The sun, Ileenium, rises and spreads it's light across the planet of D'Qar, blissfully unaware of the lives it's heat touches. The Resistance lives to see many more days come and go and that is a gift it's members cherish today of all days. Many gather in the clearing directly outside of the base and join hands. Five concentric circles of Resistance soldiers and recruits join together to mourn the genocide of the Hosnian system and the loss of their New Republic allies. One ring per obliterated planet. They chant a lovely tune; an ode to the fallen heroes. The young Resistance has never had to mourn such a substantial loss before. The entire day will be devoted to honoring the fallen and grieving the innocent.
Among the mourners is Rey. She barely slept through the night and was wide awake when the ceremony had first began and lulled her out of bed. She had found a place among the outer ring when Poe grabbed her hand and joined her in the chant. At first she was startled, but Poe's warm smile eased her nerves. All was forgiven.
The General spends her day in a mad flurry. Between monitoring her prisoner son and ordering a dangerous mission, Leia also scrambles to find the New Republic members who survived and rebuild the Galactic Senate. All this and mourning her late husband. Those who work around her actively monitor the General's health and well-being. She has been strictly forbidden by her Lieutenant General from engaging in the plan to erect a memorial for the Hosnian massacre. She has enough on her plate already and the Lieutenant General can handle the project. Her Major General has offered to do the burdening task of researching possible planets for relocation. Now that their headquarters has been discovered, D'Qar is no longer safe - with or without Starkiller Base.
And everything that has happened will be for naught if they don't get the coordinates to Luke Skywalker out of her son. That, above all else, is priority number one.
The chanting and singing from the ceremony stirs Kylo Ren awake. He slept poorly and his aches and pains feel five times worse this morning than they did the evening prior. Lethargy has sewn itself into every muscle within Ren's body and he lacks the motivation to move. Why bother?
The only problem with lethargy is the memories that compile for an all-out assault. On top of the non-stop echo of his father shouting his name during their final meeting, is the gentle push of Rey pulling away from him. It wasn't real, Ren knows this, but it was sure convincing. He could feel her arms wrap around his neck. He held her in his arms and gripped her to him. It felt so good. And then she pulled away. Kindly, but she pushed herself off of him all the same and it hurt worse than a bowcaster blast.
Now that she's aware of their bond, he can sense her more clearly. She remains fitful and plagued with confusion. As much as he wants to reach across and soothe her, he decides to let her be. The last thing she would want is to feel invaded by him and that's the last thing he wants to do. He wants her acceptance. He wants her willingly or not at all. A heavy, depleting sigh. Ren will have to move mountains to get there.
This thought, more than anything else, winds around his limbs like rope and binds him in place. It's the anvil on his back that weighs him down, sinking him deeper into the cot. The droid wobbles back in with a tray full of food and just as much woe as the day before, yet Ren doesn't move a muscle.
"General Organa." The higher ranking members of the Resistance reconvene within the audience chamber later in the evening. After the General's emergency meeting the day prior, the council has come to a decision. "We've heard your request and the council feels it's too far too risky. We simply cannot approve your mission."
"Admiral, with all due respect, I don't think you understand all that is at stake…"
"…With all due respect, General, I may be the only one who does!" The Admiral's shout quiets Leia who tries to remain composed. "I fear you don't have the Resistance's best interests at heart anymore, General, so let me speak plainly. I called this meeting not solely to deny your mission request, but call a vote."
Leia is stunned into silence. The Admiral addresses the room. "Members of the Resistance, I call into question General Organa's state of mind at this point in time. She's a fierce ally and has been the best asset within the Resistance since it's inception. No one questions this. It's a fact. But it is also a fact that her beloved ex-husband and former Rebel General Han Solo has been recently murdered and his killer sits within our walls. That killer is none other than the notorious Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren and the First Order's most successful force-wielding assassin, who also happens to be her son. There is no doubt that the capture of Kylo Ren is a admirable feat but since his arrival, the General's judgement must be called into question. I hereby propose a temporary leave of absence until the problem of Kylo Ren has been solved. The Lieutenant General will usurp her responsibilities for the time being."
