Freedom In The Strangest Ways
I woke up in pain and covered in filth more clear headed than I can remember. I can feel it. The mold permeating my very being tearing into me. It's influence is gone right now but I still feel the fog of subservience. Lucas is nowhere to be seen and when I croaked for him my face could barely work out the words.
Grimacing at the sore feeling of overworked muscles I try to feel for what's wrong and I'm met with thick ropes of scars. Whimpering at the bone deep ache that resonates through my jaw and under my teeth I remember last night. It was horrific. I thought I was dead. I should be dead! Gasping I feel my face and look at my hands. Normal but I could feel the ghost of bumps on the edge of my face. A fucking lizard. I was a fucking reptile. Hysterical giggles rumble through my numb mouth and I feel the strange grate against my vocal cords. I might have grown more, the noise I made last night was inhuman. I can't even contemplate the impossibility of that, I grew frills and claws, I no longer have the right to say what's impossible. It's almost like Marguerites bugs but it seems Eveline is getting more imaginative with her gifts. Wonderful.
Huffing at the effort I sit up and feel my stomach. The bruising is gone and the whispers of aches are almost nonexistent. My arm was healed wrong but I could just re break it later. Stumbling to the open bathroom I turn on the flickering lights and stare into the mirror at the unfamiliar person standing there.
Ashy blond curls shorn close. Crooked eyes still hazel. Freckles still in place. But I'm pale now with a grey cast over my light brown skin looking ashy. Bags under my eyes are pronounced and a greenish black and my lips are a chalky chapped look. I look dead and that's ignoring the blast scar that spider webs from under my ear to the corner of my lips and right under my eye. It fades more as a hairline further up but the bottom half is gnarled and white. Face twisting into scowl I watch in fascination how my skin tightens and sags in such an unfamiliar way. I'm fucking hideous. Rubbing away the tears with quick angry swipes I turn from the mirror. No need to look anymore.
The hours ticked by slowly. I don't know why I don't just leave the room but every time I try for the handle I start screaming and crying. I started pacing and my pacing turned to crawling. The frills came back shaking and flaring in fear and impatience. I force back the rest of the transformation and curl into a ball in the corner of the room face buried in one of Lucas's shirts. Maybe he's mad at me. Both of his toys are dead now all because of me. Maybe he'll leave me here before he gets rid of me. Stifling my sobs I begin to rock and hum away the voices that scrambled to remind me how much of a failure I am. How I'm replaceable and he's getting a new pet right now. How he doesn't love me at all. When the door opened I was a slavering and crying beast, frills full out and claws digging into my arm. Lucas cursed softly and tore my nails from my skin.
"Luc?"
He's stone faced but gives me a small smile when I look up and I feel the bones sink back into my skin only to flare to attention when he grabbed the back of my head and forced it down. Hissing and snarling I begin to growl when I saw a giant needle in his other hand.
"Hold the fuck still Peach. Hold still!"
I stop struggling despite my trembling muscles trying to move and start whining like a kicked dog. He slowly positioned the needle at the base of my skull and tilted it in a way it probably entered my brain. Screaming and screaming I see white but still don't struggle. The syringe is empty when he releases me and I drop to the floor. My limbs twitch but I can't move. My body is not under my command as it twitches and shivers. Oh god what did he do to me?!
"Luc! Lucas it hurts!"
I sob and he places a hand over my ear holding my head still from the seizures. Fire slowly threaded into the grey matter of my brain burning through my mind and memory. He held me down as I cried and struggled. I could feel the bones of my frills quiver and shake in panic and I couldn't stop my claws from lengthening and tearing into the soft wood of the floor.
After what felt like a lifetime my brain cooled and it felt almost like drinking cold water after chewing mint gum only inside my skull. I was surprised when I finally breathed out and there weren't flurries blowing out. As the heat was replaced so was the fog and I finally became myself. He helps me sit up and stand on shaking legs.
"Push them back in. Now, or I break them off again."
I blink and my scrambled brain obeys him forcing the abnormalities back in wincing at the breaking bones. It should be more painful but I think I've felt way worse recently. I sway and blink away the fog in my mind slowly. Fury engulfs me when I sink into awareness, voices fading away. At Lucas of course. But mostly at myself and my own weakness. I half wished everything would be a blur but no. I remember every second I was under.
