A Fool's Run Pt 11: Raw
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"Hey love
Is that the name you're meant to have
For me to call
Look love
They've given up believing
They've turned aside our stories of the gentle fall
But don't you believe them
Don't you drink their poison too
These are the scars that words have carved
On me
Hey love
That's the name we've long held back
From the core of truth
So don't turn away now
I am turning in revolution
These are the scars that silence carved
On me
This the same place
No, not the same place
This is the same place, love
No, not the same place we've been before
Hey, love
I am a constant satellite
Of your blazing sun
My love
I obey your law of gravity
This is the fate you've carved on me
The law of gravity
This is the fate you've carved on me."
"Gravity" by Vienna Teng
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Long John Silver was one of the most recognisable pirates in the galaxy; he was now also one of the richest. The Fool's Run had been kind to him over the past year. Before him was a fortune that would have brought Flint to his knees. It was not one of gold and jewels, as the famous captain preferred, but one of raydon and light iron; they where the two most highly sought resources in the galaxy, closely followed by Acturian solar crystals, which he also had a substantial collection of. Treasure Planet had taught him many things, one of the most important lessons being that treasure – gold bullion and jewels- were impractical and useless. What was the point of amassing such fortune if you could not enjoy the luxury of it? If you could not live your life, too concerned by protecting your gold from thieves?
Flint liked his practical fortune, it was one that could be leaked back into the galactic market in small amounts, at high profit, and arouse little suspicion. It was perfect.
"Captain?"
"Yes, Gabriel?"
The younger crewman came to stand beside him, his eyes on the goods rather than Silver. He was a promising sailor, just a few years older than Jim, and Silver thought of him as a confidant. He reminded Silver of Jim in so many ways, it was one of the reasons he regarded him so highly. With pitch black hair and eyes the slate grey of a Montressor storm, he was an attractive man. Silver had watched him charm many young ladies into his bed. He was also very good at getting his way. That was one of the things Silver didn't like. Gabriel did not like to lose. He was harsh to those who bested him. It was a dangerous quality to have in a shipman.
"I've been speaking to Harnam since he returned from the Haldor spaceport on Talvan. He tells me he ran into a few of your friend Hawkins' men in a pub. Apparently they were quite eager to let him know they had a cargo hold full of raydon and were heading back onto the Fool's Run shortly, before the storms hit."
"A full hold ye say?"
"Indeed, Captain. But there is something more interesting. It seems Hawkins has a lady aboard his vessel, a lady by the name of Izzy. It also seems that the Prince Haskirr has a bounty on the head of a young female adventurer named Izzy, last seen travelling with one Jim Hawkins."
"A bounty... How much does he want for her?"
Gabriel's voice grew excited. "Twenty thousand coins! Think about it, Captain! That's a whole cargo load of raydon, right there, just for one woman. The Prince must really want her."
"And I take it ye want to hand the young lady over to the lustful Prince?" Silver replied, his bionic eye narrowing sharply. He did not like slavery. It left a bad taste in his mouth.
"Well, I don't know about you Captain... but it sounds like easy money to me..." Gabriel was being cautious, keeping his eyes down.
"No." Silver said after a moment, shaking his head firmly. "I willna be party to slavery. Tis an evil thing... to take away the freedom of another."
Gabriel was frustrated and opened his mouth to argue, but Silver cut him off with the wave of his mechanical hand. "No, Gabriel. I will near no arguments. Now, go and make sure those useless lumps out there are ready for one last run before the storms hit."
"As you wish, Captain." Gabriel said stiffly, leaving in an undignified huff.
Silver sighed and massaged his temples. He was getting too old for this... constant game. He was sick and tired of forever keeping men in line and their minds on what he needed. He was tired of waiting for the dagger in his back. Just one more ship, one more cargo hold and he'd have enough to keep everyone happy and set himself up for the rest of his life. Pity, and a true pity it was, that Hawkins had so expertly manoeuvred himself into the crosshairs. Silver had hoped that Jim would go on to great things and leave him in the past, where he belonged. But it seemed it was not to be so. It seemed Silver was to face the past, whether he liked it or not.
"So be it, Jim. So be it."