Time stops for a brief moment. All of her life's work flashes before her very eyes. All of her accomplishments flash in and out like holograms. Lastly, flashes of her son. He's in great danger. The Admiral's long and scaly Selkath face slowly turns to face her.
Time resumes. "All in favor, say 'Aye."
Ren tracks the time from the color of the sky outside his window. From the rosy pinks of sunrise to the blushing red of sunset which bleeds into a bruising purple of night, he awaits Rey's return.
She never comes. The day dwindles in despair until dusk.
Falling back into deep sleep, Ren desperately searches for the island. It's planet lies amongst the stars deep within his mind. It's in a corner, far, far away from the poisonous green star held captive within the pocket of space that Kylo Ren has shielded himself from.
Ren wouldn't dare be anywhere else other than this spit of rock. He closes his eyes and allows the heavy wind to brush through his wavy locks and breeze across his pale skin. Surely she'll call for him once again and Ren will be at the ready when she does…
…He hopes.
Ren opens his eyes immediately when he feels her presence. She's here. The wind picks up and he realizes that the sky has subtly turned from a vibrant blue to a dull blue-gray. Searching for her, he finds Rey sitting on the beach, mesmerized by rolling waves. She turns around when he steps onto the smooth sand. He can't read her face. Is she happy to see him? Angry? Sad? Their bond pulls at him to find out but that would breach a boundary he's not ready to cross. Not yet. Not until she's ready to give him permission.
"I knew you'd come," she says and turns back around.
Ren's blood starts pumping anxiously. Is he supposed to sit down next to her? What does that imean/i? He feels like he's walking on eggshells as he maneuvers himself to sit beside her.
"I missed you today," he blurts out. He wasn't going to say it but he feels it deep in his core and it wouldn't be suppressed. It had to be expressed. Sucking in a desperately needed breath of fresh air, he prays it won't turn her off. What a goddamn fool he is.
She says nothing. She only stares out into vast ocean, watching the wind ripple the tranquil surface as droplets of rain begin to splash into the ocean's surface. How he wishes she would say something. Anything.
"Do you remember when we were running through the forest?" She finally says, eyes still focused on the endless horizon. "Remember the beam of light as it streaked through the sky and then destroyed the Hosnian System?"
His nerves steady slightly. The drizzle increases to a slow shower. "Of course, I do." He remembers the wrong parts first. The amazing feeling of her hand sliding into his, fitting together just right. The strength in her eyes as they penetrated his gaze. The way she forced him to tell her he came back for her. How much he wanted to kiss her, even then.
Clouds roll in and coat the sky a dreary grey color. "I felt them," she continues, swallowing a lump of sorrow down her throat. "I felt them all die."
A low rumble of thunder echoes in the distance as something within Ren snaps. A heartstring, perhaps. His hand slides atop the sand until it reaches hers, lying peacefully beside her. His fingers lace themselves through hers and cling. Through their touch, he gives her all the soothing compassion he can muster. "I felt it too. No one should ever feel that. Especially not someone as good as you. You shouldn't have to carry that kind of burden."
The rain shower picks up speed and soon they sit on the beach in damp clothes. Her neck snaps in his direction and a rush shoots through him. A lone tear streaks down Rey's face. Ren can't have that. Reaching towards her, he brushes it away from her delicate cheek and she leans into his touch. More tears replace the one he wiped away.
"I hate you for being Kylo Ren," she finally admits, her voice crumbling alongside the feeble wall she built around her. "I hate you for it."
It's as if she lifted her hand and through the Force, grabbed ahold of his heart and crushed it. Slowly. The phantom pain is shockingly unbearable and he has to squeeze his eyes shut in order to tolerate it. "I hate me for it too."
Her chin quivers in his hand. Oh God. It did. It quivered. In his hand. It takes all the strength Ren possesses not to lean over and kiss her until she's happy once again. It would be so easy. Instinctual. She would never forgive him if he did.
