WRITER'S NOTE: Took me a while but here it is! Thank you all for your comments with out them I wouldn't continue making the time to post. This story is unraveling. Don't fret after a few more chapters there will be a lot more tapes coming your way! Keep the loyalty guys and I'll keep the posts. This is my longest fan fic yet so bare with me! Happy readings!
Chapter 11
Mommy and me
"And she loved a little boy very, very much, even more than she loved herself" –Shel Silverstein
"How did you find Adain?" Arnold prodded Phoebe meekly. She smiled tentatively from the passenger side as Gerald kept his eyes steadily on the road. "Helga told me." She explained and Arnold felt betrayal and anger a hot rod burning under his skin. His feelings must have registered in his facial expression because Phoebe hurried to explain. "When we were in Helga's locker I took a more recently written in notebook. It was from a few months before Helga's passing," She handed Arnold a spiral pink notebook already opened to a page. It was more recent than the one Arnold had hidden in his bookshelf. Arnold focused on nothing else. When it's too difficult to deal with being in your own head why not escape into someone else's? That's exactly what Arnold did used Helga's memory as escapism.
NOVEMBER 2011
1183 on the corner of First and Amsted Bronx NY
I know that smoking is a rather raunchy habit. I was certain I kicked the habit many moons ago. I guess it's like Mark Twain said: "Quitting smoking is the easiest thing; I would know I've done it a thousand times." Here I was though with a cigarette, my sixth one at that. I had been chain smoking all morning my nerves completely shot. My hands quivered anxiously and ever so often I'd accidentally burn myself in a lame attempt to steady my shaky palms. My whole existence boiled down to this one encounter that would surly come sooner than I could have ever hoped.
I wasn't sure how soon my seemingly irrelevant life would call for its last stage scene. Did I have a day, week, month, or year? Who knew? Time was of the essence. You're here today and gone tomorrow. I knew that all too soon I'd be taking one last bow for the performance labeled as my life. I knew the plan I had to initiate soon. Honestly I was slightly afraid to begin executing my hypothesis. I had a choice thanks to my stalker, kill or be killed. I had considered many a night killing him. I had stopped such wicked thoughts from making their course into detail even within my own mind. However, one thing anyone could guarantee from me is one single concept: Helga Garaldine Pataki is totally boss. I am hardcore even I had to admit that one to myself. I would play this creep's game but in the end I would win. If I had to be hacked off like the least favored character in a sitcom then it would be by my strict terms.
Time seemed to slip away from me most days. It was as if I had a bomb strapped to my chest slowly ticking my time away. It took a different type of bravery to except and embrace your own end. I wished my death could have been simple to execute and exploit courage; like jumping in front of a bullet for a loved one. Instead mine would be treacherous, painful, and tedious as it slowly closed in on me. My only relief knew that the beast would go down with me. I had an elaborate scheme my stalker would not anticipate. I was going out with a bang and so was his reputation.
I had scrounged through files amongst files on a wild goose chase. All my labors had paid off. I had gone birthday shopping for the man who worked at the city documentary building. I had been his slave and extraordinary secretary. Always I was out of character being sickeningly sweet to the old loon. All my hard work and searching for a single scroll of paper. That scroll of paper was my universe tucked away safe in the confines of the lace in my bra. It was the address to the destination of my true hearts desire. It was the address to my only son.
So here I was my nerve completely shot as I sucked down my cigarettes. A mixture of slight rage bristled through me as I shivered in the cold. After stealing my baby, leave it to Bob to hand something so pure to petty criminals. The couple had been drug dealers and had intended to sell Aidan. The cops found him before the business transaction and Aidan had lived in an all boys orphanage ever since. How dare Bob give my child the same fate of an Orphan just like my poor lover? I hated Bob in this moment so intensely that my body almost convulsed with furry. My eyes darted to the orphanage across the street. Crimany the injustice of it all!
It was an all brick building it looked ancient. It was worn down like it was a historical landmark. Across the street was children's park the fences covered in spray paint graffiti. I stood in front of the park lacking the strength to enter the orphanage. I had never been a coward so why was I now? I had no way to brace myself bravery was tossed upon me.
There he was I knew him in an instant. Aidan was exquisite. I tip toped in my high top Converse hiding behind a tree. Hiding gave me a warped old familiar feeling. This was not the first corn flower haired boy I had spied on. He was more lovely then any of my wildest imaginings. I recognized Arnold's wild untamable blonde hair. I smirked to myself pleased he'd inherited Arnold's long button nose
And wide warm toothy grin. I took notice of my own azure shaded eyes peering glum towards the orphanage ahead of him. His head shaped oval just like myself. He'd taken every attractive feature to produce a perfect and handsome mixture of his parents, of Arnold and I.
