won't even be 50 by the time he starts elementary school and besides – no one could ever mistake you for a grandmother. And besides" he added, not wanting to scare her off again with serious declarations "this" he patted the part of her stomach her top left exposed "is seriously sexy. If it were up to me you could walk around with no clothes on at all".

She hefted herself up from the couch, "what, and risk Greenpeace storming the city because someone reported a whale walking around? ha! No thanks".

Elliot smiled to himself and waited a moment before getting up to follow her to the kitchen, watching appreciatively as he watched her from behind as she walked down the hall thinking "Stabler, what the hell have you gotten yourself into?".

Olivia stared down at the glass of milk and half of sandwich on her plate as compared to Elliot's full one and cold beer. "I know I'm getting fat, but is a diet really necessary?" "You get the other half when you've proved you can keep that half down" Elliot said between bites. "Did the same thing with Kathy when she had the twins"; as Olivia bit into her sandwich she couldn't help but feel the slightest pang of regret that this was old news to Elliot, when everything she was going through felt so new to her.

"Hey" he chucked her gently under the chin, making her look at him. "I'm just as scared and excited as you…everything feels like the first time with you". She smiled and batted his hand away feeling embarassed, "you're a detective through and through Stabler" she said wryly as she took another bite of her sandwich, washing it down with a swig of milk.

"Alright, back to bed with you. You've spent enough time on your feet" he swept her up into his arms and carried her into the bedroom. "Elliot I've done nothing all day, I'm fine!" she insisted half laughing half completely exasperated.

"Humor me", he placed her down on the duvet and she grimaced up at him. "You wanna be up for when Eli comes tonight right?" She groaned and flopped back defeated by his logic. "Fine" she called out as he left the room again, "oh – and El, would you mind just grabbing me another hot water bottle for the cupboard?"

He appeared again immediately, leaning against the doorframe speculatively. "Are you cramping again?" "Just a little, but it's not anything like last time – I think it's just because I just ate". "Liv" he said warningly. "I'll be fine, just grab me the water bottle and I promise you I will stay put until Eli gets here".

"I can get it for you, but Olivia" he held a hand up, motioning for her to let him finish before she spoke; "I can be there for you too, like last night. I know you don't want to complicate things in our relationship but if it's what's best for the baby…" he trailed off, letting her think.

Another nauseous twinge in her belly had her nodding. "Okay…but this doesn't change anything El. We both know we're attracted to one another" she grinned ruefully "this little one is proof positive of that fact but, I still haven't changed my mind about marrying you. I don't want to lead you on under false pretenses."

Elliot crawled into bed next to her and took her into his arms, "Com 'ere Detective Benson and stop being a cop for a moment" he teased gently.

As his hands moved rhythmically over her stomach, settling it so that what made it down stayed down she murmured "I still can't believe I'm pregnant". "But I'm so happy I am…" she trailed off yawning and buried her head deeper in the pillows as she succumbed to the tender massage.

Next chapter we get to meet Eli and see his reaction to becoming a big brother :) So comment X 10 !