I'm so sorry that it has taken me so long to update. Real life has been crazy! I have one child in kindergarten that plays baseball. My oldest child is in 3rd grade and is in the accelerated reading program. Between baseball practice and games, AR banquets and reward trips, field trips, plus volunteering at school and working part time, I have been extremely busy.

Thank you to all who have reviewed and put this story on alert. Please keep those reviews coming. Thanks to Cullenfan524 for being with me since the beginning.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Myers owns Twilight and all of the characters. But this story and plot are mine.

This time I think, I'm to blame
It's harder to get through the days
You get older and blame turns to shame
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry, it makes me want to die

Sorry by Buckcherry

Chapter 11: Aftereffects

Edward POV

For a long time after I had gone through rehab and then therapy, I spent a lot of time trying to make up to the people who were hurt by what I did while I was using.

Even though we had family counseling, discussing all of the issues of why our family fell apart and the subsequent results thereof, I still had this need in me to make things right. The way I treated my mother was inexcusable. Although the therapists said we all had a hand in the way our family had reacted to the divorce, it still bothered me how I treated the people that I loved.

It took me a long time to be able to look my mother in the eye without feeling guilty. The guilt was still there. Guilt for making her worry about me, when I would come home, if I would come home, who I was with. All those things she had to deal with on top of losing her husband and father of her children. I couldn't let go of the guilt of the way I treated her. It just became easier over time, never fading completely away.

Alice became a different person after therapy. She was no longer the harpy that I remembered, turning from the bitter girl that constantly gave me hell to a caring and kind sister. Not only did she attend family therapy with us, she also had separate counseling sessions of her own. The abandonment issues that she had after our father left were compounded with the worry of choosing sides between her mother and father, plus having a drug addict for a brother just made things worse.

Each of us we're to blame in our own way. My mother didn't handle the divorce well; she couldn't deal with it or us. Alice didn't either, taking her frustrations out on me. Then there I was drinking, smoking pot and using any other drug I could get a hold of to forget about everything, which led to my overdose.

After the overdose, I was in a coma for almost two weeks. Once I was well enough to leave the hospital, I was transferred to a rehabilitation facility where I went through an extensive detoxification program. While I was there, I started therapy sessions, one on one sessions with a therapists and group therapy.

The moment I was released from rehab, I was sent to a private school where my parents worked it out with the school and the school nurse that I would be drug tested every week. Our family therapy sessions started not long after, which at that time I really hated. The rehab and detox didn't bother me. The fact that I had almost died turned me completely against drugs. There were times when I thought about it, times when I was so upset that I wanted to do it, but after what happened to me I knew that I would never use again.

The family therapy sessions were gut wrenching. Standing up to my parents and my sister and telling them the things that I had always wanted to say didn't make me feel better like I thought it would. It hurt to say out loud that I felt abandoned by my parents and it sucked that my sister blamed me. Of course it helped all of us to acknowledge our fears and express our feelings, but at the same time it hurt. It hurt like hell.

We all worked through it. My mother and I became close like a mother and son should be, like we were before it all fell apart. Alice and I started a clean slate. We apologized to each other for all the hateful things we said to the other deciding that we were both wrong.

My father, even though he was remarried, came to all of the therapy sessions, agreeing to whatever the doctor said. His guilt for what happened to us was palpable, admitting that he was to blame just as much as anyone. We came to an understanding, actual able to talk with one another civilly.

The one person that I never tried to make up or apologize to was Bella. During that whole time, I never forgot about Bella. I constantly thought about her and what she was doing. Not one day went by that I didn't think about how things had ended between us. I wanted to apologize to her, tell her how wrong I was, that I used her in the worse possible way.

But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I kept thinking that she was better off without me. The guilt that riddled me for the way I treated her made me believe that I didn't deserve to have a part in her life anymore. I used her, took her friendship fore granted, then when she expressed her love for me, told her that I couldn't care for her that way and I liked her friend. I hurt her in the worse possible way, so in my mind she was better off without me.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

Standing here in Bella's childhood home, waiting for her to wake up after she basically had a break down before my eyes, I realize that the choices I made regarding her were selfish. All these years that I didn't take the time to talk to her and explain what happened thinking that she was better off without me in her life was wrong. She was never allowed closure because I never gave it to her.

Apparently she was never able to put behind her what I did to her. Over the past fifteen years she was left to believe that she was never good enough for me or Charlotte and that we chose drugs over her. What a fool I have been.

Since I became clean, I have had many regrets. My biggest regret was the way I treated Bella. Now after what I saw today, I know that staying away was the worse thing I could have done.

Watching her fall apart before my very eyes was worse that I could have ever imagined things would have gone between us. I knew that there would possibly be screaming and yelling, heated words passed between us. But I didn't consider the pain I would see in her eyes. They ripped at me, tearing my soul apart.

When she stood there in the rain after the service was over, her clothes clung to her, showing off her delicate frame. Rain dripped down her face mixing with her tears, accentuating her paleness and the dark circles under eyes. My heart clutched at the sight.

