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Thank you for the reviews! This chapter is a direct continuation of the last one which is why it's been posted today rather than next week. It's the meeting at the cliff :) Hope you like x
I shook my head as I looked a few feet in front of me, seeing the garden of violet flowers with all of their heads pointing downwards. Knautia arvensis. I sighed softly, leaning down to pluck one from its place. I smiled at their beauty, their posture, their grace, the moonlight reflecting on their lovely starburst petals.
"Beautiful night." I heard the voice call out, my eyes darting up as I watched the pale figure emerge from the darkness of the forest. Edward's bright eyes were glorious, his smile calm and soothing. I relaxed my body as I could hear his steps becoming closer, my head nodding as I looked back down at the flowers.
"Mhm," I murmured as I sat down on the ground, looking at the Arvensis once again.
"They are gorgeous," he said, kneeling down in front of me. I tucked my hand under my chin as I looked up to him, my eyes studying his every move as he came closer, placing his fingers against the petal, his skin sparkling under the moonlight. I looked down at my skin, noticing that mine was doing the exact same thing. It was different, I could feel the sparkles twinkling against my arm. I sighed softly, nodding my head as I looked back up to him with a smile.
"They always remind me of my parents. It's nice in a way. Stops me from feeling lost."
"I always think of the meadow, the days spent there."
"Yes, I think of those days too. It's a very special place,"
"Carmen mentioned something...that you leave for Forks every year, a tradition of some kind." Edward's eyes caught mine, puzzled and curious.
"It's to mark the anniversary of my parents deaths. I plant a single seed of these little flowers next to that oak tree every year. It helps a little."
"The cross, on the oak tree...All this time I never knew."
"Another mystery uncovered." I smiled and sealed my lips from revealing anymore about the meadow. Edward didn't need to know what my first few months as a vampire had been like there, how I had jumped there in anger and grief and torn the place to ruin all those years ago.
"What are you thinking about?" I finally asked him. How many times had he asked me that question? Now it was my turn.
Edward sighed softly, his lips forming into what looked like a frown. How upsetting could his life have been that he had to frown about it? I gently nudged his perfectly shaped elbow as I watched him sit in a trance-like state.
"I don't know…" He breathed between every word, his eyes staying away from mine as he watched the water trickle down the rocks, "I've just been very… Distracted lately." He finally looked down at me, his lips forming into a crooked smile. It made my ice-cold heart melt, and I could have sworn I heard a beat, even though I knew it was impossible.
"By me?" I asked with surprise.
He nodded shamefully as he shook his head.
"It's true," he admitted as he watched me, his hand pressing against my cheek. "I've been too distracted," he gushed.
"I'm sorry." I choked, looking down as I shook my head, "I didn't know it was bothering you so much."
"No, no. What I mean is… I've been so oblivious to the world. I'm now finally seeing what's in front of me." He divulged as his eyes gazed at me with passion. I felt my mind go numb.
"Edward…" I sighed, looking away as I brushed his hand from my cheek, "You shouldn't be saying this…"
"Why not?" He almost cried as he placed his hand right back on my cheek, "Sarelle I've never fallen out of love with you…"
"Edward-"
"Listen to me." He demanded as his free hand pressed against my waist, "I still love Bella. I would never turn away from her, but it's you." He sighed softly, "The one that I just can't seem to get my mind off of."
I shook my head, my mind filling with guilt. What if Bella heard him saying these words? Well she would be totally heartbroken. I know the feeling though, I know that heart wrenching feeling you get after you have been completely broken down, to the point where there is nothing left. Until it's just you and the darkness, and you know you will never fully heal from the wound.
"Edward, stop." I sucked in a deep breath, my hands pulling away from him
"What's wrong?" He asked, holding his hands out for me to grab. I shook my head as I turned away, letting out a soft sigh.
"You shouldn't be saying these words to me, alright? You're a married man. You have a child for god's sake!" I sighed, shaking my head as I held out my own arms.
"Sarelle…" He said, his voice filled with infatuation and sincerity. He cupped my cheeks together, his eyes gazing into mine as he breathed against the skin of my lips, "Is it so wrong to love someone else?" He asked, his voice filled with wonder.
