The next morning Aaron opened his eyes, he let his eyes adjust to the bright light that streamed in through the curtains. He looked up and saw that Robert was still asleep but that he was muttering something "Sshh Robert. Calm down babe" Aaron cooed.
"Nooo, Aaron" Robert murmured as his head started to move from side to side "Aaron" Robert moaned in his sleep.
"I'm here Rob. Sshh" Aaron spoke in a soft voice.
"No! Get away from him!" Robert cried out "Don't hurt him!" Robert's breathing increased as he shouted in his sleep.
Aaron sat up "Robert! It's ok. Wake up babe!" Aaron started to shake Robert, so that he would wake him up from his nightmare.
"Get off him!" Robert was thrashing around as he slept "Please stop hurting him. Leave him alone! Aaron!" Robert started to cry "Aaron! Everything will be ok! I love you!"
"Robert! Wake up!" Aaron shouted as he continued to shake his husband.
Robert's eyes flung open and he quickly sat up. Robert was panting and crying, he then looked at Aaron "Oh my god, Aaron. I'm sorry Baby" Robert hugged Aaron tightly and continued to cry into his husband's chest.
Aaron hugged Robert back and rocked him from side to side "Sshh, It's ok Rob. I'm here. It was just bad dream" Aaron cooed into Robert's ear and stroked his blonde hair.
Robert made fists as he gripped the back of Aaron's top "I swear on my life that I tried to stop him. But I couldn't get to you in time" Robert sobbed into Aaron's top making it damp "He was... he was abusing you again, and hitting you. I really tried to stop him. But I couldn't save you. I'm so sorry baby. Please forgive me Aaron".
"There's nothing to forgive. It was just a nightmare" Aaron kissed Robert on the head "I'm fine. I'm safe. We are safe" Aaron rubbed Robert's back; making circles on his back to calm him.
"I love you Aaron. You mean the world to me." Robert smiled after hearing Aaron's comforting words. He snuggled into Aaron's arms.
"I love you too Robert. I know that I'm safe with you. I would trust you with my life" Aaron kissed Robert on the forehead again.
"Are you sure? I was a right ass to you before. I hurt you so many times in the past, even when I said that I loved you. I used you to feed my own selfish needs. I bullied you about your scars, about you being gay, I threatened you. I even tied you to a radiator and held a gun to your head" Robert started to cry harder when he thought about all the hurt that he had put Aaron through when they were having an affair "I'm a monster. How can you love me after all of that? I wouldn't trust myself with a box of eggs. Let alone someone's life". Robert could not help but think about the possibility of pushing Aaron away and never getting him back.
"You were an ass and you were a bully, but... you proved that you loved me. You saved my life when I broke my ankle when I was out running, you talked me back from the edge of a quarry, you rushed me to hospital when I collapsed at the scrapyard, you made me feel safe enough to tell you about what happened to me when I was a kid, you stood by me and comforted me for months of investigations and court days." Aaron released Robert from his embrace, wiped away Robert's tears with his thumb and held Robert's face in his hands "You're not a monster. You protected me from everything since I told you about the abuse, and every moment afterwards. For six years you have been a loving and caring husband to me. You've protected me from the monster that wanted to hurt me. I'm happy with you and we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. Believe me when I say that I know what true monsters are, they do very bad things. Things that are worse then bullying people about having scars that riddle someone's body. And you Mr Robert Sugden... are not a monster. You're my guardian angel and our daughter's amazing dad. You have looked after both of us for years and I know that you will look after me for as long as there is air in your lungs and a beating in your heart" Aaron gave Robert a warm smile and placed his forehead against Robert's forehead.
"You're my beautiful angel, Aaron. You're my Aaron and I love you with all of my heart" Robert smiled back at Aaron and rubbed his nose against his husband's nose.
"We protect each other no matter what. I'll never let you down. I promise" Aaron's blue eyes twinkled and Robert kissed him on he lips.
"You don't have to promise me anything. You could never let me down no matter how hard you try. I'll always be at your side to look after you and to protect you" Robert hugged Aaron and placed his head on his shoulder.