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The light of the Etherium was something Izzy missed desperately whenever she stayed ashore. Its soft, iridescent light was the light she lived by, not the sharp caustic halogens found in the houses and shops of all modern buildings. Now, thankfully, she was bathed in it. She lay on the deck of the Sarah, the vessel moving and thrumming beneath her like a living, breathing creature. Her head was cushioned in Jocelyn's lap, the young girl combing her fingers through Izzy's long silky hair, singing a song. Izzy kept her eyes shut, not really wanting to look around. Even with her eyes closed she could perfectly sense her surroundings. Murphy sat on her left, beside his daughter, working silently on a wood carving with his favourite knife. To her right sat Tomas, reading a book. The sound of the knife on wood and the turning pages and Jocelyn's sweet voice put Izzy at ease in a way she could not explain.
It had been eight days since she had stormed out of Jim's cabin, crying of all things. When she had returned to her room a mightily surprised Jocelyn had simply hugged her, and then left to the galley, returning with a tray of tea and two small chocolate bars. Izzy had really loved Jocelyn at that moment. The girl had known what she needed, even when Izzy herself hadn't. Izzy didn't know what to say, so she had thanked Jocelyn, it was a poor response, but it was all she could manage at the time.
"Don't apologise," Jocelyn had replied, handing Izzy her teacup. "We're sisters. This is what sisters do for each other."
Since then the two of them had rarely spent time apart, even Murphy had been spending more time with them. Izzy decided she didn't want to know their motives, for if they were subversive, well, that was a blow she wasn't ready to deal with. And Tomas, now his motives Izzy wondered at. The crewman had silently decided he was her protector, or something similar. It was laughable, really. What could he protect her from? Her! The most capable and certainly one of the most dangerous women in the galaxy. Izzy wondered if he hoped to fill Jim's place in her life –not that he had a place, certainly not!- or if he simply hoped to woo her now that she had so obviously distanced herself from the captain. Either way, he had not shown his hand, and Izzy would not act until she knew his intentions. For now she tolerated his company, having the crewman around seemed to keep Jim away.
Izzy had not spoken to Jim since that night. He had tried on numerous occasions to get her alone, but mercifully, she had either seen him coming or had someone she trusted with her at the time. On the fourth morning she had woken to find Morph floating above her head, his expression heartbreaking and a letter in his mouth. Izzy had petted the blob and accepted the letter. She had not read it, nor even glanced at it. She had tucked the letter under her pillow, wax seal unbroken, waiting for a time when she was feeling a little more graceful towards Jim Hawkins.
"Do ye think there will be bad fighting when the pirates reach us, Izzy?" Jocelyn asked, breaking the reveries of her companions. This was something that had been troubling her for days, and she desperately needed to have her fears assuaged.
"I cannot say for sure, sweetheart. It all depends on how Captain Hawkins handles the affair." Izzy replied, her eyes remaining firmly closed, amazed at how easily the endearment slipped off her tongue.
"Will Captain Jim be speaking with the pirate captain?" Jocelyn asked, leaning over Izzy till her blonde hair tickled the pirate's face. Izzy chuckled and brushed away the golden strands, finally opening her eyes and silently mourning the loss of the peace. Fighting and combat was something she did not think about overmuch, apart from the initial planning, Izzy left most up to her skill, experience and luck.
"He will be, and so will I. Hopefully we can come to some kind of an arrangement that will please both parties."
"Ye be very diplomatic, Izzy." Murphy said, "And that worries me."
Izzy could only shrug.
"What happens if it does come to fighting? Will ye fight, Izzy?" Jocelyn asked, her voice rising with fear.
Izzy grinned wolfishly. "Oh be sure of it, Jo. It's been too long since my last fight."
That, it seemed, was the wrong answer. Jocelyn paled considerably and her blue eyes glazed with tears. "Oh, Izzy, no!" the girl cried, "what if ye be hurt?"
Tomas guffawed. "I wouldn't like to meet the person who could hurt our Miss Izzy; they would be fearsome indeed!"
'Our Miss Izzy' Indeed? Izzy raised an eyebrow at the crewman and he dropped his eyes hastily. She was about to question the man when a thought occurred to her.
"What about you, Jo? Has anyone ever taught you to defend yourself?"
Jocelyn shook her head, and Murphy's face creased in worry. "I had neglected that part of her education, Izzy. Forgive me, but I had hoped that she would never have need to."
