April 3, 1805
Dear Marianne,
At last, I am arrived to India at the port of the East India Company. Sir John's cousin has been a most gracious host and I must say I am sad to leave her here. The journey to Lahore will be difficult and she, on many occasions, warned me against it, but I am determined I will go. I will travel with group, so please do not concern yourself with my safety.
As to the other matter, no, Allstone did not propose marriage, so I could not have rejected him as Mama has told you. I can say that I would have declined the offer had he made one and I believe that is the reason no such conversation was had between us. And now I am intrigued. Could he understand me so well? How could he know that by not asking he has forced me to consider my own feelings even though I vowed never to love any man? Before I met him I was certain that a romantic attachment would be the end of my freedom. Is it possible that freedom and love can exist together?
In regards to my own feelings, I understand now that I do love him. I could not recognise it before since I always imagined love to only be the way you and Elinor experience it: a time to settle into one's position in society. But I find his confidence in himself and in my ability to understand myself attractive. I can see myself as his life long companion, should his feelings remain unchanged when I return to England.
However, I cannot name a date for my return. I will be here at least a year and after I've left India, I will return to Italy. Nor can I promise that my letters will be frequent. I can only send post to England when an East India Company ships returns there.
Give Henry all of my love.
I miss you.
Love,
Margaret Dashwood