A/N: A thousand apologies. I am hitting a few snags but say it with me now...monster posting. Also if you or anyone you know prefers to follow on Word Press, you get a double apology. My page is under construction and the very gracious Zofya who is my webmaster will get the chapters up there as soon as she is able. I just don't trust myself to touch anything because I often such difficulties with it. Until then please be patient. Thank you!

Chapter 11

I completed the serum for Eric as the timer on the magnetic stirrer beeped, my mind clicked that I couldn't take it home with me. It wasn't so much that I couldn't, I knew I didn't want the serum anywhere near Ocella. I shelved it. With that done I sat at my desk with my eyes closed and tried to bridge the gaps in the Genesis project.

I found another piece of the puzzle. It sent me in search of Caspian. Now that I thought about it, it was weird that he hadn't been by to bug me at all today. Usually he tried to get me to write down anything I'd come up with the Genesis project. I hadn't seen him all day.

I didn't find Caspian when I went in search of him. When I went to his office, I found Preston lurking. I didn't bother to knock. He caught my approach if his weapons were any indication.

"You need something?" he asked.

"Caspian," Obviously. I wouldn't have come to his office in search of the Easter Bunny.

"He is not available," He said.

"I need him so make him available, please," I smiled politely. My people skills needed work and I was really trying.

After a brief deliberation Preston made his body glow. A second later, Colman appeared in full gear. I was starting to think that he had nothing else in his closet.

"She says she needs Caspian," Preston explained.

"Then she must go without him," Colman said, not really looking my way.

"What does that mean?" I asked.

Neither faery present said a thing. "I can summon the Prince," I threatened. "Or I can forget what I have just discovered about saving the Fae."

Colman's lips pulled back to reveal a snarl that would bring many creatures to their knees. I looked bored. He looked over my shoulder to Preston. Whatever he saw brought down his hostility.

"Caspian cannot return to this place at present," Colman spat. He sounded angry but it didn't seem directed at me. "Lochlan and Neave have been scouted using the portals not far from here. I will escort you to him. You may resume your work there."

"I'm not going to relocate to whatever shit hole you have him hidden. Every single faery that does not want to face extinction needs him here in our base of operations."

His features melted as power rolled off him in waves. "Have you no care of what they will do to him!"

"They'll kill him, slowly would be my bet. If I don't get him back here, then all of you will putter out of existence," I said calmly. "I still get paid either way so..."

My words were true, cold as they were. It was more than that. I knew that wherever he was being hidden, Caspian would rather be here. Sightings of psychos or not, Caspian was invested, not just in his work but his life here. He wasn't just a scientist. He was a professor. He encouraged his students at every chance. He cared for his staff not just Chari and Isaiah. Lochlan and Neave would take his life if they caught him but they shouldn't get his life's work too.

"May I suggest we ask Caspian what he wants?" I ventured.

Colman looked hostile but there was nothing his hostility would do that could change his options. He vanished. I knew I would get what I asked for. It took the better part of the hour, but I waited in the office with a silent Preston for company.

There was something in his big round eyes that made me think that my faery colleague was shocked that he was seeing his office again. Colman was beside him but gone was his uniform. He was dressed like a frat boy. His clothes might have been on point, but his scowl and erect posture was a dead giveaway. So that was what I going to be dealing with. He would literally be shadowing Caspian. Perfect.

"I need to compare notes from the session with the females," I said.

Caspian didn't need to be told twice. We worked for a while, with mostly him talking, Colman scowling, and me listening. An hour later the same question that forced me to seek him out came to mind.

"Have you ever gotten high on any narcotic?"

My eyes were on him, so were Colman's for different reasons I would wager. "You want to copy the high of the cycle?" he asked.

I nodded. "Mother Nature is the best at what she does. You'll be doomed to fight her method or her madness. You can't copy it either."

Caspian frowned but then his face lit. "You imitate it but how do you even begin to adapt such a thing?"

I shrugged. "I think I got it but back to my question…"

Caspian had gotten contact information of a local dealer from one of his students. I know…horrible. That was how I found myself in some dive bar close to campus trying to buy drugs. Having never done anything of the sort, I let Caspian lead. Colman stood off with a scowl as if the very air in here disgusted him. Good!

