"I've never kissed a sweeter mouth

I've never been swept away

It's what dreams are made up of

Don't you know I could not survive

Without you in my life

I would die for you."

xxx

Janice flopped back onto the bed in her wet towel, cursing herself. Not only had she left her phone on, but she had left it right there on the nightstand, where Beth could plainly see and hear it. She had looked at the texts, all of them from Molly, as soon as the smaller woman had left the room. Molly was getting more and more insistent that Janice communicate with her by more than a few sparsely worded texts here and there. She wanted her to call so they could "talk about their future" as one of the texts had read.

Janice got up off the bed and began drying off and getting dressed, frowning as her phone went off yet again. Molly's name flashed across the screen and she grabbed it, sending a quick message telling the other woman that they would talk once she was back in the city but now was not a good time. Molly immediately wrote back, asking if she was having a good time with Beth, and Janice sighed in frustration. It was becoming more and more apparent that she had gotten herself into quite the mess by not breaking things off with Molly before moving forward with Beth, and now the situation seemed to be spiraling out of control.

She ignored the message and shut her phone off, tucking it back into her suitcase. She was angry at herself for doing this; it wasn't fair to either Molly or Beth, and her heart clenched at the thought of Beth finding out about the other woman and feeling rejected and betrayed by Janice. Just when things were starting to get better between them, their relationship progressing by leaps and bounds over the course of the week, and it was about to get screwed up by Janice's lack of honesty.

Tears sprung to her eyes and she felt a deep shame wash over her. Beth had finally broken down and told what had happened with Ray at the cabin, and Janice couldn't even tell her about the odd back and forth relationship that she had been having with a woman she had picked up at a bar one night when she had been feeling especially down and lonely. Her fear of abandonment, of ultimately being alone, had caused her to cling to Molly for longer than she should, becoming something more than just a fling after a drunken night.

Janice could usually handle herself much better than this; her issues from childhood and her broken family were normally pushed so deep down she forgot about them most of the time, and her natural confidence always broke through. She had been okay with being alone, but that was before. Ever since she had Beth had become close and she had realized the depth of feeling she had for her boss, it had been different. Beth wasn't the only one who had been changed by Ray and Perry.

Janice had never experienced such heartbreak in her life, when Beth had pushed her away. She remembered being stunned that she couldn't just shake off the bad feelings, like she usually did, and the heartbreak had continued, only lessening a bit when she could immerse herself in sex or fighting with Molly. But that had been the hardest time in her life, when Beth was physically right in front of her at work or at the rare get together they had with the girls or Jack and Ben, but emotionally she was nowhere to be found, just a shell of the person that Janice had begun to know and love over the course of the time they had lived together. That was when being alone had begun to feel different, not normal or comfortable, and she had turned to Molly more and more to try to lessen some of the ache inside her.

She sighed, leaving the bedroom and wandering out into the hallway. It was quiet inside the house and she noticed that Amanda's bedroom door was shut. Over the railing she could see through the giant windows in the great room, and she spotted Tracy outside in the hammock, swinging gently back and forth, a book held up to her face. The shower was still running in the bathroom, and she headed down the stairs, wondering how long Beth would stay in there.

She knew the smaller woman was upset with her. Beth could see right through her lies and she felt terrible for not being truthful with her. The day had been going so well, and it had been nice to see some happiness from Beth, especially after her terrible confession the other night. It had been wonderful to be so close to her, to share those intimate moments with her. The love she had for the other woman was overwhelming at times, and it killed her to think she had already screwed things up between them. She vowed to talk to Beth as soon as they got back to the city, as soon as they had some time alone. But she didn't want things to be awkward between them until then, so she hoped Beth would just forget about the text messages. She didn't think that was very likely, though.

Janice went outside, the heat immediately smothering her. The sun was mostly hidden by clouds now, and there were streaks of grey and black over the lake. She clambered down the deck stairs and headed out across the lawn to the big willow trees, where the hammock was. Tracy seemed to be quite immersed in her book and it took her a moment to notice Janice standing in front of her.

