Big congrats to HAPsdontkill for being the first to guess what the J was for! Though you guys did have some fairly cool suggestions (juice was maybe the most out there I heard all day).
Hope you like this one, I'm rather fond of the idea because it's one I've been kicking around for a while now in varying formats and I actually intend on using it eventually in a big, proper length fic. Plus, I love James :D
xx
J is for James, the man who despite his adoration for you, encouraged me to love you. Or close enough to it. There was a time, believe it or not, that I thought my attraction to you to be a mistake. It was a distraction from my work, a complete change of my behaviours and a source of constant worry for me. You were too much for me, too beautiful, too kind, too loving. And it terrified me. James knew it, him and his clever eyes must have known straight away how mixed up you made me.
He was very kind about it though, no judgment or criticisms even though I know he felt the same way about you too. He simply sat me down and told me in plainest terms that I wasn't to fear loving you because it would allow me to stop being so completely self centred. I, of course, railed against him and moaned that he had no idea what he was on about. Secretly I was terrified that he'd uncovered my shameful little secret but James was relentless and refused to let me go until I admitted to him that I cared for you in a perhaps more than casual way. I was just about to tear his throat out by the time he finally stepped aside with a smug little smile.
After that he kept giving me little knowing looks, shooting glances at me as if his knowledge could get me to do something. I still have no idea what he expected of me though I have to wonder if he had hoped to chase me off. Either way I'm not sure it matters. I wasn't the man you deserved back then and I know I'd not have been able to give you what you needed. Even now I don't think I truly deserve you.
J is for James, the man who told me not to be afraid of loving you.