"I miss you," She cries as she nuzzles deeper into his hand. "I miss Ben. I miss my friend."
"Ben's dead," he says coldly, stiffening his hand and pulling it away. The sky around them darkens as the storm clouds roll in. "He's been dead for years. Ben doesn't exist anymore. Kylo Ren made sure of that."
"No," she seethed through her teeth. "I don't believe that."
"It's the truth, whether you believe it or not, Rey!"
"No!" She shouts, squeezing his hand tight within her grasp and rolling over to face him directly. "I know he's in there! I know it for a fact!"
A wild look crosses Kylo's face. "You're wrong," he chokes out as the rain pours down effectively drenching them.
"I've felt him!" She exclaims, raising their conjoined hands until they press firmly against his chest. "He lives in here. And he's kind. And he's caring. And he looks at me like he's been stranded in the desert his whole life and he finally found an oasis."
The Force swirls around them fast and furious like some sort of cosmic whirlpool. Ren struggles to resist her, but fails when their gazes glue onto each other. Something within him shatters. The truth reflects clear as day within Rey's forest-colored eyes.
Ben Solo is alive.
Terrified of what that means, he gasps in horror and falls back unwilling to accept the truth. Space. He needs space to breathe. Rising to his feet, he starts pacing the beach, frantically stripping the constricting and soaked leather jacket off and with all his might, he slaps it vengefully to the ground with a starling shout. Rey watches his every move like a hawk but he can't be bothered by that right now. The vast oceans span out in all directions with no end in sight and it begins to thrash around turbulently, disturbed by the storm. It's disturbingly isolating. Ren feels trapped like a rat in a cage.
He wills his heart to still but it won't. Not until he feels the soothing touch of Rey's hand rubbing his back. "Just breathe," she instructs. Her voice is low and delicate and it strikes a chord within his heart with every word she speaks but none more so than this. Just breathe.
He closes his eyes and listens to the waves crash onto the shore. At least, he tries to. She stands behind him, massaging his back with her lovely fingers, and all he can hear is the most comforting sound of her breathing. The storm clouds begin to dissipate and the ocean surface starts to calm while Ren tries to match his breathing with hers.
"Why are you so afraid of him?"
Ren twists his neck around and looks at her freckled face from over his shoulder. He regards her with kind eyes but a hard voice. "You don't know him like I do."
She swallows. "You're probably right," she begins, her gaze drifting over to the calming shoreline. "But I know you don't see him like I do."
Something in her words sends shivers down his spine. Ren can't tell if they're from fright or delight.
"Rey," He sighs, depleted of fight. "If you could have anything in the whole galaxy, anything you desire, what would it be?"
Her hand goes still. "My family," she says meekly. Ren allows her a moment to continue but he already knows the answers to the questions she's waiting for him to ask. No, they aren't waiting for her back on Jakku. She believes they're coming back for her one day but they both know the truth. Rey has been orphaned.
She doesn't elaborate. The silence between them is understood and comforting. A beat later she slides her hand down to his waist, mere fingertips left connecting them. "If you could have anything in the universe, what would it be?"
He stares off into the distance as if searching the bleak grey sky for the answers to all his problems. "Freedom."
Rey stares at him with bewilderment. She didn't know what exactly she was expecting him to answer, but it certainly wasn't that.
"Don't you already have that?"
His eyebrows scrunch together. "Rey, I'm currently being held prisoner in an underground cell."
"Before that," she clarifies.
He twists around to face her, his gaze falling solemnly upon her. Deep. Inviting her to share his woes. "Before that I was basically a mad dog on a wide leash for the First Order. Before that…" he swallows hard, "…I was a slave to the Jedi Order. Before that I was a boy with frightened parents. So no, Rey, I've never been free. Not until I met you."
Rey recognizes a piece of herself within him. All those years she's lived on Jakku… was she truly living or was she stuck in a sick and twisted form of self-made prison? Has Rey ever known true freedom?