My heart fluttered gleefully as I ease dropped on him. He was so small only five years old. A jolt of pain ebbed at my soul. A five-year-old had no business walking alone. My mind recalling many memories of walking towards kindergarten in the chill of winter. "Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket
Never let it fade away! Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket. Save it for a rainy day." The optimism seeping from Aidan screamed of being the product of Arnold. Besides for my eyes he appeared to be Arnold's carbon copy. I smiled to myself it was nice seeing the physical manifestation of our life long love. There he was walking through the park. Walking was the breathing proof of the miracles love could create.
There was a noise behind Aidan and two pairs of sapphire eyes snapped towards the sound. His eyes half lidded dreamily and he seemed to swoon. I snorted to myself. Behind him was a little ebony haired girl. Her pale skin splashed with red as her scraped knee bled. "Hi Helena," Aidan gushed as he ripped a piece of his shirt soaking it in a nearby fountain. He tentatively knelt beside her and I couldn't help but notice that her eyes were green just like my own childhood sweetheart.
"Hey Aidan," She sniffed as he patted her cut.
"You'll be okay promise," He pulled a Band-Aid from his pocket.
Gingerly he put the Band-Aid over her scraped knee.
"Thanks!" She perked up and I stuffed down a laugh it was obvious the two had a crush.
"Well, don't get any ideas, you're still a coodie carrying girl," Yup, there was the evidence that
He came from my womb.
"Okay whatever you say Aidan," She giggled.
"Yeah, Helena whatever I say." He pointed his thumb to his chest and I bit my tongue to silence the laughter. It was peculiar how time frames seemed to repeat a vicious continual cycle. Maybe lives were like names. There are so many people in one world that there will always be someone else with your name. Maybe there are so many people that there will always be someone recycling your habits and situations as well.
There was a clatter and the sound of rowdy boys shoving each other to the grass. I slid to a nearer tree. "Aidan I'm scared," the girl cried teary eyed. He gave her a sincere and concerned glance. The tender look, though seen through Aidan's blue eyes for the first time, was all too familiar to me. I'd seen the same stare a thousand times through the jade eyes of his father. "There she is! Give us your lunch money little girl!" It was obvious that these kids were a few years older then them. She hid behind Aidan peeping meekly behind him.
Aidan was a true product of me there was no intimidation in his eyes. "Listen up! Leave her alone or," the biggest bully cut him off. "Or what kid?" He gave Aidan a shove. "Or I'll, I'll, I'll pound you!" He glared up at the bully boldly. "Pound me?" The bully challenged more than asked. "Yeah I'll pound you with my fists stupid!" His voice growing tougher with each threat. The combination of our personalities was almost BI-polar and frankly slightly scary. There was no telling how good or bad Aidan could be with such polar opposites loaning their DNA for his characteristics.
"You're a bold kid Aidan; a bold kid!" Helena squeaked. Aidan threw up his small slender fists as his chest stuck out clearly trying to act braver than he felt. The bully snatched Aidan by his blue plaid shirt and something awakened inside me. Something that had been dormant in me for quite sometime. Maternal instinct engulfed my senses. My brain shut down as my body lost control in an instinctual act of love. I charged foreword revealing myself to the stunned group of kids. My hand clutching at the bully's T-shirt lifting him into the air.
"Listen here you little punk. Ever touch this kid again so much as look at him and I will pound you and any other big kid you bring so hard your bald headed granny will feel it!" I didn't threaten I promised it through barred teeth. My eyes darted towards his little posse. "That goes for all of you too!" I snapped and the bullies began to back away. They should have known better than to mess with big momma bear's tiny cub.
I released the portly ten-year-old in my hands. "Aidan never said he had a scary big sister!" One rowdy boy piped up. "Let's just go!" The leader, I had embarrassed barked, as they all tripped and scrambled to run away. "Get on home now! You have no business walking around by yourselves anyway! Probably get into trouble if your mommy's knew where you were!" I shouted after them shaking my fist menacingly in the air.
"Aidan my hero!" The little girl squeaked. He smirked as she kissed him on the cheek his ivory skin flushing a faint pink. "Bye!" She called out running the opposite way of the orphanage. As she raced home I acknowledged what I had failed to register earlier. I had been so lost in the moment I hadn't realized it had started heavily snowing. My heart tore apart worse in that instant then when Bob had snatched the boy from my arms. It was freezing, snowing even, and all my little boy had for shelter from the cold was a plaid shirt and thin tattered blue jeans.
A few tears tumbled down to my chin from the brim of my blue eyes. Immediately I pried my jacket off slinging it over the shoulders of this little boy, this beautiful little boy that Arnold my love and I had created. I had never had the pleasure of viewing someone so stunning in my lifetime nor would I ever again spot someone as ravishing as this pale blonde little boy.