"Don't apologise to me, Murphy. After all, it is something that can be easily remedied. I will teach you, Jo. Let me fetch my things and I'll teach you to fight so well that men will think you're the goddess Einara herself!"
Izzy jumped to her feet and rushed off to her room, returning with her arms full of her assorted weaponry and Kemit trailing behind her, squawking excitedly. She carried her cutlass loosely in one hand, the bronze-enamel basket hilt glinting in the light and in the other arm was a rolled up well worn leather satchel. Grinning like a fiend she delicately passed her blade to Murphy, who accepted it reverently, and knelt down beside Jocelyn unrolling the satchel. Inside were a plethora of daggers, ranging in size and shape and deadliness. Tomas, a competent swordsman, gave a little 'ooh' as he eyed the collection.
"Now, Jo. The first thing you have to learn when it comes to fighting is that you are a woman. It is something you must never forget."
Jocelyn's pale eyebrows rose with surprise, along with those of her companions, but Izzy continued without noticing.
"Men are stronger than us, as a rule. Never think you could beat one in a fair fight. So don't fight fair. Fight smart." She grinned dangerously and tapped her temple. "Never let them get you in a corner and never let them get too close. The key to fighting is to never be where they strike, and that's a lot harder than it sounds. Let me show you what I mean..."
Izzy stood up, extricating her cutlass from Murphy's care and motioned to Tomas. "Fight me."
The man blanched. "I could never raise a hand to a woman!" He replied.
Izzy's eyes narrowed. "This is for Jocelyn's own good. Now stand up and fight me or I will make you."
Tomas paled further but shook his head determinedly. Izzy snarled and whipped out with her cutlass, the flat of the blade slapping across the crewman's cheek with a noise that made everyone within twenty paces wince. The sailor yowled with pain and surprise, jumping to his feet and yanking his sword from its sheath as fast as he could.
"If you can make them angry, then all the better." Izzy said to Jocelyn conversationally, "Anger blurs the mind and makes it harder for your opponent to make a rational decision."
Tomas lunged at her then, riding on a wave of anger and embarrassment. Izzy dodged the lunge fluidly; it looked as if she had no spine. Crewmen began to gather around the two in a circle, and even more hovered above in the rigging yelling advice to Tomas and placing bets on the outcome. Jim and Flute rushed up from below deck, wondering and the sudden noise. They shouldered their way through the crowd until they were next to Jocelyn and Murphy. Jocelyn was wide-eyed with wonder as she watched Izzy move, her eyes taking in every doge and manoeuvre.
Tomas roared and brought his sword down in an overhead sweep, Izzy deftly ducked underneath the blade and around her opponent, taking out his right knee from under him with a swift kick. Not once had she raised her blade. Kemit began to squeak and mewl Izzy's name, terrified that his mother was in danger. Jocelyn gathered the reptile against her chest and stroked his feathers reassuringly.
"The woman fights like a demon!" one man cried and his fellow sailors cheered and murmured as more coin exchanged hands. Izzy was now circling Tomas –who was down on one knee and panting heavily- like a predator toying with her prey.
"Finish him off!" someone in the crowd yelled and Izzy raised her head in surprise. It looked as if she had only noticed the crowd around her.
"This is not the Grand Area!" She replied and with a smile, helped Tomas to his feet. "Thank you for the fight. I hope that opened your eyes, Jocelyn?"
"Oh aye." Said the cabin girl.
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It was late in the night when Jim stepped out onto the deck of the Sarah. Space was calm tonight. There were no asteroids or supernovas or pirates –as far as he could tell. There were members of the crew setup on the quarterdeck playing cards and dice. Jim raised a hand when they hailed him, but politely refused their offer to join in the games. They were all heavily armed despite their high spirits. They were the lookouts, and they would be relieved in an hour or so. Jim had needed time to think and a late night stroll along the deck of his ship always helped him clear his head. He wandered towards the bow, his eyes turned to space and unseeing as he waded through the emotional war in his head.
Jim had spent the afternoon watching Izzy teach Jocelyn. He had watched as one of the crowd and from back on the quarterdeck. It had mesmerized him, watching Izzy flow like water around her opponents, her beautiful face bright with excitement and concentration. He loved to watch her, revelled in her beauty and felt overwhelmingly jealous when his crewmen received her laughter and regard where he did not. The feelings where tearing him up. He had been patient and kind and he had tried so damn hard to win Izzy's heart. There was a time when he thought he had succeeded, but that had all come crashing down around him, and Jim was unwilling to shoulder all the blame. He'd done enough of that already.
