A bevy of emotions ran through Arnold's mind as he took in Ethan and Helga's stance.
First there was confusion. Maybe it wasn't what it looked like. Maybe she was leaning into him because they were sharing a secret. Maybe his hand was around her waist to steady her before she fell. Perhaps he was giving her a friendly peck on the cheek before going back home.
Then there was anger. First at Ethan. How could Ethan stand so close to her? How could Helga let him touch her? Then at himself. He lied and embarrassed her. This all could have prevented if he was honest with her years ago.
His anger morphed to sadness. It was too late for them. She'd chosen his brother without ever knowing his true feelings. She'd believed what he said without ever confronting him about what she overheard.
Recklessly he settled on jealousy. Ethan was taking away his friends, his family and now he's taking away his Helga? What was so great about him anyway? Rhonda was right, no one really knew this guy and it would be dangerous to have Helga spend so much of her time with him. Arnold was going to make this right.
But the way her eyes widened when Arnold called her name confirmed his suspicions. Helga's flustered face put the kibosh on any other possible scenarios. They were about to kiss, and not in a friendly way either. Trying to ignore Ethan and the way his hand held Helga's was proving to be a Herculean effort. His eyes zoned in on their entwined hands and he had some small internal victory when Helga quickly dropped Ethan's hand.
"Helga can I talk to you?"
Helga bit her lip s she mulled over her choices. She didn't want to leave Ethan like this-he still was so wrecked. But she should have known Gerald would tell Arnold what she overheard him say. As much as she wanted to clear the air, she needed to be sure Ethan would stay in Hillwood.
But before she could tell Arnold she'd talk to him later, Ethan picked up her hand and squeezed it gently which made her look into his eyes. His voice was warm and Helga couldn't help smiling up at him.
"You should talk to him. I'll call you tomorrow."
Ethan still put others first, despite everything he'd been through, and Helga grew more impossibly attracted to him. "Okay."
Helga wrapped her arms around Ethan and Ethan melted into her for a second, taking the warmth and comfort she provided.
Arnold barely acknowledged Ethan but watched him walk away and lumber back to the boarding house.
"So," Helga walked over to where he stood and rubbed her hands together. She was equal parts embarrassed and angry and couldn't look him in the eyes. "What did you want to talk about?"
Arnold carded his hands through his hair and sighed. He thought this would be easy. He planned to tell her the truth but the words had been lodged in his throat since seeing her and Ethan on her step. "I uh—I" Arnold shook his head and started again. "I know you heard what I said in the locker room."
She looked at the streetlight and nodded her head in the affirmative.
"Helga" He walked over to her and placed his hands on her shoulder. He needed her to look at him, implored her to listen. "I'm so sorry."
She shrugged even though it broke her heart. "It's no big deal. I mean you would have to be crazy to like someone who's bullied you forever."
"It is a big deal because it's not true. You weren't really a bully—you were just insecure. And I do want to be with you. I was just afraid to admit it to everyone."
She stood still as a statue trying to process his words. She didn't know what to think much less what to say.
"I love you Helga."
She was so confused at this point. All her pining, all of her fears and he finally said the words she hoped he would. She should feel elated. Her dream had come true. But honestly, she didn't know if she would ever feel the same way about him again. "What?"
Arnold knew he had to be completely honest with her, because he really messed up and because she deserved nothing less. So he was going to speak from his heart, consequences be damned!
"You know when I knew I loved you? I watched you one day, writing in some pink book and I just thought of everything you did for me. Everything you sacrificed to make me happy. I remembered how you helped me save the neighborhood. I remember the letters you 'anonymously' wrote to win that contest. I remember how you sat beside me and held my hand as I cried when we couldn't find my parents. It didn't matter what excuse you gave-I know you did that all for me. How could I not love you after that? After we left the jungle empty-handed I figured I'd never see them again. I gave up on that dream. Knowing my parents wasn't ever going to be my normal. Even though I kept helping others and trying to do the right thing for my parents a part of me died that day. Because for a while after I didn't know who I was. I was lost. But I was okay because in that same moment I realized how kind and wonderful you were. How beautiful. How perfect. I was so afraid to do anything about it. Your love was my new normal. If I changed it, if things changed I was afraid nothing would ever be the same. Please don't think I don't want you because that's not true. I want you more than anything. I wasn't ready to say the words back then but I'm not afraid to say them now. I have wanted you since I was 12 and I don't think that's going away." He wiped the tear that fell from her eye and startled when she stepped away from him.
Could she breathe? Could she form thoughts and sounds? Was any of this real? Arnold was standing in front of her saying everything she ever wanted to hear him say and it all felt incredibly hollow. Cheapened somehow. She wanted him to take it back. To tell her it was some harsh joke because he couldn't possibly be so unkind. Now she wasn't sure if they could even be friends. "How could you do this to me?"