Not until she met him.
"Is that why you were on Jakku?" She whispers.
He nods his head. "Something like that."
Unable to escape the magnitude of his soul-bearing eyes, she asks, "You're going to try to kill Luke Skywalker. That's why you wanted the map for yourself."
A more frantic shake of his head this time. "No! I never planned to kill him!"
Her stare penetrates him deep and it's unnerving. "But that's what you're hoping to do."
"No! Rey! You're putting words in my mouth."
"What were your plans after you found Luke?"
His gaze withers in shame. "Make him pay," he barely says.
Rey's face hardens and her nostrils flare. "For what exactly?"
Despite towering over her by several inches, he hangs his head and feels no bigger than an ant. Her hands hang at her side and Ren takes hold of them both. "I can't explain it but I can show you."
She lifts her eyes to his and when she sees the pain resonating within them, she allows him to lead her further down the beach until they're no longer on the beach at all. Instead, they're onboard the Falcon with their steps slapping the grates underfoot. Rey would think this was all real but for the hazy focus.
Ren pulls her forward until they reach the main hold and it looks like a disaster zone. Chewbacca is bent forward trying to repair the holochess board, completely ignorant of their presence. Rey would find it unsettling if she didn't know better.
"What happened here?" She whispers needlessly but Ren doesn't answer. He can't. The moment they left the beach his lips sealed shut. He only responds with eyes glistening with sorrow.
Ren starts walking toward the barracks, pulling her behind him, and as they move forward, Rey hears the shouting. It's a woman and a man. The closer they get the clearer it becomes. Han and Leia are fighting. Loudly. Carelessly. Rey can feel the tension seizing every muscle within Ren's body and she regards him with a newfound clarity.
"How was I supposed to know he'd destroy the console!" Han. He's trying to withdraw from the fight.
"I told you a thousand times he's too young to practice with a lightsaber!" Leia. She's on a rampage. "Why do I have to tell you everything a hundred times? Is your head truly that thick?"
"Watch it, sweetheart, or you'll get the true meaning of a thick head!"
"Was that a threat?"
"It sure wasn't sweet talk!"
"Oh, that's rich coming from you! You can't even keep an eye on your own son!"
Rey's heard enough, but Ren continues down the hall, pausing briefly in doorway of the circuitry bay where Han and Leia look like they're about to tear each other apart. Rey is captivated by their youth. This was about 20 years ago. They're both so young and temperamental. She looks up at Ren who looks even more pale than usual. He watches them like a puppy who chewed up a shoe and guiltily waits for reprieve. She's never seen this side of Ren before. In an instant he went from larger-than-life galactic monster to a young boy desperate for his parents approval. Her heart swells a few sizes too big for her chest.
After a moment, he pulls her forward until they finally encounter a young boy hiding in the barracks. She knows without being told. That's Ben. Little Ben. He can't be older than four or five years old. So young. He's racing around the room pulling clothes and knick knacks and stuffing them into a duffel bag. He squirms over to the edge of his bed and sinks down to his knees at the edge. With both hands he struggles but manages to pull the edge of the mattress up above his head and reach in to grab an object out. Dropping the mattress, he lifts himself back to his feet and Rey sees it. The lightsaber. iHer/i lightsaber. When his parent's yell an entire octave louder, it makes little Ben jump out of his skin and twist around in fright.
"Where are you running away to?" She asks somberly.
Ren struggles to say anything, but manages to form words and get them out of his mouth. "Nowhere. Anywhere." He swallows hard. "They're about to send me to Uncle Luke."
She looks up at him with sympathetic eyes. "Why?"
"Wait." He says.
A moment later, she hears it. "This came from your family!" Han shouts loud and clear. Little Ben shakes as if he'd been hit by a blaster. Ren twitches at the slight.
"You think I did this? You think it's my fault?"
"Even from the grave, your father lives to corrupt us!"
Rey perks up. Leia's father? She turns to Ren. "Your grandfather? The politician from Alderaan?"
