Chapter 11

Ronon sat in the co-pilot seat surprised that Sheppard had gotten permission so quickly. Once he'd realized he was in love with Jennifer he couldn't sit still till he fixed it… couldn't grab on till he let go.

"Okay Chewy … where should I drop you?" Sheppard asked after exiting the stargate.

"Go north … I'll camp out on the edge of town," he directed, not wanting to enter the city until dawn.

"Don't suppose you'd want to explain what're doing." John asked hopefully.

"Not now."

Sheppard did a thorough aerial search for any life signs before heading north to the edge of the dead city. It'd been a few years since they'd been to Sateda … not since they'd rescued Ronon from the Wraith hunters. The Colonel didn't know exactly what Ronon was up to but he'd wager a month's pay that Doc had something to do with it.

"Okay … two days tops," Sheppard said establishing what guidelines he could. "If you need or want to be extracted sooner use the gate. Check in with me tomorrow evening."

"Thanks … I'll be fine," he assured his teammate.

"You know… I'm not doing anything and we're on stand down right now … I could keep you company," John suggested. The secrecy was driving him crazy.

"Have to do this alone."

Sheppard stood at the bottom of the ramp watching his friend disappear into the woods wishing there was something he could do to lighten the burden the big man seemed to be carrying. Two days wasn't that long and maybe he'd share when he got home, John hoped.

~OOO~

Just before dawn Jennifer stumbled to the bathroom for a wet washcloth. Her eyes were swollen from crying herself to sleep and her head was pounding. Climbing back into bed she put the wet cloth over her eyes willing herself back to sleep.

Two hours later she was feeling better heading toward the shower to start her day. This was the first day of her newest resolve to get her life back under control. At this point she didn't think she could comfortably be friends with Ronon without acting like a schoolgirl clinging to her first love. It was time to break free.

Walking through the dining hall and onto the balcony Jennifer spotted a familiar face sitting alone on the far side, "Good Morning Teyla … mind if I join you?"

"Please … I am so happy to see you home," the Athosian welcomed. "When did you arrive?"

"We got back last night … I think I spent an hour in the shower," she chuckled, remembering how nice it felt.

"Yes, I believe I did the same thing when I returned," she smiled. "Have you seen Ronon?" she asked hoping the two of them were making time for each other. She'd quietly watched the odd relationship between them ebb and flow over the past months and wanted nothing more than to see them finally connect with each other. She believed Jennifer would be a good match for her dear friend and desired for him to be happy.

"No," she said awkwardly. "Actually, I went by his room to return some items and he was with Amelia so I just handed her the stuff and left quickly."

"I am sorry Jennifer … I did not realize Ronon was still seeing Amelia." Teyla was extremely disappointed with Ronon's behavior. She knew he had deep feelings for the doctor. Seeing the hurt in Jennifer's eyes was almost unbearable especially when she knew the Satedan loved her.

"It's okay … last night was a wake up call for me. I realized it's impossible for me to maintain a friendship when I care this much about him. I've decided to put this all aside and concentrate on my career for a while… maybe expand my research projects," she explained. It felt good to confide in someone … it definitely helped her resolve to share her feelings with Teyla knowing she'd understand.

"If it helps at all I know Ronon cares deeply for you," Teyla pronounced adamantly.

"Just not enough," she whispered holding the tears back.

~OOO~

Ronon found it impossible to sleep … his mind too full of memories. After starting a small fire he sat on his bedroll leaning against a tree as the first signs of dawn peaked over the horizon. He chose to start his pilgrimage in an orchard at the edge of the city… a place he held dear to his heart. This spot was a favorite play area when he was just a child. The trees were wonderful to run through playing games of war while brandishing dead branches as weapons. His family would often come to the country to hunt, teaching him at a young age the art of providing food and the skills of tracking. When he was older he'd brought Melena to this very spot to camp out under the stars as they'd made plans for their future. It had been perfect.

Taking a deep breath he inhaled the scents that reminded him he was home. The fruit trees in full bloom and the dampened earth stirred recollections long buried. The first of many tears fell as he leaned against the tree. Closing his eyes he could envision every road, every house, every face he'd grown up with along with the sorrow of their passing. It was hard to let go.