"When you're married… Yes." I told him truthfully.
"Then so help me God, for I have sinned." He admitted, his eyes blazing with a fiery passion that only I could see. That was only for me to see.
"You've said those words to me once before," I murmured as I stared down at the purple flowers. The feelings those words had once ignited in me was a distance memory, and now they crawled up my spine like a vine growing on an old brick wall. Seeping through, reaching for every nook and crevice, invading where they shouldn't be.
"Then forgive me for I have sinned," he whispered the words into my ear. I hated the desiring shiver that ran down my spine as his scent clouded my mind, and the cool feel of him ignited the fire that had burnt in me when we were together.
I didn't want to want him. It would do me no good to feel this way when there was no way for me to ever have him, but I would be damned if I didn't adore his passion.
I felt his lips brush against my forehead, and then the tip of my nose, making their way towards my aching lips that begged for his divine touch. As soon as I felt his hands lightly tilt my face towards his I felt a new wave of panic sear through me.
I couldn't do this.
I couldn't kiss a married man, especially when he was married to Bella. It didn't matter that he was Edward, and we had history between us. He wasn't my Edward anymore, he was Bella's.
I lurched away from his seductive grasp and waited for the butterflies in my stomach to still and my racing blood to slow down, before standing static still in his arms.
I couldn't kiss him, but I didn't want to leave his embrace. It was where I felt safe and at home.
Edward sighed and rested his head on the top of mine as I leant against his chest.
We stood in comfortable silence until the all too familiar tingle sparked in my fingertips. My whole body tensed at the sensation, and I felt Edward stiffen next to me.
"How thoughtless of me to repeat old lines in a situation so very different." His fingers tipped my head up to his gaze, a small smile playing on his lips as he watched my eyes intently.
I frowned at the words he'd spoken. "Different? Nothing has changed Edward." His smile dropped. "Bella has given you everything, she's your family. I can give you nothing, just as before." I turned away and looked out to the cliff. The wind blew in and caused my hair to brush against my face so I caught a strand and played with the end as I tried to muddle through what he was saying. Why he was saying it. Why now.
"I don't see it that way."
He was next to me in a second and his hand reached out to brush away the hair that covered my face from his view.
"This time I wouldn't have to watch you disappear before my eyes." He stroked my face as he continued. "I could keep you safe."
"I'm not fragile anymore, Edward," I said bitterly as I turned my face away from him and back to the dark view of the civilisation below.
"I know, I can feel it." He chuckled and I cast a glance at him, watching as he stuck his hands into his pockets and joined me in looking out over the cliff. "You're strong, more powerful than you probably believe yourself to be." I pressed my lips together as I thought of the gift I was said to possess. I didn't think myself powerful, and I had certainly never felt that way when I was human. I had always thought myself so weak.
Edward's hand reached out and brushed my forearm as it sat crossed against my chest, moving towards my hand and urging me to unwrap my arms and let him hold the hand he used to. Hold me like he used to. "But your power doesn't draw me. It's you, you will always be precious to me."
I felt my arm relax and my hand fell into his as I turned towards him. At the sight of his eyes watching me, the darkness creating a seductive hue to the usual gold, and the moonlight making his skin twinkle delicately, I almost felt myself waver from my stronghold.
I took a deep breath, covering our joined hands with my other. "And to me you will always be the man who showed me I could love and be loved," I brushed his skin once, enjoying the texture of it under my touch, before pulling my hand free. "But you will also be the man who is always out of reach. Not meant for me."
He frowned at my words or perhaps it was at the way I stepped away, removing myself from temptation.
"I may not be jumping as much anymore, but there are other barriers between us, Edward, and they are not barriers I will breach. You have a wife, a family, a daughter."
I touched my hand to my chest as I thought of what all those things meant, how much they would mean to me if I was the one with a husband and living child. If that was actually possible for me. "They are things I once dreamed of. I will not be the one to turn all that to ash." I finished quietly, trying to avoid the way his eyes made a thickness rise in my throat.