"Oh, hey," she said with a smile. "Where's Beth?"

"Taking a shower," Janice answered, squeezing into the hammock beside her. Tracy shifted over to make room for her. "What's Amanda doing?"

"She went to lie down for a bit. She had a headache. I'm sure this heat isn't helping." Tracy nudged Janice with her shoulder. "Are you okay? You look a little down."

Janice shrugged, feeling the need to talk to someone about Molly, but Tracy was Beth's best friend and might not take too kindly to the news of there being another woman in her life. "Yeah, I'm alright. Just a little tired, I guess." She wiped a hand across her forehead, already beginning to sweat. "Wow, this humidity is pretty gross. How can you stand reading out here?"

"I just wanted to spend some time outside before the storm hits," Tracy said. "It looks like we'll be stuck inside again soon enough. Amanda wanted to barbecue again tonight, but we might have to do it tomorrow instead."

Janice gazed out across the lake, watching a sailboat on the horizon. She hoped the storm would be short-lived, considering Beth's reaction to the last one they'd had. She was worried for the other woman, not wanting her to spiral downward any further than she already had. Her episodes of disassociation had been truly terrifying to behold. Between the impending bad weather and the constant texting from Molly, Janice wasn't sure that the rest of the trip was going to go very smoothly.

"Hey, Beth!" Tracy called, and Janice looked away from the water to see the smaller woman heading down the slope of grass toward them.

Her heart rate picked up just watching Beth walk across the lawn, and she shot her a tentative smile. Beth's hair was still wet from her shower and hung loose down her back. She had on a simple white T-shirt and jean shorts, and Janice thought she looked beautiful, so delicate and fragile, but there was a strength there as well.

To her relief, Beth smiled back and then squeezed into the hammock between she and Tracy, making them laugh. It was a very tight fit with the three of them in there together, but they stayed where they were, Tracy rocking the hammock back and forth with her foot. Janice laid her head on Beth's shoulder, glad the other woman seemed to be getting over her extreme aversion to other people's touch. She understood it now, and she fought to keep her thoughts from creeping to that night in the cabin, imagining everything Beth had gone through.

They stayed in the hammock for quite awhile, chatting about their trip and work and anything else that came to mind. Beth expressed concern about Amanda's headache, and Janice knew she was thinking about the night Ray had smashed the lawyer's head against the side of her car. She was aware that Beth carried a lot of guilt for the things that happened to her friends, and to Janice herself, and it made her heart ache.

It began spitting rain and they hauled themselves out of the hammock and headed back into the cottage. Amanda was back downstairs and feeling refreshed from her nap, so they decided to play a few hands of cards, with chips and beer in place of lunch. The card game started out innocently enough but ended up evolving into a high stakes competition, like it had the other day, and ended with quite a bit of money being won and lost.

They lost track of the time, and when they were finally finished playing, it was time to get dinner started. It was pouring rain by that point, and water lashed the windows as they prepared food in the kitchen, the radio cranked up and Tracy serenading everyone with her singing.

Janice was having fun and was glad that the epic tournament had taken her mind off of the situation with Beth and Molly. He phone had remained in her suitcase for the day and she hadn't turned it back on to check for any other messages. Beth seemed to be having a good time as well and ended up winning a large amount of money from Amanda, and the two of them got into a good natured argument when Beth tried to return it and Amanda wouldn't accept it.

After dinner they retired to the great room to watch movies. The rain was beating down on the floor-to-ceiling windows so hard, the had to crank the TV up to hear it. Lightning began flickering in the sky from time to time, followed by very distant low rumbles of thunder, and Janice could feel Beth begin to tense up under the blanket they were sharing on the couch. She held the smaller woman's hand, her thumb stroking back and forth soothingly, and Beth seemed okay for the remainder of the evening.

Behind they headed up to bed, Amanda dug around in the kitchen for some candles and flashlights and handed them out to everyone in case they lost power during the night. They said goodnight to each other in the hallway and made plans to do something exciting on their last full day at the cottage the next day. They would be packing up to return to Los Angeles on Saturday morning.

