Dear Anonymous Reviewer,
First of all, thank you for bringing my review count up. It's shallow and superficial, I know, but the little things do matter to me.
Regarding the content of your review, you'll forgive me for taking none of it seriously. You opened by informing me you have "read better porn." I'm sorry, but if you're one of those people who sits alone at home with their cats, unemployed and unwashed, jerking off (to use the vernacular) to Edward and Bella's "sexy times" then...Your advice means so little to me, I'm not sure I can effectively communicate my disgust, notwithstanding my writing skills, which you eloquently dismissed as "shit". I feel I have to inform you, I have several inter-school literary awards here on my shelf which are just begging to differ with you.
Still, I respect your opinion and am glad you wish to help me improve. Let me return the favour, with a list of the grammatical and spelling mistakes you made while telling me:
"Try drafting before publishing and at least make the story look like you made an attempt and correcting any errors in it"
1. I've, not Ive is an abbreviation of "I have".
2. Pathetic excuse for a Doctor Who fic, not "of a Doctor Who fic".
3. I'm, not Im. Unless you meant to say butter in Irish...which really doesn't fit the context.
4. "Pice" is a former monetary unit of India and Pakistan. It is not a word that can be used to describe lettuce. Try "piece". You'll find people actually understand you.
5. Didn't, not didnt. Please, use your apostrophes, for the good of humanity.
6. When you ask a question, you must finish with a question mark.
"What's that?" I hear you ask. Actually, as you would say: "whats that."
Well, in conclusion, thank you for your review. Generally, I would thank you by private messaging, but you guest-reviewed. Oh, and don't take offence. I only mean to improve your critical reviewing.
Kind regards,
Thinkingaboutnothing.