Redeemable: Part XI - Pleading the Case
Bonnie unlocked her room and stepped inside. A deep sigh escaped as she turned on the lights, spying the empty desk chair sitting in the middle of the room, as if there would actually be somebody there waiting for her. She knew that wasn't going to happen, after making it abundantly clear two days earlier that any Bonnie Rockwaller/Mervin Godfrey relationship was over before it even began. She could still see the shock on his face as she turned and walked right out of the tower, climbing back into the water taxi alone. She didn't even turn back to look at the receding tower, clasping her arms over her chest as if September was suddenly more like January.
She dropped Tara off at the airport the next day, skipping her early class to do so. Then she dropped her car off at a body shop, gave them her insurance information and left before she could get into an argument about whether insurance covered being rescued from a car-jacker by superheroes. That evening she went right back to the club, and still ended up sitting alone at a table, brushing off the steady stream of guys who were there to proposition her. They all seemed to want one thing, and even though, in a way, that was what she wanted, they were not what she wanted.
Classes the next day seemed to drag on by. If there were any "Rockwaller Charms" to be turned on, she simply didn't know how. She simply got up that morning, waited her turn at the showers and went to class in an old Middleton High School Athletics Department t-shirt and old, faded jeans. If anyone had known her from her former life at that self-same school, they would not have recognized her. In reality, even without makeup, she was still a very beautiful young woman, but she did not think so.
I wanted a change, so here it is. I'm not going to put on my war-paint to impress everybody any more. I'm tired of all that crap. If somebody doesn't like the real me, well, to hell with them.
It wasn't so easy to tell her English Lit. professor that. He spotted her in the halls and cornered her, giving her down in the country for missing his lecture the day before. He ended up giving her an extra assignment in addition to the material she was supposed to have done, so her mood turned even fouler as the day went on.
I'm willing to bet Possible doesn't have to worry about missing classes. She probably just takes off whenever she feels like it, saying it was 'a mission' and la-de-da, everybody stands back singing her praises, while all the rest of the students either have to share their notes with her when she gets back, or simply have to keep their noses to the grinding wheel because they're just not as special as she is.
She threw her book bag on the bed, trying to force the memory of her former rival out of her head. What good was dwelling on the little diva if that was what she was trying to put behind her. What was important was firing up her laptop so she could finish the paper she was writing for US History, then head down to the computing center and wait in line to print it out. Either that, or she was going to have to take the bus to Paper Clips and actually buy a printer, even though it was cheaper to replace the whole thing than buy new cartridges when the ink ran out.
Bonnie went so far as to boot her portable computer up, but she just couldn't bring herself to open the file. Dammit, it's Friday night. I'm not supposed to be holed up in this shoebox of a dorm room, sitting here by myself. Maybe Tara was right. Maybe I should have just strung him along so I could at least get a good dinner out of him. Maybe some real dancing, instead of shoeing off a bunch of pigs.
Tara was right about another thing. She could have just had a date, without worrying about what may or may not come afterwards. In fact she was right that she could have kept it only a night out.
Still, all that thinking aside, she was bored – as in out of her skull. Bending down, she connected the Ethernet cable and started her Firewolf web browser, griping to herself that the Senior dorms had Wi-Fi. First, she pulled up her electronic date book. The only names there were really friends from high school, and every single one of them were in other cities. Tara she knew she could call any time, but she would be in either Upperton or Middleton, doing whatever it was that 'good' girls did with their boyfriends on Friday nights. Her whole interest in Josh Mankey had really been to get at Kim, so the fact he was now in a committed relationship with Tara Matthews, he was purely neutral territory.
She clicked her bookmarks and opened a link she would have never admitted she had on her computer. It had been more than a year since she had looked at that particular site, but it remained in her favorites. It still looked the same, for the most part, though the main banner now read "Team Possible" rather than just mentioning Kim. There was also a picture of the couple together, dressed in their bland 'mission' clothes. Her cursor lingered close to the 'contact information' link for a moment, before she simply x-ed out of her browser.
Am I that pathetic? Funny, I'm probably the only person who graduated from MHS last spring who doesn't have her digits in their cell phone. Like, ew, I'm really going to spend my Friday night talking to K on the phone? Like she would give me the time of day.
She closed the computer, letting it wink off rather than bother hunting for the power cable or risk running the batteries down too much.
Not able to actually work on her paper, nor interesting in randomly surfing the internet, she rose and plopped down on her seldom-made bed beside her bag. So this is college life. Big freaking whoop. All that scrambling to 'get in a good school' and all she had to show for it was a closet just big enough for a bed not much larger than a cot, and nobody to even talk to on a Friday night. She even cursed herself for taking her car into the shop so quickly. Even with the bashed doors, it would have felt good to get out on the expressway and open it up, with the top rolled down, car-jackers be damned. She could ride up the lake shore, not caring where she ended up, as long as she was ready for class come Monday morning.