"And I will do the same until the day I die" Aaron placed a hand on the back of Robert's head and his other hand on Robert's back. Aaron had to tell Robert something but he knew that it would hurt him to know what was going to happen that night that Gordon broke into Home farm and Robert was knocked unconscious. Even though it was killing Aaron to hide it from Robert, he knew that Robert would blame himself but he deserved to know what happened when he was out cold on the floor with blood slowly leaking out of the large cut on he back of his head. He decided that he would tell Robert later in the day before Alyssa came home from staying the night at Lisa's again.
That afternoon Robert had gone to David's shop to get some stuff for dinner and then he went to the Woolpack to have a quiet drink but Victoria noticed that her brother was acting strange and that he was a lot more quieter than usual.
"What's wrong Rob?" Victoria walked over and sat opposite Robert at one of the tables. She ignored the fact that Marlon was yelling at her to get back in the kitchen and to do her job.
"It's nothing. Don't worry about it Vic" Robert said as he stroked the empty glass in front of him.
"Then why do you have a face like your precious car has just been stolen?" Victoria tried to make Robert talk about what was bothering him, but he just stayed quiet or gave her simple answers such as 'I don't want to talk about it' or 'it's nothing' or he would just give her the answer 'It's my problem and I'll deal with it, just leave me alone' However Victoria did not budge from her seat. Victoria then noticed that Andy had just walked into the pub, him and Robert had not always seen eye to eye but Robert and Andy had started to build the bridges between them "Hey Andy!" Victoria hollered for Andy to come over to where she was sat with Robert.
Andy approached the table where his siblings were sat "What's up?" Andy's smile faded when he saw the worried look on Robert's face "Rob, What's wrong? Are you ok?" He sat in the chair beside Robert.
"I'm fine. Will everyone just get off of my back? I'm meant to be staying strong for Aaron's sake" Robert realised what he had just said and he knew that Andy and Victoria would want to know what had happened.
"What do you mean? Why do you have to stay strong for Aaron? You can talk to him about anything, he loves you, he'll understand. Don't you love him anymore?" Victoria looked puzzled.
Robert was shocked "Of course I love him! Aaron's just..." Robert hesitated to say anything else when he saw that Adam walking towards him and his siblings
"What about Aaron? Has something happened? Is he alright?" Adam sat next to Victoria and looked at Robert with a panicked look on his face.
As they talked Cain was listening from where he was sat at the bar and he started to worry that something had happened to his nephew. Has Gordon hurt Aaron again without Robert knowing? Has Aaron self harmed again? Those thoughts buzzed around Cain's head like a wasp.
Robert took at deep breath and slowly exhaled "The truth is... I don't know if he is ok. He's hiding something from me. And I'm worried that something bad happened that night when Gordon broke into Home farm, I was uncurious for a while" Robert's leg was nervously bouncing "What if Gordon tried to... abuse Aaron again?" Robert rubbed the back of his neck "I had a nightmare that Gordon was punching Aaron and strapping him with a belt. Gordon was... hurting Aaron again" Robert hesitated to say the word. "I dreamt that I was trying to get to him to save him, the door was transparent but I couldn't open it. I could see everything that Gordon was doing to Aaron. I dreamed that Aaron was crying out in pain and that he was screaming my name; begging me to come and help him. And I couldn't do anything but shout his name and that everything was going to be Alright. I was shouting at Gordon to get away from him, not to hurt him and to get off of him" Robert put his hands over his eyes "I can still hear Aaron screaming. I couldn't protect my Aaron". Robert took his hands away from his eyes and he looked at Andy "I can't even protect him in my dreams. Why do I keep letting him down?".
Andy patted Robert on the back "Stop doing that to yourself. You haven't let him down for years. You've protected him since he told you about... it" Andy didn't know how to comfort his brother, Robert was scared that he would loose Aaron and Alyssa. Even Andy, Victoria and Adam knew that.
"I can't loose him. I need him by my side" Robert started to tear up but he quickly wiped away his tears so that he did not appear weak in front of people.