Every time I chased down a victim, every life I took, every order I responded to unquestionably. Every rejection of affection from Lucas, every beg I had for him to just look at me. My own self disgust in my actions but also because I was so unworthy for him once I was tainted, that fuck. I'm even ashamed of the love I feel still pounding in my chest along with combination of the obsession. It's so strong I almost fell to my knees and sobbed. But I won't give him the satisfaction. Instead I decide to be angry. I'm clear headed now but I can still feel a pull of darkness in the back of my mind that I can easily ignore. I just hope it's not permanent.
"Welcome to immortality Peach."
What the what?
"You fucking douche."
His face relaxes into a wide smile. I pass over his face and notice despite his even more fuller and healthier face the circles under his eyes are almost black.
"Fuck sugar tits I missed ya."
I sock him under the jaw suddenly and feel the painful zings of crooked bones in my forearm. Right. Need to re break that.
"That's for my arm you cock sucker."
I force his head over my knee jabbing it into his eye socket and nose. Probably bit off some of his tongue too from his spat of blood. I learned that move in his barbaric arena where me made me fight like a gladiator.
"That's for everything else because I can't even count all the shit you did to me."
I spit at his fallen form as he tries to stifle the blood from his nose and mouth. I see the meaty tip of his tongue on the floor and look away. I can't feel bad for this. He didn't feel bad for me. That doesn't stop the heart stopping ache in my chest when he moans in pain. I expected him to come for me but he just adjusted his broken nose and smiled up at me with bloody teeth.
"Damn Peachy."
I start stomping to the door, my reaction from earlier gone, when he grips my wrong arm and got in my face. I look into his bloodshot eyes and I almost convinced myself that he looked scared.
"Where the hell do you think you're going?"
I look at him like he's fucking insane.
"I'm leaving. Thank you, for whatever you just did, but I'm not staying here a second longer. I should have left when I could in the beginning."
I expected him to let go. I expected him to shrug and wish me luck with a giggle. As always he defies expectations. He got into my face and I could smell blood on his breath. Distantly I notice it's bright red.
"You ain't leaving."
He crushed my arm and I tore it out with a scream. My cooling anger ignites and I push him back.
"What makes you think I'll stay? Now that I'm cured I can leave and nothing can stop me!"
Something that looked like panic flared on his face but it was gone in a second.
"No you won't. You wouldn't last a day without crawling back to me. You CAN'T live without me."
He stomps out of the room then leaving me shell shocked. I know how to survive just fucking fine. So I ignore the double meaning of the words and stomp out too. I'm not worried about covering up my sudden freedom right now, I'm so angry no one would suspect I'm not under Evies thumb anymore. I stumble when I get to the door leading outside. Despite my anger I'm scared. What will they do if they suspect?
I turn on my heel and go to his open workshop, sweeping a hard wood table clear and hop up on it so I don't fall when I do this. Biting my shirt I take hold my arm and break it in the crook in my forearm. Screaming and cursing I set it carefully and wrap it in the now torn up shirt before laying down and curling up on the hard surface, cold and feeling more than alone. Despite just waking up whatever he did to me wiped me out and I fell asleep within minutes.
When I woke up a some time later Lucas is no where to be seen but I can almost feel him watching me. Jumping to my feet I slip on the shirt and continue walking bare feet scraped against the concrete. For probably days it goes like this, hiding in the dark unused corners and rooms of this labyrinthine barn and working up the guts to go outside. He hasn't tried to find me yet but that doesn't guarantee my safety once I get out.
Steeling my nerves I slowly open the door blinking against the bright sun light. It's colder outside. Maybe my birthday already passed. I'm not sure, the passage of time is swift and confusing here. Turning my head I spit the rotten flavor of memories away and run down the porch. I actually thought I could get out when I climbed the half finished defense around the barn. It's really new he must have installed the locks and barbed wire in the time I was inside. When I was caught it wasn't by one of the horror family but by a man, pale and greying who came in with the couple, who laid in wait for Lucas probably. He sticks a gun to the back of my head and hisses in my ear.
