Whispers in the Night

"Elyan?" Gwen stared at her brother who was standing right before in the dark forest, "Is that you?" she slowly stepped closer to him, lifting her hand as though to touch him, but he stepped back.

"I'm sorry Gwen," Elyan frowned, her heart breaking as she heard his familiar voice, "But I'm not really here."

"But I can SEE you," Gwen shook her head, before she realized, "You're dead," she breathed, as though forcing herself to remember that, "You're a ghost?"

"I am," Elyan nodded.

"How are you here?" she lowered her hand.

"Morgause," he smiled, "She brought me back, so I could talk to you. I'm so sorry I left you Gwen, I never meant to."

"Morgause?" Gwen frowned, starting to look around, not even sure if she was fearful or hopeful that she'd be there, "Morgause brought you back?"

"She's not here Gwen," Elyan told her, "I…I wanted to talk to you myself, without her spying. I needed to warn you Gwen."

"Warn me?" Gwen turned back to him.

"You can't trust them Gwen," Elyan whispered.

"Trust who?"

"Arthur, Merlin, all of them Gwen," Elyan looked at her solemnly, "I'm sorry but…you can't trust them Gwen, they'll hurt you."

"What do you mean?" Gwen shook her head, "They came to rescue me!"

"And now I'm dead Gwen."

"I told you not to fight the sword, to leave me."

"It's not that Gwen," Elyan sighed, "They let me run off ahead, alone. They weren't there to have my back or protect me. They turned their back on the Knight's oath to protect each other. Arthur let me run off alone. Lancelot should have been with me, he should have been right with me to save you but he chose to stay back with Arthur and the others."

"He…he wouldn't do that," Gwen shook his head, speaking for both Arthur and Lancelot. But even as she said it, she could feel doubt creeping into her at what the man was saying. This was her brother, this was Elyan, he would NEVER say that about Arthur and Lancelot if it wasn't true.

"And Marayna," Elyan shook his head, "She had magic, she and Morgana could have easily gotten across the traps ad to your door but they didn't. They stayed there to protect the men instead of going after you. They failed to protect you and me. If it hadn't been for their magic, you never would have been taken in the first place."

"I…I chose to switch places with Marayna though," Gwen whispered.

'she let you do it," Elyan stressed, "She knew the danger you could be in not just from bandits but other magic-users, and she knew you wouldn't have magic to protect yourself with. Sh knew she'd be forced to stay back with the knights and you'd be alone. Gwen," he took a step towards her, "She's the entire reason you were in that position."

Gwen looked down, even though she HAD told Marayna to switch images with her…the girl would have never agreed to do it. She knew that Marayna wouldn't have wanted to do it, she would have fought harder to say no, to refuse it, but she hadn't. She'd allowed herself to disguise each other and she had to know there was a chance that others would target her, that they'd target HER as a result, thinking she was the queen instead. Marayna knew there was a chance that SHE would get hurt instead and she'd allowed it to happen. She'd allowed HER to be harmed for the sake of protecting herself.

She bit her lip,, shaking her head, not wanting to believe that, not wanting to think that it was true, that Marayna could do that, but…the more she considered it, the more she couldn't help but notice the other things that had happened. Morgana, she was a healer, she should have been able to heal Elyan and she'd failed. Marayna, she had the power of life and death, she had access to the cup of life and she'd refused to use it, refused to help Elyan come back. Why? Why would she do that unless she didn't want to see Elyan returned? And Arthur, he'd led the entire thing, HE should have been the one in charge, he never should have allowed Elyan to go off ahead of the others by himself but he had. Merlin had abandoned all of them, along with Mordred, the two of them staying back in Camelot, not lifting a finger to help. And Lancelot…that was the worst of it, her husband should have been in the forefront of all the knights, should have been right there beside Elyan when he reached the room but he hadn't been. He'd chosen to stay back with Arthur instead of coming to protect her and free her and protect her brother.

She closed her eyes and shook her head, not wanting to think like that, it wasn't true, it couldn't be true, they wouldn't do that to her. They wouldn't have been so careless with Elyan's life, they wouldn't have.