"You won't loose him. Trust me mate, Aaron is loyal to the people that he loves" Adam sat forward and gave Robert a reassuring smile "And he loves you and Alyssa, more than anything else in the world".
Back at Home farm, Aaron was trying to walk around the downstairs of his home but he fell and winced when he felt a sharp pain in his side. Aaron held his side and then he looked down at it to see if it was infected. It was not infected but it was very painful. "Come on Aaron" Aaron tried to stand up but he did not have the strength. So even though it hurt a lot, he crawled on his hands and knees, to one of the walls in the hallway and let his head fall back against it "What would Robert think if he saw me like this? What goes through his mind when he sees me so weak and pathetic? He deserves better then a damaged man for a husband."
Aaron leaned against the wall and took his phone out of his pocket. He scrolled through his contacts until he reached the contacts that started that were labelled under the letter R. The first and only contact that was under the letter R was Robert. He debated whether he should call Robert and tell him what had just happened and that he was in a lot of pain, but he decided against the idea because he wanted Robert to have a break from looking after him 24/7. Aaron just sat against the wall in the hallway and waited for Robert to come home or for his mum to walk in or for Cain to walk in with a few cans of larga and a shotgun to protect him.
"What am I going to say to him? I need to tell him. But how can I? It would break his heart." Aaron felt vulnerable, but not because he was home alone with no way to defend himself if anything were to happen. He felt vulnerable because he felt that he had let people down. Aaron started to cry when he thought about what he needed to tell Robert. Would it drive a wedge between them? Would Robert leave him? Could it mean the end of their marriage? "He won't want me if I tell him. He'd leave me and Alyssa. I can't take away her dad, she'd hate me for it. She needs her dad. I love him too much to not tell him, he'll understand, he'll be there for me. I can trust him to look after me. But what if he can't cope with knowing what happened? What if he stops loving me? Then what would I do? He'd want to have full custody of Alyssa. He has the money to look after her, he has a good lawyer. I'd loose my home, I'd have to move back in with my mum. I'd loose everything" Aaron sat in the same spot with his back against the wall for half an hour. Alone with his thoughts as he waited for Robert to come home. Aaron's mind started to race when darker thoughts came into his head "No. I can't, it would break Robert's, mum's, Victoria's, Adam's, Alyssa's, Cain's and everyone else's heart's if I..." Aaron thought about self harming but he had to put his family first, Chas's PTSD might come back, Alyssa would think that her world was crashing down around her. Cain would tell Chas and he would make sure that Aaron goes to see a counsellor, and Robert would be disappointed with him. He could have an affair and run off with some other guy. Why wouldn't he? He's done it before.
Whilst Aaron was thinking about all the possible scenarios that might play out if he told Robert the secret that was killing him in side ever since that night that Gordon had shot him. Robert was at the Woolpack with his brother and sister and Adam. They were trying to comfort him but Robert was beyond that now. He was terrified of loosing Aaron.
"Yesterday we had to start his physio and Aaron was doing fine. He was walking I had to hold onto his wrists to support him. But then we had to see if he could walk on his own." Robert ran his hand through his hair as he spoke.
"Why? No one can walk perfectly after being shot" Victoria asked.
"The doctor said that he needed to, but I didn't know that he was still so physically weak. He was doing ok to start off with, a few wobbles here and there but he managed to regain his balance. I was a few steps away from him, I was holding my arms out ready to catch him if he fell. I promised him that I would catch him. He took two steps without using something to help him balance, but his knees buckled and he fell. I lunged forwards and caught him, but as he fell his wound was causing him more pain. I had to carry him to the living room. I laid him down on the couch. We both fell asleep on the couch; I was holding him close and he was holding onto my hand. I woke up when Chas left. I didn't want to wake him up, because he's had a hard time sleeping because of constant nightmares and worrying about me and Al. I moved up a bit so I was more comfy, he groaned in his sleep but he didn't wake up, he rested his head on my chest and snuggled into me. After a few hours he had to wake me up, because I was having a nightmare."
"Where is he now?" Andy asked.