Ren shakes his head slowly.
Leia growls. "Are you comparing my son - our son - to a Sith Lord?!"
Rey's eyes grow wide. "What is she talking about?" Ren doesn't answer.
"He's got too much Vader in him, Leia. We can't control him."
Rey gasps. His grandfather is Darth Vader.
"I can't believe you!" Leia shrieks. "He's just a boy!"
"Leia," Han says in a considerably softer voice. "This is beyond us now. Today it's the holochess console. Tomorrow it's the hyperdrive and we can't outrun Snoke and his thugs. What about the day after that, Leia? The day after, he sneaks his way down to the gunner pits and blows up a building in Corusant. Ben is growing stronger and stronger every day and there's only one person who can handle all of Ben's power and it's not either of us."
Leia pauses, letting it sink in. "Luke."
"Yeah."
"His school isn't ready yet," she interjects. "He told you that. He promised he'd train Ben in time but he's not ready yet."
Han sighs. "Luke will have to be ready. We can't wait any longer. Ben's dangerous. Luke is our only hope."
A tear makes a quick getaway and plunges down Rey's cheek. Echoes of her former self ring throughout her mind. No! Come back! She remembers the sting of being abandoned. She realizes now that Ben's been abandoned too. She gives Ren's hand a heartfelt squeeze.
Ren guides her out of the barracks and they're no longer onboard the Millennium Falcon. Instead they're tramping alongside a murky green swamp. Everywhere Rey looks it's green. Moss is everywhere from the bark of the tree trunks to blanketing the swamp water beside them. Even the rocks have been colonized a variety of colorful green lichen. The air is thick with humidity and tension. Rey has a strange feeling about this place. Something like déjà vu, but it can't be that. Rey would have had to have been here before in order for that to happen and Rey has only ever known Jakku.
Ren drags her forward for quite a spell before they embark upon a tan hut that hasn't been claimed by moss or lichen. It's far too small for the likes of them - especially Ren who towers over Rey - and Ren stops just before entering the space.
With nothing else to focus on, Rey examines her surroundings. Rey can feel just how alive this bog is. Living creatures from plants to exotic animals are everywhere and Rey can feel them all. The Force is strong here. Her eyes widen. She knows where they are. Dagobah. How does she know?!
She doesn't have time to ask too many questions because a man emerges from the thick forest like a ghost. There's a familiarity to him that Rey can't quite place but somehow she knows who the man is. Luke Skywalker. She attributes her acquired knowledge to the Force. It swirls around him almost as if it were Luke's own personal atmosphere. Rey stares at him in awe. How could Ben hate him? He's a miracle.
"Come along, Ben," Luke calmly calls out. Everything about Luke is calm. His posture is tall and strong but relaxed. He walks almost leisurely, but with confidence and full of grace. He regards everything around him and it regards him back in kind. This is what it must mean to be "at one" with the Force. He's a marvel.
Rey hears little Ben before seeing him. He's crashing through the forest carelessly and his footsteps crunch every branch and twig underfoot. Little Ben emerges abruptly and thunderously. Rey feels the difference between the two of them immediately. Luke's magnanimous nature controls the force but Little Ben has so much strength and power but it swirls about him frenetically like a hurricane. Han and Leia were right to be scared of their son. No five-year-old should have so much power at his fingertips.
She watches Ren curiously. He appears almost stone-faced now, but Rey knows him too well. She can feel the tension laced throughout every nerve. Ren is trying to keep it under control for her. Suddenly, she's grateful they're holding hands. It might be the only thing calming the storm that's building within him.
Luke twists around to the boy. "You walk gracelessly like a Rancor. A Jedi is always poised and alert."
"I'm trying Uncle. Really, I am."
"Not hard enough, my young Padawan."
Luke twists around and together they walk into the hut.
"I had just arrived a few days prior." Ren says, never taking his eyes off the hut. "Already my Jedi uncle has strict expectations of me that I had no concept of understanding. I was only five. I just wanted to play around and make friends. No one asked if I wanted to become a Jedi."