He was relieved to finally tell her the truth. He felt unburdened. But her question left him crestfallen. Arnold was horrible at reading girls. He never knew if they said what they meant or if there was some deeper meaning behind their words. Helga was scowling, she looked betrayed. He didn't get it. He thought she would be happy. "Why aren't you happy? Isn't this what you wanted? You know how I feel and we can be together. Everything is better now."
She stood near the door angrily swiping at her tears. "It's worse." Her voice was coming out hoarse in an effort to keep it together.
"How?"
"You could have ended my agony years ago. You knew I loved you. You knew how strongly I felt for you. It was torture—never feeling good enough for you, always wondering whether today was the day you'd find out and laugh in my face. I thought I wasn't good enough for you like I wasn't good enough for anyone else. What you did, that's not love—that's cruel. Don't you see what you did you me? And all these years I thought I was the bully."
Angrily he moved her away from the door. They were going to finish this conversation no matter what. "Well what about me?" He got louder as she rolled her eyes. "Yeah, what about me? You put me on some pedestal like I can't make mistakes. I never said I was perfect. You built me up in your head so much that you were afraid to tell me how you felt. Thank you didn't think you were good enough for me. Were you ever going to tell me?"
"Yes-No, I don't know, okay! But If I knew how you felt I wouldn't have watched you torture yourself."
He couldn't understand why she was so unwilling to forgive. Yeah he made a mistake but she'd honestly said a lot worse to him over the years and he'd forgiven her without an apology. His mind flashed to her and Ethan and his anger was renewed. "Why should any of that matter now? I made a mistake. I'm so sorry Helga you had to hear me say that to Stinky, Harold, Sid and Gerald but I need you to know I didn't mean it. I was lying to them and myself. Why won't you forgive me?"
"Because I'm realizing two people who say they love each other but don't do anything about it chose fear over a relationship." Because the dream of you may be better than the reality." Because we keep causing each other pain." Because you will always deserve more than I can give. "Because I haven't been able to get what you said about me out of my head." Because I have feelings for someone else.
"This is about Ethan isn't it? I don't get you Helga. You'll do whatever you can for him but can't even forgive me? ME Helga! I've been with you for years. It's always been you and me. Why are you so willing to give him a chance when you have no problems tossing me aside?"
His question was valid. Honestly she didn't have an answer any of them would like. Tomorrow she would seek him out and try to mend their friendship. She was too raw right now. Too pained from the knowledge that all of her torment could have been avoided had she just been honest about her feelings. She hated him. She hated herself. She didn't want to see him now, she needed distance. "Go."
Frustrated he kicked the railing causing it to vibrate. "Fine! I can't believe you can give up on us so easily."
She watched him leave and didn't stop the tears that fell. A part of a dream had just died. She needed to wallow in this pain for a moment. Slowly she pulled the necklace Ethan gave her from around her neck and pressed her thumb to the charm. The cold wind whipping on her face couldn't stop her confusing thoughts. Wiping her eyes she felt an eerie feeling pass over her that made the hairs on the back of her neck rise. She couldn't calm the fear that she was being watched. She's been feeling that way a lot lately—where she would be having quiet moments and suddenly she'd get this weird tug in the pit of her stomach or her pulse would intensify. Something was telling her things were off. Straightening up she rushed back inside and to her room where she plopped on her bed and cried out her confusion.
Arnold felt numb. Of all the possible scenarios he envisioned for tonight, he couldn't imagine it would turn out like this. Making his way to his room he stopped when he saw the light on in Ethan's. Curiosity piqued, he went inside. Arnold was surprised to find Ethan's room was similar to his own. Everything was neat, everything was in its place. Ethan had his head down and was writing on some tablet. No, not writing, drawing. Ethan still hadn't noticed Arnold so Arnold looked at what his brother was drawing and frowned. Helga. Of course. And she looked amazing.
Ethan was good. The boy must have been in his own world darkening the curve of her long neck.
Tapping his brother he sat on the bed while Ethan pulled out his ear bud.
"We need to talk about Helga."
Helga shut off her phone and tried to sleep. After two hours of rolling around she gave up. Sighing, she took her coat off and checked her messages. When she saw she missed a text from Ethan her face lit up. That is, until she read it.
I'm sorry I can't go to the museum this weekend. Something came up.
Arnold was emotionally drained when he went to his room after his talks with his father, Helga and Ethan he just wanted to forget this day where he was utterly defeated. So when Rhonda called in a favor he was less than courteous. Nevertheless, he agreed. And he had regretted that decision since.