"He's at the house. He's too weak to be moved around the village. I asked him if he wanted to come to the pub with me but he said no, so I left him at the house so that he could rest" Robert looked at his watch "I should go back home. I've left him for too long" Robert stood up and said goodbye to Andy, Victoria and Adam.
Aaron had been sat in the same position for over two hours, before he heard a car pull up on the drive. Aaron listened to the sound of a key turning in the lock, and he watched as the front door opened. He turned his head and looked away, when he saw Robert walk into he house.
Robert saw that Aaron was sat hunched over on the floor, so he quickly put the shopping down by the front door and ran over to Aaron "Aaron! What's happened? Are you hurt?" Robert's eyes scanned over Aaron's body as he checked for any spots of blood.
"I'm fine" Aaron closed his eyes tightly as he slowly sat up so that he was sitting up right.
"Why are you sat on the floor?" Robert crouched down beside Aaron.
"I fell, when I tried to walk around. It hurt when I tried to get up, so I just crawled to where I'm sat now" Aaron sighed.
"Why didn't you go into the living room?" Robert asked.
"I can't move without being in pain. And I'm too tired to try and stand up again" Aaron looked at Robert "I didn't want to call you because, you've not left my side since it happened. I wanted you to have a break. So I just stayed here for about two hours. You needed to have a break from looking after me 24/7" Aaron winced in pain as he clutched his side.
Robert immediately saw that Aaron was in pain "C'mere babe" Robert scooped Aaron up and carried him into the living room "You're meant to be resting. I don't want to have a break, if you're in pain all of he time. You being ok is more important than the pub" Robert saw the defeated look on Aaron's face and he heard it in his voice.
"I felt useless. I had to try and walk on my own. You needed a break. You're exhausted Robert, I can see it as clear as day" Aaron murmured as Robert sat him down on the sofa.
"You're not useless. But you need to take things slow for a while. I'm here for you" Robert's reassuring smile dissipated when he saw the tears in Aaron's eyes. He crouched down in front of Aaron and wiped away the tears that were rolling down his cheeks "Babe what's wrong?" Robert asked.
"If I tell you it'll destroy us, you'd leave me. It would break your heart. You'd hate me" Aaron shook his head.
"I could never hate you, you're my Aaron. I won't leave you. I love you" Robert placed a hand on one of Aaron's knees.
"You wouldn't be saying that If I told you" Aaron shuddered at the thought of what he was about to tell Robert.
"Aaron, you're scaring me now. What's wrong? You know that you can tell me anything." Robert knew that Aaron was hiding something "Baby please, let me help." Robert was worried about Aaron, but he wanted to make him feel safe.
Aaron took a deep breath "You know when Gordon broke in and knocked you unconscious?" Aaron gulped.
"Yeah. What about it?" Robert was confused by how Aaron was acting but he knew that something was very wrong. Aaron covered his eyes with one hand and cried, Robert stroked Aaron's cheek "You can tell me Aaron. I'm going nowhere. I'm staying with you" Aaron slowly moved his hand away from his face and nodded. "You can trust me Aaron." Robert said in a soft voice.
"When you were unconscious... he whispered in my ear that he was going to make me pay. " Aaron ran his hand over his face "He said that he was going to... he said that he was going to rape me again" Aaron chocked on his tears.
Robert wanted to cry, but he did not want to make Aaron feel like a pathetic victim. Robert stood up and sat on the sofa next to Aaron "Come'ere baby" Robert hugged Aaron. He stroked Aaron's hair and held him tight as Aaron cried.
"I was so scared, Robert. I felt trapped again. I felt sick" Aaron sobbed.
"Sshh, I won't let anyone hurt you ever again. I'm not going anywhere, I'm never going to leave you, Aaron" Robert cooed.
"When you were unconscious...he pushed me onto the floor and I landed next to you. He sat on top of me and he tried to pull my trousers down... I kicked him and he fell off of me. I got up and so did he" Aaron cried "He grabbed me from behind, and he put his hand down my trousers and pressed himself against me. I pushed him away, but he punched me and grabbed me around my chest. That's when you woke up" Aaron told Robert everything that had happened whilst he was unconscious and it made Robert's heart break into a million pieces.