Her breathing became erratic causing Charlie to grip her arm in support, and when he did, she literally snapped. She started screaming for him to leave her alone jerking away mumbling that Charlotte was afraid of the dark. When Renee tried to reach out to her, she jerked away from her as well and Renee looked so defeated I thought that I would see if she would listen to me.

Years from being a counselor taught me that when your patient is upset you should approach them in a calm manner. Trying to move slowly and speak quietly, I reminded Bella that she had done everything she could. When she turned on me, the hurt I saw in her eyes made my throat burn with tears that I couldn't seem to stop. All I could think was 'I did this to her.' She yelled at me, claiming she was never enough, that Charlotte and I threw her love away. Over and over she asked why she was never enough.

Wanting nothing more that to take it all away, I reached out to her. What she did next didn't surprise me. She shoved me screaming at me not to touch her. Then she said the words that I was most afraid to hear. She hated me. I broke her heart and she hated me for it. Letting her take her anger out on me, I stood there while she pushed me.

When she became weak from the exertion and her sobs overtook her body, she fell against me, my arms wrapping around her body trying to hold her to keep her from falling apart. There was nothing I could do but tell her I was sorry while over and over again she told me she hated me. Finally her body gave out on her, passing out in my arms.

"Get your hands off my daughter! Don't you think you've done enough?" Charlie stalked over to me, grabbing Bella's shoulders to pull her out of my arms.

Renee grabbed Charlie's arm yanking it away. "Charlie stop it! This isn't the time. We need to get Bella home."

"I want that bastard to take his hands off of her." Charlie's face was red with anger, his fists clenching at his sides.

Renee reached out her hand to Charlie's, smoothing out his fist, intertwining their fingers. "Let him carry her to the car so we can drive her home. She needs to go home. She's been through enough."

"Shouldn't we take her to the hospital?" Fear was gripping me as Bella stayed motionless in my arms.

"She wouldn't want that. She's exhausted. I'll call James's father to come over to see about her. He is a doctor. Bring her to the car then follow us home." Renee gave me a small smile.

"Renee. This fucker isn't allowed in my home." Charlie ground out between clenched teeth.

"Well it's my home too. And Bella's. I'm sure Edward wants to make sure she is going to be okay." Renee snapped causing Charlie to glare at her in return. "As far as Bella is concerned, it will be her choice this time as to whether she wants Edward there or not." Renee shrugged before she turned and walked towards the car.

So that is where we are now. Charlie standing guard outside Bella's door, staring at me with hate filled eyes. At the moment, it really didn't bother me. He couldn't hate me anymore than I hated myself.

Renee went in with James's father, Dr. Anderson. Renee had explained to me that not only was he James's father, but a fishing buddy of Charlie's. The look of disapproval he gave me before he walked into Bella's room lead me to believe that he knew the whole story as well.

I could feel the hatred from Charlie rolling off of him in waves. The air in the hallway was thick with tension as we both stood there waiting to here if Bella was okay.

My cell phone rang breaking me out of my thoughts. Snatching it quickly from my pocket, I hit the silence button. There was nothing more important to me right now than to know about Bella.

"Why are you here?" Charlie's voice surprised me. He hadn't said a word to me since the graveyard.

"I want to make sure Bella is okay." My voice sounded gravelly, thick with all the emotions that were lodged in my throat

Charlie snorted. "Really, Edward. Since when did you care if Bella is okay or not.

When have you ever cared about her?"

"Charlie. I know you won't believe me. But I am truly sorry for the way I treated Bella."

"You're right Edward. I don't believe you." Charlie pushed off the wall to stand directly in front of me. Years ago, I always had to look up to him, now we were eye level.

"Do you want to know why I don't believe you? I remember how you were. I remember what you did. You were a drug user who didn't care about anyone but yourself. Nothing mattered to you. The only thing you cared about was getting high."

"When Bella became your friend, I tried to convince her to stay away from you. I wish I had tried harder." Charlie shook his head. "But she wouldn't hear of it. She said you needed her. I could tell by the look in her eyes that it was too late. Renee and I argued over you, just like we argued over her friendship with Charlotte. But Renee believed that Bella would be good for you two. That Bella would be a good influence."

Charlie rubbed his hand over his face. He looked much older at that moment as worry etched his features. "We knew that Bella wouldn't use drugs. We taught her what drugs would do to you and to just say no. Because of my job, she knew the consequences. So did I. I knew you would never be able to care about Bella the way she cared for you. Then, you proved it. The way you threw her heart away. It broke her. Then when you overdosed, she was worried sick about you. But a lot of good it did her. You never contacted her again. Even after you got better, you never even took the time to explain anything to her."

"Bella was always a shy girl. She kept her feelings to herself. But after you did what you did, she shut everyone out. At least she would confide in her mother, but that changed when we tried to keep all that mess from her. She turned to Charlotte and look how that turned out for her." Charlie raked his hand through his hair.

