Thank you all for the reviews and everything, I really appreciate it. :)
Here's another, hope you like.
Oh, and have a happy Easter tomorrow :D

I physically cannot open my eyes.

And I'm not sure I want to. I want to stay right here, in this dream-like moment.

"I should go." Spencer says quietly, and her words allow my eyes to snap open violently. She steps away from me and the wonderful warmth of her body so close to mine is gone and I am left feeling chilly.

I don't say anything. I want to stop her from getting her purse. From grabbing her jacket. Her eyes never landing on me. They never open except when she turns her back on me to leave. I try and force words out, any words. To make her stay. To get her lips back where they were only moments before.

It's a difficult feat.

I am still standing in my kitchen when I hear my apartment door close harshly. The sound reverberates in my head and I stand still. It takes all of one, small minute for me to tear my feet away from the spot I was standing in and race out the door. To follow Spencer. I won't let this happen. And it might be awkward. It might be weird. But I won't allow myself to drift, to forget. Again.

Spencer is about halfway down the block when I finally get outside and my heart is pounding hard against my ribcage.

"Spencer!" I yell loudly down the street to her moving figure. I jog my way to her. At the sound of her own name, Spencer stops speed-walking and stands still in the middle of the sidewalk. Her back is still faced to me and she is not turning around. I see her shoulders move up and down with each breath she is trying to let escape.

"Spencer." I say more softly this time to her back. And she turns around.

Her eyes lock onto mine, her blue eyes glittering with all these things I wish I could unravel. I know she's looking the same way at my brown ones.

"What just happened." She states in a calm, but delirious voice. Her hands are dug deep within her jean pockets.

"You kissed me."

"No." Spencer shakes her head. "You kissed me."

"Fine, we kissed." I rush out.

There's no time for semantics.

"Not fine Ashley. No, not fine. That- that shouldn't have happened. That was bad."

I stare at her, I don't want my eyes to narrow in anger but they do just that. "What? Bad? You were there, right?"

"No, I mean. Jesus, no, the kiss was not bad. It was- I mean, it shouldn't have happened, it was bad." Spencer tries to amend her words. I hear what she's trying to say. Her words are sincere. And it kills me.

I look to my side and then look back at her. I'm done with all the drifting. All the time lapses. I'm done with pretending that this isn't something. I can't play this little game in my head anymore.

"Why not? It happened. I wanted it to happen." I tell her honestly. "Christ, I don't regret it."

Tell me you don't regret it either.

"I have a girlfriend. I just cheated on my girlfriend." Spencer says evenly.

I ignore the words about her girlfriend. I ignore all thoughts of Carmen and excuse them from my head for the time being. "Do you regret it?"

Spencer shakes her head and looks down. "That was wrong. I, shit, I'm sorry Ashley. It wasn't right."

I take one small step towards her. "Spencer. Spencer look at me." She looks up hesitantly. "Look me in the eyes and tell me it wasn't right." I dare her.

She is quiet for a few seconds. "I have a girlfriend Ashley! One that I've been with for a long time." She bursts out. Her face a little contorted.

"Tell me you love her, that you're totally and completely in love with her. Tell me you felt nothing when you kissed me. Tell me Carmen is everything to you." I take a breath. "Tell me that, seriously tell me, and I'll believe you."

"That's not how it works Ashley!" Spencer says in a harsh, loud voice. But all I hear, or more importantly, don't hear, are the things I asked her to say.

"I know you feel this. Fuck, Spencer, you don't get it! She's never loved you like I have." I whisper the last part to her.

"No, I do get it! Dammit Ashley." She says, bringing her hands to her face. "This is bullshit. Do you know how long you've been pushing me away from you? Do you get how that hurt me? My best fucking friend, this is the first time, these past few weeks, that I've actually spent a significant amount of time with you in like a year and a half!"

"Spencer." I say defeated, because I don't know what else to say. I want so desperately for her to hear how I am saying her name and how much it means to me. How much it makes me feel.

"You don't get to just come back out of nowhere and pretend like we never- drifted. That's not how it works Ashley. You aren't allowed to tell me these things after almost two whole years of weirdness between us and expect me to just jump into your arms."

"Spencer." I say again. Because I know she's right. God, she's right.

"Why now?" She asks seriously.

"I don't know." I confess.

"Do you know why I liked Carmen so much?" She asks randomly, softer now.

There is no possible way to measure just how much I do not want to know the answer to that question. Spencer doesn't wait for me to reply.

"Because she told me how she felt. Jesus Christ, she didn't even know I was gay! And she told me she liked me. She just said it."

"Well I'm telling you now, doesn't that matter?" I say, my voice cracking, laced with despair.

"I waited years for you to say something. Fuck, I swear, even the night I told I was gay I swear you were going to say something. But you didn't. Not even years after."

"You didn't say anything either!" I accuse angrily.

"Because I thought you didn't feel it! I thought you would have said it." Spencer closes her eyes and opens them. I know she's not allowing the tears I see fill her eyes to spill onto the dirty sidewalk.

"Of course I felt it." I whisper.

"I can't do this. I'm sorry Ashley. It's too late."