Elyan stared at his sister, seeing the emotions and expressions passing through her face, guessing where her thoughts had gone, "Morgause did the same for Arthur once, Gwen," Elyan told her quietly, "She let him see his mother. she tried to warn him about Uther, about what he was like, what he'd done…but Arthur didn't listen. He didn't look into it and Uther…Arthur could have taken the throne before he did. Changed things," Elyan looked at her mournfully, "Don't fall into the same trap Gwen," he pleaded, "Learn the truth for yourself, and, come see me. I can see you one more time, tomorrow night."

Gwen watched, tears in her eyes as Elyan faded away from in front of her, hesitating before looking around at the darkening woods before she took a breath and steeled herself before she turned around and headed back to Camelot.

She had a lot to discover and only a short time to do it in.

~8~

Gwen was walking through the halls of the castle early in the morning, heading to the kitchens with the excuse that she was trying to get her and Lancelot food, breakfast, to share. Well, that was her excuse. Being a former servant, knowing the castle the way she did, having the friends she had, she knew what their schedules were like. She knew that, at about this time each morning, Merlin would be making his way to the kitchens for breakfast for Morgana and himself. And that was the real reason behind her journey to the kitchens. Normally she and Lancelot would have a bit more of a lie in, or she would. The night before a training session with the knights, she was to organize the armory and make sure everything was in order for the next day, not that she'd been expected to do that with what had happened to her.

Morgause had held her in the Dark Tower…with mandrake roots hanging above her. They had started screaming, forcing all her greatest fears to the surface of her mind. Morgause, when she hadn't reacted with magic to stop them, had realized she wasn't Marayna, like she thought she was, but had seemed oddly pleased despite the disappointment. She'd kept her there, offering her water and food at times. She tried to remain strong though, to not listen to her, to ignore the mandrakes, but…she'd felt her resolve starting to crack at the end. She just wanted to be out of the god awful room and, for a moment or two, she considered letting Morgause help her out, trusting the woman, if it meant getting out of there. But always, just before she reached the door, she'd realize what she was doing, what her acceptance of Morgause's help would mean and she'd pull back. Morgause would whisper things to her, things she hadn't wanted to believe about her friends but…hearing Elyan warn her about them…she couldn't help but fear, even slightly, that he was telling the truth…that MORGAUSE had been telling the truth all along and that she was in terrible danger.

It was why she had to find out for herself, the truth behind numerous events in her life. Morgause had tried to tell her what to think, Elyan was giving her time to find out for herself…and that made her think it truly was her brother there, not Morgause in disguise, not a trick, but her brother. She just…she just wanted to know he was still there, that he hadn't been taken from her completely.

"Merlin," she greeted, seeing him coming around a corner.

"Hello Gwen," he offered her a small smile, reaching out to hug her tightly the moment he was near enough, "I'm so sorry Gwen," he looked at her, "I should have been there, I could have helped you I'm sure of it."

Gwen looked at him for that…he should have been, a traitorous part of her mind whispered to her, he really should have been. Damn Camelot if her brother was in danger, which he was in trying to come and get her. Merlin should have been there. He and Marayna had kept Arthur safe all those years, nearly a decade, and they couldn't manage to keep her brother safe for one quest?!

She shook her head at that, "You couldn't have known," she tried to reason, "And Camelot needed a ruler."

"Yeah," Merlin nodded sadly, "Imagine if William were left as king for a day, we'd be eating nothing but sweets."

Gwen gave a small smile at that though her thoughts turned bitter…Elyan would never have a child, he'd never get to be an uncle to her own children, he'd never be able to find love and court and wed. Just on the way back the knights had been joking that the only woman Elyan loved was her, as his sister, and she felt even worse that he wouldn't get to experience that.

"I really am so sorry though Gwen," Merlin repeated, "I couldn't imagine losing Aya."

Gwen looked down at that, he wouldn't have to experience that, would he? The Bloodguard protected her, the Catha protected him, and by extension their families. Both siblings were well protected both in magical terms and mortal. But that wasn't the same for a simple knight was it? He'd never have to know what it was like to lose a sibling, because they had a protection Elyan hadn't had, a protection he SHOULD have had. That was why Morgana and Marayna had gone wasn't it!?

Merlin eyed her a moment, seeing a sort of…bitter look flash through her face, one that looked so out of place on her, "Gwen…are you doing ok?"