"I didn't want her to worry or care about you. She deserved better than to care about an addict who didn't care about her in return. The worse part of it was after everything, she I could tell she still loved you. I hoped over time that she would forget about you and move on, but she couldn't. She still loved you even though you weren't even here. Because she loved you so much and you never returned her feelings, she felt like she wasn't good enough for anyone. I could see it in her eyes."

Hearing Charlie describe what I had feared the most caused my stomach to lurch. There was nothing I could say in my defense. Every thing he said was true. The one person who tried to so hard to be my friend and show me that someone did care for me, I pushed away. How was I ever going to make things right?

Charlie and I both turned to the sound of Renee and Dr. Anderson leaving Bella's room. Renee made her way to stand between me and Charlie looking between us as if she could sense the hostility. Renee placed her hand on Charlie's arm, instantly I could see the calm wash over him.

Charlie turned to Dr. Anderson. "How is she?"

The doctor pushed his glasses up his nose. "She's fine. I really think it was just an anxiety attack. Between Charlotte's funeral and everything else, it was just too much for her." He looked at me pointedly to let me know that I was the every thing else he was referring to.

"Will she be okay?" Charlie asked, his voice softening.

"Yes. I told her to get some rest. She needs to eat too. She's lost weight since the last time I've seen her."

At the sound of footsteps pounding up the stairs we all turned to see James. His eyes were filled with fear as he approached his father.

"I got here as soon as I could. How is she Dad?" His voice was laced with worry.

Dr. Anderson explained to James what he had explained to us. When he was finished James closed his eyes, a whispered 'Thank God' escaping his lips. As his eyes opened, they fixed on mine. The worry for Bella had been replaced with anger towards me.

"You just couldn't stay away could you? What did you think you could accomplish by coming back now? Did you come back just to see if you could shatter the rest of her heart?" James yelled at me.

"I never meant to hurt her." My feeble attempt at my defense sounded pathetic even to me.

James stalked over grabbing me by my jacket giving me a shake. Last night I thought I would fight this man if I had to. At the moment, letting him kick my ass would be the least of the punishment I deserved.

"How can you say that? She has been hurting since the day you walked out of her life. But you never knew that because you never came back. Do you have any idea what you've done to her? How much pain you've caused her." James blue eyes seemed to turn black with anger.

"I'm beginning to see." I could and it was making me sick.

"No you haven't." James reared his fist back to punch me. "But I'm going to show you." Closing my eyes, I braced myself for the punch.

"Stop." My eyes popped open at the sound of Bella's voice. James stopped in mid swing upon hearing her. His grip on my shirt tightened while he held his other arm reared back ready to strike.

"I said stop. Please." Bella whispered hoarsely. She was slumped against the door jamb, her face pale. Renee rushed to her side, wrapping her arms around her waist to support her.

With a pained look on his face, James released me, turning to Bella. "How can you defend him? After every thing he's put you through. How?" His voice broke at the end.

"I'm not. But I won't let anyone make choices for me anymore. I won't let you or anyone else decide what is right for me." Bella's voice was low and soft, but I could hear the determination in it.

"Bella, please." James held his arms out towards her, pleading.

"James." Bella sniffled, tears starting to stream down her face. "For once in my life, I want the choice. Don't fight with him. Please. I need to do this. I need to talk to him."

James nodded once dropping his arms down to his sides. His shoulders slumped knowing he was defeated. He loved her. It was more than obvious that he would do whatever she wanted because of it. Silently he walked away down the stairs never looking back.

Dr. Anderson said his goodbyes to Charlie and Renee, reminding Bella to take care of herself before he quickly followed after his son.

My eyes turned back to Bella. Her eyes were red, tears pooling in them, spilling over streaking down her beautiful face. Her color had not returned, causing the dark circles under eyes to stand out. Standing there in her mother's arms, Bella looked like the young girl that I had befriended so many years ago. My chest constricted at the sight of her looking broken and frail from all that she had been through.

Looking at her, I knew I was doing nothing but hurting her by being here. I was coming between her and her father, causing problems between him and Renee, making her come to my defense against the man who I knew was in love with her.

"I think I should go. Goodbye Bella." Turning on my heels, I started to leave. She had been through too much for me to stay here and remind her of all the things that had gone bad in her life.

"Wait, Edward." Bella whispered. Stopping, I turned to face her. My breath caught in my throat at the sadness in her eyes.

"Give me some time Edward." Bella murmured so low I almost didn't hear her. "I'll call you. I just…I need time."

"If that's what you want." She nodded weakly. "Whenever you're ready Bella. I'll be waiting."

And I would. I would wait for as long as I had to. If that is what she wanted, then I would wait. As long as she wanted me to. If I had to spend the rest of my life making this up to her, I would. She deserved nothing less.

A/N: What did you think? Please review and let me know. This story has had over 6,000 hits and so many people have this story on alert. I would love to hear from you. Please forgive my mistakes, I don't have a beta.