It had been about thirteen minutes since Luna left the dorm but Natsume and I were still in place as if time had froze us.
We didn't speak a word, but I could feel the anger heating out of Natsume.
I stared at the floor, worried, confused, annoyed, angry… A mix of emotions flooding through me.
"Are you really going to try?" Natsume asked, cutting into the silence.
"Sure. I've got nothing to lose."
"She's clever, I'll give her that. If you lose, there is no chance of me staying at this school. I might as well pack now."
"Oh well thanks for the support (!)" I replied dryly.
"She's clever; she knows how to screw people over."
"Are you saying you think I'm going to lose?!" I demanded.
"No, just be careful. I don't trust her."
"Oh darn, and there I was about to tell her all of my secrets."
Natsume glared at me.
"Well I guess I'd better start writing a song."
"Yeah, you do that. I'm going to Rian's crib. Don't wait up. I'll be drinking till I can't get up."
"Well have fun with that (!)"
"I plan to." And with that, he left. Leaving me to do all the hard work. Writing a whole freaking song for him. I didn't even get so much as a 'thank you' from the stupid jerk.
Why am I helping him again? I found myself wondering.
Oh yeah cos we have something in common, we both hate Luna.
I stayed up all night writing and re-writing lyrics.
"Grr, this sucks!" I screwed up the twelfth piece of paper which was creased and covered in eraser shavings and threw it in the bin.
The problem was, I didn't know what to write. I didn't know what I was supposed to write. Maybe I should ask Luna? The thought of having to seek out my enemy for help was sickening but it had to be done.
I went to the chav block. I didn't get many stares; I was welcome in every block (I noticed recently with satisfaction).
"LUNA, THIS IS THE SECOND TIME YOU HAVE BEEN RUDE TO ME THIS WEEK. DETENTION FOR THE REST OF THIS MONTH. EVERY LUNCHTIME. SEE YOU THERE!" a teacher screamed.
A part of me enjoyed seeing my enemy reamed. The other part of me really enjoyed seeing my enemy reamed. Too bad I had to speak with that enemy…
I'd have bet that would have put her in a foul mood but to my surprise she turned to her friends and laughed.
Suddenly, she saw me and she stopped laughing. "Here to knock me unconscious?" she asked, not caring who heard.
I glared at her.
Her friends stared at each other confused.
"Give us a minute?" She asked, pushing them away without even waiting for a reply.
They looked at one another hesitantly but after an impatient, threatening glance from Luna they backed away.
"What do you want?" she growled.
I sighed; I was really going to sound ignorant and stupid asking this. But I had to. Or I could… No I had to ask.
"Luna, I don't know what kind of song is expected of me. What kind of thing are you going to sing?"
"Just sing whatever. I don't care. My song is about you." she added grinning evilly.
So that's how she wants to play it, huh?
"Fine."
I turned to leave but she held onto my shoulder, grinning at me. "Oh and let's make it more interesting. If you lose, I'll say you helped Natsume."
That's when I lost it. "Why?! What the fuck is your problem exactly?! Do you just enjoy making people's life hell or what? Are you just naturally a bitch?" I yelled angrily.
"You think this is hell? You ain't seen nothing yet bitch."
I had to do it. I had to. My hand raised and I slapped her with all my force.
She held her cheek tightly. Wincing in pain, but when she faced upwards, she smiled at me. "Nice one. See you on Wednesday. Good Luck for the competition. You'll need it."
Humph. She is seriously psychotic.
I stalked out of the building and went back to my dorm. I couldn't write any lyrics. I didn't bother. I just went straight to the medicine cabinet, downed a few sleeping pills - they were Natsume's but whatever, he won't care- and went to bed.
I woke up groggily to the sound of Natsume's alarm.
Sunlight streamed through the curtain-less windows.
The crimson-tinted light stretched towards me, too bright, unwelcome, enveloping my mattress and chasing away the thick fog in my mind.
I stretched my arms over my head and arched my back. God I ached.
My bones, my muscles and my head throbbed like I'd been the meat in a three-car pileup- and two army tanks had been the bread.
I forced my eyes open, the intense light making them sting and water. As if I'd been in a dark cave for thousands of years and had only now awakened.
Damn it. Lessons today. I wondered if I was allowed to call in sick or something.
I really didn't feel well and I had to start on the song, there were only three days left until the sing off.
I closed my eyes again. I didn't get out of bed and after about half an hour of laying still with my eyes shut a knock sounded from the wall – or was the knocking coming from inside my brain? – I groaned.
"Mikan," a deep voice said.
I groaned again, if I ignored him, he might go away and I could sleep a little longer. I could -
"Mikan!" His voice cajoled determinedly.
No, he wouldn't go away. "What?" I grumbled.
"Do you plan on having a shower any time today?" he asked.
"Sick."
"Sure you are."
"I am!"
"You're an awful liar Mikan. Just go."
"I really can't get out of bed."