It was too late for that. The body shop was closed by then, and it would be just her luck that she had picked the only efficient shop in the whole state and they would already have started on it. Not that it was likely, since she was feeling to lazy to actually ride the bus over there again. She could just hear her resident advisor, repeating what he had said on orientation day. Don't ever travel alone at night, on campus or off. Like she cared if anyone would try something. She had a black belt in karate, and that had been supplemented by what she learned on her trip to Yamanuchi the previous fall. She would have actually enjoyed beating the holy crap out of some thug who tried something with her.
She rolled onto her back, spotting something she had forgotten about. The mirror on her chest-of-drawers had a little hutch, and on top of that was an old glass peanut butter jar holding the flowers Mervin had brought her. Somehow or another they still looked reasonably fresh, though they had literally been forgotten.
Well, I could have either been a stupid bitch tonight, or a selfish bitch, she thought, feeling like the former. She wouldn't have cared if she felt like the latter. Let the guy pay for dinner. Let him make a fool of himself, trying to be some kind of debonair gentleman. Selfish is good. You never get what you want unless you're selfish at the right moments.
But was that what she wanted? Images of the short time they spent together flitted across her mind, unbidden. Was it just the simple fact that it had been so good, felt so right? Was it just some animal/chemical thing between them? Or was Tara actually right, that there was something else between them, something beyond the mere physical pleasure they had taken in each other?
The truth of the matter was that she was Bonnie Rockwaller. The good things in her life were going to come to her on her terms, nobody else's. She had to be the one in control, and with Mervin she did not feel that way. She thought about him sitting there on that chair, his lanky frame barely fitting on it, his wild, teased brown hair looking so, dare she say, sexy?
Growling, she got up and started pacing the room. It wasn't supposed to be like this. She wasn't supposed to be acting like some wild animal in heat. She was an educated, civilized human being and she was supposed to be above all of that.
The pacing didn't help. All she kept thinking about was that she was alone in her room, dressed like some slacker frump who didn't give a damn how she looked. She should have her face done up, with the brightest red lipstick she had. Her hair should have been fluffed up, with her carefully applied highlights shining on her carefully sculpted razor cut. She stopped at her mirror, staring at her face.
Where those bags forming under her eyes? She didn't look eighteen, she looked THIRTY!
She was about to crash down on the bed again when there was a soft knock on her door.
"Go away." She plopped down on her back, throwing her arm over her eyes.
"Bonnie, it's seven." A male voice called to her from outside.
What the hell?
There was no doubt about it. Mervin Godfrey was on the other side of that door, at precisely the moment he was supposed to be there. Just how stupid was he? What part of 'it's off' did he not understand?
"Mervin, just go away, okay. It's not going to happen. Go…back to that place of yours and just forget about me, alright."
"No."
She stood up, staring at the door, dumbfounded by his refusal.
"I told you the date was off, so, just take yourself and your purple-holo-thingy and go home. I'm not that interested in you and I'm not going out with you, tonight, or ever."
There was a pause. "I don't believe you, and I'm not leaving this door until you come out here just like you promised you would do."
Bonnie balled up her fists, the rest of her body going just as rigid. "If you don't leave, I'm going to call campus security and have you removed."
She could hear him laugh softly. "Don't think that's going to work. I know everybody on the security detail, and it's not like they're going to throw me off campus."
"You sure have a high opinion of yourself."
"Pot…Kettle…black, Bonnie."
"Listen, I mean it. They aren't going to care one bit who you are if I call the campus cops and tell them I've got a guy stalking me." She hoped that was the case. The GCU security were actually a detail of the GCPD, and should take any such report as seriously, no matter who it was being reported.
"Bonnie. I'm not stalking you. Listen, I just want to have one nice, normal date with you. Then you can tell me to piss off just like every other girl here does. I won't even pretend that I thought I saw something special between us, but I saw something in you. On the surface you seem like a stuck up, arrogant, selfish girl who can't say 'me' enough, but I know there's something else under all of that. There's a beautiful person under there, and that's who I want a chance to get to know. Believe me, I know what it's like for people to think you consider yourself the center of the universe.
Hesitantly, she put her hand on the doorknob. Closing her eyes, she turned it, hoping he wasn't about to stick his foot in the doorjamb. He was standing there, dressed in a nice shirt and jeans, his holographic projector set to 'normal.'
Careful not to look in his eyes, she said "Come on in here, before you embarrass yourself." She closed the door behind him, still unable to look up at him. "Might as well let you in. Not like I could keep you out."
"Bonnie, I'm not going to do that to you."