The Satedan stood and packed up his few provisions stashing them under some bushes holding out a few power bars to get him through the day. Feeling the need to expel some of his pent up energy he started jogging down the trail taking in the countryside while heading toward the city. As he ran he plotted out the different places he wanted to explore… his neighborhood … the country marketplace where the farmers and artisans showed their wares … the park he and Melena used to picnic in … maybe even Melena's house if time permitted.

Ronon and Melena had grown up in communities on the northern edge of the city close to the rolling hills of the countryside… far enough away from the hub of industry that the simple pleasures of life could still be felt. They'd attended the same schools, shopped in the same marketplaces, and shared the same friends. It had been perfect.

Once they'd finished their education Melena chose medicine as Ronon began his military training. Their families celebrated with them as they made their plans for a future together. Life had been good … Melena was quite a ways into her residency while Ronon was quickly moving up the ranks in his military career and they'd started the bonding process. Then in the blink of an eye it all ended when that first dart flew through the Gate of the Ancestors starting the war that would bring about the end of Sateda.

Ronon pulled his thoughts back to the present as he wandered along what remained of the main road leading toward the city center. Cooling down from his run the warrior slowly turned in every direction trying to find something familiar from his youth. Moving down a side street he quickly found what used to be the open market and spent some time rummaging through the rubble.

Stacking a couple wooden crates together Ronon sat surveying the area as he ate a power bar. It still amazed him how quickly a world succumbed to nothingness once the Wraith ripped out its heart. Word always traveled fast through the galaxy whenever a world fell, bringing wave after wave of pillagers and treasure seekers to finish the destruction. Anything of value had disappeared years ago. What hadn't been carted off through the gate had given way to the elements. To a small degree the devastation helped … nothing was recognizable which left only memories for him to draw on, unfortunately his memories were also what locked him in the past.

~OOO~

Dr. Keller had the day off but wandered through the infirmary looking at patient files and checking in with Dr. Billings. The lull between supply runs was always looked forward to by everyone… the new recruits were progressing with their training, supplies would have been logged and put away and the routine flow of the city is usually restored at this point between the Daedalus' trips.

After breakfast Jen grabbed her laundry bag stuffing it with her dirty uniforms before leaving her room to take care of a few errands. Stopping by the laundry facility first, she exchanged her soiled clothing for clean, crisp uniforms … it was surprising how clean clothes made such a difference, she thought to herself. Moving on to the mailroom she checked her slot before returning to her quarters. So much had happened since the welcome social … she couldn't remember the last time she'd checked her correspondence. Pulling the various memos and announcements out of her box she set the pile in her bag on top of her uniforms before heading toward Mr. Woolsey's office. Major Lorne had excused her from the debrief choosing to present her mission report for her. Still, she wanted to touch base with Mr. Woolsey now that she was back. The two spent twenty minutes going over the basics of the mission before she headed back toward her room.

On her way to the transporter Jennifer passed by the mess hall chuckling to herself as her stomach growled in protest. Making a quick impulse decision she ducked into the cafeteria loading up a tray of food to go. Killing two birds with one stone she satisfied her hunger and avoided the awkwardness of seeing Ronon and Amelia if they showed up for lunch. For now hiding in her room sounded like the best option.

Once she'd finished her meager lunch, Jen set about hanging her uniforms and unpacking her duffle. Sitting on the couch she sorted the pile of mail on her lap finding a letter at the bottom of the stack. Setting everything else aside she made herself comfortable looking forward to some news from home.

My Dearest Jennifer,

It is with great sorrow that I tell you your father was killed in an auto accident earlier this month during an icy winter storm. On his way home from work the temperatures dropped and a blizzard developed making visibility awful. The local police said an oncoming car veered into his lane and they collided head on. He died instantly and the doctors assured us he didn't suffer. I can't imagine how sorrowful it must be to receive the news by this letter and if I could've found another way I would have come in person.

At one time your father left me with a small notebook containing information concerning his personal affairs. When you took your job overseas he made me executor of his estate in case you couldn't be notified in a timely manner. In the booklet was all the information needed to contact you but unfortunately I misplaced the book when we moved last month. I know it's here someplace but I just can't find it.