He was so tired of fighting an uphill battle with Izzy. It was like playing a game, one where she made up the rules as she went along.
Jim tried to temper his anger as he felt it raise its head. Izzy had had a life he could scarcely fathom. How could such a young girl grow up among pirates and not be affected? There were no doubt things she had seen and experienced –Jim didn't want to let his mind go too far down that track- had made her wary of men in general.
Most of all Jim was hurt that Izzy hadn't read his letter, and he was ashamed he hadn't understood her better before he put his foot in his mouth.
Jim had always found it easy to woo girls at the Academy. He'd always known what to say and what to do to make them love him. Well maybe this was karma. He chuckled to himself. Izzy was cosmic justice for all those broken hearts he'd left behind.
He paused in his musings to place his hand against the main mast, and examine the ship around him. The Sarah was holding up well, considering all she'd been through, though there were still some scorch marks on her deck from the asteroid shower. He'd get those fixed once they made port at Montressor. He heard the sound of someone using a whetstone coming from the bow, and moved a little closer, using the intimate knowledge of his ship to avoid the squeaky boards.
He was not surprised –well, a little- to see Izzy spread out on the deck, her numerous weapons surrounding her in neat piles as she sharpened and cleaned all of them. Obviously he was not the only one that needed time to think.
Kemit was a feathery ball, barely visible curled up in Izzy's discarded jacket. She was wearing only a loose white blouse and grey trousers. Her hair was loose and curled on the deck around her. Jim marvelled at the sheer volume of it. One could make a rug from it if they were so inclined. He remembered how it had felt to play with her hair as they lay in bed together, and Jim found himself aching to reach out and run his fingers through the chocolate waves.
"Izzy." He called her name before he could stop himself. He winced as he saw her shoulders stiffen. She glanced at him over her shoulder and muttered darkly.
"You just don't give up do you?" she said bitterly. Jim noticed –and surprised he was!- that Izzy didn't really mean the venom she infused in her words. It was now or never, then.
He moved forward cautiously, trying to make it look casual, and passed Izzy to lean against the bow railing and stare out into space. As angry and hurt and confused as he was, Jim didn't want to ruin his chances with Izzy. He thought that made him a little pathetic, to keep coming back for more abuse and pain, but then there was always that little voice that would whisper in his head; 'You know she's worth it.'
They stayed silent for quite some time. Jim simply enjoying the view and Izzy with her head bent silently over her work, studiously ignoring his presence. Underneath the silence Jim was thinking like crazy. He wanted to talk to her, he wanted back the easy companionship they had so briefly shared, but he didn't know how to initiate it. In the end he just decided to jump right in. After all, he had hardly anything left to lose when it came to Izzy's affections.
"You know..." He began quietly, "you remind me of my mother sometimes."
"Does your mother hate it when men stalk her? Because if so then I can definitely see a resemblance." Izzy snapped, keeping her head bent.
"Oh... ouch." Jim said, deflated. "You sure know how to take the wind out of a man's sails."
"It's a gift."
Jim chuckled. "I should have known. You're one gifted woman."
She looked at him then, if only to determine the underlying meaning to his words. Her eyes where sharp and seemed to glitter as they reflected the starlight back at him. He held her gaze as she analysed him and eventually cracks in her stone demeanour began to show. The barest of smiles curved her lips and she looked away to hide it from him. As if sensing his 'mothers' emotions Kemit uncurled from his ball and chirped, skittering over the deck and flopping down in Jim's lap, butting his head against Jim's hand.
"Hawkins!" The little creature said in way of greeting.
"I see you taught him well..." Jim chuckled, stroking Kemit's feathers affectionately.
Izzy didn't laugh, she simply watched him, her eyes clouded thoughtfully. Her hands stilled in their work, and she took a deep as if preparing herself for something unpleasant. That didn't help Jim's confidence any.
"Why are you doing this, Jim? Why can't you just leave me be?" She asked eventually, and very seriously.
He wasn't going to insult her intelligence by acting like he didn't know what she was talking about. Instead he simply replied directly. "Because I can't..."