And with that, Spencer walks away, taking her body and my hope with her. I watch her go, and decide that her words won't stop me from trying. It might be late, but it can't be too late. It can't be. I know I waited too long. I just really hope that I still have time.

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"Shut up."

I sigh. "Stop telling me shut up, Madison."

"I just, I can't believe it. Are you sure you told me everything?"

"Yes, I'm sure, I told you everything like, four times." I tell her.

I watch Madison twirl the cap to her beer around in her hands a couple of time. She's sitting on the edge of my couch, listening to every word I tell her and hanging on to them like it's a life preserver. A floatation device.

She looks like she's thinking for a few more seconds, and the she shakes her head. "She'll come back. She'll come around."

"What?" I ask with a confused look on my face. "She made it pretty clear to me."

"She'll come back Ash. Look at you, have you seen you? Geez, I wouldn't kick you out of bed. She'll be back. Trust me." She tells me with confidence.

I shrug. "I don't know Mad." I say quietly, diverting my eyes to the now muted television. It's on a dead station, the screen stuck in a view of horizontal, fuzzy colors. Like when it's out of service. I take my eyes away from the colors and look to the side.

"Come on Ash." Spencer said, dragging me by the hand down the street.

"Spencer, I really don't wanna go." I whined, one step behind her.

"Please? It could be interesting. I'm newly gay, I need to go." Spencer chuckled, tightening her grip on my hand. I groaned and followed her inside.

Spencer had dragged me to a Gay Straight Alliance meeting. I hated these kind of meetings and events. I didn't like flaunting around my sexuality, or trading experiences. Honestly, I thought it was all bullshit. But Spencer was curious and she wanted to go. She wanted to be a part of something that was her. So she dragged me three towns over to this meeting. I only went because she begged me.

And by beg, I mean she asked me once. I would do anything in a heart beat for this girl.

The very first thing I noticed when I walked in was the rainbow flag over the doorway. I'm all about support and pride and shit, but that was really just too cheesy for my liking.

"Stop it." Spencer mumbled, most likely hearing me groan and knowing I rolled my eyes the second we walked in.

We sat through an hour and a half of people telling stories about when they came out. Stories about their religious parents. Stories about straight people defending kids bullied at school. It was all very after-school-program-y. But Spencer was totally enthralled and it was cute to watch her listen so intently, sitting on the edge of her seat.

"Hi." I heard a voice behind me say. Spencer and I were getting a drink and some cookies. I turned around to see a girl with dirty blonde hair smiling at us.

"Hi, I'm Spencer." Spencer said cheerily, shaking the girl's hand.

"Sarah." She said, her eyes on me.

Spencer hit my elbow. "This is Ashley." She told the girl.

"Are you guys new here?" Sarah asked us. She glanced to look at Spencer when she asked the question but her eyes came back to me. She was pretty cute. But I wasn't interested.

"Yeah, this is our first time." Spencer answered for both of us, accepting the fact that I wasn't up for chatting.

The Sarah girl nodded. "Are you two together?"

"Oh, no." I said, before Spencer said anything. I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, although I would have loved to pretend Spencer was my girlfriend. Hell, I would have loved if Spencer were my girlfriend. "Best friends." I told Sarah, a small smile on my face.

Spencer looked quickly at me but then diverted her eyes just when I tried to catch them. "I thought it was either of those two." Sarah said, chuckling. She met my eyes once again and I saw them sparkle a little bit.

"Yeah." Spencer said abruptly, putting her arm around my waist. "We're very close."

"Sarah!" A guy's voice said coming from the crowd behind us. A young guy about our age with red hair and freckles made his way over to us. "Hi." He said, looking at Spencer and I, who were strangers to him.

"Hi." Spencer smiled. "I'm Spencer."

"James." He pointed to himself and the looked at Sarah. "Sorry if my girlfriend was annoying you, she likes to talk to strangers."

I almost snorted the juice that I was about to swallow, up my nose.

"Girlfriend?" I asked the red-head curiously.

He nodded. "Yeah, we're here to support a friend." He smiled warmly. "We better go find John." He said to Sarah.

Sarah nodded and took James' hand. "Nice to meet you." She said to me and Spencer, her eyes still on mine. A smirk on her face.

"Straight? Bullshit." I laughed out when they were gone.

Spencer looked back after them. "Yeah, I could have sworn…" She trailed off, looking at me in a similar way Sarah had been moments ago.

"Yeah." I chuckled, meeting her blue eyes. "Me too. Somebody needs to tell that poor kid his girlfriend is hitting on girls."

Spencer laughed. "Come on." I said, grabbing her hand and dragging her away from the table full of food and drinks. "Let's go find someone to take away your lesbian virginity."

"Ashley!" Spencer shrieked out with a smile on her face as I pulled her through the crowd.

It's three o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep. How do you sleep when earlier that day you kissed your best friend for the first time? The girl you love, the girl you told that to. The girl who told you it was too late. You don't sleep. You lay in your bed, eyes wide open. Mind racing.

I'm staring at my ceiling when I hear my buzzer go off. I grumble to myself, not wanting to listen to Madison talk anymore and go to the door.

"Yeah?" I say into the intercom.

And I find out that again, Madison was right.