She shook her head, looking at him, "I've lost my family."

He nodded slowly, "I can relate a bit," he looked sad, "I lost my father…"

She barely refrained her biting scoff at that. He lost a father he'd known all of 2 days. She had lost her mother as a child, her father whom she'd had all her life, her brother had died in her arms, protecting her…he could NEVER relate to that.

"Me as well," was all she could bring herself to say, taking a small pleasure in how he flinched at that, "Merlin…I have to ask…when my father was ill that time, when the plague struck...why did you heal him?"

"Why wouldn't I?" he frowned.

"there were hundreds of other men that could have been healed, other fathers, why MY father?" that was a thought that had never bothered her in the past, she'd been so grateful that her father was alive and healthy again that it hadn't concerned her. But this time, looking back at it with new eyes…there was something oddly suspicious about it.

"Because you were my friend," he reached out to touch her arm, "I had to help him."

Gwen looked down at that, swallowing hard. He'd HAD to help because he was her friend? That was the worst excuse, there were hundreds of fathers who died and he had picked hers solely because of their friendship, forsaking all the others? And…then she realized something else. That had been one of the first things she'd realized when they told her about their magic, when she'd been tried for their mistakes. Had they healed her father only to gain her trust? To make her accept their magic?

She felt ill…it was suspicious, they told her about their magic just after they healed her father? What other reason could there be? They couldn't have felt guilt. They'd planted evidence against the witchfinder, blamed him for other things and he'd died, they'd felt no guilt then. They'd let others take the blame for their magic, Merlin's BEST FRIEND had died and taken their magic to the grave. They felt no guilt, so it couldn't be that she was about to die for it…no…she realized with a dreadful breath, they'd done it to indebt her to them, to make her feel so grateful to them that she'd do anything…

Even break the law.

She had broken the law numerous times, keeping their magic a secret, helping them hide it, helping them in general…she'd become an accomplice!

"Thank you for your kindness, Merlin," she said, her voice a little too hollow sounding to her ears, but Merlin seemed not to notice, or to think it an affect of Elyan's death.

Merlin gave her a sad smile and squeezed her shoulder again before heading off to get Morgana and himself some breakfast, leaving her to ponder her terrible realization.

~8~

Marayna had been easy to find. She knew that the queen would spend a short while before the training of the knights began to ready William and Rosaline to be presentable to the people. She knew Marayna would claim not to care what her children dressed in, and often made a point to have simpler designs made, not of the richest fabrics that one would expect a prince and princess to dress in but more reasonable fabrics as they were still children and bound to get them dirty at some point in the day. She'd helped the woman, over the years, preparing the children, so she knew that they were most likely in the nursery.

She stepped in, nodding at Benedict as he stood outside the door to the room, knowing he wasn't needed to stand exactly inside the room, just near enough to enter it. She looked over at Marayna as she knelt on the ground, playing with a small cloth unicorn doll that had been made for Rosaline, just as the dragon doll had been made for William. Well, she would know it was just for Rosaline, SHE had made it for the girl. As adorable as the little princess looked, sitting there with her brother beside her, the boy lying on his stomach and playing with small carvings of knights and horses, with his dragon doll right there, she had to speak to Marayna privately.

"Rayna?" she called, catching herself from calling her 'Marayna' instead, not entirely sure why she was being so formal about it.

"Gwen," Marayna looked behind her and stood, making sure the children were entertained before she moved over to Gwen's side, "Are you alright?" she asked her quietly, hugging her tightly, "I'm so sorry."

Gwen nodded, "That's um…actually why I came to see you, could we talk?" she glanced at the children, "Alone?"

Marayna nodded as well, "Of course," she led Gwen out of the room, Benedict stepping in the moment they were out to watch the children as Marayna closed the door behind her. She brought Gwen over to the chest at the end of her bed and sat down, moving Gwen to sit beside her, "What is it?"

Gwen took a deep breath, "I just keep thinking about Elyan," she said, her voice breaking, "About Morgause and that tower and…"

"I know," Marayna nodded, "It always seems like, when terrible things happen that's ALL we can think of."

Gwen nearly shot her a withering look for that remark. As though anything that terrible had ever happened to her!