"Then I feel sorry for you." She said solemnly.
He winced. Nice... His own words come back to haunt him. He probably deserved it. But he could also fight fire with fire. "I don't want your pity, Izzy."
Her eyes widened and began to brighten with anger, her cheeks flushing as her rage woke up. He wasn't going to let her ague him into the ground again. Oh no sir, not this time.
"I want your love."
Izzy's mouth dropped open and all her building anger seemed to leave her in a rush. "You want w-what?"
"You heard me. I want your love. I want you. I want to be able to talk to you without wondering if you're going to try to kill me, I want to be able to touch you, laugh with you, call you mine." His words were coming out in a rush, but he couldn't stop himself. He had to keep going. "I want to wake up next to you every morning and I want to lie down next to you every night. I want everything you are, Izzy."
After several moments of wide-eyed shock she got up and began to pace, her movements jerky and distracted. Eventually Jim got tired of her silence.
"I know it sounds a little much... Like I want to own you, rather than be with you-"
"You can say that again!" She interrupted.
"-But you're like a drug, Izzy. I can't get enough of you, as much as I try to keep away. You think I like being this way? So pitiful? Crawling back to you each chance I can get?!" He almost yelled, rising to his feet as all his repressed feelings finally broke free.
"Are you saying this is my fault?" She hissed.
"No, I'm not saying that. I just want you to understand what I feel. Since we've met you acted like this attraction was one-sided. But it's not. I know you feel it too."
She looked at him with sad eyes. He wasn't sure who that sadness was directed at or where it had come from. "Attraction is simple, Jim. Just like sex. They're just things, reactions. But love... love is so much more complicated. It's like handing a piece of your soul over to someone, and hoping –trusting- that they'll look after it."
Jim was amazed; amazed that Izzy could be so beautifully eloquent and that she was being so open with him. He could see pain in her eyes, it was an old pain, but still very raw. That was a good way to describe it, raw... She looked raw all over. Like all her layers had been peeled away. For the first time Jim saw Izzy as Izzy saw herself. As she truly was.
"I would cherish you, Izzy. I would love you and never do anything to hurt you. You know this!" He said, catching her face in both hands. She was so beautiful. His heart skipped a beat to as he touched her again.
"It's not that..." she whispered.
"What then?" He said, his face imploring her to answer. She had not been this honest with him in such a long time. Jim didn't want it to end but he had to find out why he wasn't good enough to love her. "Is there someone else?"
"I just... I can't give you want you want, Jim. I can't give you a part of my soul. That would be too much. I-I need to keep the little that is left for myself." She looked exhausted by the weight of the pain she carried; Jim pulled her against his chest and buried his face in her hair, unable to bear the look in her eyes. She remained still, like a statue in his arms.
"Whoever he was, Izzy... Whatever he did to you," He shuddered as he said those words, "It doesn't define you. Don't let him have a hold over any longer than he did."
The look on her face said that whatever had happened to her was not something you recovered from quickly. He wished he had never looked.
"Who was he?! I'll kill him." Jim had never been more ready to kill someone in his life. His want to end her pain was an almost physical ache within him. He was continually amazed at the depth of emotions she awakened in him. He had never felt these feelings so passionately.
"No!" She finally spoke. Pain, anger and hate for this mystery man twisted her face into a vicious mask. When she spoke her voice was strong, powerful, vehement. "That is for me to do. That particular revenge is mine to take and one I intent to savour. Until then I can never be what you want me to be. Accept it Jim, and move on. There are better women in the galaxy than me, and they are far more deserving of your love." She said solemnly and broke away from him, gathering her things as he struggled to put his feeling into words.
"I don't want to love anyone else, Izzy. You're the only one for me."
"Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Jim. But you can't have me." And she turned and walked away.
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A/N: Well there you go. A little bit more of Izzy is revealed. I felt it was time Jim got his emotions out, and that i fleshed out why he kept putting up with Izzy's crap. Reading the older chapters he seemed far to sweet and accomodating to her 'issues' :D Anyways, Silver only had a little role in this chapter, but he'll be back in force in chap 12. And as for the song, you should all have a listen. I think the music itself describes how the characters are feeling, but the lyrics say it all: Izzy's scars and Jim's feeling of feeling inexorably drawn to her. Let me know what you think, I love to hear from you all. Make my day!!
xoxo