Chapter 11: Chapter 11

Author's Note: Slightly longer chapter, but I didn't want to rush this part. A lot of the stuff concerning the wheel chair, and how people treat you differently because of it is taken from life experience. Not me personally, but my friend who suffers from ME has to be in a wheel chair part time and often deals with similar issues. Anyway please enjoy. I leave in 6 days and hopefully should finish this in time. If not I will stay up the night before I go to finish it. As I have a midnight flight that will be good anyway as I can sleep on the plane! I'm not even going to bother asking to review at this point, you know the drill, it makes me happy and gives me more motivation to write etc. Enjoy this chapter!

Chapter Eleven

The cafe they had lunch at was lovely, they sat in the outdoor seating, it was much easier to manoeuvre the wheelchair that way. Tony held at his arm ready to help her move in the seat.
"It's fine, I am already in a seat." She joked at Tony. Seconds later a waiter appeared with the menus, before he left he gave a sad smile to Ziva. It was frustrating. Yes she looked like hell, bruised, broken, barely able to walk but she didn't want pity from strangers. She clenched and unclenched her fists several times to try and calm herself.
"I'm think 'The House Burger' and fries. What about you?" Tony asked looking down at the menu.
"Probably just a Club sandwich and salad. We can't all eat like a teenage boy, Tony." She added when Tony smirked at her. They put down their menus and moments later the waiter came swooping in, as if he had some sort of radar that allowed him to know when to strike.
"Can I have 'The House Burger', with fries, coffee to drink thanks, and a Club sandwich with salad and a diet coke." Tony said ordering for the both of them and handing back the menus. The waiter looked at Ziva for a brief second and then turned back to Tony.
"We have seating inside if your friend gets cold." Ziva tried not to sigh and Tony look irritated also. "Also I can ask the chef to cut the sandwich smaller, if necessary."
"Why don't you ask her? Instead of talking like she's invisible?" Tony said frustrated.
"It is not necessary. I am perfectly fine, thank you." Her voice was steel. It was the second time that day people had asked about her to Tony, as if being a wheelchair meant she couldn't speak for herself. The waiter looked incredibly embarrassed, he had her best interests at heart but clearly he had made a mistake.

"Okay. I'll uh... go get your drinks then." He scurried away holding the menus awkwardly.
"I think he was just trying to be nice." Tony said trying to make it okay, he could see she was a little upset and very annoyed.
"Yes, just like the woman at the ATM who asked YOU if I could reach." Ziva retorted. "How long till we can take this chunk of scrap metal back?"
"Hunk." Tony corrected. "When the Doctor says so. I know, look I know it's annoying Ziva but you have to let yourself heal properly or you'll make it worse." Tony sighed and leant back. Ziva said nothing and once again it was awkward. Tony messed with his phone a little and sent a couple of texts before putting it away to look at Ziva. Waiting for a reply.
"I'm sorry Tony. I keep 'whining' about it and yet there are people who have to be in a chair their whole life. I don't mean to be so rude, it is just...frustrating. Thank you for putting up with me, and taking care of me." Ziva said resting her hand on top of his to show her thanks.
"You don't need to thank me, it's me job, I'm your partner." Tony replied casually as the drinks arrived, the waiter saying nothing. Probably for the best.
"No it is not. This is above and beyond, you know that." Ziva said smiling.
"I'm not just your partner, Ziva, I'm your friend." He squeezed her hand to show support and let it go to take a drink of coffee. She had missed the moments like these.
When Ziva and Tony arrived at NCIS they noticed yet another disabled access problem they never had before. For visitors they walked through the scanner, but employees had to go through an automatic gate (which wasn't large enough for a wheelchair) after scanning their ID. Ziva sighed and Tony walked through the gate as she rolled around the side showing the security her badge and ID.
"I never noticed how hard it must be for people who have to be in a chair constantly. Someone should mention it to Shepherd. There isn't even a ramp up to the building." Ziva said pushing the call button for the elevator.
"I guess it's a different perspective, helps you see things better. Like walking in someone else's shoes and all that." Tony said nodding in agreement.
"Do they know I'm coming?" Ziva asked pushing the button for the squad room floor. She carefully swivelled the chair, so she wouldn't have to reverse out.
"I texted McGee, but I think they have a case. Not sure." Tony said leaning back against the metal rail. He quickly sent another text to McGee before the elevator stopped. The doors opened with the usual chime and Ziva rolled herself out slowly. They approached the bullpen slowly but there was no one around. Ziva's face fell a little, barely noticeable, but Tony saw. She hadn't wanted a fuss made over her, but it was a little disappointing that no one seemed to care she was back from the hospital. She refused to say it out loud of course. Just as she was thinking this she suddenly jumped in her chair, so much that she almost tipped it over and Tony steadied her.

