Da-da da-daa, da-da-daa, da-daa, da-daa.
What am I doing? Singing the Mission Impossible (I'm pretty sure at least) theme, o' course! Why?
Well… Arthur decided I looked "bloody bored" so he deemed me fly swatter!
What he didn't know was that I suck at swatting flies (even though I did tell him). That last time I had, I had hit my mom on the back with the swatter because I saw a fly.
I still missed.
So since I normally sucked at swatting flies (I think the damn things got enjoyment out of watching me too) I decided to pull a sneak attack this time!
…Well… it would have worked… if I didn't keep cracking up.
As of right now I was having a laugh attack on the floor.
And it didn't help that Arthur was giving me weird looks.
"Wh-(giggle)-what?" I asked, from my position on the floor. He just gave me a look. "I told you that I suck." I reminded him, trying to keep my mind off of what I was doing.
It didn't work.
I leaned against the wall and started laughing again.
I just couldn't take myself seriously!
"Yeah, you suck."
Pfffft. Hahahahahaha!
I know I did.
But to be fair, I did warn him.
"What the bloody hell are you doing?"
"Why swatting flies o' course!" I told him, still giggling.
"You are not swatting bloody flies; you're prancing around the kitchen waving the fly swatter around like a nutburger."
Haha, he said nutburger.
"I take offense to that. I am not waving the fly swatter around." I was singing the Mission Impossible tune. Is it that easy to mix the two up?
He opened his mouth to protest when someone knocked on the door.
It could only be one person…
"Hello Bernie…" I said, opening the door.
"Hi, Delilah."
"Deli."
"The box says Delilah though…"
"I like Deli better though."
"…and that makes all the difference…"
"Are you being sarcastic young man?"
"Maybe."
"Okay." I stepped aside and let Bernie in.
"For the record, I think we're both insane." He told me, wheeling the large box in.
"That may be so…"
"Maybe? It bloody hell is true, at least for you!" I heard Arthur yell from the kitchen as Ivan came down the stairs and pulled the smaller box off the top of the bigger one.
"Thanks Ivan!" I told him, dancing around the box. I was in a good mood for some strange reason or another. I waved goodbye to Bernie and studied the manual he had left me with, tearing open the envelope.
FELICIANO VARGAS: User Manual and Guide
My reaction.
…
…
…
YES!
Finally, someone who wouldn't grope me! Or shoot at me! Or really scare me at all! I was so freaking happy I thought I would explode. Also… he could cook. And cook pasta at that. I looked at the manual and read through how to wake him up…
I could always tug on his curl but… I didn't want to deal with what might happen.
So I'd just make pasta. What kind though? Spaghetti? Fettuccini? Lasagna? Mm… lasagna sounded delicious for lunch. Also you didn't even need to boil the noodles (according to my dad, and he makes freaking good lasagna). But… that took a lot of time. Maybe later. I decided to just boil hot water instead. I turned on the stove humming cheerfully as England gave me a 'what the bloody hell are you on?' look. I nearly laughed, but decided not to. Just to, you know, appear sane, yes? Yes!
Nope. Still not schizo. But completely insane. Possibly. Maybe. Yes? Yes! Wait, I mean no! Hahaha…
…
…
No, I didn't smoke anything! I swear to drunk that I'm not God! Haha, literally. I'm not high on anything, I just woke up in an insanely good mood this morning. I didn't even punch Yong Soo! Shocker, yes? Yes!
Not schizo.
I filled a pot about two thirds up with water and set it on the lit burner.
"La-di-da FUCK!" I yelled, accidentally putting my hand down too close to the burner. My hand stung as I yanked it quickly away and shoved it into the sink turning the cold water on.
"What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" Arthur asked, giving me a strange look. I glared at him before turning back to my hand. I hated burns, always have, ever since I was little and stuck my finger in the fire. Which had hurt like hell, and then there was the summer I accidentally sat on a hot grill cover after getting out of the blow-up pool. I had stumbled when walking and mistakenly sat down. Bad idea.
I debated whether or not to send Arthur to get me some aloe gel or get the damn stuff myself when I heard someone hitting the giant box out in the living room then the sound of said someone erupting into tears.
Oh.
I guess Feliciano woke up.
I walked out into the living room and opened the box.
"Ve! Thank you! You saved me from the scary box! My names Feliciano, but you can call me Feli! What's yours?" He asked, jumping out of the box hugging me tightly.
"Erm… Deli. Would you like to make some pasta?" I asked, watching as his eyes lit up.
"Pasta? PASTAAAAA!" He yelled, letting me go and running around before giving me puppy dog eyes. "Where?"
"Erm… Kitchen." I told him, pointing to the doorway next to him, he ran through the door into the kitchen.
"What the hell?"
I pulled myself together and walked into the kitchen.