"I know you," He beamed up at me and I almost tripped over my feet as I stumbled towards him amazed.
"I know you too, how do you know me?" I pondered tentatively my hand frozen in the air longing to touch him but fearing he would shrink away.
"Mother Tamara said that when I met my momma I would know." He smiled and in his smile a flicker of another boy's smile flashed before me. I had spent a lifetime since I was three years old in the presence of that same smile. Somehow it was more heart fluttering from this little child then it had ever been from his father. It was a different sort of love. I thought I could never love someone with more intensity. As I looked into Aidan's azure eyes in that stare I realized I would burn in the fiery depths of hell for all eternity just for him with a smile on my lips.
"How do you know I'm your momma." I asked in wonder. Aidan took my pale pink manicured hand. No longer did it float absently in the air. My hand had found refuge in my baby's chilled hands. He took my hand and placed it over his chest. I could feel the beat of his heart a steady strong thudding. "I feel it here momma." He stated simply and a sob escaped my lips. I was always strong but I had never felt as weak as I did in this moment. I didn't know how to respond seeing him was so surreal.
I gazed into his blue eyes; sinking into the ocean tides of depths that lingered inside Aidan's irises. In his eyes appeared to be the soul of an old man not a child. Suddenly I felt ignorant as if though I was nineteen I lacked the same quality of knowledge. I pulled him into my arms and it was a natural act. He was made just for me. He fit snug in my arms. He belonged in my arms. Aidan let me cling onto him even given the bizarre upcoming of it all.
"You're leaving now Momma." It wasn't a question but a statement.
"Yes, momma has something very important to do. If I could take you forever and always
I would honey," I crooned, a tenderness I rarely inherited exerting its self for him.
"Momma will you come back?" He asked softly wiping the tears racing down my cheeks.
I couldn't bring myself to answer the question. How could I tell this pure child that our first hello would also be our last goodbye? I couldn't, I wouldn't, and I didn't.
"Aidan Momma is going to send you her guardian angel." I began to explain.
"An angel?" Aidan asked excitedly.
"Yes darling an angel," I couldn't take my eyes of him; he himself appeared to be absolute perfection, and seemed to be an angel of his own kind. "He's the loveliest. You will know who I've sent once you see him, just like you knew me." This conversation was unbearable. I longed to be normal for just one day. To take my son to a ball game. To watch him play in to grass. To be able to kiss his scraped knees better. Alas, though, I Helga Pataki could never have a normal life.
"How? Will I feel it?" He pointed to his heart and I laughed.
"He will have very green eyes and hair just like you Aidan. He'll smile at you and it'll be just like your smile. You'll look at each other and be so happy that you won't even question it. You'll know your angel because mommy is going to send him soon."
"Will he love me?" He asked shyly his blue eyes staring at his feet as he shuffled them.
"He'll love you more than the bees love honey." I promised secure. Arnold would love him if he knew of Aidan I was sure of it. He would know soon enough it as all part of my plan.
I stood to walk away before I could no longer control my legs.
"Momma!" Aidan called out and I spun around. The sound of his tiny voice calling me momma was lovelier than Beethoven's symphony.
"Yes?" I asked lifting my left eyebrow.
"I love you this much!" He stretched his arms as wide as they could go. I experienced euphoria and heartbreak in the same instant. I wasn't sure if I would just combust from all my feelings.
"I love you more than there are stars in the sky. When you look at the moon know that it's protecting you. We'll always be under the same sky and I'll watch over you. I love you to the moon and back again baby," I promised with every fiber of my being.
"Promise?" Aidan rushed up to me his pinkie sticking out for my pinkie to latch to.
"I pinkie promise." I latched pinkies and kissed our latched fingers.
I turned around and continued to walk. Aidan did not follow nor call out to me. I knew that this was how it had to be. I was just forever in gratitude to have been able to see my baby one last time. I had gotten to touch him, kiss him, and talk to him. I had gotten to express love to the one being who had ever gotten my whole entire heart and soul. That one encounter was enough to make me feel complete. I was now ready for phase two of my plan. With the memory of Aidan's kisses tingling on my cheeks I could face the dangers ahead of me. I could withstand the beginning of the end.
Arnold finished reading. He was astounded. He knew that he wasn't always the most alert but how could Helga have lived a double life right before his eyes? The emotional shock of reading about his son; their son, was extreme. It was almost like blunt trauma. Arnold almost felt as if he had post dramatic stress. There was a silver lining to all this though. It was Arnold's most defining quality. He was mister bright side always finding positives. He'd found his positive. He would meet his son, his son knew he was going to be saved from the orphanage, when Arnold returned to Hillwood it would be with his and Helga's son Aidan.