I moved myself away intent on leaving him there. Intent on ending this bizarre experience now before it started to make sense in my mind, before it seemed like it was something tangible.
"Stop turning away from me," he pleaded as his hand grasped for mine, stroking across my knuckles once he knew my movements had halted.
It was easier feeling his hand in mine when I didn't see him in front of me. It was almost like I could drift back to the days when I was a newborn and I could get so lost in my imagination that I could feel his touches on my skin. It was easier to treat this as a slip into a strange subconscious rather than treat it as anything real.
I let my thumb slip over his skin feeling the crevices of each of his fingers. Thumb, with the soft pad which had brushed my cheek a thousand times. The forefinger which had tilted my head so gently either to turn my gaze to his or reveal an inch of skin he hadn't kissed. His middle finger which had drawn circles on my back while I drifted off to sleep. And the finger of most significance, the third finger which held the little gold band that was a barrier that no offense could ever breach. Except as my touch rested there I found no barrier, no ring, no vow of fidelity.
"Where is your ring?" I gasped as I spun to see its absence with my own eyes.
Edward looked down at his finger, bringing his hand back as he raised an eyebrow, "Oh." He said. Oh? That's all he could say, was just Oh? For someone who has been married for the past forty three years, and has no ring on his finger his reaction is Oh?, "I guess I forgot to put it on…" What if Bella heard these words? Surely she would rip him to shreds; no married man should just forget to put on his ring.
"You forgot?" I let out a dark chuckle as I shook my head, "That's probably something you shouldn't forget."
"Well, we don't wear our rings to school, because we are not really married," he said in a-matter-of-fact way. I looked at him in complete and utter awe, my eyes trying to find a deeper meaning.
"What do you mean?" I asked, trying to regain my composer, "you had a Wedding, I know you did, I was there, remember."
"We are married, just not legally," he said, trying to explain himself though I still couldn't make out where he was trying to get at, "I mean it's very difficult to explain. None of us are married. Legally, I mean. Because being married, is just like being born. They keep tabs on you with your birth certificate, or your marriage certificate, but with it being your birth certificate, you can change your name. As my last name used to be Masen, and now is Cullen. Edward Masen is dead." As he said the words, I gulped, "With a Marriage License, you can't just change your name. And with us trying to hide out, we must be very secretive of our actions. And if someone who was suspicious of us, saw that we had Wedding rings on, they can search us up easy with the technology they have now and days. Outside of school we wear our wedding bands, Carlisle and Esme wear them twenty-four seven but that is because they look old enough to be married. The rest just pretend we are merely dating," he said as his lips part into a smile his golden eyes reflecting from the moonlight.
So he wasn't legally married... I stopped that chain of thought immediately. Those were dangerous thoughts, feverish with realisation. Although he wasn't legally married it didn't mean he wasn't married. It would still be considered as cheating.
"Why tell me that, Edward?" I asked sternly as I watched him. Did he think a marriage certificate was the only thing stopping me from surrendering to whatever it was growing inside me? That very thought made me flare with anger. Did he think so little of me as to think I would disregard the loving family he had back home?
"I just...I didn't mean for it to sound that way." His hand went to his hair as he paced, releasing it with frustration. "Since seeing you for that first time. You've affected me more than you can know, Sarelle."
I sat myself on the cliff edge, my legs dangling over it, as I pressed my lips into a hard line because I knew exactly what he meant. Since finding him again I had felt more confusion than ever before. Even when I woke from the turn, I had found myself somewhere in the madness. Now, I found myself thinking and acting in a way that my previous self would never had.
Edward came and sat beside me, our bodies turned out over the view.
He became quiet and I dared a glance at his expression. I was mad, insulted that he would think so little of me. Then there was the disgruntled part of me that couldn't help but be exasperated at how sure of himself he was. He honestly believed that all it took was a look, a touch, a word from him and I would instantly be the love-sick teen he had once known. It was as if he thought that for all the years that had passed, I hadn't changed. I hadn't evolved or grown up. I had just been static, in love with him forever. Well he was wrong. He had to be because the feeling rumbling within didn't feel like love. It didn't feel like anything I understood, it was too twisted and tangled to make sense of. I cared for him, I knew that much. And there were times when I could feel this wanting, but I couldn't help but think that it was just a ghost of an emotion that once reigned.
