Disclaimer: Doc Martin and recognisable storylines belong to Buffalo Pictures.

Initiative – Chapter 11

- oo0oo –

Louisa thought about Martin, and especially about Martin yesterday. He had been different with her, seemingly trying to comfortably be with her. They had asked each other questions, he'd picked up that she wanted to drive through Dartmoor, and she smiled remembering the moment when he smelled her hair.

AND, when she'd gotten upset when they got home, he had tried to stick around to talk with her, but she stayed upstairs too long.

She knew they were very different and being attracted to each other wouldn't smooth over their different styles. She definitely needed to stop jumping to conclusions with him.

She thought about the garden, about how it could grow along with their relationship. 'I sound like a silly romantic.' She thought about their kisses, how much she'd enjoyed them both, even though he ruined the first one with his clinical act. 'And has apparently completely forgotten our second.'

Then she thought about how different and dependable he was compared to her father, and Danny. She realised how much the appointment could mean for their future. She dialed the surgery.

- oo0oo –

The course instructor had seen through Martin's ruse quite early in the conversation. He could tell Martin was thinking of one person, a schoolteacher, who he wanted to have a better relationship with. He decided to be as helpful as possible on that front, then to steer the conversation back to why Martin was enrolled in the course in the first place.

Right in the middle of the phone call, he had received a handwritten message from his receptionist which said that Martin Ellingham was released from the course.

He finished up the discussion on relationships and knew he should tell Martin about the cancellation message. Seeing a potential opportunity to entice Martin to take the course anyway, he delved into Martin's issues with patients, and his receptionist.

However, when he did reveal Gavin Peters' message, Martin very abruptly thanked him for his time, but ended the interview.

- oo0oo –

Because the expected interview time was shortened, Martin told Poppy she could accept one or more patients before the rest of the afternoon schedule started back up. She was, therefore, able to schedule Louisa in when she called.

-oo0oo –

Martin felt a little embarrassed about the turn the phone interview had taken. He had found himself talking about relationship difficulties, with the instructor asking him questions. They were good questions, though, and even though he didn't answer them fully then, he was still thinking about them now.

Did he see any sort of sign on her part that she wanted a relationship with him?

Yes, he did. From her saying, '...everything's always up to me, isn't it? You never do anything or say anything to help us move on. We just go 'round and 'round in circles.'

To her comment about whether she had a boyfriend. 'Not really.'

To him saying, 'Perhaps it'll be time for something new?' He remembered her eyes. So beautiful and intense, willing him to get her message. But he just put the words into the wrong context. Easily done. Time to try a new hobby. But, now he knew, what she'd wanted him to get was now he'd have time for something new, as in 'them.'

Idiot, thought Martin. Of course she meant 'them.'

-oo0oo –

Idiot, thought Louisa. She was remembering how she thought Martin understood 'time for something new' meant spending time with her. She knew he was a literal thinker. How many times had she had to set him straight about jokes? Of course he would think that since fixing clocks was a hobby that she was suggesting he get a new one. As much as she was attracted to him, she wasn't sure how many times she could "make a move" without her self-esteem crashing and burning.

-oo0oo –

He couldn't believe how many times he got it wrong with Louisa. He didn't fully understand her, and was so unsure of himself. That time they'd kissed in the taxi, he could barely bring himself to hold her hand, let alone initiate anything. He thought his comment about her breath would be helpful. A one-time girlfriend, the one who'd ended up laughing at his marriage proposal, had always told him helpful things about his hygiene.

They WERE helpful. Well, maybe when she'd started repeating some of them... maybe not then. And, come to think of it, the way she offered these "helpful" observations... maybe they weren't very nice. Actually, they were sometimes condescending.

Upon reflection, maybe Louisa had felt what he was only now comprehending.

-oo0oo –

She realised that the way she usually dealt with people, was maybe not the way to deal with Martin. He wasn't one for sarcasm, or joking, or even double entendres. He was a stand-up guy, who spoke straight to others, and expected the same back.

-oo0oo –

Martin wanted to tell Louisa that she wasn't just something to do with his spare time. She meant much more to him than that. When they had been talking about fixing clocks, and finishing with the one he'd been working on, and he suggested something new, of course he didn't think of her like that. He'd already been standing there, his body a nervous, tingling mass. That was enough distraction without trying to decipher what she might be thinking. He hoped he could talk with her soon.

-oo0oo –

When Louisa arrived at the surgery, it was empty but for Poppy.

"Still itching?" asked Poppy, being friendly, but, she realised, nosy. She quickly looked apologetic.

As that had been the malady Louisa gave for the appointment, she could only say, "Yes. A prescription should solve it."

Poppy smiled and went back to reading about answering machines online.