She winced and shook her head at that, no…no she knew that quite a few bad things had happened to Marayna. Hell the woman used to get injured nearly every other week before she was made Queen. She had been strangled, put in the stocks, nearly died of a sword wound, been erased from time, been erased from memory, nearly burned at the stake, and that was all not counting how she'd been trampled by a horse and nearly been made barren for the rest of her life! She had suffered terribly, she knew, and she knew that Marayna deserved every happiness she now had. It just…her own sadness was too soon, too fresh, and comparing it to anyone else's hurt.

"I just kept thinking he'd wake up," she whispered, "That we could…that you could wake him up," she looked at Marayna, "I know it's too late now, with the funeral, but…back then…are you sure you couldn't have done anything to help him?"

Marayna frowned at the tears in Gwen's eyes, feeling her heart break for the girl, "I'm sorry Gwen, but no," she shook her head, "If I'd have used the Cup of Life…someone else would have died. And there's no telling who, it could have been a criminal half a world away, or it could have been one of the knights, Arthur, one of the children, YOU…I couldn't take that risk."

"You used it once before though," Gwen mumbled, "To save Arthur. And the Druids to save Leon. Was Elyan's life not worth as much as his?"

"His life was worth just as much," Marayna reached out to squeeze Gwen's hand, "But Gwen…using it that time proved to Merlin and I that no one should hold that power. Our mother nearly died because we used the cup, Merlin, Gaius, and I nearly died as well. I had to KILL another human being to right that balance," she shook her head, "Do you or Elyan think you could live with the burden of knowing that you'd taken someone else's life just to live?" she looked at Gwen, "What if it had been Lancelot's life taken instead?"

"Don't ask me to pick between my brother and my husband," Gwen looked at her.

Marayna's frown deepened at the small bite in Gwen's words, "I wasn't, and I couldn't. And THAT'S why I couldn't use the cup, I couldn't make you choose or put the burden on you when the return of Elyan meant a loss of someone else."

"If it had been Merlin that was stabbed," Gwen began, "You'd have used the cup."

"Merlin isn't Elyan," Marayna shook her head, "He would have used his magic to stop the sword."

"So why didn't you?" Gwen looked at her.

"I wasn't there," she reminded her, "You saw us Gwen, we reached you and Elyan too late. If he'd waited we could have all broken you free."

"He never should have been there in the first place," Gwen murmured, before adding, "I told him to wait," when she saw Marayna looking at her oddly, "I just…I can't help but feel that if we'd never disguised ourselves, this wouldn't have happened."

"Elyan still would have come," Marayna shook her head, "In defense of his queen, he would have fought."

"But he wouldn't have been the first one up there," Gwen told her, "Elyan only rushed in because it was me and I was only there because Morgause thought I was you."

"What's done is done Gwen," Marayna told her solemnly, "I can't change the past, I wish I could. I'd give anything to ease your burden, to make it so Elyan was still here…but I can't."

Gwen looked away at that blatant lie. If she'd give anything…she'd have used that cup when she had the chance.

No, Marayna just didn't want her to have her brother back, did she? Why would she? She had her husband, her crown, her children, her brother, all her family alive. And what did SHE have? Lancelot, and that was it. The one other member of her family still alive and Marayna couldn't be bothered to risk the chance that a criminal's life would be taken to bring Elyan back. She didn't even seem to care that the switch was the reason they were in this situation in the first place! She didn't care that HER being in the tower was what led to Elyan's death and that she was in the tower because she'd had the foolish notion that she was helping and protecting a friend.

And now said 'friend' didn't want to return the favor and help HER and bring her brother back.

~8~

Gwen had had to be careful with the next person she wanted to speak to, though she was feeling more and more like she didn't want to speak to any of them any more than she had to at the moment. She'd wanted to speak to Arthur, but she hadn't wanted Lancelot to see or notice her. So she'd waited in the armory for him, pretending that she'd needed the task, the organizing of the weapons to distract her from the loss of her brother. So, when training was over, she'd waited till the other knights deposited their weapons for the day and gave Lancelot a small kiss before he'd headed out with them, waiting until Arthur came in. He was always the last one off the field, making sure all the weapons and knights were accounted for before seeing to himself.

"My Lord," she bowed her head as Arthur handed her his chainmail.

"Guinevere, please, just Arthur," he offered her a small smile.