Rey rubs her thumb across the smooth skin of his hand. "Did you?"
He doesn't answer for a spell. "Once. I thought it was what I had to do. I didn't know there was a choice."
She regards him sympathetically. "You never did have your freedom, did you?"
He shakes his head once. "No."
They remain on Dagobah, but the time jumps forward. Ben is older by a year or two and he's chasing after a friend. They wear tan uniforms that closely resemble Rey's standard outfit on Jakku. Ben's curls are longer and they start falling into his eyes but for one long braid that hangs low and curls around his neck. Ben and the boy are running towards the bog and stopping at the water's edge.
"I bet you can't pull that rock over here," the boy challenges.
Ben laughs. "That's easy."
"Do it, then!"
Young Ben closes his eyes and centers himself easily. Rey can feel the ease at which he calms himself and makes a mental note to try it in the future. Suddenly, Ben extends his right arm and stretches his fingers out towards the water. Rey watches as the large lichen-covered boulder stirs from it's rest on the other side of the bog. It takes quite a moment before the rock lifts into the air. The other boy starts gasping and hollering and it throws Ben off his concentration just a bit. When he recovers though, three other rocks follow the large boulder across the murky bog and eventually lay to rest at Ben's feet.
"How can you do that?" The other boy excitedly asks. "No seven-year old can do that!"
"It's easy," Ben brags. "My uncle says the Force is strong with me. I'm top of the class."
They turn around, only to face Luke himself. The boys practically jump out of their skin. Luke's arms are crossed and his metallic fingers tap his arm impatiently. "A Jedi only uses the Force for defense and the attainment of knowledge. You boys are using it for play."
"We didn't break any rules," Ben says defensively. "We were just testing our skills."
"You are an ignorant boy, nephew. You would do well to cleanse your mind of your willfulness and give yourself to the light."
With that, Luke twirls around and vanishes through the brush. The boy and little Ben are still as statues until he disappears. The boy extends his arm and gives Ben a seemingly playful push through the Force, but Ben winds up on the ground. "Uncle Luke thinks you're top of the class, huh?" With a chuckle, the boy runs off to the hut, leaving young Ben on the ground and trying to hide the tears that flow down his cheeks.
"I didn't have many friends. He was the only kid who would play with me," Ren says. Ren's sadness seeps through their connection and it's all too much for Rey to process. Luke tried not to play favorites, particularly with his nephew, but by keeping Ben at arms length, he only pushed him towards the dark side. "The others were jealous of how well I was progressing. Jealous of my power. He was the only one who didn't seem to mind hanging out with me, but he made me feel terrible for being so advanced."
Rey waits for the scene to change, but it doesn't. It stays on Ben, crying beside the murky bog.
"I only had one other friend," Ren says. "He was a voice in my head. I thought he was an imaginary friend for the longest time, but eventually he showed himself to me. Like now."
An electric crackle sparks beside young Ben who furiously wipes his eyes. The spark grows until a blue-hued figure stands beside the boy in a hologram. A grotesque creature several feet too tall looks down upon the boy and it makes Rey shriek and grab hold of Ren's arm.
"Don't be frightened," Ren whispers. "It's just a memory."
"What is that thing?" She trembles into his arm.
"That's Senator Snoke. At the time, he sat on the New Republic Senate and represented the Horuset system while Leia was also a sitting Senator. I didn't know any of that though. I was just a young boy and I thought he was a figment of my imagination."
Astonishment sweeps through Rey. "How long had you been talking to him?"
Ren grows quiet. "Since I could speak."
"And you never told anyone?"
Ren peers over his shoulder. "I didn't have a normal childhood, Rey. I didn't know this was strange."
Rey squeezes herself closer to Ren. "I didn't have a normal childhood, either. This is definitely strange."
"It gets worse," Ren says.