Louisa knew Martin might be angry with her using an appointment like she planned, but she needed to speak with him and didn't want any chance of interference.

The door to Martin's surgery opened, and he did a double-take upon seeing Louisa.

"Come through," he said. The scent of her shampoo wafted after her, and he closed the door. They sat down, facing each other across his desk.

"Doctor Ellingham, I think I have a bad case of short temper." She held up her hand to stop him when she saw his mouth open.

"I have suspected it for some time, but when I am in the company of one special person it really flares up. He may also have a short temper, but he seems more in control. Especially lately. I noticed myself getting agitated with him, and yet also noticed him using calming techniques.

"We had gone driving on an errand to Devon. We found ourselves remembering our unhappy childhoods and didn't really appreciate how we were making new, happy memories right then.

"I think the trip was so pleasant, because he was trying to learn about me, be less impatient, and share. I may also have been, only not as consciously as he did.

"Anyway, I tried not to look at a piece of paper he seemed very focused on, but I could easily read his nice handwriting and got the wrong idea about things he'd written. I wanted to clear up the matter, ease the discomfort, but I waited too long.

"I am here now, and I hope you have a helpful prescription."

Martin was feeling the tingling again.

"Well, it sounds as if you are improving. Maybe you caught it from him. He sounds like he's feeling better, and you should, too, soon."

Martin got out his prescription pad and wrote for a minute. He folded it in half. When he handed it to her, he said, "Follow the instructions twice daily, up to 3 times if necessary. Following a prescription is like learning a new habit. It takes time."

"Thank you, Martin," she said. She breathed a sigh of relief as they both stood. "I'm sorry about how yesterday ended. I had a very nice time with you."

"Me, too," said Martin, which seemed to cover it all.

"Will you continue with the herb garden?" she asked.

"I'm not quite sure."

"You could keep a couple of your favorite herbs in pots on the windowsill," she offered. "Maybe have a flower garden instead. I could help with that."

"That would be nice." He felt warmer, now, and much better after last night, the course interview, and now this conversation.

"You really should stick with fixing clocks, Martin."

"Well, I don't know..."

"Have you never thought that maybe you ARE one of the best? That maybe Reg knows what he's talking about and you should feel proud that someone recognises and appreciates your talent?"

"I just... I don't see myself that way."

"Well, how DO you see yourself? I would really like to know, Martin."

That feeling came over him, the feeling that he would never be good enough for her. That even if he told her what he wanted, ever, about anything, it would somehow not be right. It wouldn't mesh with what she wanted, and she would reject him.

She saw him turning inward, tensing. She had to try a different tack.

"Look. It's just the two of us. I won't tell anyone what you say, and, I guess, I hope you won't tell others what I say, but I hope you will. Tell me, that is."

"Tell you what?" asked Martin.

"What you want. What kind of woman, what kind of relationship, whether it's marriage. Do you want children? A child? What kind of home will you and your family live in? How do you see that partnership?"

Louisa was on a roll now. Each question she asked made her think of another one she'd like him to answer. She didn't know much about him. She liked him very much, yes, because of his obvious interest in her, but more based on what she'd been a witness to since they'd met. His skill in diagnosing ailments. His amazing way of providing emergency care, especially when nearly overwhelmed by his haemophobia. And she'd really liked their kisses.

Martin was experiencing sensory overload as each of her questions brought an answer to his mind, which caused a series of physical reactions. She was the woman, and she was right in front of him. The sight of her beautiful face, the colors of her clothes and her eyes and her hair, which itself smelled heavenly. As she spoke, he could imagine her holding a baby. Their baby. And he could no longer deny himself more. He completed the sensory quintet by gathering her in his arms and kissing her, tasting her sweet lips. She was soft and warm. And responsive.

Louisa had watched him intently as she asked her questions. She had seen him staring back, his mouth barely opening, then moving as if he were about to speak. His hands clenched and unclenched lightly, as if he wanted something to hold on to. She loved the blue of his eyes, and his soft, graying hair, and the way he smelled of starch and a manly, old-fashioned deodorant. She pictured him holding a baby. Their baby. And suddenly their arms were around each other and she could taste his soft, warm lips.

They could hear Pauline's voice out at reception, returning from her course. The kiss ended and Martin kissed her forehead. "Thank you for coming in today," he told her, sincerely. Then, reluctantly, he went out to reception to get his next set of patient records. Louisa slipped out through the kitchen.

- oo0oo –

Out in front of the surgery, Louisa opened the scrip. "Be patient. Make sure you understand him and that he understands you. Relate in new ways and see what happens."

Martin watched her from the window in the sitting room. He could see her smile in profile.

Then he turned towards Pauline in reception and called, "Next patient, please!"

THE END