Gwen nodded and moved to place the swords down on a table…stopping when she noticed a small hammer set up with the other weapons and slowly picked it up, aware that Arthur was watching her. It was the first time in the armory since she'd been taken and she'd nearly forgotten Elyan had one of his favored hammers there as a makeshift weapon. She gently traced it, weighing it in her hands, staring at it sadly.

"I truly am so sorry for your loss Guinevere."

Gwen nearly flinched at that, if someone said they were sorry one more time she was going to scream.

"How did this happen Arthur?" she whispered, turning to look at him, tears in her eyes, "How could this have happened to Elyan? Why him?"

"I don't know," Arthur told her sadly.

"Why was he alone?" she asked, "Why was it only he who made it to my door?"

"He ran ahead."

"And no one stopped him?"

"He couldn't be stopped," Arthur shook his head, "His desire to find you safe was too great. He didn't listen to us calling for him to wait, he pushed on."

"You…did not want to push on as well?" she frowned at that.

"We did," he corrected, "But we had to think of each of our lives, if we died trying to reach you, you would have remained trapped. We were being cautious as the quest to that point had already proved most perilous and trying."

"Will Elyan's knightship be stripped for that?" she looked at him in fear.

"Of course not," Arthur frowned at her, "Why would you think such a thing?"

Gwen swallowed, "At times, it feels as though you forget the people who are not immediately in front of you."

"How so?"

She looked away, "When Lancelot died…there was hardly a mention of him from you. You hardly looked at me or greeted me, barely spoke with me or checked in on me. I felt as though I were an invisible servant again instead of a knight's wife who had just died."

"I feared for your grieving," Arthur told her quietly, "I did not wish to make it any more painful or prolonged by constantly speaking of Lancelot with you. I thought you needed peace and time to yourself to grieve properly. I never meant to give you the impression that I had abandoned you Guinevere."

Gwen swallowed hard at that, he may not have meant it, but that was how it felt. It felt like she wasn't important, that she wasn't looked after. She'd gone right back to being a servant and, while that was what she'd asked for, she'd felt ignored, that she'd been cast away and not thought of. Yes, Arthur had had quite a lot to deal with himself, with his father and becoming king, the wars and other enchantments going on. She'd seen the way Uther had dealt with widowed women whose husbands were knights and she'd expected better from Arthur. Uther merely handed them a bit of coin and offered a small stay in the castle for a short time. Arthur had barely given her that. Yes, he'd given her coin, and he'd secured their home, but…he hadn't been the friend she'd always thought him to be. He didn't come to see her, he didn't speak to her of how she was, he hardly acknowledged her, or so it felt that way.

She looked away and nodded, "I understand," she forced the words out, "I apologize for making assumptions."

Arthur gave her a small bow, "I understand, you are not alone Guinevere," he told her, "You have many friends who have all experienced losses as devastating as this. We are here for you."

Gwen nodded and waited till he left before slamming her hands down on the table, closing her eyes tightly as she tried not to scream in frustration, he'd done it again. Left with no real comfort given, he was just like Uther and she could only imagine how much more he'd become like his father at that rate.

She did NOT want another Uther on the throne.

~8~

Finding Morgana in the market was a little trickier, both because the market was a large place and also because she wasn't exactly trying to find her at the moment, she was almost hoping that she'd miss the noblewoman and her heart wouldn't be broken again. It was like a progression, in a way, to see those closest to her were NOT at all what she thought they were. Merlin had been sweet, he was the prince of Camelot now, one of them, had been a dear friend to her. Marayna had been a bit like a sister, a good friend, now her Queen. Arthur she'd known longer, he was her friend, her king, like a brother to her…and that left Morgana, the woman who was truly like a sister to her, her best friend in the world. If Morgana disappointed her…she was truly terrified of what the last person she had to speak to would say.

"Gwen," Morgana smiled when she caught sight of the woman near a fabric's stall, "I'm so sor…"

"Please don't," she cut in gently, "I've heard it all day and I just…" she felt tears fill her eyes, "I don't want to hear it again, please. Sorry won't bring him back."

Morgana nodded, "I understand."