Janice kept glancing at Beth as they got ready for bed, wondering what the other woman was thinking. She hadn't mentioned anything about Janice's strange behavior regarding the text messages from earlier, and although she was quiet, she was being very composed despite the lightning flashing more regularly outside now.

"You don't have to keep staring at me like I'm about to have a breakdown," Beth muttered, as she pulled her short white nightie over her head.

Janice blushed. "Sorry. I'm just concerned, though. How are you doing?"

"I'm holding it together," Beth said, as they climbed into bed and got situated under the covers. "I feel a bit shaky but I'm okay."

Janice felt a swell of pride for the smaller woman; she was doing much better than she had done during the last storm. "That's great, babe," she whispered, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind Beth's ear.

They were quiet for several minutes, watching lightning streak across the sky outside the window; Janice had forgotten to close the curtains again. They listened to the rain beat down against the glass and the thunder roll, louder now than it had been during the movies. Janice could feel how tense Beth was beside her in the bed, but was impressed with how well she was doing.

Beth sighed and Janice rolled over so she was facing her; she could see Beth's profile from time to time when the lightning lit up the room. She felt the sudden need to confess everything about her relationship with Molly, but she tried to suppress the urge. Now was definitely not a good time. She thought about her phone, tucked safely inside her suitcase under a pile of dirty clothes, and wondered how many more times Molly had called or texted her. Frankly she was surprised that Beth hadn't brought up the text messages again, but she was glad she hadn't.

Lightning suddenly flashed so close it looked like it was in the room with them, and the ensuing crash of thunder was so loud it sounded like a bomb was being dropped on the cottage. Janice heard Beth gasp and then her breathing began to pick up.

"Hey, it's okay," she soothed, moving closer to her in the bed and running a hand up and down her arm. She could feel the muscles bunched tightly under her touch. "You're safe."

Thunder sounded again and this time the cottage shook from the force, and Beth whimpered, turning over and reaching for Janice. She took the smaller woman into her arms, feeling her tremble, and pressed a kiss to her head. She wanted to try to get on top of the panic attack before it got out of control, and apparently Beth had the same idea, because she suddenly pressed a fierce kiss to Janice's lips.

"Distract me," she demanded, and Janice could hear the quiver and need in her voice. "Make me forget."

She hesitated, unsure and surprised, and Beth kissed her again. "Please."

Despite her concern for the other woman, she was immediately overcome with desire, the need to be with Beth in a physical way never far from her thoughts. Her voracious sexual appetite always seemed to be humming just below the surface, ready to come out and play at any time. She kissed Beth back, and her boss responded enthusiastically, sliding her hand into Janice's sleep shorts and cupping her firmly.

"Jesus, Beth." Janice sucked in a sharp breath, already wet, stunned at how quickly the other woman was moving, but aroused to the point that she was about to come already. She felt two fingers penetrate her swiftly and start a quick rhythm, a thumb working her clit, circling the tingling bundle of nerves around and around.

"Fuck." Before she knew it, she was coming, her walls tightening around Beth's fingers and spasming hard. Beth continued to pump in and out until Janice had orgasmed twice more in quick succession, moaning incoherently, every thought in her head completely obliterated.

"Holy shit." It took her a few minutes to be able to speak. She was panting, trying to catch her breath. "I thought I was supposed to be distracting you. Not the other way around. Wow...just wow."

Lightning flashed again, followed by another earth shaking roar of thunder, and Beth was suddenly on top of her, kissing her desperately, arms wrapping around her neck so tightly Janice could barely suck in a breath.

"Beth, Beth, it's okay, slow down, baby." Janice grabbed the smaller woman's arms, gently forcing her back so she could look at her. Lightning lit up the room almost every second and she could see tears streaking Beth's cheeks, her face ghostly pale, a haunted look in her eyes.