"Fine. So, does your power make you hard of hearing, or do you not speak plain English here in Go City?" She sat down on her bed, holding her legs tightly together and crossing her arms over her ample chest.
"No. I heard you just fine. In fact, this afternoon I rented some video games and bought some snacks so I could hole up in the tower by myself, just like I usually do on Fridays when the twins have dates."
"Such a fun life you superheroes lead." She said dryly.
"Well, like I told you, it's not what any of us asked for. At least I deal with it better than my sis…"
"We are not talking about her. She's Possible's problem, not mine."
"Hey, she may be a cranky smartass, prone to excessive violence, but she's still my sister."
"Alright, already, I'm not gonna rag on her, just don't want to talk about her, kay?"
He tilted his head at the chair. He immediately sat down once she nodded, not wanting to stand over her while they talked. "Look, why don't we just go out somewhere so we can talk?"
"Have you looked at me? Do I look like I'm ready for a date? I told you. No date."
"Well, I believed you. I was all ready to gorge myself on chips and stuff when Herman came to the tower. He about flipped out and pretty much kicked me out of there."
"Oh joy. So mister universe is now play matchmaker. Maybe we should hook him up with Tara, they'd make a cute couple."
"Uh, Herman's married." He stopped when she shot him a glare. "Yeah, he's got it in his head that he's responsible for me and my brothers, even though I'm twenty. Just kept going on and on about missing my chance and all that. He wouldn't listen to me when I told him I missed my chance the moment you found out I was Mego."
"No, it's not that. Mervin, I think we just got off on the wrong foot."
"You mean…uh…it's not like I've had that much practice."
"No, it's not that. Well, it is, but it's not because I didn't like it. I think it's the fact I did, and somehow I don't like that I liked it."
"Okay, now you're really not making sense."
"Well how can I make sense when I can't make heads or tails of it in the first place. I'm just freaked out, okay?"
"The superhero thing kind of has that effect on people."
"No, Mervin. Until the other day I didn't even know about it. I didn't even expect it. That has nothing to do with the fact I'm…ashamed of myself."
Taking a chance, he reached for her, pulling one of her hands free. "There's nothing to be ashamed of."
She almost let go, but allowed him to gently hold her hand. "Yes, there is. Being like that…it's just like my sisters, and that's not what I wanted to be. I spent eighteen years in their shadow, watching them bring boy after boy into our house, and when I got that age, Mom…she."
"Let me guess. She thought you would turn out differently?"
"Yeah. It was okay when I was dating Brick. He was 'acceptable' to her, but when I went to the prom with this other guy, she found out I got the date by promising him something and she just about threw me out of the house. Then there was one other guy over summer, and that went just as well."
"So, you're freaking out because you think your mother would call you a slut, or something terrible."
"No, Mervin. I'm freaking out because I'm worried she might be right. We knew each other, what, three hours and we were in bed? If that's not a textbook definition of that, then I don't know what is."
He let go of her hand and buried his face in his. "God, I feel like such a jackass. If it makes you feel any better, I don't think you're that way."
"Bull. What the hell are you supposed to think?"
"Bonnie, what I thought was that I was having a really good time talking to you. Then all of a sudden we're kissing and I'm like, not understanding what was happening. I told you I didn't have much experience? That's an understatement. I didn't have any experience whatsoever. The only thing I can think of is that you wanted it to happen. Then it happened the same way again."
"I…I was the first…you were a…?"
"Yeah. I was. Bonnie, I'm uh."
"You're what?"
"Well, I'm trying to think of words more appropriate than groping or feeling my way around the dark with you."
She actually laughed. "I know what you meant."
"I'd be lying if part of this is because I want that to happen again. I do, I really do, but I want it to be part of something normal. So, what do you say we just go out and do something simple."
"I already told you, I'm not going out looking like this." She had to ask herself why not, considering that was exactly what she had looked like all day.
"Actually, you look pretty hot. Look at me, I'm not exactly dressed to kill."
She smiled again. "For guy who doesn't know anything about women, you're pretty smooth."
"Nothing smooth about it. Hey, I noticed one thing. It's not 'you won't go out with me' any more, but you won't go out like that."
Bonnie held up her hands. "Okay. Dinner, maybe a movie if it isn't too late to see something good, but you go wait downstairs in the lobby. I've got certain standards, no matter how hot you think I am without at least some makeup…and when we get back, you say goodnight in the lobby as well. Got it?"
She closed the door behind him once more, closing her eyes as well. She could take up to an hour putting her face together if she wanted to, but there was a strange sense of urgency and she was ready inside of five minutes, changing into a thin, lacy blouse instead of the t-shirt.
As she locked the door behind her, she wondered if they really would say goodnight at the lobby, or if she did, that it would be tomorrow afternoon.
Bonnie Rockwaller (and all Kim Possible Characters) © Disney