"I've seen you monster. You're coming with me."
The gun cocks forcing me forward. The man dragged along the fence, gun to my head. I know he said immortal but I've never healed as fast or been as strong as the others. I don't know if I could survive a point blank shot to my skull without intervention from the mold in my brain. Then again I might. I regrew limbs and half my fucking face. Better not to tempt fate though.
"Where are they?"
"I don't-"
He pistol whipped me in the temple and dragged me further. Lucas must be out of the barn or maybe this guy destroyed the cameras in this area because no help came when I cried out.
"Where the hell are Harvey and Laura!?"
I swallow and tear away from his arm just as a bullet is shot. It barely misses my head and my fist collided with his stomach with all the force of a bull. He drops to his knees and I feel the edges of my face stretch.
"Dead. Ok they're fucking dead. I tried to help them but this scar on my face tells me you're just as bad."
I scowl at his simpering. I hate this. I hate myself. But it feels good to have someone at their knees begging for their lives. I turn away and go to leave but another bullet cracked through the air. His trembling aim only made a flesh wound on my leg but it still hurt. Goes to show ya, spare someone or try to help them and they'll spit on your grave. I turn quickly and break the hand holding the gun. I consider dropping it and killing him with my own two hands but instead I cock it and blow his brains out. Too personal with my hands. I wanted to feel something. Anything. But I don't know this man. He was a stranger that attacked me in my own terf and expected it to go well. I guess I am a monster. I drop the gun and look around for some kind of sign of what to do now. Leaning against the house is a shattered floor length mirror covered in stickers. Probably Zoe's.
I marched up to the mirror and look closely. I look at the wild eyed thing in the reflection. I'm already so different looking mere days after taking the serum. I actually observe who or what I am. I'm hunched over. Defeated. Straightening my spine and squaring my shoulders into the now unfamiliar pose I shift my legs and feet. Stay on the balls or you get caught.
Taking steps back I look at what I can of my body in the broken mirror with a cocked head. I've lost weight. But what I've lost I've gained in muscle from long hours working in the shop and all the times Lucas had me playing gladiator. I might not have abs or any less body rolls but my arms are heavy with muscle and my legs strong and stomach flat with a smaller waist.
I look closer at the more familiar planes of my face the loosening of skin fixed by a few days sleep. In the sunlight I can clearly see my honey skin tones and kinky hair. Grinning savagely I notice my smile is blood speckled and kind of stretched from the new scar. It's like a smack in the face and I stagger. I don't belong to the outside world anymore. I'm too twisted and wrong and I will probably die here. The revelation is a lot less painful than I thought it would be, more peaceful than anything washed over me as the first time since I got here I knew what to do. This dynamic between Lucas and I can not last. It'll be the spiritual death of me and I can't find it in myself to be like this anymore.
Turning before my confidence could be proven as false bravado I stomp to the barn ignoring the moaning monsters surrounding me. With every step I am reminded why I must do this. With every angry huff I give in a little more to my place in this fucked up family. I am Lucas's mother fucking wife and I may or may not be crazy just thinking that. It doesn't take long to find him. I may have been avoiding this but he wasn't. He was tinkering with some new tool on the upper story of the main barn, speakers silent for once. I see him side eye me and stiffen.
"Ah see ya stopped poutin'. I'll deal with ya later, I'm busy."
"No!"
It came as a bark, loud and achy. I'm done. So gawddamn done with this.
"I am not your pet. I am not your whore. I am not your slave. I'm your fucking wife and I AM your equal. You better as fuck start treating me like it."
He stilled. The air stilled. Hell a fly probably couldn't move through this air. Fast as a snake he rounds on me lifting me up by the shoulders. His face isn't thunderous though. It's frantic. Wide eyed and with a dangerous current of elation. Likes he's been waiting for this for months. Knowing how I was he probably has been.
"You wanna be my equal?! Then you fight for it!"
He tossed me over the railing onto the workshops floor. Gasping as my clavicle snapped and my rib cage fractured I wait for them to begin to heal before even moving. By then his plan is in action.