She doubted it, she doubted it very much that Morgana would understand. There was something bothering her about what Marayna had said, that what happened had happened and that she couldn't change it now. It made her wonder if there was a way to have changed it back then, if…if there was a way Morgana could have gotten a vision, if she could have forced it or if she could have done a fire scrying, just…anything that would have prevented Elyan's death.

But, at the same time, she wasn't sure what she wanted to hear. Yes, there was, but Morgana hadn't done it would infuriate her, make her think that the whole thing could have been avoided but hadn't been. Yes, there was, and Morgana had seen it and it still happened despite her efforts to change it. Yes, there was, and Morgana had done something to change that vision and, as a result, led to Elyan's death. No, there wasn't and what happened would have always happened and there was no hope at all that he would have lived.

She didn't want to think of her brother's death but…if there had been some way for Morgana to warn him, to do something to have changed it and not…she needed to know if the woman had even tried.

"Morgana," she began quietly, "Did you happen to…see…anything, before he died?" she asked cautiously, emphasizing the 'see' part so that others would think that she was just asking for the facts of what happened where Morgana would know she was asking about the visions.

"No," Morgana shook her head sadly.

"Did you try?"

"I did," she murmured, "But the tower was very heavily guarded," warded, she meant to say, but she knew Gwen would pick up on that.

"You didn't see anything?" Gwen breathed, feeling her heart starting to drop.

"I had a nightmare about it," was all Morgana could offer, "About where you were, but nothing about Elyan."

Gwen swallowed hard, having a hard time believing that Morgana only saw the tower. Her visions usually always showed someone dying, Arthur usually, so for her to say she hadn't seen anything, it was harder to believe, "Was there nothing else that could have been done for him?" she looked at Morgana pleadingly, "A poultice, a tincture, anything?"

Morgana shook her head slowly, "Nothing. He was already gone when we got there."

Gwen let out a breath at that, she doubted that as well. She'd seen Morgana heal some rather nasty wounds, why would Elyan's have been any different? She'd SEEN it as well, how Morgana had run to Elyan's side and checked his vitals instead of examining the wound, how she'd only seen if Elyan was alive and not tried to heal him. He was still warm in her arms, had only just breathed his last when the others arrived. If Morgana had just healed him, maybe he would have woken up.

She gave Morgana a small nod before she turned to walk away, needing to get out of there. She could feel her anger rising. Morgana should have tried harder to see into the tower, to see what was going to happen to Elyan, she should have done everything she could to find out what would go on inside the tower when they arrived. But she hadn't. She hadn't tried hard enough, she hadn't tried at all, not to heal him, not to see what dangers were ahead. Nothing.

She'd let Elyan die.

~8~

The last person she needed to see was the one she was dreading the most, because this one had nothing to do with Elyan and everything to do with herself. She'd already gleamed enough from the others to realize that they truly didn't care for her. They saw her as an object, a servant, someone they couldn't be bothered to do all they could to help or see happy. To Arthur she was just another knight's wife, to Merlin and Marayna a fellow servant, and to Morgana? The woman claimed she was her best friend, but she knew Morgana probably only felt charity towards her, she'd have healed Elyan if she were truly a best friend. But this time, this last person…this was the man meant to care for her above all others…

Lancelot, her husband.

He was in their room when she'd entered that night, already in their bed, half asleep when she walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, reaching out to gently stroke his forehead and hair, slowly waking him, "Hello," he whispered up to her when he saw her.

"Hello," she replied with a small smile.

"What's wrong?" he asked, seeing her frown and sadness on her face, "I mean, besides…I mean, not besides…I just…"

Gwen gently put a finger on his lips a moment to quiet him, "I'm just…what happened, it's made me think of you."

"Me?" Lancelot eyed her.

She nodded, "You left me too."

"I didn't want to," he told her, reaching out to take her hand, "I had no intentions of doing that. It was the last resort and unfortunately it came to be," he explained, "I would never leave you Gwen if I could help it."

"Neither would Elyan," she murmured, "And you both did," she started to cry, "You both left me and you didn't care…"

"Of course I cared," Lancelot sat up, moving over to hug her, "Gwen, I did it for you. I stepped through that veil because the Dorocha wouldn't have stopped, they would have continued to attack. I couldn't bear the thought of them attacking you as well. I couldn't bear the thought of breaking my promise to you to look out for the others either. I did what I had to do to protect the lives of all who reside in Camelot."