"Oh god, it's okay sweetie, it's okay." Janice sat up in the bed with Beth on her lap, holding her against her chest, Beth's head buried in her neck. She could feel the other woman's tears soaking her skin, and she banded her arms more tightly around her, rocking her back and forth. She murmured soothing, nonsense words in her ear as the weather outside continued to worsen. Beth shook in her arms and she raised her head to say something, but her words were drowned out by another crack of thunder.

Janice leaned down to press her ear against her mouth. "What was that, babe?"

"Make it stop," Beth cried. "I can't get him out of my head. Please make him go away. Make me forget."

Janice's heart broke and she had to swallow around a large lump in her throat. She blinked back her own tears and caught Beth's face between her hands, looking her in the eye. "What do you want me to do?"

Beth was straddling her, and she took one of Janice's hands away from her face, leading it down her body and underneath her nightgown. She wasn't wearing any panties. She held her hand there for a moment and then pulled away so Janice was touching her. "Just make it stop. I only want you in my head. No him."

"Oh, Beth." Janice had extreme reservations now, feeling like she was taking advantage of the other woman, as she held her hand against her. Beth wasn't the least bit wet. "Baby, I don't think that's a good idea right now."

"Please." Beth was sobbing and she put her hand on top of Janice's again, pushing it against herself forcefully. "I need you. Make him go away."

"Oh, god. Okay," Janice began rubbing her very gently, staying on the outside, her touch very hesitant.

"Harder," Beth insisted, and she began to grind herself against Janice's hand. "Go inside."

Janice couldn't help it; she began to get turned on again as the smaller woman moved against her. She stroked her clit, relieved to feel Beth becoming wet under her touch. She slowly pushed one finger inside and then another, and Beth rode her hand, hips gyrating against her, lips parted slightly, head thrown back.

If she made any sounds, Janice couldn't hear them over the force of the storm, but she was taken aback by how beautiful and ethereal Beth looked whenever lightning lit up the room, her eyes closed, tears drying on her cheeks. Her long hair was flowing over her thin shoulders in rivulets, one hand grasping Janice's shoulder to keep her balance, the other softly stroking her own breasts. She felt Beth's inner walls tightening and a flood of wetness spill out around her fingers.

Beth's eyes flew open suddenly, and Janice immediately recognized that distant look; there was no awareness there. "Hey, it's okay," she murmured, gently slipping her fingers out from inside of her and holding onto her upper arms. "You're safe. You're not at the cabin. You're at the cottage with me. Amanda and Tracy are just down the hall. You're not with him. It's okay."

She kept repeating those words over and over until Beth lost that remote look in her eyes and fixed her gaze on Janice, unshed tears clinging to her dark lashes. "Hey," Janice said, her hands rubbing up and down the smaller woman's arms. "Are you here with me?"

Beth nodded slowly and then shuddered as another crash of thunder sounded. Janice took her into her arms again, tucking them back underneath the covers, a wave of guilt washing over her as she thought about what she had just done. "I'm sorry," she said, the lump in her throat rising again. "I shouldn't have done that, Beth."

"No, it's okay, I wanted you to. Thank you." This time it was Beth soothing her, stroking a hand down her cheek and then her arm. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I didn't mean to be so forceful. I just can't stand him being in my head every time there's a storm. It always makes me think of my family and how they died, and now it makes me think of..."

Janice hugged her tightly as her voice trailed off. "It's alright. I'll always do whatever I can to make you stop thinking about him and what happened at the cabin."

"Thank you," Beth said again, her voice barely above a whisper.

The storm raged on outside, showing no signs of stopping anytime soon. Beth still seemed unsettled, as Janice lay there holding her, and she wondered how long the bad weather was going to last. Her heart was beating too quickly and she tried to calm down, still very unsettled herself by what had just happened between them. She tried to shake the uneasy feeling that had enveloped her, but it refused to dissipate.

Janice clutched the smaller woman to her, and couldn't help wondering if anything else was going to happen that night.

xxx

*Song lyrics are from Jann Arden's "I Would Die for You"