The hologram of Senator Snoke stands at only a third of his truly monstrous size, yet still he still towers over the boy quite unnaturally. "Get up," his low booming voice commands. Ben responds immediately. "A boy with your talents has no need for tears."
"I'm sorry, sir. That jerk made me feel like a freak."
"Nonsense," the creature says. "Don't let anyone ever make you feel that way ever again. You have more power in your pinky than anyone else on this God-forsaken planet. Don't you ever forget that."
Little Ben smiles to himself. "I won't."
"Good."
Rey watches with scrutiny as the frightening Senator coaches the boy. It all seems innocent, but Rey can feel the tension in the air. Snoke, even as a hologram, spreads a sinister intention and Rey can feel it clearly. "I don't trust him," she whispers.
"You shouldn't," Ren answers. "He's manipulated and dictated my entire life."
The green star that floats behind the barrier in the galaxy of Ren's mind pulsates with fury. Though Ren is able to keep Snoke's influence behind his mental barrier, the fact that it happened disturbs Ren. He looks over at Rey who hasn't even realized that anything occurred and realizes a hard truth. Ren will never truly be free until Snoke is dead.
She looks up at him. "When did you realize that Snoke was using you?" Their eyes connect and Rey sees the pain of the truth shimmer in his eyes. He didn't. Not until recently. She hugs his arm closer.
"You could be so much more," the Senator purrs. "You have greatness within you, Ben Solo. Did you know that?"
"Uncle Luke… I mean, Master Luke tells me that the Force is strong within me and that I'm learning so much faster than anyone else. But he looks at me like he's scared of me."
"He should be scared of you, Ben Solo. You have the blood of your grandfather flowing through you. The blood of Darth Vader."
Young Ben's eyes widen. "The Sith Lord?"
Snoke's shark-like eyes glimmer and his small, tight mouth stretches. "So Skywalker has told you about him."
"Master Luke tells me that he was the most feared person in the galaxy because he turned to the Dark side."
The Senator looks amused. "To small-minded people, Darth Vader was fearsome, but they refuse see the truth. Darth Vader was the strongest, most gifted Force user the world had ever seen. You have that potential within you, young Ben. I will see to it that you live up to your potential. Allow me to guide you, Ben, and you will have all that you desire."
Rey gasps. "No."
The guilt weighs on Ren heavily and Rey senses it completely. "That was the moment I turned to the dark side. I was seven, Rey."
Rey detaches from his arm, only to wrap herself around his body. Ren feels the weight of her sympathy and it feels just as amazing as it feels awful. He doesn't want her like this, but it'll do for the time being. "I resent Luke for constantly pushing me towards a standard so unattainable without telling me how. I resent him because for ten years I followed him and he kept me at arms length. I resent him because he failed to see that I was turning to the dark side."
"You have every right to be angry," Rey says, "but Luke was trying to guide you to the light."
"He failed."
The words hang in the air as the memory shifts once again. Little Ben isn't so little anymore. He's much older at fifteen. He still wears the padawan robes and hair style though his hair has been slicked back. He's all around different. His walk is more confident and purposeful. His face has lost it's youthful innocence and now it's hard as stone. As wholesome as he seems, he looks awfully terrifying.
"What happened to you?" Rey asks, loosening her grip on Ren to watch the scene.
"Snoke happened to me," Ren answers.
"Oh Ben," She sighs.
The teenage padawan sneaks off into the dark night until he reaches a gully where eight other Jedi padawan wait patiently for him to arrive. "Everyone ready?" Ben asks, his voice hard and wooden.
"I thought you didn't have friends," Rey says.
"I didn't," Ren whispers. "Over time I won their respect as a leader."
Rey nods once and watches in horror as the lightsabers ignite and the gleam in each one of their eyes grow dark. "You turned them," she infers.
"Through Snoke's guidance, yes. I did."
The pack of rogue padawan storm onto the Jedi compound and divide, each one taking a hut for themselves. Ren and Rey stay behind and listen to the screams of Jedi being slaughtered in their sleep.
"Stop," Rey cries out, burying her face into Ren's chest. "Ren, please. Stop this."