"!"
A rumble like a quake and a roar like a diesel engine heralded in one of the biggest, fattest, and smelliest monsters I've ever seen.
"This boy's name is Jacob and let's just say he was a big boy. Kill him and I'll think about putting us on more equal ground."
Gutter rock blasted from the speakers pumping my heart and my adrenaline. I pick up the machete he tossed down and ignored him leaning on the rail watching me fight to the death. If he wanted a slave he made a mistake giving me immortality. Smirking at the lumbering bastard I sidestep a puddle of already eroding acid. He was fast but I'm faster. Hissing from high in my throat I dodge the lumbering thing and swipe at its back. It clips my shoulder and forces me back a pace. Cracking my neck I sweep low and slice into where its knees would be. It only hit my leg once before I got him down exploding in a shower of pus filled guts, mold, and bone shards. Blood on my lips I snarled up at Lucas.
"Come on then! I know you have more of those assholes!"
He smiled like it was Christmas Day and scrambled to the control center before slapping down a hand. A door opened absolutely soaked in the slimy mold. Some kind of gas pumps in and they begin multiplying quickly. Must be Eveline's non human mold monsters. An army replaced the fatty and I feel a twinge of regret before I dive in. Rock pumped my lungs in a primal bass. Acid flowed through my veins burning every capillary and nerve ending until I could only feel the tingle.
My muscles stretched and flowed as I dodged and bluntly sliced up these generic mold monsters. There goes an arm. A head. A leg. On and on until the last wave died and I barely stood legs far apart and falling inward huffing and puffing with my right arm hanging on by a flap of skin and tendon. But I lift the blade in my left as he calmly walks down onto my level. I jerk back at the thought. He never follows me down alway forcing me around even injured. Slow clapping resounds off the walls and he walked to me just as slow. He looked at my arm and pulled a capped syringe from his hooky pocket.
"Past time for your next injection anyways."
We don't talk as he patches me up. I don't ask why he doesn't just use the jars of liquid gold scattered everywhere. After some minutes I rotate my reattached arm and smirk up at him. He smiles back and leads me to our more secluded bedroom where he lets go and hunts around for clean clothes before shoving me into the shower. I step out 10 minutes later feeling more refreshed than I have since forever. The mattress has finally been replaced, I noticed, bedding and sheets actually covering what looks like a queen or full sized that, being too big for the frame, simply lied on the floor.
"How long have I been here?"
"Almost 4 months now."
No crying. I can't cry now.
"So what now?"
I cross my arms and lean on the door frame still skittish in getting any closer.
"Whatcha mean?"
"What did you put in me Lucas? Where did it come from?"
He sighs and flops on the bed. I'm about to give up when he rubs his face with his hands and tilted his head to me.
"It's a cure more or less. I took it a month before you got here."
I stagger and felt my face pale and flush at the same time. There's a cure.
"What about my..."
I fiddle with my nails and he knows.
"Don' know. Probably keep it since it doesn't get rid of the healing."
He shrugged and my heart sank. I'm still a fucking freak. He held out his hand and I took it allowing him to tug me into the bed.
"I guess it's better than nothing. I'm cured anyways."
I feel his hand awkwardly pet my hair and I bite my lip against the inappropriate laughter.
"Wouldn't matter anyways. You gotta take this shit for weeks until it's all gone so it doesn't destroy your cells. I woulda just tracked you down."
Wait what?!
"And you didn't think to tell me that?!"
The fucker had the decency to look slightly ashamed but it was gone in a blink.
"If I told you you woulda taken the case and ran."
I shake my head but don't deny it. I probably would have.
"Just another couple months baby then we can start plannin to leave."
"Seriously? You won't leave me?"
I feel and sound small and for the life of me I can't shake it.
"No shit. Who else is dumb enough to help in mah tests?"
I sock him in the arm but he just takes it with a laugh. This is better. More normal. I have a ways to gaining his total respect and status as an equal. But with a smile I fall asleep knowing I started the way into proving myself to this crazy asshole petting my hair. I don't care about the psychological implications anymore because he's right. I can't live without him anymore and to ensure survival I NEED to make him just as dependent on me.