"SURPRISE!" Abby shrieked louder than everyone else who too jumped from behind the partition. Abby pulled a small party popper and then a piece of string. A rolled up banner on her desk, that she had somehow missed, unravelled to reveal 'Welcome back Ziva!' painted neatly on it. One of the interns threw a couple of balloons into the air and Ziva was lost for words.
"Oh my...wow. Thank you everyone so much." She said struggling to speak, still recovering from the initial shock.
"Wait wait wait. That's not everything." Abby said jumping up and down like a small child. She loved parties. From under Gibbs desk she brought out a cake with piped icing that matched the banner. Ziva clasped her hands over her mouth, overwhelmed Gibbs and Jenny were stood next to each other watching as Abby delighted in showing her the cake.
"Abby that's so thoughtful, thank you." Ziva said. "It looks beautiful." She added, it was white with blue icing coincidentally (or perhaps not) the colours of the Israeli flag. For about ten minutes several of her co workers came by and she thanked them each, some for cards they had sent to the hospital. Some for the flowers they were giving in that moment. It appeared somehow everybody knew despite it being private. She felt conflicted, everyone was being lovely, but at the same time it was none of their business. After the small party people had to get back to work, taking a small slice of cake on a paper plate with them to their desk. Everything had gone back to normal and Ziva was relieved. Being that social was exhausting. Tony had offered several times to take her home, noticing her tired state, but she refused wanting to get back to work. She couldn't do field work, but she had all but begged the Director and Gibbs to do desk work. Something she never thought she would do. Desk work was a nightmare, but better than being sat at home or laying in a hospital bed. She still hurt despite having taking the pain medication. Her body ached from the bruising but she still got on with her work, the way she always did. Silently without out a fuss. Tony glanced at her every thirty seconds, or at least it felt that way, even with her eyes on the file she could feel his concerned stare. Eventually she got tired of it and went for a bathroom break. Tony stood up.

"I am going to the ladies." Ziva said shutting him down she sat back down and heading for the restroom. The push door was a challenge in the chair, but not one she couldn't conquer. However she definitely couldn't get the chair into the small cubicle. She lifted herself out slowly using the wall for support and limped in. Determined not to fall again she was very careful and managed to make it out without giving herself more injury, however she then realised after getting back into her prison on wheels that she couldn't reach the sink on the counter from it without stretching her body forward. It took several minutes to wash her hands, reaching upwards with her torso in pain and when she finally leant back she groaned in discomfort. When she was finished she threw away the paper towel and headed for the lift down to autopsy, she needed to see him. Ducky was there, she had briefly spoken to him at the impromptu party but all he asked was about her medical state and how she was coping. Like everyone else she told him 'I'm fine'. It was becoming her catchphrase.
"Ah Ziva my dear." Ducky said as the doors slid open. Palmer was nowhere to be seen. "Are you alright?" He asked standing up from his desk closing the file. He wasn't quick enough and she saw the pictures of herself and the notes from the Doctor. She ignored it along with his question.
"Has anyone claimed his body?" She didn't need to be more specific. Ducky shook his head and took off his glasses to clean them. "Please could I have a minute alone with him?" She said quietly.
"Of course, number 14." Ducky said exiting quietly towards the lift. Ziva rolled over towards the draws and luckily he was in the middle row, so she didn't have to reach to pull him out. She looked for a long time at his body, not even thinking anything just noticing. His skin was pale, ice cold, greyish in colour. The blood had been washed off but she could see the bullet wound. It was hard to process what she was feeling, sadness, relief, worry. It all merged into one. One overall feeling of hurt confusion. Part of her was disappointed also, that he wouldn't see justice. Death was one form of justice, but the idea of him being in prison seemed better. At least that way he would pay for his actions, death seemed to be little consolation for her as it meant his suffering lasted seconds rather than years. She hated herself for thinking these things, she wanted him alive so she could see him hurt. She wanted to hurt him. She wiped away the tears from her face, and slowly touched his arm. Would he have cried in prison? He always said he was sorry, maybe he really was.

The doors opened and Ziva jumped.
"Doctor? I'm sorry I know you have work to do." Ziva went to close the draw but stopped.
"It's me." Tony said. "I'm sorry I just-" He stopped, there was no excuse and he regretted coming in. He'd been watching from the door and he couldn't stand to see her tears. Ziva was trying desperately to stop crying, she wouldn't cry in front of Tony. She couldn't. Yet the more she tried to will them away the harder they fell, small sobs uncontrollably escaping with them. Tony walked over to her and kneeled on the ground so he could hug her. He wrapped his arms around her slowly enough that if she wanted him to stop she could say so. Instead she leaned forward into his shoulder as he held her warmly. His suit muffled her sobs and she buried her face in it as he tightened his grip a little making her feel safe and protected.
"Ziva it's over. You're safe." Tony whispered trying to calm her. She said something, but it came out muffled. She pulled away to look at him.
"It's not fair." She stated as she wiped her cheek. "He doesn't have to go to trial, to be in prison, he's just dead. He doesn't feel regret, or shame, or pain. He doesn't feel anything." She confessed as Tony held both of her hands on her lap.
"I know Ziva. I'm sorry." Tony said honestly, he thought Adam being dead might give her closure but it had the opposite effect. "I'm so sorry..." He repeated, he wasn't sure what for. He didn't regret killing Adam, he regretted that it hurt Ziva this way. He was sorry she had to go through this mess, he was sorry he didn't do something sooner. If he had it might have been different. Ziva would be so hurt, physically and emotionally, Adam would be in prison paying for his crime.
"It's not your fault Tony." Ziva said reading his thoughts. "It's mine."
"Don't say that, don't you ever say that." Tony said hugging her again. "None of this is your fault. Please don't say that Ziva." She stroked her hair as she wrapped her arms round his back desperately trying to cling to him for support. She never liked hugs, especially when she was upset, but this time it was different.
"I need you to tell me it's going to be okay..." Ziva said weakly, letting the last of her defences down. Tony was briefly shocked hearing this from Ziva, she was never clingy or needy, no matter what the circumstances.
"It will. We're all here for you Ziva. It's over. It's all going to be okay." He repeated this, and similar things several times till she calmed down and managed to breathe normally. The tears stopped and Tony pulled out a packet of tissues from his pocket. She wiped her eyes and her nose and threw the tissue in the bin and handed back the packet.
"Tony I'm s-"
"It's okay Ziva. I understand." She didn't need to say anything, she was going to apologise but he wouldn't let her. "There is no shame in crying. None"