"But what about me?" she whispered, "Surely you knew that stepping into the tear would kill you. Why would you choose to leave me?"

"I never would," he stroked her face, "I never did. I was with you always Gwen, in here," he touched over her heart.

"I would have rather had you with me here," she squeezed his hand, taking it off her heart, "It was agony without you. And it is agony again to know my brother has died for my sake as you had."

"Gwen we love you, Elyan and I more than most, we would gladly give our lives if it means you would live."

"But what sort of life would it be?" she countered, "An empty life, full of pain and misery. You wish me the best and yet you condemn me to that."

"I'm sorry," Lancelot took her hand, "When I did what I did, the fate of the kingdom was at stake."

Gwen fell quiet at that, looking down and then away from him, closing her eyes to try and keep her tears back as he said what she'd feared.

He valued the lives of everyone else above her own.

In the back of her mind she knew that that should be right, that he SHOULD concern himself with the lives and fate of many over her own, but…in her present state of mind, all she could hear was that he didn't value her life or her heart or her suffering at all. He had no concern for her, no care, he didn't think of her and what his actions would mean for her.

She was an afterthought, and a small one at that.

"I understand," she whispered and he pulled her to him to hug her though she stared blankly over his shoulder.

She understood everything perfectly now.

~8~

The moment she was sure that Lancelot was asleep, Gwen rose from her bed, donned her cloak, and made her way into the forest where Elyan had called her to the night before. And there he was, just like then, waiting for her, looking alive and well yet she knew it was only in death that he came to her.

"Have you learned the truth?" he asked her.

She took a breath and nodded, "They've betrayed me, all of them. You were right, I should never have trusted them."

"I'm so sorry Gwen," Elyan looked at her sadly, "I wish I didn't have to warn you of that. I should have realized it while I was alive, protected you better. I never should have abandoned you. If I'd been there, perhaps you wouldn't be in such danger, perhaps father would be alive and…"

"Don't blame yourself," Gwen took a step towards him, "They fooled all of us. Even now," her voice turned bitter, "Even now they fool the kingdom, they're tricking them as they did us."

"I'm just glad you've realized the truth," he whispered, "Before it was too late."

Gwen nodded, "Don't trust them."

"Do you understand now?" a voice called behind her though she didn't spin around, just slowly looked over her shoulder to see Morgause, dressed in black, standing behind her, "Who you can trust?"

Gwen nodded again, "You," she said firmly, "You tried to warn me, to tell me, but I didn't listen," she turned to face Morgause, Elyan behind her, "It's always been you. I realize that now."

Morgause smirked at that, "You and your brother were not one of them. You never would have been," she eyed them, "And they can't have that."

Gwen's eyes narrowed, filling with tears as she glanced at her brother, blaming them for all the hurt she'd felt, all the pain and loss in her life, before she turned back to Morguase, the one who had given her this last chance to see her brother, "You don't know how much I hate them. All of them. They used me. They never cared for me at all. I was a tool to them, a play thing, something to amuse them and be used by them. Never again."

"I'm pleased you have managed to see past their lies, to gleam the real truth," Morgause stepped closer to her, "You have an important part to play in the future. Together we will ensure the destruction of everything that Arthur and his most dear cherish."

And with that, she held out her hand to Gwen, who didn't even hesitate this time to clasp it back.

A/N: I want to apologize for no chapter yesterday :( Holidays and family kept me away from the computer and left me with about 1 hour total the last 2 days to get on till late last night :( I had no time to edit the chapters on Saturday and didn't feel comfortable posting them on Sunday. I had to wait till family left last night to be able to edit the chapters for today lol. To make up for it though, we'll be getting 2(!) chapters of this story today :) So check back in about 6-7 hours where we'll get another chapter up ;)

Poor Gwen :( I feel like this would be something Morgause did, use Elyan's image to trick Gwen. But I also think that she'd have learned from using Ygraine on Arthur and made sure it worked :( She may not have gotten the queen, but she got someone just as close to all of them :( And I think what happened to Gwen would make her more susceptible to seeing her brother and listening to him, to interpret what the others said in a darker light :(

Happy (belated) Holidays to everyone! ;)

No real 'notes on reviews' for the last chapter :)