"Then I'll drag you out. You're not having a day off if I'm not allowed one."
"Natsume!" I moaned.
"Ouch! Do you have to speak so loud? My head hurts. I'm hung-over remember?"
I didn't have it in me to argue with him. "Sorry," I mumbled.
"Hey what's wrong?" he asked, sounding concerned now. Probably because I'd made it a whole three minutes without insulting him.
"Nothing. I'm tired. Tired of Luna. Tired of everything."
His face had a pained expression on it.
Okay, I had to ask. "What is it with you and her? Do you have history or something?" I asked.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Please, I just want to understand" I begged.
"We used to be tight okay? We were friends."
"And? What happened? How come you hate her now?"
"Do I have to say it?" he asked guiltily.
"Yes." I insisted.
He paused, composing his face and trying to find the right words.
I waited patiently and made myself comfortable upright on my mattress.
"… One night… It was just one night. I was mad at her. I didn't know she felt so strongly about me…"
"What are you talking about?"
He sighed. "Like I said, we used to be friends. One day, we were both drunk and having a laugh and she said to me. She said 'I love you' and I lost it. I don't know why but I was so angry at her.
I left her, with a load of alcohol and drunken guys," he stopped talking and I was sure I saw a hint of a tear in his eyes. He stopped for a while but then continued.
"I thought nothing of it in the morning. I was naive, I guess I thought we could be friends again and I went to see her to apologise. She was in her room. Alone. Shaking.
She looked like a zombie. Then I realised she was naked, the only thing covering her was a towel.
I asked her what was up and she couldn't speak. All week, she stayed in her room, pale as a ghost. They had a physcologist visit her. She wouldn't speak to anybody.
I had gone to visit her a while afterwards, her other friends had abandoned her, they couldn't deal with it. Couldn't handle her. I sat with her and suddenly, she spoke…"
He stopped and the hurt in his expression was visible.
"What did she say?" I asked.
He rubbed his eyes with his hands, pretending to have an itch.
"She told me that a man had raped her, asked me why I left her. I couldn't say anything. It was all my fault and I knew it. She kept asking me why I left her. Why did I leave her? I was stupid. I should have known something would happen.
And afterwards, she was still shook up but she got back to normal in the end. But she didn't have any help. She didn't tell anyone except me what had happened. And I didn't really help much - I didn't know how to. She had to cope with it all by herself."
It took me a while to digest what he had just said. I thought about it and thought about it but it didn't work out. "Are you sure that really happened?"
"You can't fake something like that, you didn't see her. She was seriously messed up."
"Still though, it wasn't your fault. You didn't force the guy to sleep with her. She's not your responsibility. She should have taken better care of herself."
"But it would have never happened if I didn't over-react."
I sighed and gave Natsume a hug. I finally understood Luna's attitude.
But one thing I didn't understand was why she dressed in such short clothes; did she want it to happen again? And why does she still flirt with Natsume? Is it to make him feel bad? Or does she seriously like him that much?
"I feel so sorry for her."
"Yeah but life's a bitch. What can you do? Oh and don't tell her I told you, she'd chop my balls off!"
"Hmm… I might just test that theory."
Natsume glared at me. I laughed at him and eventually he laughed too.
"Do we have to go to lessons?" I asked.
"If you want to stay at this school then yes."
"Damn it!!"
"You get used to it."
"What if you're sick?"
"School policy is: If you're well enough to get out of bed, you're well enough to go to lessons."
"Ouch."
"You can say that again!"
I reluctantly got up and dragged myself into the bathroom had a (looonnngg) shower and got dressed. I didn't even moan when Natsume stared at me. I didn't have the energy to argue properly.
Lessons were a drag as usual and breakfast and lunch were silent, insignificant occasions. By dinner time I had had more than enough, I just wanted to hide away from the world.
In my last lesson of the day, I cheered up a bit and tried to start writing while the teacher was God-knows-where.
I started on a few lines down but decided that they were no good, I screwed up the paper and threw it backwards.
"Who through that?!" Someone screamed, it was only then that I realised I hadn't seen Luna all day before now.
"It was you wasn't it?!" She said glaring at me furiously.
A few people next to me were trying not to laugh.
I ignored her. She flattened out the paper and read the words silently. She laughed cruelly and threw the paper back at me. It bounced off my nose and she laughed harder.
"Please don't sing that, it will make it too easy to beat you."
I growled and looked away.
"What? Is there another competition coming up? Already?" someone asked over hearing her words.
Luna stood up, "I can't believe Mikan hasn't told you all yet!" Everyone turned their attention to Luna.
"What?" several people asked.
"Mikan and I are gonna have a sing off tomorrow. In the back of the field. Anyone brings a teacher, there'll be beef. Got it?"
"Cool!" a girl I didn't recognise said smiling at me.
"Good luck Luna!" a chav-boy said. She smiled sweetly at him (gag!)
I heard footsteps stomping into the room.
"Right class, shut up and copy these notes!"