"I can't," He chokes out. "This is a memory. It happened."
"But we don't have to relive it. I've seen enough. Take me back to the island."
Rey closes her eyes and doesn't open them until she hears the musical sound of waves crashing onto the beach. A heavy weight lifts off of her chest instantly when she sees the crystalline ocean. Their island is once again a paradise with a pleasant blue sky, white puffy clouds, and a placated sapphire ocean rolling peacefully onto the remote shoreline before retreating. The wind has died down to a comforting breeze which swirls around them sweetly. All is well here once again.
Ren wills for time to slow down or stop all together because he knows Rey is going to pull away from him and he will feel entirely empty when she does. This has been the most draining sleep he's ever had. He will surely wake up with absolutely nothing left. But for right now, her arms are still wrapped around him and her body is pressed up against his as her head rests on his chest. This is everything he could have ever asked for and more so he'll take every second of it that he can get.
"Why did you do it?"
Five little words that mean very little when separated, but together they completely unravel Ren. He'd pull away from her and withdraw, but there must be something to be said for the fact that she's still here and she hasn't moved away from him. She's trying.
"Snoke," he says. "I know it sounds like an excuse. It probably is. After years and years of him whispering in my ear, he convinced me that I didn't need Luke anymore, that Luke's constant criticism and distance was actually abuse. Snoke convinced me of a lot of things that weren't true."
She lifts her soft face towards him. "Did Snoke convince you to kill Han?"
It's the first time anyone has said his name since the incident and he hadn't prepared himself for the onslaught of emotions that name bears. His lips are sealed shut but he wants to tell her everything. He wants to tell her about the green star and it's malevolent whispers and how it bathed him in the dark side and he wasn't thinking clearly. He wants to tell her what Snoke said and how he's been so angry at his father his entire life and Snoke seemed to be presenting an opportunity that Ren couldn't refuse. He wants to tell her about the nightmares and the echoing shout that rings in his ears and the regret. He wants so much to tell her about the regret. The constant sorrow that weighs him down like an anchor and the only thing that can alleviate him is her. He wants to tell her everything but he can't. The lump in his throat won't allow more than shaky breaths to flow through it. Tears burst from the dams he's placed in his eyes. They stream down his cheeks violently and carve pathways down his face until they fall down and dampen his tunic.
He doesn't need to tell her because Rey already knows it's true. Desperately, she wipes the tears away from his cheeks and frantically pulls his broken self towards her, cradling his face against her neck. "Shh, shh. You're ok. You're ok," is the mantra she coos into his ear as she combs her fingers lovingly through his thick tendrils of hair and rocking him comfortingly back and forth.
Ren can't take it any longer. Wrapping his arms around his salvation tightly until not an inch of space separates them, he lifts his head and kisses her. Deeply. Passionately. Pouring everything he's ever felt and everything he wants to feel into her. And she kisses him back
The Force that constantly swirls around them like a whirlpool magnifies in intensity and it's jolt ricochets throughout the island and ripples across the ocean surface sending tidal waves out into the depths. Where once the Force swirled in a tepid languid speed, it now races and crackles like electricity and it flows through them like a magnificent machine. They work fine when they are apart but they operate flawlessly when together.
Rey's neck snaps backward as Ren's great height encompasses her. Her fingers bury themselves within his hair it sends shockwaves rippling down Ren's spine. He presses his lips into her. Deeper. His hand rises to her neck, cradling her protectively as his other arm swaddles around her waist, raising her towards him. They could not possibly get closer, and yet Ren cannot get close enough.
The desperation eases and their passion calms, slowing down their kiss. When Rey's fingers slowly fall out of his hair and graze his cheek, they part for air. Never wanting to part from her, Ren rests his forehead against hers and stares lovingly into her green eyes. Their hue reminds him of the moss that covers the island. Her island.
"What do we do now?" Rey gasps between heavy breaths.
Together they hold each other, afraid of the world they'll wake up to in the morning.