"I'm so sorry for not protecting you. I'm so sorry baby" Robert said as he fought to hold back his tears.
Aaron cried into Robert's chest for a while. Robert's deepest fears had come true; Gordon tried to hurt Aaron again, and that killed him inside. Aaron wanted to protect his family, but in doing that: he was put in danger. How could Robert comfort his husband? He could only hold Aaron and rock him back and forwards.
One hour later Alyssa arrived home, she hugged Aaron as soon as she walked into the living room "Daddy" Alyssa said as Aaron hugged her back.
Robert was stood in the doorway watching, but all he wanted to do was cry because of what Aaron had told him. Alyssa then hugged him and then they sat down for dinner. Marlon had bought round a chilli con carnie for them. After they had eaten, Robert helped Aaron back into the living room. Alyssa sat down in the arm chair with a artists sketchbook and a sharp pencil.
Aaron looked over at his daughter, and he saw the concentration on her face. She would occasionally look out of the living room window, that looked out to the driveway "What are you drawing?" Aaron asked.
Alyssa looked up from her sketch pad, she stood up and walked over to Aaron "Dad's car" she handed the sketchbook to Aaron and he looked at the drawing of Robert's car "It's not very good" Alyssa said.
"What are you talking about?" Aaron looked up at his daughter "It's amazing. You're very talented" he handed the sketchbook back to his daughter and she smiled.
"What's that?" Robert asked as he walked into the living room, and saw that Alyssa was holding her sketchbook. Alyssa passed Robert the book and he smiled when he saw the drawing. "It's a very good drawing of my car" he handed the book back to her. Robert then sat on the arm of the sofa behind Aaron's head "You ok babe?" he asked. As Alyssa went back to sit in the arm chair.
"I'm okay. Just don't let her find out" Aaron whispered as he looked up at Robert.
Alyssa looked at her dads "Don't move!" she shouted as she flicked through the pages of her sketchbook.
Robert and Aaron froze in their positions but they looked at Alyssa "What?" Robert asked.
"Shush, I'm going to draw you" Alyssa looked up at her dads "Can you sit so that daddy's leaning against you?" she asked.
Aaron sat up and Robert moved so that he was sat on the sofa behind him "Like this?" Robert asked.
"Yes. Put your arms around daddy" Alyssa motioned for Robert to put his arms around Aaron.
Robert moved slightly, and then he put his arms around Aaron's neck "How's this?" Robert asked and Aaron smiled.
"Daddy lift one arm, hold onto one of dad's wrists. And can you tilt your head a bit to left please?" Alyssa said to Aaron.
Aaron moved one arm and he clasped hold of one of Robert's wrists. He then tilted his head to the left slightly. "Is this okay?" he asked.
"That's perfect. Can you both smile please?" Alyssa said as she started to draw on one of the pages of her sketchbook.
Aaron and Robert both gave a soft smile as Alyssa drew them. Robert thought about what Aaron had told him, he wondered how Aaron managed to hold a smile on his face, and not burst into tears. How could Aaron stay so strong after coming so close to being abused again? How did Aaron cope with the memory of that night? Robert thought but as he asked himself all of those questions he did not realise that his soft smile had faded and was replaced by a look of worry.
"Daddy smile!" Alyssa raised her voice in frustration when she saw that the smile on Robert's face had faded.
Robert was knocked out of his thoughts "Sorry" he quickly made another soft smile.
"It's alright. I just need you both to be smiling for this picture" Alyssa looked up so that she would be able to see the position that Robert's hands were in, against Aaron's chest.
After what felt like an hour Alyssa added the finishing touches to her drawing and then she put her pencil down "Done" she said and she turned to her dads.
Aaron let go of Robert's wrist, but Robert only lowered one arm, he kept the other arm across Aaron's chest, and placed his other arm over the arm of the sofa that was behind him "Can we see it?" Robert asked.