As my thoughts rattled through me his gaze turned to mine, our eyes staring deep into each others as I continued to sit on the ledge. His body leaned closer, his hands reaching out. Normally I would have pulled away, but for some reason I couldn't no matter the anger that still fizzled. I could give him this because I couldn't give him anything more. I let him touch me, let him put his hand around my waist as my own hand rested against his neck, brushing through his hair as I tried to find the words to counteract the loving unsure look in his eye. He needed an answer. We needed an answer before this grey fog we found ourselves in guided us to dangerous places.
"I have missed you, Edward, and I can't lie and say that having you back in my life hasn't affected me too... but these distractions you speak of must stop. I will always love you, but only as a friend. That is all we can be." I urged him to understand but his gaze dropped from mine with a defeated gulp.
It was silent, the only things that was auditable was the wind brushing against our ears and the river flowing below us. We were silent, my fingers running over the defined lines over his face, which all included his jaw line, all the way to the lining of his cheek bones.
Eventually he nodded slightly as he pulled away, and I knew his own guilt was falling over him. I wondered if it was because he was ashamed to have confessed so much or whether he was thinking of Bella. He loved her. She was probably worried sick about him right now. Her mind wondering of what could have happened. But she probably knew in the back of her mind of where he was at. I knew that jealousy all too well.
"Is it so wrong for me to think the way I do?" He asked quietly, raising an eyebrow. I let out a deep breath, shrugging. I honestly couldn't tell him how I felt because I just didn't know.
"I can stand the way Aslo looks at you." His voice was hard, and I couldn't help but laugh as I shook my head.
"It's not funny!" He chuckled angrily, not wanting to get mad but was annoyed at my reaction, "Isn't this how you feel when I'm with Bella?"
I immediately dropped my eyes because here he was telling me what he felt within yet if I were to do the same I couldn't say what would come out. I didn't know how I felt when I saw him with Bella. I knew the two of them were right so I couldn't find it in me to feel cheated or denied something that was rightfully mine. However, that being said, there was something that sizzled in my veins and it wasn't a pleasant feeling. It brought memories of me and him, of the days we were happy, of the days when I wasn't and the reasons why. It made me think of the day I saw Bella at the hospital and the way her once pretty innocence then seemed sickly sweet to me. Did I resent her? If I did, was it because she had Edward, because she left Renee, or because she hadn't endured the things I had? That she was still perfect while I was damaged goods?
I bit my lip as the riddles raced through my mind. Meanwhile his golden eyes stared right into mine as if he was trying to figure out what I was thinking, even though he knew he would never again be able to hear me. His eyes became soft then as he looked upon my body as if I was just as helpless as I was when I was human. His fingers ran up my face, gripping my chin as he stared as if he had found what he was looking for.
I couldn't say what he had found in my silence because I didn't know what I was hiding myself. Yet as always with Edward I let the sensation of his touch and the heat of his eyes silence my mind. My body gently leaned up, our faces becoming closer as we stared. I didn't know what was happening, but there was a spark, a connection that flew between us as we stared deep into each other's eyes. It was as if we found what we have been looking for, whether it was friendship, comfort, or something more. I wasn't set to define it.
"I don't want to lose you again." He gulped, his fingers falling from my chin. I shook my head as I pressed my palms to his cheeks.
"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." I promised, leaning forward as slowly as possible before pressing an elegant kiss to his cheek, letting it linger there for as long as it could. It wasn't only me who was hurt from his absence. He missed me just as much as I had missed him. There was an open wound on his heart just like there was on mine. And no matter how much has gone on, no matter how much it should be wrong to feel it, we both needed each other. We needed the comfort we gave each other. We were meant to be together, as lovers reincarnated as friends.
Do you think Edward will settle for being friends? Do you think Sarelle will open up to him about what her life has been like? Did Sarelle act the way you thought she would in this meeting?
Thanks for reading. Previews available as always. x