Surveying the scene I found that the faeries were garnering attention for being attractive. No big surprise there, but something was making my hackles rise. I felt the hair on my neck rise. I scanned the crowd mentally; no one was thinking about me in great detail, at least details that weren't lewd. The only thing out of place was a hooded guy in the corner. He was wearing gloves, leather riding gloves but it was still odd given the heat. He was thinking of nothing but his drink so I went on about my business. We completed the transaction without incident so I wrote off the feeling as paranoia.

I was bridging the gap a little bit at a time. I was sure I could find answers faster through trial and error but faeries weren't like vampires. When I'd been developing the serum I'd experimented prematurely on my brothers because any harm I caused them wouldn't be permanent. I couldn't do that with the Fae. Nothing would go live until I was a thousand percent sure.

Going home was a bit nerve wrecking, and I hated that it was how I felt but I didn't know what I would be going home to. I'd checked in with Eric every night, but I always knew that he wasn't alone and was unable to speak freely. Missing him was a feeling I knew well. It wasn't easy but I could cope with it. It wasn't permanent.

This new hole that his Maker was building between us made me sick. On one hand, I knew what I had to do but I couldn't. I couldn't play the game where my life with my husband was concerned. It was ironic. Life at home with Eric was the one place that I thought I wouldn't need it; as it turned out it was where I needed it most.

Preston dropped me off in Bon Temps early. The sun was still high. I showered to wash away the smell of faery. I took care of some chores. Then close to dusk, I headed home to Shreveport.

The bullshit started as soon as I arrived. "I do not understand why you allow this Eric; there is much for her to be doing here," Ocella said.

"Like what?" I asked, walking into the house.

"If there is a place for you in this conversation is it not while I am speaking," he said.

"That's funny because there is no place for you here at all, and that doesn't seem to shut you up or help you find the door."

Ocella looked to Eric, who was looking at Alexei, who seemed to be following invisible patterns on the wall. We both watched as Eric led Alexei out of the house by the hand, leaving us alone in our animosity. I stood there with venom on my tongue waiting for Ocella to say anything else. With Eric gone he took the gloves off. I guess I wasn't the only one who had been trying to play nice, if you could call his behavior that.

"You will never be good enough for him. He will never be yours, not ever!" He spat.

His scarred face was twisted in a scowl that seemed permanently etched onto his features. I should cower, anyone would, but my animosity for him was so great that I couldn't even feign being intimidated. I was over wanting him to approve. Not only would it never happen, I no longer wanted it. I hated Ocella and he seemed to hate me.

"You make me sick," I said matter-of-factly. "Your disgusting face, your boy loving ways, your sad little attempts to remain relevant in an arena where you have no hope; it's gross and frankly, I am embarrassed for you. If that isn't enough you walk around with a misbegotten sense of worth because you changed a Tsar into a vampire. It is truly pathetic that you think owning the broken remains of what was once a king makes you any less of a peasant."

He flashed fang and I didn't even blink. I wanted him to attack me. I needed it. "Despite all that, I can show you respect, Ocella, but only if you respect me. If you can't, then I will do this with you as long as it takes for you to understand that I won't be your whipping post."

I waited but Ocella didn't attack. He left. My sense of victory didn't last long. Once his back was to me I knew I'd lost. Eric had told me to keep it light and with the first encounter I had done the opposite. It was true that Ocella had cut deep with his words but I shouldn't have let him get the best of me.

I was better than that, better than Ocella. It was more than that; Eric was counting on me to be. Now, we would go back and show that he was the victim. He had the added advantage of being Eric's Maker, therefore; he had that limitless loyalty that I didn't understand or possess, or at least that was what it felt like.

Eric came home but it was almost dawn. He kissed me but I knew he was angry. The next night was the monthly football game. I don't why I thought it would get me into his good graces, but I woke determined to play. Going to Bon Temps allowed me to practice. I was in good form. I had accepted the consequences. I was ready to show that. I returned home at first dark more than a little excited to tell Eric. My mood was such that I was easily able to ignore Alexei and Ocella, all I saw was him.

"Are you excited, Alexei?" Ocella asked. He was running his hands through the little boy's hair in that creepy fashion. "You can unleash your full power without care."