"It's Feli, Arthur." I said, walking over to the sink to plunge my hand into the still running water. I really should have turned it off. It's a waste. And I needed to water the plants. Not like that had anything to do with anything (just everything to do with nothing).
"I can see that, you nutburger."
"Haha… you said nutburger." Arthur gave me another strange look, but I just chuckled as I watch Italy flail around the kitchen making pasta. The wonder's of how (oddly) true the English dub had been about some things. Arthur opened his mouth to reply back but my phone rang. I held up a finger in silence at him and he scowled at me.
"Moshi moshi." I spoke into the phone, grinning.
"What the hell does that mean?" My grin fell and I felt the blood rush out of my face.
"M-mom?"
"Yeah, who else would it be?" Um… Santa?
"Santa. The Easter Bunny. The Tooth Fairy and I have been chatting quite a bit recently."
"Smart-ass."
"Yep. That's me. So… why ya calling?" I asked, laughing (a bit nervously).
"Your psychiatrist called me. Apparently you haven't been going to your sessions." I paled. Crap, I'd forgotten. Completely and utterly forgotten.
"I've been… busy." I told her.
"I'm sending Jamie over to check on you."
"Now?"
"Yes. I'll call and warn her about your housemates. I told her to bring some of those cookies you like. And some pie. I have to get back to work now. Make sure you call and make another appointment with Dr. Florence." I winced.
"Yes-" Ma'am "-mom."
"Bye. Love you."
"Yeah. Love you too. Bye…" I trailed off. Looking at my phone after she hung up.
"Crap!" I yelled, running into the living room and looking out the window. She wasn't here yet… was she?
Nope.
That was good. Now I just had to warn everyone.
"She's coming! She's coming!" I panicked, flailing my arms in the air while running in a circle.
"And… who exactly is coming again?" Arthur asked me.
I resisted the urge to say 'The British'. I managed. But just barely.
"My sister!" I screeched at him. This was no time for idle chatter. My freedom was at stake! At least I was getting windmill cookies out of it. Yum…. Windmill cookies.
"And… why exactly is she coming?"
"I didn't go see Dr. Florence! I'm a bad person! But I have no way to get there really, so I shouldn't be expected to keep going. I mean, I really don't wanna walk all the way across town and all the way back… it's boring and a waste of time."
"Who's Dr. Florence, da ze?" Yong Soo asked from the top of the stairs.
"My psychiatrist! My sister is coming! My sister is coming! Everyone hide!" I yelled, waving my arms wildly.
"Why should the awesome me hide?" Gilbert asked from behind Yong Soo.
"Because! It's my sister! My older sister! She controls my fate right now!" I yelled gesturing frantically at… thin air. Everyone just gave me crazy looks as Ivan came in from the backyard, a sunflower in his hands. I opened my mouth to tell them that the male gender was not my mom's favorite gender, and that my sister would more then likely be telling her that I was living in a house full of (who would guess it) males… when I heard a car pull up.
Oh. Crap.
This wouldn't end well…
"Ve! The pasta's ready!" Feliciano called, stepping into the living room as I heard someone coming up the steps.
…
Where the fuck was his pants?
I heard the door start to open and I froze.
Shit.
I was screwed.
…
This wouldn't end well.
…
My hand still stung.
…
The pie better be freakin strawberry-rhubarb.
Author's note: I'M SORRY I DIDN'T UPDATE! I… got sick, and then got a small case of writers block.
If I stop updating/don't update when I'm supossed to… you all have the right to freely bitch me out via PM/Review/Email…
Meanwhile I got hit in the back with a tennis ball today. I think it's because I hadn't updated when I was supposed to… Karma's a bitch.
I'm sorry Vash didn't make an appearance this chapter… I'l give him (and Ivan) bigger roles next chapter.
On a happier thought... WE GOT OVER 100 REVIEWS! THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME!
Now if only more love was put towards my one-shot... (shameless self advertisment...).
Sorry about the cliffhanger!
I love all my reviewers! I love you all! I'm a horrible person!
Keep reading! Please!
P.S. … I think Italy was kind of insane this chapter also… go read "You Can't Take The Sky From Me" if you like good AU's and USUK (which I always pronounce "You Suck" because it looks like U SUK. So that's how I pronounce it. Also read "Seven Little Killers" It has character death though, just warning you. But it's freaking amazing! Don't read if you're too squeamish. Both fics ROCK.
P.P.S. Al of you should (right now) pull up a youtube tab and type in "Hetalia Easy A Trailer" then watch it. Then if anyone has seen the movie, write a fanfic based off of it. Anyone who can do it without gender-bending gets… a story I guess. I'll just need a plot and if you want any pairings… If someone doesn't do this I'm going to eventually, but that means less updates for this story…
P.P.P.S. Also, I'll update next Monday. Feel free to kick my ass viz internet if I don't… blame gym and geometry!