Your neighbor told me your dad talked about you being stationed with the military through one of the bases in Colorado. I've spent the last week talking with dozens of officers trying to find a location or phone number for you but the best I could do was get this address. The Sergeant I spoke with assured me this letter would be forwarded to you as soon as possible.

My brother was the most caring and loving man I know and he was over the moon proud of his little girl. He loved you deeply Sweetheart … never forget that. He was taken too soon and if I could change any of that I would in a heartbeat. Had you been here Jennifer, you couldn't have changed it. It was a senseless accident and the last thing he would have wanted would be for you to feel guilty about not being here.

According to his wishes we had your father buried in the cemetery on 24th Street next to your mother and had the memorial service last week. I know you would have wanted to be here but when I couldn't reach you we didn't know what else to do … please forgive us for the sorrow we may have caused with our decisions.

Aunt Tess cleaned and straightened the house and your neighbors are keeping an eye on everything so there should be no worries for you until you get home. We'd love to see you Jen so please call us when you get home.

Our love, Aunt Tess and Uncle Jared

Jennifer sat in shock letting the contents of what she'd just read sink in. This must be some giant cosmic joke, she kept thinking. After reading through a second time she felt the tears start to break through. She needed to run or scream or talk to someone but nothing seemed sufficient. She needed Ronon but that door had closed leaving her lost for what to do next.

Brushing the tears aside, Jen stood and began wringing her hands, pacing around her quarters. She refused to let the facts seep in … refused to believe her father was gone … refused to accept she was alone. She still had her aunt and uncle but hadn't spent any time with them in years. She began taking ragged breaths trying to find some kind of control but instead found herself racing for the bathroom where she emptied the contents of her stomach. Feeling the need to stay close she scooted over near the wall and allowed the grieving to begin.

~OOO~

The sun was close to setting turning Ronon's focus toward the countryside and his bedroll. It'd been a hard day and yet he felt one step closer to his goal. After a twenty minute run back to his campsite he cooled down while gathering wood for an evening fire. Once settled with some dried jerky and an MRE, the Satedan pulled out the few treasures he'd rescued from the marketplace and gave them a closer look. Digging to the bottom of his knapsack he found an old piece of cloth to use as a polishing rag. A handful of coins were the first items he examined causing flashbacks of times he'd shop for his mother and spend the extra coins on sweet confections the local vendors offered.

Next he spread out the beautiful pieces of pottery he'd collected in the ruins of a small shop just down the street from the open-air bazaar. Against a half wall that was still standing he found a heaping pile of broken pots and vases, which appeared as if they'd fallen victim to youthful vandalism. Closing his eyes he cold visualize the pottery lined up against the wall being used for target practice. Sorting the pieces by colors and patterns caused a wide range of feelings from anger to grief as he thought of all the beautiful stoneware Sateda was famous for now lost forever along with the artists.

Taking the cloth he patiently wiped the years of dirt off each jagged piece. Looking at the useless fragments he couldn't conceive of any practical use for the painted earthenware but neither could he toss them aside. Laying out the cloth he vigilantly combined the pieces with the coins wrapping it all together then placing it carefully in his pack. Running his hand over the area to be sure he'd found everything he hesitated over something hard in he dirt. Picking at it he lifted what felt like several small objects matted together with mud. Grabbing what was left of his water he poured it over the clump liberating a small pendant hanging from a beautiful chain along with two more small stones. Holding the jewels in his hand he couldn't help but smile at the awesome find.

It'd been an emotional day and a bit tougher than he'd thought it'd be. Lying out under the stars Ronon let reflections of the day drift through his mind until sleep claimed his body.

~OOO~

Feeling the cold from the floor tile, Jennifer slowly woke to her darkened quarters taking a few minutes to organize her thoughts. Too quickly memories of her father's death came flooding in pulling her from the floor where she'd fallen asleep. Standing, she rinsed her mouth out and splashed water on her face before moving back to the other room in search of the letter.

After reading through the horrid news once again she didn't know what to do. Should she stay in Atlantis … should she go home… should she try to find some way to contact her uncle? Thinking through her options she couldn't imagine staying in the city as if nothing had happened. There was no way she could contact her family while in the Pegasus galaxy and wasn't ready for that anyway, which only left going home.

Jennifer stood in front of the bathroom mirror fixing her hair. Once presentable she left her quarters in search of Mr. Woolsey.