It was as though I'd been kicked in the gut. It was something so juvenile; it shouldn't have gotten to me. Yet it did. I knew how many vampires showed up to play. I knew which way they voted. Eric's team always played with a deficit. Either he or the other team would have picked me up. Now I was being replaced by Alexei. It would have been convenient to say that Ocella had planned this to get back at me, but not even Eric knew. I'd just been beaten out for the last seat.

"Something came up," I lied. "I need to get back."

Eric looked into my eyes. I knew that he knew I was lying. He didn't offer me an in, just another out. I smiled and looked gracious, but it took everything I had. He kissed me as he headed out to the game. When all the vampires were gone, I looked around my home and I wanted nothing more than to leave. A phone call to Caspian had me back in Florida two hours later. I was in my office. It was almost like being home. This space should feel like mine, but it didn't. There was no peace to be had from the silence.

I wasn't in a good mood, but I did have good news when I got to work. Caspian had conducted the trials using the marijuana we'd purchased. He'd measured a dose that was workable. It meant that I now had everything I needed. The first step to actually creating a substance was a very big drug deal, and from his notes it took quite a bit to get a faery high.

I was in a shitty mood but Caspian's enthusiasm was contagious, even to Colman. The ranger didn't know the specifics but he could feel that something huge was on the horizon, he could feel the excitement. I just hung around like a dark cloud of vampire misery. By the time we'd made our purchase from our friendly neighborhood drug dealer and returned to the lab, I was so tied in knots I could barely work.

"See if Chari and Isaiah will start stripping the THC with you," I said after an hour of staring blankly into space. "I'm heading out for a while."

Caspian stopped cataloging our supply and came over to me. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I did. I really did because I didn't have my best friend. "Yeah, but you wouldn't understand."

He nodded not denying it. "It is true that any life advice I have to offer comes from television."

That actually succeeded in making me smile. It was as sad as it was true. "I was actually thinking it is because you are not a vampire."

"Or married?"

I guess I wasn't as subtle as I thought. "Or married," I agreed.

I got into the R8 that Niall had purchased. Since I'd requested it, this was the first that I was putting it to use. I knew that speed that was beyond me was what I needed and my rental couldn't manage it. I called Eric as I drove around at breakneck speeds through the night. He didn't answer. I got his voicemail. That was better than hearing Alexei or Ocella's voice. The games should have wrapped up and he was either at Fangtasia or on his way there.

"Hi," I said feeling awkward. I took in deep breath. "I hate this, Eric. I'm not sure what to think or feel but I don't care. I'm sorry. I…I just don't want to be mad at you anymore and I don't want you to be mad at me either. I love you. Call me when you can."

I hung up, and while I felt better after leaving the message, I was still wound too tight for human company. I continued driving. This car was fast and I concentrated on nothing but the road for the next hour. The road wasn't my path but my outlet. I used it. I found myself back around campus. It figured really. Upset as I was, I was still a control freak. I couldn't let the foundation of my greatest accomplishment go unmanaged.

When I got close to campus I decided to go on foot as to find a place to eat. There were more than a few bars and eateries to choose from. At this time of night navigating the streets was a bit tricky even with super reflexes. The strip was filled with people trying to get drunk and those who were already there.

A few minutes later, I got sick of being bumped into by designated drivers trying to round up groups of their friends. I just started dipping into the minds of people as I went so they were parting for me as I walked on. It was abuse of my ability but it was only a matter of time before someone hurled on me.

I didn't hear the ring but I felt my phone vibrate in my jeans. I sprinted to a quiet corner of the square assuming Eric was returning my call.

"Hi sweetheart," I greeted.

"…Caspian."

"Oh," I replied, not bothering to mask my disappointment.

"…is missing." Was all I heard.

"What was that?" I yelled back.

Seriously, no one told all these people that it was school night? It was crowded as all hell on the Strip. My best chance was to enter one of the venues and find a restroom. That was exactly what I did.

"You are in the square?" He asked.

"Yeah!" I yelled. "I'm in the square!"

I missed the first part of his reply."…on my way."

Then Caspian hung up before I could get a word in edgewise. What the hell? I was dialing him back when I heard the door to the restroom swing open. I waited but it didn't swing back. My senses were launched into high alert. In a public place, a restroom no less, my sense of smell was useless if not a complete hindrance, came footsteps and heart beats. There were too many of them and they were heavily booted, focused, and male.