Alyssa stood up and walked over to her dads to show them the drawing "What do you think?" She asked as she passed the book to Robert and he looked at it with Aaron.
"I love it" Aaron smiled at his daughter.
"Can I frame this?" Robert asked.
"Really?" Alyssa asked.
"Yeah" Robert stood up "Come on Al. I know just where to put it" he walked out of the living room with Alyssa and they walked into his office "Why don't you hang it up there?" Robert said and he pointed to the wall that was behind his desk and next to the window.
Alyssa walked over to the wall, and she tore the drawing out of her book "Here?" she asked as she held the drawing against the wall.
"Yeah. So I can see it whenever I'm in here" Robert smiled as he walked over with a brown frame and he placed the drawing inside it and hung it on the wall "There, now I have your dad watching my back whilst I'm working" Robert chuckled and Alyssa hugged him.
They walked back into the living room and saw Aaron "Where did you put it?" he asked.
"We hung it up in daddy's office" Alyssa said as she walked in and sat down in the arm chair with her laptop.
"I would've thought that you'd hang the drawing of your car in there" Aaron smirked "Because you love it so much and it's the best thing you've ever owned" Aaron chuckled.
"Hhmm I don't know about that" Robert sat on the arm of the sofa.
"Whys that?" Aaron smiled.
"Because... I love you more than my car. And you're the best thing I've ever owned. My gorgeous Aaron" Robert lowered his head and kissed Aaron on the lips.
"You're also the best thing that I've ever owned" Aaron smiled when their lips parted.
"Ahem... what about me?" Alyssa said as she pointed at herself in a joking manor.
Aaron sighed and then he looked at Alyssa "You and your dad are the most important people in my life, and I love you both with every inch of my heart. Happy?" Aaron asked
"Very happy. But I already know that I'm very important" Alyssa said with a smug smile.
"She's learnt that from you" Aaron said as he looked at Robert.
"Well she had to learn something from me" Robert smiled.
After a few hours they all went to bed. However Robert could not sleep knowing what Aaron had gone through again. Robert knew that Aaron was already very self-conscious; because of his scars, so Robert knew that he would feel very violated and dirty, after Gordon attacked him again. He looked over at Aaron. His husband was curled up in a ball as he slept, Aaron had been that way ever since they had got into bed.
"Oh Aaron, how do you cope with it?" Robert leaned over and kissed his husband on the head "My beautiful Aaron, I can't even imagine the terror you must have felt a few nights ago".
Aaron woke up and saw Robert "Robert?" he asked in a sleepy voice.
Robert sat up and looked at Aaron "Did you have a nightmare? Did I wake you up?" Robert asked.
"No, I woke up because my side hurts a lot and..." Aaron looked at Robert with tears in his eyes "I can feel his mouth on my neck, I can feel him in me" Aaron wiped away his tears and he pulled the quilt up to his chin.
Robert moved closer to Aaron and put his arms around the his husband "He can't do that to you anymore. I'll always protect you." Robert held Aaron.
Aaron placed his head on Robert's chest "What did I do wrong, to deserve being abused?" Aaron asked. He held on tightly to Robert as he spoke.
"You've done nothing wrong, you were just a kid. It's going to be ok" Robert cooed "You'll be okay".
Aaron stayed quite and listened to Robert's soothing words. Aaron did not want to leave the safety of Robert's arms. Robert held Aaron for a while before the younger man fell asleep in his arms. He still held onto Aaron, but Robert could not sleep. All he did was think about Aaron, and how Aaron put himself in danger to protect him and Alyssa. Aaron risked being assaulted again to protect his family. Robert kissed his husband on the head and he held him tight as he slept. Robert did not sleep a wink that night; he just lay holding Aaron. Guarding his husband. He listened to the ghostly wind outside of his window and the tapping of a tree branch against the glass. He was not scared of any monsters under the bed or any witches in the closet. He was not scared of the phantom howling of the wind. He was scared that Aaron would wake up and hurt himself. He was afraid that Aaron would wake up feeling Gordon on top of him. He was scared that Aaron wasn't coping. He was terrified that Aaron felt as if he had no way out.